Unrequited
by Perry Maxwell
Summary: AH, BPOV: Edward left Bella almost a year ago, upending her whole world. What happens when Bella receives a phone call that just might shatter it? "Wait, Alice…Edward is dying?" I choked out.
1. Prologue: The Chain

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. Stephenie Meyer has so graciously allowed me to play in her sandbox. I feel like a little girl again: smashing Barbie & Ken dolls together to make them do what I want, like kiss and stuff. That's basically what I'm doing with my attempt at fanfic. **

**Enjoy.**

**Things I do own: love for the word glockenspiel and fermented grapes.**

**My story wouldn't be readable and enjoyable without the tremendous help of Team Unrequited. (More about this at the end of the chapter.)**

**Zo-Zo, you know I love you more than ****my luggage.**

I woke to an empty bed. Not unusual, seeing as how my husband worked strange hours, but since he was off today, I was playing hooky from work so I could spend some quality time with him.

I got out of bed and found Edward on the couch; he was laying down with one arm covering his eyes as if he were trying to shield them from the light.

"Do you have another headache?" I asked.

He was no stranger to them. In fact, he and headaches had been well acquainted for years, but some were worse than others. Lately, however, they were making lasting and frequent visits.

Ever since we found out…"Bella, I'm leaving," he said, interrupting my thoughts.

"You gonna grab something at the pharmacy for the pain?" I asked as I walked around our forest green loveseat and sat down next to his feet.

"No, I don't have a headache. Bella, I'm leaving," he said, getting exasperated as he sat up to look at me, pain and annoyance etched in his eyes.

"You already said that," I acknowledged. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to Texas," he began. "Back to Dallas. Back home."

"But Edward, this is home," I said shakily. I was confused; my heart started to beat rapidly at the realization of what he was possibly saying. My brain reasoned that this was temporary or maybe he was confused; he didn't really mean what he was saying.

My heart disagreed. This was goodbye.

Maybe it was paranoia – I _hoped_ it was paranoia on my part, but the acid churning in my gut reinforced the reality of the situation.

"No Bella. This is not my home. This is where I live, but this is not my home. I'm not sure it has ever been my home." He responded with a resigned sigh. I couldn't tell if he was mad or frustrated.

His words felt heavy and obstructive, and my chest responded to their weight accordingly.

Breathing in deeply and finding the courage to speak, I tried to reason with him, convince him that we could move to Dallas together and fix whatever was broken, not that I knew what that was. Didn't he know that _my_ home was wherever _he_ was?

"Okay. If you wanted to go back to Dallas, and you were uncomfortable here, why didn't you just tell me? I can work from anywhere, and we can start looking for houses. I know your parents are there, and so is your brother, and - "

"Bella…stop. I said I'm leaving...not _we're_ leaving." He ran his hand over his face and then returned my stare. His eyes bore into mine as if searching or maybe pleading – no, begging me to understand what he meant without making him say it.

I fell silent as I let the gravity of his words sink in. My lips started to quiver, and my eyes began to water. As tears fell, my trembling lips asked the dreaded question even though the answer could destroy me.

"Edward, don't you want to be with me anymore?" I couldn't even look at him when I asked it. Instead, I stared at my hands in my lap and watched as a single tear turned into a staccato of salty droplets.

He sighed and shifted on the couch, turning to sit side by side with me, his shoulder brushing against mine. Normally, I'd find his touch, his presence reassuring…but not now.

"The truth is, Bella, I simply don't love you as a husband loves a wife," he explained.

Shocked, I turned my head to look at him; he showed no signs of emotion.

No remorse. No regret. No tears.

No reaction to my state of despair.

The Edward I knew would have comforted me; it would have torn him apart to watch me cry. I was sitting next to a complete stranger and looking into the eyes of a man I did not know.

"I'm taking my car along with whatever I'll need tomorrow. You can keep everything. I'll send you the paperwork once I'm settled," he said in a rush, "and I'm sleeping in one of the guest bedrooms tonight," he concluded.

With that, he rose from the couch and walked away from me and, essentially, from our life.

**A/N: ****I started writing this almost two years ago. The details and inspiration behind Unrequited are very close to my heart; the ones who know me best know why. After some soul searching and just plain procrastination, I decided to share this deeply personal story with, at first, my friends and then complete strangers, knowing full well Unrequited might be ripped to shreds. It wasn't. Sure it needed work, but overall, the feedback I received was to start posting...like NOW!**

**Through a series of events (to be explained later, if at all) my betas and pre-readers grew almost over night. I have to give them all shout-outs. I like my credits in the beginning.**

**The number of people on Team Unrequited is almost ridiculous, but I don't care. Each one of them has provided something especially unique.**

**Zoe: There would be no Unrequited without you. You held my hand and listened to me cry, encouraging me to continue writing whenever I wanted to give up. This is your story too.**

**Stephanie: The world needs more people like you. I've never felt more encouraged to write in my life. You do that by just being you.**

**Karin: My wordslasher. Your talent amazes me, and your feedback and enthusiasm for my story means so much.**

**Monique: Your insight and unconventional questions have made this story soooo much better. I will not post a chapter unless I know you've looked at it. That's how valuable you are to this team.**

**Purely: The fact that you still allow me to beta for you after you've seen the ROUGH rough drafts of this story amazes me. I love your insight. I dub you Mac Jr. **

**Jen: You're a pernickety one, but you make this story better for it. I'm so glad you're on this team.**

**Heather: You're like my own personal cheerleader. You make me feel like my words are better than they really are, and I love you for it.**

**Jackie: You know your stuff, girl. You make my words flow. This story is a lot easier to read because of you.**

**Flanny: It's your fault I'm even posting this story. You read it and said I had to do it. That means so much coming from a writer of your caliber.**

**I think that's it. Sad when the A/N is longer than the chapter. Chapter one is longer, and my A/Ns won't be this ridiculous in the future. **

**If you made it through all of that, I'd love to know what you think so far.**


	2. Chapter One: Breathe

**Disclaimer: ****I ****don't ****own ****anything ****Twilight ****related; ****this ****includes ****all ****publicly ****recognizable ****characters, ****places, ****descriptions, ****etc. ****Stephenie ****Meyer ****has ****so ****graciously ****allowed ****me ****to ****play ****in ****her ****sandbox. ****Please ****enjoy ****my ****sandcastle ****below.**

**Things ****I ****do ****own: ****two ****Jack ****Russell ****terriers.**

**Team Unrequited rocked this chapter out, especially Purelyamuse. Are you reading her story, Masen Days? **

"Bella . . . are you even listening to me?" a voice said. "Bella? Bella!"

"What… um... huh?" I stammered.

"Oh, now you hear me?" Jamie teased.

Jamie was one of my best friends. We had known each other since high school, and upon meeting in homeroom, immediately clicked. Well, more like he welcomed me into his world. I remember the moment vividly . . .

"_Shit," I mumbled to myself as the bell rang. I was going to be late for school…again._

_I managed to stumble into homeroom just slightly after the bell finished ringing._

_With books in hand, I traipsed toward the back trying to be as inconspicuous as possible; unfortunately for me, I was the target of two particularly mean girls. Was it Lauren or Jessica? I didn't know; I could never tell one skank apart from the other. Either way, one of them stuck out her leg to trip me as I walked by. _

_I fell forward, books flying everywhere as I braced myself to land flat on the white linoleum before me. Surprisingly, two strong arms wrapped around my torso and broke my fall._

"_Very fucking mature," a masculine voice yelled. _

_Snickers crackled behind me, and my trademark blush made its presence known as I was released from the tight grip that saved me from face-planting into the floor._

"_Say, Lauren?" the same male voice questioned, loud enough for the entire class to hear._

"_Yes, James?" Lauren replied with a hint of flirtation in her voice._

"_Does your daddy know that you and Maggie skip Sunday morning worship to hang out at Johnny's arcade and give blowjobs in exchange for weed?" he yelled._

_Lauren__'__s __mouth __dropped __open, __and __the __whole __class __turned __to __stare, __waiting __on __a __response. __She __could __only __stutter__ "__F-f-f-f-fu..u__…__u..ck__y-y-y-you__, __James__" __as __a __reply._

_James chuckled lightly and responded, "That's right, bitch. Fuck with me or my friends again, and I'll own you. You got that?"_

_Lauren __just __nodded __and __turned __around. __I __never __had __a __problem __with __her __or __Jessica __again._

_The mysterious blond boy - who saved me from a potentially humiliating situation - became my best friend and protector; he was like a brother to me._

"Shit, Bella. What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked, bringing me back to the present.

"What? Oh. Nothing, Jamie. What did you ask?"

"You're lucky I love you. I don't let anyone else call me that pussy ass name, and you know it."

I always smiled when Jamie was around. He had this confident charm and the dirtiest language on the planet that for some reason just made me laugh. I never found it vulgar or offensive. I simply found it to be James, or as I had grown to call him, Jamie.

"So, will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Come to the movies this weekend with me and some other guys. We're gonna go see that new zombie flick. It looks funny as hell."

"I don't think so. Thanks, though." I dipped my head, looking into my coffee cup.

"Don't give me that. I know what you've been doing. You've been working, going home, reading, sleeping, and starting the cycle over again. You can go out with your friends, you know?"

I lifted my head. "I am out…with you," I argued. "We're having coffee, so there." I stuck out my tongue.

"It's not the same, and you know it," he accused, pursing his lips at me before leaning back in his chair across from mine, throwing me a smug smirk.

"You know what? Lay off, Jamie. You don't know shit. I will when I'm ready, and I say I'm not ready." I didn't want to have to explain this. It felt silly. _I _felt silly.

"Okay. Tell me why you're not ready. It's just the fucking movies. Why can't you go?"

I didn't notice that I had started crying until he wiped the tears from my face.

"Tell me, Bella. You can tell me anything; you know that. Remember in high school when you blabbed about that punk, Mike Newton, who tried to finger you in your bedroom while Charlie was working late one night? The little pussy got so excited after putting one digit in that he basically started humping your leg forgetting to do you right, and he ended up jizzing in his pants saying 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Bella!'?"

I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped. I'd forgotten about that.

What would it hurt to share this anyway?

"It's not just the movies. You see, when Edward and I went, it was an experience. It was a date. We didn't just go, watch the show, and go home. We'd get there way early, so we wouldn't miss the trailers and to play twenty questions." I looked up to see if he was following. He looked sympathetic and nodded, silently urging me to continue. "One of us would think of a celebrity, and the other had twenty questions – of the yes-no kind - to guess the famous person. And we would try to trick each other. Come up with obscure ones to see if the other could guess the person or not. It was fun, and we had fun with each other."

"Bella, baby, you can do that with other people. You can do that with me," he reasoned.

"No, you don't get it. I don't want to go with someone else just to have a replacement for replacement's sake." My voice started to quake, and yet I rambled on, explaining further. "I can't just play with other people. Some of the questions...they just wouldn't fit."

Tears started flowing freely, a sob forming in my chest, but it was oddly cleansing to finally share this. Even though I hated crying.

"For instance, one of the questions was, 'Is the actor in any of the movies we own at home?' How can I use that? How can I use similar questions? I don't live with anyone anymore. I don't have a shared movie collection anymore."

I hung my head, closed my eyes, and let the tears fall. I still felt silly, crying about a stupid game. He gave me a minute, and then placed his hand on mine.

I peeked up; Jamie was holding out a napkin for me. I took it and smiled before blowing my nose. It was a sorry substitute for tissue.

"I'm just not ready to go. Going isn't about going to see a movie; it's the whole experience for me. Until I can separate the two in my head and heart, I can't go. And I don't think I'm ready yet, okay?"

"Bella, okay, you don't have to go…yet. But, you do have to move on; Edward left you. He doesn't call, he doesn't email, and he's not coming back. Good fucking thing too, 'cause I might have to kick his cowardly ass. Sorry, just saying." He smiled.

"It's okay. My mom says the same thing."

"I knew I liked that crazy hippie." He chuckled.

I smiled and swatted at him playfully. "Come on, let's get out of here, and I'll make you some banana nut bread back at the house."

I still couldn't bring myself to call it _my_ house, so I referred to it as _the_ house. When we arrived back at _the_ house, Jamie made himself at home, lounging on _the _sofa, watching ESPN. I got to work on the bread, mixing the batter. It felt good to do something with my hands to relax after that uncharacteristic bout of crying.

Baking was one of my stress relievers, and I had been told that I was good at it. People loved my array of baked goods from chocolate chip cookies or pumpkin muffins to zucchini bread. I had even been told that there was a special inquest to find out the recipe to my carrot cake and my cream cheese icing.

I was busy pouring batter when my cell phone rang, so I yelled for Jamie to get it.

"It's your phone," he whined. "Plus, I'm watching the game."

"James Matthew Yeager. If you don't get your lazy butt up and –"

"Oh, chill out," he said, joining me in the kitchen. "I was only kidding. Plus, it stopped ringing." He leaned over my shoulder, dipping his hand into the mixing bowl. He pulled away just as the phone started ringing again, sucking the batter from his finger.

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him to grab it, when he covered my mouth with his hand. "I got it. Don't say it."

He smirked turning away to answer my phone. I tried to kick him with an extended leg as he walked past. He scooted away, covering his butt with his hands, protecting himself.

I was focused on making another batch when Jamie's elevated voice ricocheted off my kitchen walls, halting my stirring motion.

"Look, she doesn't need this shit right now. I don't care why you're calling her. If it has anything to do with him, then fuck off. He left her, remember?" he shouted. I couldn't see him, but I knew by the tone of his voice that his free hand was balled into a fist, and that ugly vein in his neck was protruding. Something was seriously wrong.

What was going on? And who was he talking to?

"Jamie, who is that?" I asked. I put the batter down and started wiping my hands on the dishtowel in front of me. He covered the mouthpiece and told me not to worry about it, saying he would fill me in on the details later before returning his attention to the call.

"Listen, I don't care if that motherfucker is dying or is already dead. He left her; he didn't give a shit about the 'til death do us part' of his vows, so what the fuck does he want now? He has his sister-in-law doing his dirty work? Aw, that's rich."

It was Alice. I was curious and suddenly anxious to find out what was going on. I knew Jamie was only trying to protect me, but I had to stop this. I stepped in front of him and reached for my phone.

Jamie jerked it away from me and said, "No, Bella. Let me handle this."

"Damn it, gimme! I'm a big girl." I demanded. I gave him my best don't-fuck-with-me glare and hoped he would relent.

He did but not without a disappointed frown. He handed me the phone and stalked off to the living room.

I lifted it to my ear and could hear Alice ranting back at Jamie.

Alice was pure spitfire, and I loved her like I would love a sister if I had one. She was married to Jasper, Edward's brother. She was the only one from his side of the family who called once she heard of the split and the only one who called after we were officially divorced, demonstrating her kindness, class, and thoughtfulness. I really cared about her; it was tough losing her in the divorce too.

I made out the last tidbits of her rant to Jamie…"Listen you asshat, put Bella on. I didn't call to talk to you. And if you call my dying brother-in-law one more fucking name, I swear I will…"

"Wait, Alice…Edward is dying?" I choked out.

"Bella? Oh my God. I didn't realize that asshole finally gave you the phone. I'm so sorry you had to hear that," she said in one breath.

"Alice, what's wrong with Edward?"

"Bella, he's in the hospital. Look, there's so much I need to say to you…so much you need to see. Can you come out here?"

"Alice…I…I…"

"Bella, he needs you. I don't know…we don't know how much time he has left. Please say you'll come," she begged me.

I was straining to keep grip on my emotions but was losing control fast. Time seemed to slow down, but nothing could slow the ache in my chest or the tears that inevitably fell. I couldn't form a coherent thought much less a sentence, and I faintly heard Alice repeatedly calling my name. Jamie came to wrap his arms around me and took the phone from my hands as I collapsed to my knees.

"She'll have to call you back, Alice. Listen, she can't give you an answer right now, okay? I'll have her call you when she is ready. Bye, Alice," he said, hanging up and turning his complete attention to me.

"Bella, talk to me."

I turned my watery eyes to him and whispered, "The only man I've ever loved is dying; I have to go be with him."

**I usually post on Saturdays, but I'll be gone all day tomorrow, so early update for you all!**

**If ****you****'****re ****on ****Twitter, ****please ****tune ****in ****for ****a ****read ****along ****of ****BellaFlan****'****s ****story, ****In ****the ****Shadow ****of ****Your ****Heart, ****Saturday, ****October ****15****th ****at ****9pm ****EST.**

**I'd love to know what you think so far. **


	3. Chapter Two: Belong

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. Stephenie Meyer invented this world and the characters. I get to toy with them and make them do my bidding. * evil grin ***

**Things I do own: a degree in Accounting and a passion for creative writing. Go figure.**

**As always, Team Unrequited made this chapter better. Any mistakes are mine.**

"Are you sure about this, Bella?"

"Jamie, I'll be fine. Alice said she'll pick me up when I land," I answered solemnly as we pulled up to the airport curbside drop-off.

It was a frenzied mess, but I had managed to settle all my affairs at work and home so I could be with my ex-husband. My mom promised to check in on the house, and as a writer, I could work from anywhere. I was fortunate enough to have a boss who understood the ins and outs of my relationship with Edward. Or, rather what used to be our relationship.

Jamie had been relentless in his pestering to tag along. He was worried that I couldn't handle being out there without some kind of emotional support. And he never failed to remind me he thought Edward didn't deserve any kind of help I was willing to offer.

"Just promise me you'll call me if it becomes too much. You know I won't hesitate to hop on the next plane out there."

"I know. I know." I leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek before exiting the car. He got out too and handed my bags to me. I gave him another hug, promising to call when I landed, and then made my way toward my next destination.

I hated flying - always had; planes made me nauseated. Even for the shortest flights, I had to take something to settle the nerves in my stomach, which inevitably knocked me out – the flight to Dallas was no exception. I awoke to the sound of the flight attendant's voice on the loudspeaker announcing our impending arrival.

Walking toward baggage claim, I turned my phone back on to find that I had four messages - from Alice.

"Bella. Shit…" Then I heard some rummaging. "Sorry. I dropped the phone. Call me when you get this, okay?"

I decided to listen to all messages before calling her back.

"Bella, it's Alice again. You're probably already on the plane. Look something came up. I can't pick up you up from the airport." A male voice in the background cut her off. It was probably Jasper. "I will…let me tell her…just…"

That was the end of the second message. I moved on to the third.

"Bella, sorry about that. Had to handle a nosy husband. You know how that goes." There was a slight pause, and then she continued. "Oh my god, honey. Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm just not thinking. I didn't mean to say that. That was so insensitive of me." Her voice cracked, and I wondered if she was starting to cry. "Let me call you back when I'm not such a basket case."

Maybe the fourth message would actually have something important to impart.

"Bella, please forgive me. Jasper is picking you up from the airport. I didn't strand you. And Bella, I'm really sorry."

After reclaiming my bags, I walked outside to the passenger pick-up area, visually scanning for Jasper. I was making my second pass of walking up and down the path, hoping to find him parked in a car waiting for me, not that I'd know what he was driving. Then a sleek, silver car stopped abruptly next to me.

He got out and motioned for me by waving his hands. I walked toward the car as he came around to take my bags. Once both our hands were free, there was a fleeting second of awkwardness where we probably both wondered whether we should hug as we had in the past.

What is the greeting etiquette when it comes to ex-brothers-in-law?

I got in, sans a hug, and buckled myself. He said, "Hello," and nodded before reaching for the radio dials, turning it to a classic rock station. I understood; I didn't know what to say either.

After twenty minutes of relative silence, I finally got up the nerve to talk to him. "Jasper…how've you been?"

"I'm fine, Bella. Considering."

Oh, right. I was there because my ex-husband - his dying brother - was in the hospital. Stupid question, Bella.

"Sorry, Jasper. That was dumb."

"No, no. It's fine. I've just been worked up with everything that's going on. It's been hard trying to keep things calm. We don't really know anything for sure yet, but everyone is jumping to the worst possible scenario. It's emotionally draining trying to rein that in."

His words struck a chord with me. He had always been the more levelheaded of the Cullen sons. Calm and reserved. His demeanor usually radiated tranquility, instantly putting people at ease around him. I missed that.

Jasper was nothing like his brother. Edward was always the more outgoing, more carefree of the two. Jasper was the quiet one, who stood by and let Edward have the limelight - mainly girls and attention. But they weren't competitive, not even in a normal sibling rivalry type of way. I remember asking Edward if he and Jasper ever had knock-down-drag-out fights when they were growing up. He answered by shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head, simply replying, "We were friends."

"Where're we going? This doesn't look like the way to your house, unless you moved."

"It's not, and no, we didn't move. We're still down the street from Mom and Dad. We're going to the hospital. Have to pick up Alice."

"Oh," was the only thing I could manage to reply. I wasn't sure I was ready to go to the hospital just yet. I wasn't ready to see Edward. I wasn't ready to see his family…again. I went back to staring out the window at the passing traffic, lost in thoughts of the past…

~UrQ~

"_Um, Edward. Why do you need," I paused, leaning over the shopping cart to count, "six steaks?" I looked back up into his eyes. "Got a B12 deficiency?"_

"_Actually, yes, but they're not all for me." He smiled._

"_Planning on feeding an army?" I asked._

"_No, just my family."_

_I paused with my hand on a box of Cheerios. "They're coming here?"_

"_Yep. They leave Dallas tomorrow afternoon."_

"_And dinner is…"_

"_Tomorrow. I'm free for the next three days. Paul approved the time off."_

"_Oh." My fingers lingered on the box of cereal for a few seconds before I placed it in the cart. "Well, enjoy your time with them."_

"_I will if I'm joined by this beautiful brunette I know. Hey, do you think Angela is free tomorrow night?"_

_I shoved him playfully. "Angela's a vegetarian."_

"_That__'__s __right.__" __He __snapped __his __fingers __in __a __display __of __mock __disappointment. __"__I __was __really __hoping __to __spend __the __evening __entertaining __my __family __with __a __beautiful, __sensitive, __funny, _moody _brunette __by __my __side.__"_

"_I am not moody!" I glared at him, unable to contain my grin. He wanted me to meet his parents. Ohmygod, his parents!_

"_Hey now. Who said I was talking about you?"_

_I pouted, knowing full well he was messing with me. He reached out his thumb and ran it over my bottom lip._

"_You're adorable."_

_I felt the familiar pooling of blood, my cheeks flushing at his compliment. I didn't know if I would ever get used to it._

"_You know I want you there. Besides, maybe now my mom will quit hounding me about it."_

"_About what?"_

"_Meeting you."_

_I stared blankly in return. Not only did he want me to meet his parents, but he'd been talking to them about me. Well, at least his mother anyway._

_We'd been dating for a little over two months, spending our spare evenings with each other, which weren't many._

_Between my new job at a local publishing firm and his grueling hours as an intern at the Emory Hospital in Midtown, we didn't get to see each other for days at times. We would occasionally have time for a phone call, but our primary communication consisted of text messaging._

_So when he texted that he couldn't see me because he needed to do laundry and go grocery shopping, I shamelessly responded with, "Need any help?"_

_His response came just seconds later, "No, but I won't say no to seeing you."_

"_I'm on my way…" I texted back._

"_Hurry, woman. I'm hungry."_

_I chuckled and threw my phone in my purse and headed over to his condo._

_It didn't escape my notice that we were participating in a particularly domestic chore reserved for couples; which we were, but we weren't married, and we didn't live together. Hell, we hadn't even slept together…yet. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became over why I was meeting his family so soon._

"_Edward?"_

"_Hmm," he answered, not looking up from his crouched stance in front of the bottles of marinade he was pondering to buy._

"_Do you think this is a good idea?"_

_He stood up tall and eyed me warily. "Steak too much? Maybe a nice chicken casserole?"_

"_No. I mean, yes. No. I mean, the steak is fine," I stammered. "I meant me…meeting your family." I couldn't look him in the eyes._

_He walked over to me and gently lifted my chin to face him. "Bella, relax." He exhaled loudly and puffed out his chest. "Let me try this again. I would be honored if you'd join me for dinner tomorrow night to meet my parents and my brother and his wife."_

"_But you barely know me."_

"_I know enough."_

"_Like what?"_

"_Fishing?" He quirked his eyebrow at me._

"_Maybe," I responded, fiddling with my shirttail and avoiding eye contact._

"_See if you can catch this." He leaned down, placing his lips right next to my ear. "I know enough to know I'm falling for you."_

_He pulled away, a satisfactory grin plastered on his face. Did he just say what I think he said? I was too stunned to respond, but I couldn't help the feeling of elation that came over me._

"_So. Cheesecake for dessert?" he asked, pushing the cart in the direction of that aisle._

_I smiled, struggling to keep from skipping along after him._

~UrQ~

_As it always seemed, the moment I was dreading - well not really dreading, but anxious to put off, arrived swiftly. It wouldn't have mattered if I had two hours or two days to mentally prepare for meeting his parents. Somehow I knew this was a big deal._

"_So why are they coming again?" I asked Edward, our hands busy marinating the steaks in the kitchen of his condo._

"_Why not?"_

"_Sorry. Let me clarify; how is it that your family is able to come and just visit? It's not a holiday or anything. And they had to work around the schedules of four adults. That had to be difficult." _

_Edward shrugged, pinching a bit of salt over the steaks before answering. "There's not much my parents can't do. My dad is the Chief of Internal Medicine back home, and my mom makes her own hours."_

"_Really? What does she do?"_

"_Anything she wants, but she fills her time with charity work mostly."_

_I had already worked out that Edward had money. He had attended Emory, a private university in Atlanta with astronomical tuition rates. I would know because I got into the Goizueta School of Business when I was contemplating getting my Masters, but I couldn't afford the twenty-five grand a year it would cost me. Lord knows how much medical school ran._

"_Edward, are you telling me your mom is a kept woman?"_

"_More like my dad is a kept man. My mom comes from what you'd call old money," he said, emphasizing with finger quotes._

"_But your dad works."_

"_Cause he'd die of boredom if he didn't. Plus, he loves his job."_

"_So…you're rich?"_

"_Well…my parents are."_

"_That's something only rich people say."_

_He chuckled. "Bella, don't worry about it. It's just money, and they're just Mom and Dad."_

_Easy for him to say. I was drowning in student loans, waiting for my big break to come with one of my manuscripts, and there I was about to meet "old money"._

"_What about your brother?"_

"_Jasper? He's a school counselor, and it's the summer, so he didn't have to worry about taking time off."_

"_He's married, right?"_

"_Yep. To his high-school sweetheart."_

"_No kidding?"_

"_Nope. Just wait, you'll see."_

"_How long have they been married?"_

"_A little over nine years. Right after high school."_

"_And he's how old?" I asked._

"_Three years younger than me, and you already know my age." He winked as he reached into a cabinet to find another spice._

"_That's just unheard of. High-school sweethearts."_

"_You'll see," he repeated._

_And I did. I watched them that night. Whenever Jasper moved, Alice either followed or inclined her body toward him in some way. And when Alice spoke, Jasper was attentive. It was captivating to watch._

_Would Edward and I be like that some day? Were we already?_

"_So, Bella, tell me. . .how did you meet Edward?" Esme asked, bringing her wine glass to her lips. We were all seated at the dining room table, Esme sitting to my right, and Edward on the left._

"_He was…uh…my doctor. Well, for a few hours anyway…when I had to go to the emergency room."_

"_You asked out one of your patients?" Alice asked, surprised._

"_Not exactly," Edward answered._

"_Then what happened?"_

_I turned my attention to Alice. "He wrote me a prescription with his number on it."_

_Esme chuckled. "Sounds familiar."_

_I scanned the faces at the table, all alight with amusement._

_Carlisle stretched his arm across the table and did a fist bump with Edward, grinning proudly. I'd never seen someone in his fifties, maybe sixties, fist bump before. I liked Carlisle already._

"_You copied Dad?" Jasper asked, his face one of disbelief._

_Edward shrugged. "Well, I tried. She never called me."_

"_What?" Alice's expression was one of astonishment. "Then what are you doing here?"_

"_Alice!" Esme admonished._

"_Oh, I didn't mean it like that." Alice rolled her eyes at Esme. "How did you end up together then?"_

"_Well, actually…"_

_I __placed __my __hand __on __Edward__'__s __leg __and __interrupted. __That __story __was _not _being __shared __at __the __dinner __table._

"_We ran into each other again, and Edward made an offer I couldn't turn down."_

"_Sounds like he hounded you until you said yes." Esme smirked at her son._

_I looked over to Edward, his grin displayed prominently._

"_So he does this often, huh?"_

_Edward held up one finger, knowing I'd understand what it meant._

"_No. I just know my son. He's relentless when it comes to what he wants." She winked at me._

"_When are you moving back home, Edward? After your residency?" Alice asked, steering the conversation in a different direction._

_Edward looked to me hesitantly and then met his brother's gaze across the table. It was a silent conversation of raised eyebrows and inconspicuous nods, and it ended with both men smiling. I'd have to ask him about that later._

_Alice saw it too, mouthing the word, "Oh" as she smiled in return. They apparently understood something of which I was unaware, but I figured it had to be something good when Alice inconspicuously winked at me._

_What I did know was that Edward's family was intelligent, warm, and loving, and I couldn't wait to get to know them better._

_~UrQ~_

I followed Jasper from the hospital parking lot, both of us quiet and lost in our own thoughts. We traveled through the corridors, up four floors in the elevator, arriving at our destination.

Jasper's demeanor immediately changed. He shook his head and flexed his arms as if trying to eliminate whatever feeling just came over him. He looked forlorn, his mouth forming a frown and his shoulders a bit hunched.

Jasper had always been so strong and attuned to everyone's feelings. Did anyone stop to consider how he might need someone to be attuned to his?

Forgetting all rules and etiquette about the behaviors of ex-family members, I reached over and hugged him.

"There you are! I figured you'd be arriving around now, so I came to meet you at the elevators," Alice exclaimed, breaking up my embrace with Jasper.

"Alice, I've missed you," I stated as I leaned forward and gave her a hug as well. She returned it fiercely, holding on to me tight.

"Okay, what is going on? Why is Edward here? And why are you hugging me like you don't want to let go?" I chuckled, though there was nothing funny about it.

Alice looked from me to Jasper and returned my gaze, exhaling loudly.

"Alice? Spit it out. Why are we here? Where is Carlisle?"

"He's talking to Dr. Gerandy and some other doctor about Edward's case." I noticed she didn't answer why we were there, or better yet, why Edward was.

Neither Alice nor Jasper would look me in the eyes. "Look, let me get Carlisle, and we can all go down to Edward's room. Okay?" Alice pleaded.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't think Edward wants to see me." Or that I'm ready to see him, but I didn't speak that thought aloud.

"Of course he does…if he knows what's good for him," Alice muttered.

"Alice…" Jasper warned.

"What? Oh, whatever, Jasper. I'll be right back with your dad. Why don't we meet at Edward's room?"

Before we had a chance to reply, Alice turned around and stalked back toward the nurses' station.

We were only walking toward the waiting area, not to Edward's room. Yet, my hands became clammy, and my heart began to pound. I started wiping my palms on my jeans, over and over again, trying to rid them of their sweat on my denim-clad legs, all the while trying to regulate my breathing, but it was no use.

I was hyperventilating and suddenly felt faint. I put my hand on the wall closest to me and leaned on it for support. I couldn't do this. Why was I even here? He left me. He wouldn't want to see me.

"Bella, it's okay. You don't have to see him if you don't want to. Come on, let's sit over here." Jasper grabbed my hand and led me to sit down on one of the couches in a small area designated for waiting.

He sat with me quietly, letting me calm down. He said nothing, and for that I was glad.

Shuffling footsteps sounded in the hallway. My guess was that it was Alice and Carlisle coming to meet us. I looked up into the gentle, caring eyes of my former father-in-law, and my suspicions were confirmed.

I stood up slowly and faced Carlisle.

"Bella, it is so nice to see you again. How have you been, kiddo?"

"Fine. Considering," I answered, mimicking Jasper's earlier response to that same question.

Carlisle nodded his head in understanding. "Well, shall we?" he asked, waving his hand in the direction where I assumed Edward's room to be.

Alice took my hand in hers and walked me forward, following her husband and Carlisle.

We stopped right outside a room before entering; I hesitated. I couldn't go in there not knowing why I was there. "Carlisle, will you please tell me why Edward is in the hospital? What exactly is going on?"

Carlisle turned to face me, pinching the bridge of his nose - a habit he passed down to his son. I'd seen it often in times of stress and uncertainty.

"We're not sure yet, Bella. Edward's neurologist didn't like some of the things he saw on his last blood panel. They ran more tests, and now he wants to perform a biopsy. Get a clearer picture."

"Is that even safe? They always told us that his tumor was too small to perform any type of surgery, removal or otherwise."

"That was almost a year ago, Bella. Things have…progressed," Carlisle responded gently.

"Oh," was again the only thing I could articulate.

"Look, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's just wait for the results."

He turned back around to enter the open doorway. Jasper followed, hand-in-hand with Alice. I pulled up the rear, hoping to put off the reunion with my ex-husband as long as possible.

As we entered, I heard a voice I didn't recognize…a female voice. "Okay, I'll be here first thing tomorrow. Try to get some rest if you can, and remember I'm here for you, and I love you."

"I love you, too," a voice I would know anywhere replied.

I audibly gasped, and apparently, it was loud because everyone shifted their attention to me including Edward from his hospital bed and the strange woman who had just professed her love for my ex-husband.

Edward threw his head back onto his pillow and groaned as the unknown woman walked toward us - toward me.

She stopped just shy of the door and started to speak, never taking her eyes from me. I didn't know what to think of how she looked at me. It wasn't anger or annoyance. It seemed to be a mix of curiosity and concern.

"Nice to see you again, Carlisle. I have to get going, but I'll be here first thing tomorrow."

"Okay, Carmen. Until then."

Carmen was a beautiful name; it befitted the beautiful woman. She had flawless olive-toned skin and a pear-shaped face, framed with long auburn locks of hair. If I had to guess, I'd say she was Hispanic. She was taller than me – I was always on the short side – and she was thin, but not terribly so.

Not one for to jumping to conclusions, I tried to reconcile her presence in Edward's life as that of a friend, but my broken heart couldn't help thinking the worst. Was I traded in for her? Edward just told her he loved her, so I wasn't too far-fetched in seeing her as my replacement. Had our marriage dissolved over another woman? Over _this_ woman?

The part of me who knew Edward - and knew he wasn't a cheater - wanted to believe there was another explanation for this woman, but the part of me who witnessed Edward's emotionless goodbye just barely a year ago told me otherwise.

My heart was rife with ache.

Why was I here again? Why did Alice want me here, and why did the rest of his family go along with it?

Carmen made to exit as Jasper, Alice, and I stepped out of her way. Jasper smiled kindly as she walked by, but Alice's facial expression remained stoic, though I could see a slight pursing of her lips.

We all turned our attention back to Edward as he lifted his head from the pillow and glared at me.

"What are you doing here?"

**Unrequited updates every Saturday. Would love to see what you think about Bastardward as my beta/pre-readers have deemed him. **


	4. Chapter Three: Standing in Front of You

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. Stephenie Meyer owns it all and has better lawyers than I do.**

**Things I do own: an iPhone full of music that provided a muse for this story (let me know if you're interested in the playlist.)**

**This chapter is dedicated to Monique for making it better all around, to Purelyamuse for 'making' me add a scene, and to BellaFlan for challenging me to become a better writer. **

**All mistakes are mine.**

Alice and Jasper sat in the front seat of Jasper's car arguing. Over me. Well, how Edward had treated me.

"You know…your brother can really be a dick sometimes," Alice said, glaring at her husband.

"Don't," Jasper warned, taking his eyes from the road momentarily.

"What? He was totally rude back there. Bella came all this way, and he chased her out of the room with his douchebaggery. I barely caught up to her by the time she got to the parking lot."

It wasn't their fault: this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come. I _told_ them he didn't want me here.

I spoke up from the backseat. "Guys, stop. Please," I huffed. "Can we just go somewhere and get something to eat? Then I'll try to book a flight back to Atlanta."

"What? Bella, no. You have every right to be here, and Edward needs you whether he knows it or not," Alice pleaded with me.

"I don't belong here, Alice. I'm not his wife. Not anymore. Besides, I think he has everyone he needs. You guys and…well…"

My mind quickly pictured Carmen - the woman who told Edward she loved him. The one he said he loved in return. I remembered how she walked toward me, keeping her eyes trained on mine. The memory was a kick in the gut.

Not surprisingly, she was beautiful. Edward never did have a problem with the ladies. He was gorgeous, and so were his female companions. That's why I was completely shocked he'd wanted me…chosen me.

I was ordinary. Common. _Just_ Bella_._

After all, women like me were a dime a dozen. They spent hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to look more glamorous. They saw their stylists habitually to highlight, lowlight, tint, and rinse away their mousy brown hair. They went to tanning salons to spray a healthy golden glow on their pallid complexions. They spent hours each week applying make-up so their boring brown eyes would pop and appear interesting.

I didn't think I needed all that because Edward had picked me – out of all the women he could have had, he'd chosen me.

When we were together, he never made me feel less than or unworthy, though.

~UrQ~

"_Bella, what's taking so long?"_

_Edward appeared in the doorway of our walk-in closet and leaned against the jamb._

"_I don't know what to wear." I went back to rifling through my clothes._

"_Um…a dress?"_

"_Really?" I glared at him. "You don't say."_

"_Well, if it's that simple, why are you standing there in just your bra and panties? Not that I mind, now that I think about it, but we're gonna be late."_

"_You're not helping," I whined._

"_Okay. Why don't you wear that blue one with the stuff on the…" He waved his finger over his neck and chest._

"_Stuff?"_

"_Yeah, that frilly, lacy stuff."_

"_This?" I pulled the dress from the rack and held it up to my body._

"_Yessss. __You __look _great _in __that.__"_

"_I do?"_

"_Come here." He stepped away from the door and beckoned me with his hand._

_I followed him over to our dresser drawers in front of the mirror. "Gimme me that." He reached for my dress. "Turn around." His voice was smooth and soft._

_I turned to the mirror and watched him through it. He unzipped my dress, and then from behind, slipped it in front of my body – his arms encircling me – and asked me to step in._

_He slowly shimmied it up, taking care to be gentle. He slid the straps over my shoulders and zipped up the dress. He smoothed his hands over my back before wrapping his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder._

"_When will you learn to see yourself like I see you?" His breath tickled my neck, raising my gooseflesh. _

"_I just wanted to look good for you…with all those other doctors there with their beautiful wives, you know." I leaned my head toward his and locked eyes with him through the mirror._

"_No one holds a candle to you, baby. No one," he replied, sending the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive._

~UrQ~

Edward never understood my insecurities and reservations, but then again, he didn't grow up the way I had.

I wasn't exactly popular in high school. No one wanted the police chief's daughter invited to parties where underage drinking and pot smoking was bound to take place. The kids who pretended to be my friend only did so in an effort to weasel out of a traffic ticket or something else police related.

I learned very early to be wary of people and their motives. I trusted no one – also a part of being a cop's daughter – except Jamie; I trusted him.

I also trusted Edward…wholeheartedly.

But that was then…this was now.

Now was different. That smile had turned into an angry scowl. I highly doubted he would be wrapping his arms around me or kissing me and whispering those reassuring words ever again.

Not after what happened in Edward's hospital room.

"_What are you doing here?"_

_Frozen __in __place, __I __didn__'__t __know __how __to __respond. __What _was _I __doing __there?_

"_I asked her to come," Alice answered, holding her head high._

"_Are you serious?" Edward spat. "You're a meddlesome, little – "_

"_Hey," Jasper interjected, stepping between his wife and his brother. "Watch it."_

"_You __know __what? __I __don__'__t __care,__" __Edward __said, __turning __his __gaze __from __his __brother__'__s __to __mine.__ "__Bella, __go __home. __We __don__'__t __need __you __here. _I _don__'__t __want __you __here.__"_

"_You're a real piece of work," Alice started at the same time Carlisle spoke._

"_Son, that's no way…"_

Not wanting any of them to see my traitorous tears, I ran. I shouldn't have been surprised at his outburst. That didn't mean it wasn't hurtful, though.

Deciding to forego the elevator, I darted down the stairs and was almost out the hospital when Alice caught me by the arm.

She didn't say anything. She just took my hand in hers and walked with me outside. I breathed frantically, having just sprinted down four flights of stairs, while crying.

Alice rubbed circles on my back and with a soothing voice said, "Bella, breathe."

It wasn't long after my escape that Jasper had showed up at the car, where Alice had helped me collect myself, and then we left.

The slowing down of the car broke me out of my reverie. "Where are we going?"

"You said you were hungry," Jasper answered, catching my stare in the rearview mirror.

We pulled into a tiny twenty-four hour diner minutes away from the hospital.

With food and drink on the table, and all of our mouths full, there was no room left for conversation. But I welcomed the silence. It allowed me to dissect my feelings; I just wasn't sure what they were, but I was resolved to get the hell out of there before my heart could fracture more.

"Jasper, will you drop me off at the airport when we're finished? My bags are still in the car. I'll just catch the next flight out of DFW."

"Bella, don't be silly," Alice began in protest. "You're coming home with us. You just need a good night's sleep and a nice long shower. I'll make sure – "

"Bella," Jasper started, cutting off Alice mid-sentence. "If you truly wish to go back to the airport, I'll take you. I'm sorry for what Edward said. No one told him you were coming, and he's had a really tough week. None of us thought he'd react like that. But I have a feeling that if you leave now without talking to Dad about Edward's prognosis and speaking with him yourself, you'll regret it. Besides, Edward isn't the only one that needs you." He glanced at Alice. "And if I took you back to the airport before Mom got to see you, she'd tan my hide." He smiled.

Speechless over Jasper's words, I nodded my assent.

I didn't know what to feel. The whole Cullen clan cut off contact after the divorce simply to tell me that Edward wasn't the only one that needed me now. The heartache of their rejection and abandonment was still very real, and they were asking me to open up myself to wounds I'd worked so very hard to mend. It was confusing and…painful. Unfortunately, none of them were forthcoming about Edward's condition. The only way to find out what was wrong was to stay.

Upon arriving at their home, Jasper took my bags upstairs and showed me to my room. It was the guest suite that Edward and I used to crash in on those rare occasions when we drank too much to drive back to the hotel after one of Alice's parties. The woman loved to celebrate when we visited.

Edward, being a dedicated surgeon, knew first-hand what happened to those who played Russian Roulette with drinking and driving, so he never gambled with getting behind the wheel, even if he was only buzzed.

Jasper asked if I needed anything. Shaking my head, he bid me a goodnight and walked away.

I had just barely flipped the light switch on when my phone rang. I retrieved the shrilling contraption from my purse and answered it as I flopped down on the comfy bed.

"Hello."

"Hey you. I just wanted to make sure you're okay and arrived safely and all that bullshit."

"Hi Jamie." I smiled even though he couldn't see me.

"Don't you _hi_ me. Tell me what you've found out and why that crazy bitch dragged your ass out there."

Good thing Jamie was four states away. I'd imagine Alice would sever his balls for calling her a bitch.

"I'm fine. Edward is in the hospital…"

"Really, is he okay?"

Jamie liked to put on a show about his feelings for Edward, but deep down I knew he cared. He cared because I did. And for that, I couldn't love him more.

I relayed what happened, but I left out the details regarding Carmen. I knew that information would send him off into a vitriolic spew, and I wasn't in the mood.

That didn't stop him from ranting about how Edward, _oh __so __politely_, told me to leave.

"That shithead. Why are you even still there? Come home and let his family tell you what happens next. Fuck him!"

"I'm staying at least through tomorrow. I don't know from there."

"Fine." He huffed. "But I'm here if you need me. Day or night, okay?"

"Thanks, Jamie. I love you, you know that?"

"How could you not?"

I chuckled lightly and told him I needed to get ready for bed.

"Okay, Bella. Get some sleep, and I love you too. Even though you're crazy and flew all the way out there for that waste of space. Even though you should've listened to me and stayed here. Even though – "

"Bye, Jamie." I sighed.

"Bye." He returned my sigh, hanging up.

I awoke the next morning to a quiet knocking on my door. I panicked slightly at not recognizing my surroundings, having momentarily forgotten where I was. Alice's sing-song voice brought me out of my sleepy haze and reminded me why I was there.

"Come in," I croaked.

"Hey you. I brought you some coffee. You still take two sugars?" Alice sat down next to me on the bed.

"Yes, thank you." I reached for the steaming mug and sipped slowly. Thank God for Alice.

"Alice, I've never understood how you could be so…cheerful in the mornings. Look at you; you're already dressed with hair and make-up done. You amaze me."

"Oh, Bella my day would be absolutely dreadful if I didn't start it off on a happy note. Can you imagine me having to deal with all those facts and figures if I were grumpy?" She chuckled.

I just smiled back. Alice was a Senior Portfolio Manager at a global asset-management firm. She had this uncanny ability to predict how the stock market was going to trend. Maybe it was because she could rattle off the details of a company's profit and loss statement much like men could regurgitate baseball stats. Or maybe she just recognized patterns and trends where others could not. Either way, it made her clients and - by proxy - her very wealthy.

"Go ahead, drink up." She patted me on my knee. "We're gonna leave in about thirty minutes. I'm driving today. Jasper didn't sleep very well." She frowned.

I imagined he wouldn't. I was surprised I had. Sleeping in a bed I once shared with Edward was difficult, but no more so than sleeping in the one we shared back home.

Alice reminded me where the bathroom was before giving me privacy. I put the coffee cup down on the bedside table and gathered my toiletries to take a quick shower.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Jasper insisted I sit upfront with Alice while he sat behind us, looking worse for wear. The dark circles around his eyes confirmed that he had indeed not slept very well, if at all.

We made it to the hospital in record time, which really wasn't a difficult feat at the ungodly hour of five in the morning.

Carlisle and Esme were already in the waiting area when we arrived. Standing to meet us, Esme opened her arms to me as if asking for a hug. "May I?"

"Of course, Esme. Sorry we had to see each other again under these circumstances."

She shrugged, placed her hands on my shoulders, and pulled away to look me over like a concerned mother. "While it isn't ideal, I still get to see you. So I'll take it. I still claim you as mine, you know."

I didn't want to cry, but Edward's mother's words cut right through me. I missed her. I missed all of them. Yet, no one called me, except Alice. I was hurt; I felt my annoyance and indignation begin to bubble inside me. If I was still hers, why hadn't she or any of them reached out to me? I had assumed that they just took Edward's side in the divorce. Not that there was really a side to take. He wanted out, and I let him go.

What else do you do when someone says they don't want you anymore?

I pulled away from Esme. Maybe I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt. She _was_ a mother with a sick son. That thought alone sobered me. I had no right to complain about the rejection of ex-family members.

I sighed and looked around the room. Everyone was standing, all a bit restless. Alice asked what we all were probably wondering.

"So what happens next?"

Being the resident doctor, Carlisle spoke up first. "He's in pre-op right now. They're most likely administering something to get him good and relaxed before the surgery…and well…relaxed enough to shave his head."

Edward's hair…gone. Wow. That man and his hair. They were like two separate entities in a weird symbiosis with each other. When Edward was feeling confident and trying to be sexy, he ran his fingers through it to sweep the part that hung over his eyes out of the way. When he was stressed, he tended to pull on it a bit. It wasn't too terribly obvious, but it was enough that someone who really knew him would know what was going on. And when he was pissed or agitated, he would rub the nape of his neck multiple times kind of roughly in a frantic motion.

Amused at the thought of a hairless Edward and how he would fare without his emotional crutch, I laughed.

And then I couldn't stop laughing.

Jasper looked at me, like I had finally snapped and maybe it was a bad idea to invite the crazy ex-wife to come along. I couldn't help it. I suddenly found myself guffawing at the thought of Edward missing his precious locks.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked.

"Nothing…it's just…it's just…I can't wait to see Edward's face when he realizes he has nothing to run his fingers through. He won't know what to do with his hands."

I knew I should be mortified at my inappropriate outburst, but the harder I tried to stop, the more I wanted to laugh. One by one I watched the façade of stress, anxiety, and fear give way on their confused faces. Esme cracked a smile and Alice covered her grin and giggled into her hand. Carlisle just snorted as he shook his head. The contagious laughter overtook them as they joined in my amusement.

"Bella, you're right. That man touches his hair way too much for someone with a Y chromosome. It's not healthy." Jasper chuckled. "He used to take _forever_ in the bathroom. I was so glad when he moved out; I wasn't late to school anymore."

Another round of laughter passed amongst us. It felt good.

Approaching footsteps - high heels smacking sharply on the hospital linoleum, broke up our levity.

"Well, this is an odd reaction to have to brain surgery. What has you guys in such good spirits?"

We all turned our attention to Carmen who stood before us in a grey pencil skirt, green silk blouse, high heels, and a doctor's smock. I couldn't make out her last name. The wrinkle in her smock covered it up, so the only part I could see was _Dr. __Carmen_…

Figured. Edward would want someone as smart as he was. Beauty and brains. No wonder he loved her.

"Nothing really. Bella here just reminded us of something funny about Edward," Esme answered with a bit of a mischievous grin.

"Bella," Carmen repeated, curiosity brimming in her eyes. "Bella, I'm so sorry about yesterday. I was running late, and I couldn't properly introduce myself. I'm Carmen." She extended her hand to me.

I looked down to it and back to the genuine smile on her face. If she wanted to shake hands, I'd do it, but just briefly.

"Okay, well I have some paperwork to attend to in my office. Then I have to make my rounds. Is Edward in his room or have they wheeled him back yet?"

As if on cue, Edward's bed came into view as a nurse steered him toward his room.

"Come on. Let's go wish him luck," Carmen suggested.

We all followed, but I tried to hang back. I was there for support. I just wasn't sure in what capacity. So, Edward would just have to get his well-wishing from the others. Besides, I didn't want a repeat of yesterday.

Carmen entered the room along with the nurse, and we all waited for their return. "Okay, my office awaits. I'll try to sneak into the OR and get an update for you guys. Try not to worry too much though. He's in great hands."

"Thank you," Carlisle quietly replied. He and Esme then entered Edward's room as I waited with Alice and Jasper outside. They both reappeared just a few minutes later with watery eyes, but neither let their tears fall.

Alice and Jasper were next. I kept my position on the wall, seemingly mesmerized by my fingernail polish.

"Your turn," Alice whispered, her voice cracking. Her face – usually so smooth – was wrinkled with worry.

"No. I think I'm good out here. Besides, I don't want to stress him out before the surgery."

"He's a bit loopy. They _really_ relaxed him," Alice stressed. "You should go in. Say…whatever it is you need to say. You know…before the surgery."

Jasper stayed quiet, while Carlisle and Esme nodded in agreement. I knew we all hoped for the best, but I could tell they wanted me to have this opportunity, just in case. Just in case…this was goodbye.

I wrapped my hand around the door handle and paused, taking a few calming breaths. After what happened yesterday, I was either a masochist or stupid for attempting to see him again. Maybe both. I blew out a great gust of air, opened the door, and let myself in.

He looked peaceful. His eyes were closed, giving the illusion of slumber. His shaved head was turned toward the door. With his hair missing, he looked smaller, fragile.

I took the chair next to his bed and sat there, at a loss for words.

When I finally found the nerve to speak, I softly whispered, "Edward?"

He didn't answer, and his eyes stayed shut.

"Edward, I don't even know why I'm here. I mean…you left me. You haven't called. You haven't emailed. Nothing. I tried calling you a few times…but, well…I always hung up before the call went through. Pretty stupid, huh?"

His face showed no signs of having heard me. Looking down at my hands, I continued.

"I still don't understand why you left. It was so…abrupt. But I guess it makes sense. I never really belonged in your league." I sighed dejectedly.

Edward shifted on the bed. When I lifted my gaze, it was to the steady rise and fall of his chest. His eyes were still closed.

"I don't really know what else to say, but I love you, and I'm afraid I always will. Guess it was too much to ask that you felt the same. Can you…will you…just do me this one favor?" I asked as if he could hear me. "I probably have no right to ask this, but can you make sure you don't die in there today? It would kill them…and me."

I sighed and stood up from the chair and made my way to the door.

As I opened it, a soft, groggy voice filtered out from behind me.

"You never did see yourself very clearly."

**Unrequited updates every Saturday. Please let me know what you think so far.**


	5. Chapter Four: Battle

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. * Sigh ***

**Things I do own: love for Mexican food and every season of Buffy on DVD.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Monique who continues to astound me with her insight.**

Three hours, twenty-two minutes, and nine seconds.

That's how long my butt had been glued to an uncomfortable excuse for a couch. Waiting. Hoping. And God help me, praying.

Carmen made an appearance about an hour or so ago. She had changed into green scrubs and tennis shoes. She approached Edward's family and me with a smile so big that it was hard not to believe her when she said that everything was going according to plan. The surgeons were being especially cautious. The tumor had wrapped itself around Edward's carotid artery.

When she relayed that bit of news, the panic was evident in our faces. The fear of the unknown rendered us speechless; we all just looked at her like she had announced Edward's death sentence, except maybe Carlisle. He understood doctor speak.

"Please don't worry," Carmen started as she took in the surrounding expressions gazing at her nervously. "This wasn't exactly an unforeseen complication. They were prepared for this. All it means is that they are going to go extra slow and take their time removing the tumor."

We all visibly exhaled, encouraged by her words.

"I thought they were just taking a biopsy?" Alice spoke up, her voice cracking.

"They've already procured an adequate specimen to send off to the lab. They decided it was safe enough to proceed and extract the growth, which means we might just have the results of the biopsy by the time Edward's surgery is completed."

Carmen said all of this matter-of-factly, just like a doctor would. She seemed so detached and clinical. Like the man she loved wasn't on a cold steel table being cut open while we all discussed it. I didn't understand it, or her.

Four hours, two minutes, and fifty-seven seconds.

Forty minutes had elapsed since the last time I checked the timer I set on my cell phone. I'm not sure why I did it. Something about the passing of time just seemed so…reliable to me. I tried to convince myself that if the surgery was brief, it meant nothing could be done. They told us that previously, before things had _progressed_.

Yet, the longer they kept Edward under the knife, so to speak, couldn't bode well for a complication-free procedure.

They'd already found one such complication. The tumor was interfering with a major artery. God only knew what else they would find or have to tackle. The longer it took, the more time I had to fret and think.

Think.

That's all I'd been doing. Thinking. About the awkwardness of my presence at the hospital or even in Texas in general. A huge part of me felt like I didn't belong. This wasn't my family anymore. Still, I had this tiny flickering instinct that told me I was right where I needed and deserved to be. I could see that the Cullens still cared for me, and I for them. And that tiny flickering part of me was enjoying a small triumph that they still chose to keep me in their lives…somewhat.

I looked around at the faces of the surrounding Cullens. Carlisle and Esme sat on the couch across from the one I was occupying. He had one arm wrapped around her, while she rested her head on his shoulder. Esme's eyes were fluttering open and shut, like she was fighting off sleep. It was hard to make out if Carlisle's eyes were open or not, because his face was obscured as he alternately ran his fingers over his temples and across his brow.

Alice was seated against the arm of another couch; Jasper's head was in her lap, feet dangling off the couch, which wasn't long enough to support his tall frame. I watched as Alice lazily ran her fingers through his hair, looking straight ahead for the most part. She would occasionally catch me staring and throw a half-hearted smile my way. Jasper's head would turn every time he heard footsteps in the hospital corridor, which happened to be a fairly common occurrence now that the rest of the world was awake. He was obviously anxious and hoping each footfall belonged to Edward's surgeon.

I laid my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. I thought back to the last time Edward and I had dinner at my parents' house. It was maybe two weeks before he left me.

_I was sitting in my dad's favorite recliner with Edward's head in my lap as he sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me. He was leaning back so I could massage his forehead and run my fingers through his hair. We were sitting in front of a bay window, and the sunlight was shining directly on Edward's face, casting streaks of red and gold through his locks. It was beautiful, just like him._

"_You can't imagine how that feels," he stated dreamily._

"_How's your headache?"_

"_Constant and never-ending, but I love what you're doing." _

_He leaned his head further back and grinned widely. I smiled in return and then bent down to kiss him. The kiss started out chaste enough, but Edward used his long arm to reach behind my head and pull me closer to him as the kiss intensified._

"_Look, Charlie. We leave them alone for a few minutes, and they're making out in the living room." _

_At the sound of my mom's voice, Edward and I pulled apart grinning like stupid teenagers. _

"_You making up for lost years, Bella? You never had make-out sessions under our roof until this one here showed up." My mom giggled as she pointed to Edward._

"_Thanks, Mom. Every girl lives to have their husband find out just how unpopular they were in high school. Greatly appreciated." My tone was sarcastic, yet playful._

"_You weren't that unpopular, Bells," my dad added as he walked into the living room from the kitchen. "I remember quite a few phone calls that you didn't want to take and maybe a boy or two that asked you out…relentlessly. Wasn't one of them that Mike Newton boy?"_

_The familiar pooling of warmth settled in my cheeks._

_Edward being ever-perceptive noticed my change in hue. "Oh, really? Do tell about this…what was his name? Mike Newton?"_

"_There's nothing to tell," I answered, playfully shoving Edward._

"_You see how she abuses me, Renee? Isn't there some kind of book on how to be a good wife? Maybe you could share some tips. Show her how it's done."_

_My mom smiled brightly at the compliment Edward had just given her. _

"_You're such a kiss ass," I whispered at him._

"_But you love me anyway," he responded, grinning ear to ear._

"_That I do. That I do."_

"_Well, are you guys ready to enjoy Easter dinner?" my dad asked._

_Edward stood and held out his hand to help me out of the recliner. Now standing before him, he took my hand and kissed it sweetly. "I love you too, you know." He stared at me with those mesmerizing green eyes of his._

_It was my turn to grin from ear to ear. _

_We walked into the dining room hand-in-hand and took our seats across from my parents at the table, which was laid out with a turkey, a ham, and all the usual fixings._

"_Mom? There's only the four of us? Why so much food?"_

"_Well, I was at the store and I couldn't remember if we had ham or turkey on Easter. I mean I know that for Thanksgiving we have turkey. And then there's ham for Christmas. But what do we have on Easter? So I got both."_

"_It's perfect, Renee." _

_I smirked at my husband. "She already loves you. There's no need to make your nose any browner."_

"_Oh hush, Bella. There's nothing wrong with good ol' flattery. Young men could learn a thing or two from Edward," my mom mock reprimanded._

_Edward just turned to me and smiled wide, with a mouth full of food. Cheeky bastard. _

_He was playful tonight. Lately, it was game of hit or miss when it came to his moods._

"_So Edward, how have you been feeling?"_

_Edward's smile faded as he swallowed the food in his mouth. "Just fine, sir. I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow."_

_Surprised, I asked, "Tomorrow? I didn't know three months had passed already." I looked at Edward, a bit puzzled. We were monitoring the growth of his tumor by having routine MRI's every three months, but I could have sworn he just had one about a month ago._

_He didn't answer, staring down at his food instead._

"_Okay. Well, what time is it? I'll make sure I'm free," I offered._

"_No!" Edward's head shot up. "I mean…that's not necessary. It's just routine. You don't need to take time away from your work for this. I'll be fine and I'll tell you if anything changes. Okay, love?" He placed his hand on my thigh and started rubbing smoothing circles over my jeans._

"_Okay," I relented._

_When I asked Edward about the MRI results the next night, he told me that everything was fine; I didn't need to worry._

Looking back on it, his mood changed drastically after that night. He became short tempered and curt with me, but I just assumed it was the effects of his numerous meds or the tumor itself.

He left me two weeks later.

"Finally." My head snapped up at the sound of Jasper's voice.

An older man, with peppery grey hair dressed in green scrubs was walking toward us. A nurse stopped him mid-stride. They talked briefly before she departed and he continued his route. We all rose from our spots, anxious to hear about Edward's surgery.

"Carlisle," he greeted as he shook Carlisle's hand. "I don't believe I've met your entire clan. Of course, I would know Esme from anywhere. Tell me, dear, when are you gonna leave this old geezer and run away with me?" He smiled before winking at her.

Esme blushed and giggled as Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Oh, don't worry old man. I see the way this one looks at you. You're safe. Now tell me who else do we have here?"

Carlisle pointed to Jasper first. "This is my son, Jasper, and his lovely wife, Alice. And this is Bella. She is Edward's…well…"

"I'm a friend of the family." I stepped forward and shook Dr. Gerandy's hand.

"Nice to meet all of you. Sit, please sit." He waved his hands in front of him.

We all sat, anxiously awaiting the news concerning Edward.

"The good news is…it's not cancerous."

For the second time that day, we all let out a collective breath.

"What's the bad news?" Jasper asked impatiently.

Dr. Gerandy looked to Carlisle who nodded as if giving him permission to continue.

"We couldn't extract the entire growth. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. People live with these types of tumors all the time. We'll just have to continue to monitor it closely and prescribe Edward a regimen of medications. That should allow him to lead a normal life."

Regimen made me think of regiment. The word rattled around in my head like soldiers marching off to battle. It was fitting. We were waging war.

"Will these medications keep the tumor from growing back?" Esme asked.

"There's no guarantee when you're dealing with abnormal cell growths. I can tell you that the clinical trials have proven very successful."

Esme smiled politely at his response, but she didn't appear convinced.

"Okay, can we see him, Doctor?" Alice politely asked.

"Sure. He's in ICU for the night. He probably won't be very responsive, but you can see him. I'm sure he'd love the company, even if he doesn't know you're there." He winked again and then added. "But only two at a time, okay?"

Everyone nodded and stood, eager to see Edward.

Dr. Gerandy directed us toward the nurses' station to get directions to the ICU. He had to attend to other patients.

We were headed toward the elevators on our way to Edward's room when Esme asked Carlisle, "Why is he in ICU? Why not a normal room?"

"It's just a precaution. In the ICU, he will be monitored around the clock. They want to make sure his brain still functions as it should," Carlisle answered rubbing small circles on Esme's lower back as they walked. She had one arm around his waist, leaning into him, as we trailed behind them through the hospital corridors. "If they like what they see, he should be moved back to a regular room tomorrow."

The ICU was bright; fluorescent lights illuminated every surface. And it was cold. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself instinctually.

Like before the surgery, Carlisle and Esme went first. Alice and Jasper followed.

And then there was me. I stepped inside the room as Jasper and Alice exited.

I didn't come all this way to stop now, especially after what happened this morning. Edward _had_ been listening earlier this morning during my word vomit. I'd thought he was feigning sleep so he wouldn't have to talk to me. I didn't quite know how to take what he said before I left the room.

When he had spoken, I was startled and turned back around to question him, but a nurse chose that moment to interrupt and take him to surgery.

I added that interaction to my ever-growing list of Edward's oddities that I intended to mull over later.

I opened the sliding glass door and stood next to Edward's bed. I was tired of sitting.

His eyes were closed, and he had tubes coming out of every visible orifice. Having detected no pretense, I was certain he was sleeping. His face was relaxed, still under heavy sedation.

There was the customary IV inserted into his left hand. My eyes trailed from his hand up to his face where tubing was visible under his nostrils.

Reaching forward, I tentatively ran my fingers across his cheek until my hand met the gauze covering his head. Yet another tube was leading from his head down to floor; it was draining fluid from his incision site. The contents were fairly translucent, though there were traces of blood in it.

Finally, I saw the catheter bag dangling off of the bed coming to rest just below his right ankle along with another tube of which I couldn't determine its purpose.

He was a human pincushion.

Before I knew it, a strangled sob escaped my throat. My heart couldn't remember that this man left me; it only felt pain at seeing him weak and broken before me.

"Oh, Edward. What have they done to you?"

I was clutching at my sides, barely able to catch my breath, as I cried out all of my fears and emotions that I'd kept pent up over the past year.

I cried for Edward and his current state.

I cried for my own feeling of helplessness over Edward's condition.

I cried for the demise of our relationship.

And I cried because even though we were over, I missed him. I missed my husband and my best friend.

After the tears subsided, I stood up straight and gently grabbed Edward's IV-free hand, interlacing my fingers with his. "Thank you for not dying."

I lightly squeezed his hand with our interlocked fingers. I felt a ghost of a return squeeze, and I knew that was the closest I was going to get to a "You're welcome."

**Unrequited updates every Saturday. I would love to know what you think so far.**

**Just a note: next week's chapter is one of my favorites, and I think my betas and pre-readers would agree that it's one of theirs too.**

**See you then!**


	6. Chapter Five: Maybe

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. * Sigh ***

**This chapter is dedicated to Jen (mamabean) and Heather (twilover76) who let me steal their time to discuss all things Unrequited related. I heart them hard.**

**And, oh, all mistakes are mine.**

Once we were sure Edward was safe and sound in the ICU, Alice, Jasper, and I headed back to their house, exhausted. They disappeared to get ready for bed, while I pulled out my laptop.

I needed to find taxicab companies to take me to the airport the next day.

I didn't hear Alice come downstairs. She glanced over my shoulder before I could close the browser.

"Bella, please don't. Please stay. You don't have to go." Her red-rimmed eyes focused on mine, pleading with me.

"Edward doesn't want me here. He's made that very clear." I returned my gaze to the screen. "Besides, there's nothing for me here."

She blinked, then froze, her lids stuck as she thought about my words. "We're family," she whimpered, as if that explained it.

"We _were_ family," I corrected, looking steadily down. I didn't want to see Alice's face; my shoulders felt heavy with the weight of guilt and fear hanging in the air.

A sudden movement caught my eye; she brushed a single tear from her cheek. I felt the vice holding the pieces of my cracked and broken heart squeeze a little tighter.

Jasper appeared in the kitchen doorway, no doubt to check on why Alice hadn't come to bed. After a few glances from my face to his wife's and down at the big yellow cab on the computer screen, he spoke.

"Bella, like I said before, if you truly wish to leave, I'll take you to the airport."

Alice squeaked with displeasure, her face fearful, but Jasper just wrapped his arms around her from behind. Seeing the love and comfort they gave one another - the kind of love I used to have - was painful to watch, so I turned my head away. One touch…one embrace from Edward, and my mind was quieted; I missed that…and him. I shook my head, trying to rid it of the blanket of used-to-be's.

"But Bella, if you won't stay for Edward, stay for Alice . . . for us. You have to see that this family is barely holding on as it is. You're needed, whether you believe it or not."

The computer screen became blurry as my eyes welled up with tears. I was a sucker for guilt trips.

I mean, could I do this? Stay? Edward would be displeased, possibly pissed. But what about _me_? What about what _I_ needed?

I decided then and there, it didn't matter what Edward - or anyone else - thought. I'd stay and get the goodbye Edward robbed me of almost a year ago. I loved them - all of them - too much to deny their obvious appeals for help. I would stay and assist in any capacity I could, while trying to avoid my ex-husband and his ire.

The next day, I called my boss and requested an unofficial leave of absence. I explained that I would work remotely if needed, but for now, my focus was elsewhere.

Elsewhere meaning the Cullens.

Luckily my boss, Kate, liked me – we were friends – so she told me to take all the time I needed.

My parents were not so understanding. My mom fed me line after line, warning me to guard my heart, while my dad was quiet for the most part and simply said, "Just make sure you take care of you."

I couldn't blame them for their reaction. They saw what Edward's abrupt departure had done to me. I was a zombie. Dead to the world. It was true what Jamie had said about me a few days ago: I worked, I ate, I slept, but I wasn't living. Not really.

Thanks to Kate and her…intervention, I had been doing much better.

After assuring my parents that I was fine, I called the one person it would be hardest to convince of my decision to stay.

"No, Jamie. You stay right where you are."

"I just don't understand what you're doing, Bella. You don't owe him or them anything."

"I don't feel like arguing about this again. I need to do this. Maybe it will provide some kind of closure. I don't know. Can't you just support me in this?"

"Why? What changed? And for the record, I do support you. I just don't like it."

"What changed? I'm not sure. I was ready to leave after the surgery, but Alice and Jasper convinced me to stay."

Jamie sighed mightily before adding, "Fine, but are you sure you don't want some non-Cullen company?"

"No, I'm fine. Besides, you have a detective's exam you're studying for," I added.

"I'm sure your dad would cut me some slack. He is the Chief, you know."

"Yeah, I know, but I'm fine, really."

"Fine. Just be careful, okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

Alice and Jasper extended the invitation for me to use their guest room even though I wanted to stay in a hotel, but they wouldn't hear of it.

That solved the issue of where to sleep. I still needed my own transportation and more clothes than what I had packed. I wasn't prepared for an extended stay.

I rode with Esme on our way back to the hospital the next day; Alice and Jasper both had to return to work, and Carlisle was already at the hospital. So Esme was stuck picking me up, though she claimed it was no trouble at all. I didn't want to have to depend on her - or anyone, for that matter - so I asked if she would drop me off at a rental car agency later.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. You can drive Edward's car. He won't be needing it for awhile."

"Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure that's the best idea." Was she serious? She and the rest of the Cullens were inserting me into their lives like I was still part of Edward's. I hadn't really healed from mourning the loss of this life or this family, yet here I was getting it all back when it wasn't really mine to keep.

Having it taken away again would hurt no matter how much I guarded my heart.

"Of course it is. If anyone has anything to say about it, they will just have to answer to me."

By anyone, she meant Edward.

"We'll stop by our house after we leave the hospital," she added.

"Edward's car is at your house?" I asked, my mouth falling open.

Esme paused and gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. "Edward's been staying with us since…well…since he got back from Georgia."

I just nodded and turned to look out the window. Maybe that's why she and Carlisle never called me. Maybe Edward asked them not to, and with him around, they couldn't call without upsetting him. At least that's what I wanted to believe.

We met Carlisle at the visitor's lounge nearest the ICU, and I listened as he gave Esme the latest update. Pleased with his brain functionality, Dr. Gerandy was allowing Edward to be moved into a regular room.

Esme and I arrived outside the door just as Edward was trying to convince the nurse to let him walk to his new room rather than being escorted via wheelchair.

His head was still wrapped in gauze, but his drainage tube was missing. All that remained was the line for his IV. He appeared less vulnerable and more like the Edward I knew or used to know.

Edward lowered himself down into the wheelchair, having lost the argument to walk, then he noticed us approaching.

He locked his gaze with mine and muttered under his breath.

"You are phenomenally stubborn," he spoke, his voice icy and distant. _Yeah, __not __so __vulnerable __anymore._

"Edward," Esme scolded. She looked to me, shaking her head. "He's probably just grumpy because he had to stay in ICU longer than anticipated."

I was about to speak up and tell Esme not to worry, that I could handle Edward myself, when Carmen interrupted.

"Edward! Look at you. You'll be out of here in no time. How are you feeling?"

She walked up behind his wheelchair and placed her hand on his left shoulder. Not bothering to remove his eyes from mine, Edward reached over with his right hand and placed it on top of hers.

"Great, now that you're here." I didn't miss the emphasis he placed on _you__'__re_, as in not me.

He said it to hurt me, and damn it; it worked.

"Esme, do you mind if I take your car and head back to the house? I can come pick you up later. I need to run some errands anyway."

"Sure," she replied, fumbling in her purse. "I might have Carlisle drive me home. I'll call you and let you know," she finished as she dropped the keys in my open palm.

"Wait. She's staying at our house? Why?" Edward's voice had an almost whiny tilt to it. If I wasn't so angry and hurt, I might have laughed at his incorrect assumption.

"Because I invited her. And she can stay as long as she'd like."

I looked askance at Esme. She and I both knew I was not staying at her house.

Esme turned to me and winked. "Make yourself at home, dear. I'll see you later."

I half-expected Carmen to look perturbed at the knowledge, false or not, that I was staying where Edward would soon be returning. However, she looked fascinated with our conversation, and her face held this knowing smirk.

My first stop was a local department store. I bought a few pairs of slacks, some nice blouses, jeans, and a few t-shirts. I also stocked up on bras and underwear and a few things to sleep in. I might have gone a little overboard on the matching sets, not that anyone would see, but Alice always said confidence started from within, and by that, she meant a good push-up bra. She worked in a male dominated field and wasn't ashamed to use her femininity to get a leg up, so when Alice referred to her power suit, she didn't mean her blue pinstripes.

Almost three hours had passed since I left Esme at the hospital. She had yet to call, so I decided to meet her back at her house. I'd wait till she arrived and make certain it was okay to use Edward's car.

Their house was just as I remembered it: huge, adorned with windows, and absolutely breathtaking. From the exterior, one might think the house was cold and unfeeling, similar to the atmosphere of a museum. One step inside, and they'd be proven wrong. The interior was warm and inviting, a mixture of colors that gave the house a homey feel. Esme had made personal friends of her interior decorators, and they took the extra effort to make sure her home was a reflection of who the Cullens were.

I brought the shopping bags inside, prepared to transfer them to Edward's car later. I set them down next to the fireplace in the amalgamation of a den and an in-home library. This was my favorite room in the house. I remembered curling up in the chair in front of the cackling fire reading one of my favorite books from the Cullens' impressive selection when Edward and I would visit.

I glanced around almost expecting things to be different. I was different after all; Edward was different, yet this house remained unchanged. I settled into my favorite chair and admired the many book-adorned shelves when my eye caught a glimpse of an open box sitting on one of the mahogany desks.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I walked over to the desk and peered inside the box. Had Carlisle procured another new or valuable find for his collection? It was full of Styrofoam packing peanuts. I rifled through the white, fluffy pieces until my fingers ran along the ridge of what felt like a book. I wrapped my hand around the object and pulled it up to my sight.

The book was rather large, encyclopedia-like. I ran a finger over the delicate inlay of golden script that read, _Jane __Austen: __The __Complete __Novels_. I had thought Carlisle already owned all of Jane Austen's works, but it didn't surprise me that he would want to supplement his collection with this rare find. The pages were crisp and smooth with golden edges. This book must have cost a fortune.

I peeked at the box flap to see where the book was acquired. To my astonishment, I found that the box was addressed to Edward from Bauman Rare Books out of New York City. Edward hated Jane Austen, why on Earth would he buy this?

I carefully returned the book to the box. Resting my hands on the packing peanuts, rolling one around through my fingers, I stared off into the room, seeing nothing but one of my favorite memories.

"_This would go so much faster if you stopped playing with my things."_

"_But it's so much fun." Jamie smiled._

"_Am I going to regret asking you to help me move?"_

"_Probably…oh don't give me that look. We've already unpacked everything except those boxes." He pointed to the boxes I was rummaging through that currently housed my most prized possessions - my books._

"_So hurry up already. I'm hungry," he complained from his spot on the floor, leaning against the large bookshelf._

"_Well, like I said, this would go much faster if you were to…you know…help me."_

"_Wouldn't want to mess with your precious books." He made air quotes with his fingers when he said precious._

_I glowered at him and picked up a handful of the packing peanuts from the box I was trying to unpack and threw them at him._

_They drifted down on him like snowflakes, and one even managed to land right in his open mouth as he was trying to say something else._

_The look on Jamie's face was priceless: a mixture of surprise and annoyance. He looked up at me, and I lost it. I had to clutch my sides; I was laughing so hard._

_He spit out the offending piece of Styrofoam and made a move for me. "Oh, you're so gonna get it."_

_I knew where this was going. I skirted around the stacks of books, threw some more peanuts at him, and made a run for it._

_There weren't many places to hide in my new one-bedroom apartment, so I did what any five-year old playing hide and seek would have done; I crouched behind the sofa in the living room knowing full well that I wasn't "safe"._

_I could hear the creak of the floorboards as Jamie made his way toward me in an attempt to be sneaky. I was expecting him to come at me from either end of the sofa, so I was startled when he jumped onto the cushions, looked over the back at me and yelled, "Gotcha!"_

_I let out a shriek and launched myself away from his out-stretched hand and tried to escape, but my foot caught on the leg of the coffee table as I rounded the corner. I was just barely able to brace my fall with my hands before landing face-first onto the floor. Pain shot up my leg when my ankle bent in an unnatural fashion, and I knew this wasn't just another stubbed toe or bruised elbow._

"_Shit. Bella are you alright?" his worried voice asked as he jumped off the sofa to attend to me._

_My grimace said it all._

_We made it to the hospital in record time due to Jamie's ability to mimic a stock car driver. He carried me into the ER instead of letting me hobble in like any other respectable klutz._

_The __ER __was __relatively __calm, __so __we __were __buzzed __right __through __and __placed __in __a __room __to __await __a __doctor. __Jamie __unceremoniously __dumped __me __on __the __hospital __bed, __and __I __was __about __to __give __him __a __piece __of __my __mind __when _he _walked __in._

_He walked through the divider curtain, looking down at the clipboard in his hands. His head rose up, and he glanced at me on the bed; his actions stalled but only momentarily._

_Recovering quickly, he reached forward to shake my hand and introduced himself as "Dr. Cullen". His fingers were cold, but I suppose doctors were known for that. When our hands touched, I shivered slightly and felt goose bumps rising on my arm; not because of the cold, but from something else I couldn't quite place._

"_Oh, sorry. Poor circulation," he explained, withdrawing his hand. "They don't let us pass medical school unless our hands and stethoscope are cold enough to make you uncomfortable."_

_I tried to form words to tell him that it was no bother, but all coherency was lost. The beautiful specimen of a man before me was mesmerizing. I wouldn't have been surprised if my jaw was dropped as I openly gaped at him. He was, in one word, stunning._

_Even under the harsh light of the emergency room, he looked remarkable with his bronze hair and his vivid green eyes._

_I should've really paid attention because I was sure he was talking to me with his pretty mouth, but my mind glazed over when those inquisitive green eyes bored into mine._

_In my stupor, all I could manage was, "Huh?"_

_Jamie snickered from his stance over against the wall, as the doctor repeated himself. "I said, could you tell me how this happened, Ms. Swan?"_

"_Oh…yeah. Well, it all started because I threw angel poop at Jamie, and then, well, he tried to hunt me down…"_

"_I'm sorry. Did you just say 'angel poop'?" he interrupted._

_He looked puzzled as I tried to answer his question, "Yeah, the white, fluffy crap that you use when moving."_

_He then smiled the most glorious smile I think I'd ever seen. "Are you referring to packing peanuts?"_

"_Yeah, those. So after throwing them at him," I pointed at Jamie and continued, "I ran away, but I got into a fight with a coffee table and lost, and hence." I waved down to my injured foot._

_The doctor looked quite amused at my explanation of events. Clearing his throat, he explained the protocol I was well accustomed to with my perpetual clumsiness. _

"_I've ordered an X-ray to look at your ankle. We're slow tonight, so it shouldn't take too long to get the results." He then started scribbling on the clipboard before he added, "Your, uh, boyfriend can wait in here if he wants."_

"_Jamie's not my boyfriend," I blurted out a bit forcefully. Dr. Cullen looked up from whatever he was scrawling and gave me a shy and alluring smile, one that I would eventually know very well. He closed my chart, tucked it under his arm, nodded at Jamie, and then exited the room._

_Jamie waltzed over to me and gave me a knowing look._

"_Don't," I warned._

"_I didn't say anything." He sat down in the chair next to the bed and started humming a familiar tune known to all adolescents. "Bella and Doctor, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"_

_I threw the flimsy pillow from my bed at him. "You are so immature."_

"_You're right. We are adults aren't we? Bella and the Doctor, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!"_

"_Ugh." I threw my head back onto the bed while Jamie laughed heartily at his supposed cleverness._

_A few X-rays later, Dr. Cullen returned to inform me what I already knew: I had a sprained ankle._

"_You should be fine. Just try to stay off of your foot for a few days if possible. Let the swelling go down. I'm prescribing something for the pain should you need it." He handed me the prescription along with my discharge papers. "Do you need any help getting to the car?"_

"_I got it from here, Doc. Thanks though," Jamie interceded._

"_Oh, okay. Be safe, Ms. Swan," Dr. Cullen said before he turned to leave._

_Jamie got me safely in his car allowing me to hobble this time after my dismay at being carried earlier._

_Once I was buckled in, I started reading the discharge papers, curious as to what he prescribed me. Two small pieces of paper flitted into my lap. One a prescription for Lortab, something I'd had before but wasn't particularly fond of taking. It made me drowsy._

_I picked up the other piece of paper and felt my heart leap out of my chest._

"_Should cherub feces prove troublesome in the future, please call: Edward." His number was listed just below his name._

"Bella?"

I turned around to see Alice staring at me.

I removed my hands from the box and tried to explain. "I just saw this box here, and I was curious as to what new book Carlisle purchased."

She joined me at the desk and glanced at the box. "Oh, Edward bought that last year right before Christmas. I thought he was going to send it out as a gift to someone, but I guess he never did. Huh?"

She looked perplexed but then shook her head. "I just came to bring you your stuff."

It was my turn to look perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"Esme called and said you were going to be staying here. Did I misunderstand her?"

"No." I hesitated. I hadn't thought Esme was serious, only saying those things for Edward's sake, even if I didn't understand why.

I reached for my suitcase and set it down between us. "Alice, what am I doing here?"

"What do you mean?" Her question was asked earnestly, but one are-you-for-real? look from me, and she understood. "Oh. Why don't we sit?"

I followed her to a sofa by a window.

"First, Bella, thank you for coming out. You have no idea what that means to us, including Edward.

I shot her a disbelieving glare.

"No, really. Edward was just – "

"Alice." I held up my hand. "You don't have to make excuses for him. His ex-wife showed up in his hospital room. I'd be pissed too."

"He wasn't pissed; he was surprised."

"I don't know what pissed looks like to you, but what I saw was a very pissed off Edward."

A sheepish frown formed on her face. "Okay, so he was pissed. But like Jasper said, we didn't know he'd respond like that."

"What I don't get is why you did it. Why did you call me to come out here? He made it through surgery, it's not cancer, and he's _not_ dying." I shot her a pointed look.

"I just thought you should be here. You had a right to be here."

"But why? Alice, we're not married; he has you guys and – and, well…I've been replaced."

"Please tell me you're not worried about Carmen."

"Not my place to be worried."

"Bella, you guys were together for like a decade. Carmen has nothing on that."

I really wanted to ask Alice who exactly Carmen was and how long she'd been around, confirm my fears that she was the _other_ woman, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

In the end, it didn't matter why he left me; the simple fact was, he left.

I got up from the sofa, crossed my arms over my chest, and walked to the window. "You just don't get it. I've accepted the fact that we're over. You should do the same."

"I don't understand why you won't fight for him."

"Because he said he'd hate me if I didn't give him the divorce!" I bit back, whirling on her.

She gasped, her eyes going wide. "Did he really say that?"

"Not in so many words, but it was implied."

I watched her face as she processed my words, bewilderment and anger surfacing.

"I didn't know what to do, Alice. He was my best friend. And what if it was the tumor making him do everything? I had to let him go and hope that maybe in the future he'd come back. But I don't know anymore. I don't even know why I'm here. Again, I ask, why am I here?"

I undid my ponytail, shaking out my hair, before putting it back up in a bun, just needing something to do with my hands.

"Because what if it _was_ the tumor talking?" Alice whispered.

I laughed, but it wasn't funny. "I saw him at the hospital today. I'm pretty sure that was Edward talking."

"But Dr. Gerandy said they didn't get it all."

I groaned, placing my head in my hands. "Why can't you just leave well enough alone?"

"Because it isn't well enough," she replied, her voice laced with conviction. "Look, you already agreed to stay – "

"A decision I question repeatedly."

"Well, I'm glad you did," she said, ignoring me.

She got up, perusing the contents of my shopping bags. Sometimes the woman had no boundaries. "Esme's having a party in like a week or so. Did you get a dress?"

"I – uh, I probably won't be here that long – "

"Sure you will." She shrugged, ignoring me again.

"Alice, I'm here…for now…but you have got to stay out of things with me and Edward. I mean it."

"Deal." Her eyes lit up and a sly smile took over her face.

I stood - motionless - for a few moments and wondered if I should even bother arguing with her about it.

Remembering the wink that Esme gave me at the hospital and what she led Edward to believe, I was now convinced that Esme was up to something, and Alice was in on it.

**Unrequited updates every Saturday. I would love to know what you think so far.**

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	7. Chapter Six: Don't You Remember

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. * Sigh ***

**This chapter is dedicated to Zoe, Monique, and Purelyamuse. They all pitched in and offered last minute advice on how to make this chapter a better read. I am so freaking grateful to have them on my team. And a big thanks to Colleen for holding my hand. I heart you hard! **

**All mistakes are mine.**

My days consisted of running errands and making phone calls for Esme; she was planning some Valentine's charity event for a few days from now. I welcomed the menial tasks. They kept my mind from wandering through a field of questions, all beginning with _what if_ and _why now_.

My nights were spent entertaining guests at Esme and Carlisle's house.

Though awkward at first, I enjoyed spending time with my former in-laws. Dinner and conversation had become something to look forward to, even if the conversation was only superficial, never scratching the surface of substance - my relationship with Edward and the Cullens' relationship with me.

Yet, I sat at the table every night and watched as Esme hosted fellow members of her church and the philanthropies she chaired. She was gracious and listened to the visitors who had stopped by to offer their support in words and platitudes. Some guests brought dessert and stayed for coffee while others dropped off casseroles of every kind.

Casseroles were, of course, the universal grief and support food.

Esme smiled and laughed, putting on a good show, but I could tell she was worried about her son. She inconspicuously glanced at the grandfather clock each evening, most likely wishing the night was over and a new day was ushered in so she could be with Edward at the hospital.

A few of the guests were Carlisle's colleagues; they liked to discuss the particulars of Edward's condition and provide their professional opinion on his prognosis. Though most of their medical jargon flew over my head, I desperately wanted to believe them when they said everything would be okay.

They all made sure to include me, making me feel like a part of the family again. If anyone thought it was odd I was staying with the Cullens, they didn't mention it. Esme simply introduced me as a friend of hers to the acquaintances I'd never met. Plus, Alice and Jasper were there to keep me company.

Nine days had passed since Alice helped me move into the guest suite at my former in-laws' house. However, I was packing my things to move to yet another room; Edward was coming home today.

I had offered again to go back to a hotel or stay with Alice and Jasper in order to avoid being under the same roof with my ex-husband. They wouldn't hear of it. It wasn't until a couple days ago when I overheard Carlisle and Esme discussing the logistics of Edward being discharged that I realized my presence caused some problems they hadn't fully considered.

Esme tried to convince Carlisle to have rails installed in his bathroom shower _just __in __case_ and to buy a small refrigerator for his room so he didn't have to traverse the stairs in his condition. I listened to their conversation and realized the first floor guest room I was currently occupying would solve all their problems. It was originally an in-law suite for Carlisle's mother until she passed away a few years ago. If I went back to a hotel, Edward could stay on the first floor and have easier access to the kitchen, library, office, and home gym where he'd be doing his rehab. They only conceded to my suggestion when I agreed not to leave, but to move my things to Jasper's old room for the rest of my stay.

I opted to stay at the house to tidy up and finish transferring my things while the rest of the family waited at the hospital for Edward to be discharged.

My motives in doing so were partly due to the fact that five people weren't needed to help Edward from the wheelchair to the car. I was certain Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, or Alice could handle that task. Plus, I didn't want to see Carmen, and Edward probably didn't want to see me.

Someone also needed to be at the house to meet the physical therapist who would be stopping by to assist Edward in his recovery.

The house was empty and silent, which was rare. I had grown accustomed to the sound of other voices. I would miss it when I returned to my solitary existence back home.

Hot and sweaty from my morning move, I decided to get cleaned up before everyone returned. As I stepped into the shower, it occurred to me that my shampoo was still in the downstairs bathroom. I put on a robe, wrapped my hair in a towel, and was walking through the foyer to retrieve my toiletries when the doorbell rang. The trainer wasn't supposed to arrive for another half hour. I couldn't exactly bolt up the stairs and get dressed first because the stranger could see me through the ornate glass windows in the front door. Cinching the belt of my robe a little tighter, I decided not to make the poor person wait any longer.

I swung open the door to see a burly sort of man. He was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt that proudly displayed the insignia for the University of Texas, which was most likely his alma mater. He had a duffel bag clutched in his left hand.

Although he was huge and looked quite intimidating, his face had this boyish, almost innocent cuteness to it. From his short and curly, dark hair to the dimples that framed his smile, I could tell he was a _softy_.

"Um, okay. I thought I had the right place," he stated as he looked from me to the numbers on the door.

"I'm sure you do. You must be the physical therapist here to see Edward Cullen," I responded, to reassure him that he was indeed at the right house.

He took that as an invitation to enter as he walked across the threshold.

"Hi, I'm Emmett, and yep, I'm here to bust Edward's behind into shape. I'm a little early." He grinned as he held his hand out for me.

"I'm Bella. Nice to meet you." I returned the shake and the smile.

Recognition gleamed in his eyes. "You're Bella? Wow. Okay then."

"I see the Cullens have filled you in on me."

"I wouldn't say Cullens, more like Cull-en."

At my obvious befuddled look, Emmett explained, "Edward and I go way back."

How far back? I'd never heard of him. Was Emmett a part of Edward's life before he moved to Georgia? Did they keep in touch? If so, how come I'd never heard of him?

"So…you're from HotLanta huh?"

"That I am," I answered, shaking my head to clear the thoughts. "Although, we're trying to stop the use of that stupid nickname. We're sophisticated now. Can't you tell?" I waved my hand over my robe.

It took Emmett a few seconds, but his eyes went from perplexed to suspicious as he narrowed them at me. "I think I'm gonna like you. Bet you kept Edward on his toes." He chuckled.

I cleared my throat before responding, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go get dressed. Make yourself at home; they should be back any minute now."

I finished my shower quickly but took my time getting dressed, delaying the inevitable. Maybe if I stayed up here, I could miss all the nasty glares that Edward was sure to throw my way. I could have food brought up to me; Esme wouldn't want me to starve. I had everything I needed, even my trusty laptop…except I couldn't find it.

Damn! I left it downstairs. Maybe I could sneak down and then back up.

I crept downstairs, making my way toward the family room. I rounded the corner and heard familiar male voices. They were back.

I stopped in my tracks when I heard Edward's voice, hesitant to enter with him present.

"Emmett, how do you read that crap? You know they print nothing but trash in those."

"I don't know, Eddie boy. You'd be surprised what you'd find in here."

"Oh, yeah. Like what?" That was Jasper.

"Allow me to school you two," Emmett answered.

Curious, I peeked around the corner and saw Emmett sitting in the center of the wrap-around couch. Jasper sat on the arm of it next to Edward who lounged in the built-in reclining chair, wearing a baseball hat. He must've really been missing his hair.

Emmett held a magazine in his hand. Judging by their conversation, it was of the gossip variety.

As I watched them goofing off - Emmett showing way too much interest in the articles and Edward jokingly punching Jasper on the arm - I realized just how much had changed. Once upon a time, I would've known where I fit in. I would've been sitting in Edward's lap, his arm around my waist, laughing along with them. Instead I was relegated to the sidelines, watching as the life I used to know carried on without me.

Emmett's boisterous voice brought me back to the room. His face was pushed close to the magazine, eyes wide with surprise.

"You guys remember that Riley Biers kid?"

"Sounds familiar," Jasper replied, furrowing his brow in concentration.

"Yeah, I remember him. He was a couple years younger than me. Remember, Jas, he played ball for South Garland?" Edward reminded him.

"Oh yeah! Wasn't he the lead in that movie _Crosshairs_?"

"That movie so sucked." Edward snickered.

"Apparently that isn't all that sucked," Emmett added. "Says here that reps have confirmed that Riley Biers is set to wed his long-time partner Alec Blake. The two were confirmed as a couple after Riley Biers announced he was gay after months of speculation."

"No way. He's gay? Get outta here," Jasper said as he got up to read the article for himself.

"Told you it was informative, didn't I?" Emmett gloated. "Two dudes getting married. Wonder what that's like?" he fake pondered, tapping his chin.

"Oh, you know. I bet it's just like an episode of Leave it to Beaver just without the…"

I laughed along with them at Jasper's little joke. Unfortunately, my laughter alerted them to my presence, and all eyes were on me.

"Um, sorry. I just came to get my laptop." I pointed it out laying on the end table closest to Edward. "I'll just get it and leave you be."

"No, it's okay Bella," Jasper protested. "We're about to have lunch. Esme and Alice are in the kitchen heating up leftovers."

"Let me guess…chicken and rice?"

"Tuna noodle," Alice chimed in as she walked into the room. "Oh, hi, Bella. Have you met Emmett?"

I was about to respond when Emmett beat me to it. "Yep. Me and B are _real_ acquainted with each other. I've already seen our girl here in her skivvies."

He winked at me as my face flushed.

My mouth, already agape, was set to offer a protest to Emmett's version of events when I was interrupted yet again.

"What the hell does that mean, Emmett?" Edward demanded, his forehead crinkling as he narrowed his eyes.

Emmett let out a hearty chuckle before responding. "Don't get your panties all in a twist, Eddie boy. She was wearing a robe. Wait, Bella." He turned his attention to me. "You were wearing skivvies under the robe, right?"

He winked at me again before turning his face back to Edward, fighting a smile.

I knew all of Edward's expressions, although they didn't make sense to me right now. Even with the baseball hat, I recognized that vein in his forehead and could tell he was probably grinding his teeth from the clench of his jaw. Edward's hands gripped the arm of the recliner hard enough to turn his knuckles white. I wondered if he was in pain or if he reacted like that because of Emmett's teasing.

"Better be careful, Em. Don't let Rose hear you talk like that," Alice warned.

The smile all but vanished from his face. "I was only kidding," Emmett argued, his voice still playful. "But you won't tell her, right?"

Alice just smirked as Jasper chuckled, slightly shaking his head with disbelief.

"Alice? Al? Buddy?" Emmett pleaded.

"That'll teach you. I think I'll hold on to this knowledge for later use," Alice threatened.

Emmett turned to Jasper and whined, "Your wife is evil."

I watched the whole exchange. Alice was anything but. She effectively broke up the tension in the room just by being herself. She even got Edward to relax his hold on the chair.

"Well, you guys heard me, didn't you? Tuna noodle casserole is ready to be devoured. We still have like two whole baking pans left of the stuff."

We all sat at the large dining room table as Esme set the serving dishes before us. I had waited for Edward to be seated, so I could sit as far from him as possible.

Being at opposite ends of the table didn't stop him from shooting me the stink eye, however. I realized too late that I should have sat on the other side.

Averting his gaze, I silently forked leftover casserole into my mouth.

"So, Emmett. What do you have my son eating…or drinking rather?"

"Just a protein shake, Mrs. C," Emmett answered and then returned to shoveling food in his mouth. After swallowing he explained. "Don't worry. I'm just here to make sure Mr. Sensitive over there…" He pointed his fork in the direction of Edward's scowl. Emmett grinned back and answered, "Yeah you. Anyway, those shakes will help him get some of the protein he needs to keep up with the workouts I'm gonna subject him to. I'm just making sure he gets back to where he was before the surgery."

"That may not be possible," Edward replied. "Don't worry Mom." He preempted Esme's concern. "And speaking of," Edward paused to take a sip of his shake, "I don't need Grandma's old room. I'll be fine with my room upstairs. I just want things to go back to normal."

I sunk a little lower in my seat when he glanced at me again.

"Edward, are you sure, dear? I want you to be comfortable and to rest. I'm not so sure going up and down the stairs-"

"Mom, I'm okay. Please don't worry about me. Emmett is gonna bust my back into shape so he can try and beat me at racquetball."

"Try? Oh, you _so_ know I kicked your butt last time Eddie," Emmett countered.

"Keep wishing, Emmie."

"I'd be careful if I were you, I have the power to make you do my bidding."

Their pseudo-argument was cut short by the piercing ring of my cell phone. The table grew quiet, watching as I fumbled to retrieve the phone from my pants' pocket.

"Hello."

"Bella, it's Kate. I just talked to Garrett, and he loves Masen!" she squealed through my phone. Edward looked up and met me with inquiring eyes, and that's when I realized I had accidentally put the phone on speaker.

"Hi…um…can you hold on just a sec?" I asked as I silently excused myself from the table where all eyes were on me again.

"No, no. This'll just take a minute," she prattled on.

I tried exiting the dining room before anything else could be overheard, but Kate was talking a mile a minute in her eagerness.

"He wants to have dinner when you get back and talk about the proposal."

I scooted around all the other chairs as quickly as I could, but before I had a chance to get into the kitchen, everyone had pretty much heard the rest of the conversation.

Her voice finally dropped to a normal octave while she barreled on. "Of course, we still have the lawyers looking into possible scenarios, but in the meantime, your initial work is in first stage editing. So take all the time you need. Alrighty. Gotta run. Talk to you soon."

No sooner than the phone call ended and I had returned to my seat, Emmett interrogated me.

"Who's Masen, and why does Garrett love him? Is this like the Riley Biers thing all over again?" Emmett chuckled.

"She talked kinda loud," Alice offered as an excuse for my conversation being overheard and for Emmett's rudeness.

"So you have something to tell us about this Masen guy? He taking you out to dinner, like a date?" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Uh…uh…" I stammered.

I had just met Emmett, and I didn't really feel like disclosing such personal information with the current audience. I also didn't want to jinx myself and jump the gun by announcing I might soon be a published author. I avoided eye contact and focused on my chewed up cuticles. I tried to come up with a plausible answer when someone shoved away from the table.

"Edward…" Esme said.

At the same time Emmett yelled out, "Hey, where you going? I own your ass for the next two hours, buddy!"

"It's…it's okay. Let me." I looked up and gestured for Esme to sit back down before following Edward into the foyer.

"Edward…wait…"

He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around to face me.

I walked toward him and hesitantly placed my hand on his elbow. He shrugged off my touch and shoved his hands in his pockets.

His voice barely above a whisper, he asked, "Do you care for him?" as he turned around to finally face me, avoiding eye contact.

"Care for who?"

He gave me a you-know-what-I'm-talking-about look and pursed his lips.

"No, really. What do you mean?"

He sighed heavily. "If you don't want to tell me who Masen is, Bella, you don't have to."

I was caught off guard by his question - I mean, he had Carmen. Plus, his mood swings were starting to give me whiplash. He went from deadly gazes to inquisitive stares to pseudo-jealousy, all in the span of an hour.

I was once again left without words…just a memory.

It was a little over three years ago, right before Christmas. Edward was working a late shift at the hospital. I was waiting up for him in bed, typing away on my laptop when the front door opened and shut.

"_I'm awake, you don't have to be quiet," I yelled out to him._

"_Damn, am I glad to be home." He sighed entering the bedroom, emptying his pockets of his keys and wallet and depositing them on his dresser._

"_Long day?"_

"_Just crazy. I lost a patient."_

"_Oh no! You wanna talk about it?"_

_He crawled into bed next to me after kicking off his shoes. Resting his head against the headboard, he said, "She was maybe in her late forties. Comes in complaining of vomiting only, at least that's what the triage nurse noted."_

_Being married to a doctor had helped with my understanding of hospital speak, and Edward's explanations helped me to keep up when we talked about our days. _

"_So __she __tells __me __that __she__'__s __been __spitting __up __pure __blood, __and __it __was __clumpy, __which __means __it __was __clotting.__" __He __looked __at __me __to __make __sure __I __was __following. __I __nodded __slightly, __and __he __continued.__ "__So __I__'__m __thinking__…__why __the __hell __wasn__'__t _that _on __the __triage __report?_

"_So I ask the normal questions. Blood in stool? Prior medical history, you know?_

"_She goes on to tell me how she's been bleeding for the past three days and how a year ago or so, a doctor told her she had a problem with her liver, Cirrhosis. I look at her monitor readouts and see she's about to crash. Heart rate over a hundred and BP way low._

"_I yell for the nurse to cross for six units and page the GI unit stat. You know what the patient said? 'Oh no, I guess I'm sick huh?' All I could do was chuckle. I mean, she's crashing, yet asking about herself as if asking for the time. She bled out on the table."_

_I knew it was coming, but I grimaced anyway at his explanation of her death._

"_The worst part…the worst part was telling her husband. He completely broke down, sobbing uncontrollably…kept saying, 'Not her, God. Not her.' We had to sedate him."_

"_I'm sorry," I said, trying to console him as I ran my fingers through his hair. "What was her name?"_

_Edward once told me that he tried to remember his patients' names so he could remember to treat them like a person and not a number. He wasn't really supposed to share that information with me – HIPAA laws – but who was I going to tell?_

_He grabbed my wrist and turned his head to place a soft kiss on its underside._

"_Cynthia Martin. You know, I don't think I'd be in any better shape if I lost you."_

"_I'm not going anywhere."_

"_Good. Because I'm never leaving," he promised before leaning over and kissing me sweetly._

_I loved the taste and feel of his lips, sweet like honey. When he kissed me, I tended to forget to breathe. "Mmm…that's what I like to hear."_

_He deepened the kiss and closed my laptop, placing it beside me. He grabbed my hip and pulled me on top to where I was straddling him. "You know what I like to hear?" he asked, his voice breathy and deep._

_He deftly ran his fingers up and down my sides and up and under my breasts, circling his thumbs over my nipples. "What's that?"_

"_The sounds you make when I do this…" _

_He demonstrated by cupping my breast fully while suckling on my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access and gave him what he wanted. I moaned softly and started to roll my hips upon his growing erection, loving the friction._

"_I want you," he whispered._

"_Take me," I answered._

_And he did. _

_Skin to skin. Heart to heart. Just him and me as I rode from one orgasmic wave to another. Our gazes locked on each other. No words needed._

_I rested my forehead against his after we both got our fill of one another. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my backside. _

"_Thank you, Mr. Martin."_

_Edward laughed, shaking us both. "What was that?"_

"_I'm just thanking the man that made my husband realize how indispensable I am." I grinned._

"_I've always realized that. He just reminded me."_

"_Thus…my gratefulness. Maybe I should write him a letter." I giggled._

"_You could start a letter writing campaign to all unsuspecting folks that help complete strangers have mind-blowing sex," he quipped._

"_You know. You might be on to something. Hmm…out of respect, I can call my first one a Letter to Masen…have to change the name and all. Protect his identity, you know." I smirked, looking into my husband's bemused face. "And mind-blowing huh?" I asked as I started moving my hips again._

"_Uh huh," he groaned, pulling me down with him, rolling me over. We kissed like teenagers until he was ready again, making love for most of the night. He had trouble shutting down after his emotional day, so we lost ourselves in each other: meeting sigh for sigh and thrust for thrust, again and again. _

Edward's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Bella?"

"Um, sorry. What did you ask?" I was stalling, and he knew it.

"You know what I asked." His tone was impatient.

How to answer this? Did I even owe him an explanation? Honesty was best, right?

"Yes," I whispered.

His lips formed a tight line, and he walked away from me, saying nothing more.

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	8. Chapter Seven: We All Need Saving

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related; this includes all publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions, etc.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all. * Sigh ***

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who voted for Unrequited for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand. My story was one of the Top Five and will be officially reviewed in the coming week. I'm so excited. Thank you to everyone who voted!**

**As always, Team Unrequited came through and made this chapter better than it was. Still, all mistakes are mine.**

"Mmm…smells good, Mom. Oh!" Edward froze in the doorway of the kitchen where I was cooking breakfast.

"Your parents aren't here. They, uh, just left. Carlisle had an early shift at the hospital and Esme had an appointment at the Center. I made them breakfast. Least I could do. Want me to make you something?" I asked earnestly after my nervous prattling.

Edward looked down at the griddle where I had fresh pancakes, ready to be flipped.

"No…that's alright," he answered hesitantly, turning back to exit the way he came.

"Edward, it's no trouble. You know I won't eat all of this." I waved my hand over the stovetop.

He looked reluctant but eventually made his way to the kitchen table. "Yeah, you never really did eat that much at one meal. I doubt I'll be able to eat much myself."

"Oh. Is this okay? Can your stomach handle it?"

"Won't know 'til I try, I guess."

"Well, try these." I set down a plate in front of him. "The butter and syrup are right there." I pointed out. "Want anything to drink?"

"I can get it." He made a move to get up, but I stopped him by placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Let me," I offered.

He looked at my hand on his shoulder. I removed it abruptly as if I'd done something wrong. "Milk, OJ, water?"

"Milk is fine. Thank you."

I got his drink before I started cleaning up. It was a habit of mine to clean as I cooked.

"So…um, have you been talking to my mom?"

Curious, I turned to face him, pausing as I wiped down the counter. "Well, yeah…I've been helping her get her charity event put together. Why?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

He shrugged. "So that's all you've talked about? Nothing else?"

"Um, yeah. What else would we talk about?" There were many answers to that question. Esme and I had a number of things we could discuss, but I wanted to know what specifically Edward was worried I'd talked to her about.

Edward didn't respond, just pushed his food around on his plate. I figured that was the end of the conversation, so I continued my clean up, reaching for the griddle still sitting on the stove.

I picked up the handle and immediately dropped the scorching instrument; it clattered to the floor and narrowly missed my toes. I was left with a burned hand, however. I'd forgotten that Esme's antique cast iron pans got so hot on the gas stove.

Before I had time to register the throbbing pain in my hand, Edward ushered me over to the sink and turned on the cold water.

I was trapped between the sink and Edward's chest, with maybe a few inches of space between us. His arms reached around me, his hands clutching both of my wrists.

"Here." He thrust both my hands under the stream. I hissed in reaction and jerked back, but Edward's stance blocked my retreat.

"Just give it a minute," he urged irritably.

I stared at our hands together under the water. The indentations where our wedding bands had been were all but gone. A ripple of sadness spread through me. It only took ten months for the evidence of ten years to fade as if it never existed. Edward's fingers looked thinner. I wondered if his ring would still fit him. The watch he always wore was loose and shifted around on his wrist.

He leaned his head over my shoulder a little, leaving no space between us. His chest was flush against my back, his legs in a shooter's stance around mine. He hadn't touched me like this…well, he hadn't touched me at all since last Easter.

He felt the same, but different.

I turned my head slightly to catch his profile in my peripheral vision. His jaw was more pronounced. I'd thought the missing hair had been what made him look smaller, but now I could tell he'd lost weight, and not in a good way.

I breathed deep and let the familiar smell of him fill my lungs. Another pang of loss tugged at my heart. This scent was gone from our home – my house. There were no longer remnants of him scattered about… just the memories, and they were flooding back to me.

I couldn't clutch his old pillow any longer and get a whiff of his cologne. There was no aroma of aftershave or shower gel coming from my bathroom in the mornings. Yet another thing diluted by time and his absence.

I shouldn't have savored this moment, but I did anyway.

My heart rate sped up, and it had nothing to do with the tender pain that was slowly dissipating in my hand.

He exhaled heavily; apparently our closeness was affecting him too. I could feel his heart thrumming against me.

"Can't you learn to be more careful?" His voice was laced with anger.

"Obviously I enjoy this, huh?" My temper flared at his gall. Was he serious? "I didn't do it on purpose; it's not like Grace is my middle name."

I pulled my wrists from his grasp and tried to step away. "I got it from here. Thanks," I added sardonically.

He backed away, his hands thrown up in surrender.

I maneuvered around him and stormed out of the kitchen.

~UrQ~

Two hours later, I was still hiding in the Cullens' music room. It was the only room in the house that had completely white walls. Edward once explained that it represented newness akin to an artist's blank canvas.

Magic was created here. Edward's nimble fingers moving lithely over the black and white keys of the piano provided ink to the colorless walls.

Unfortunately, the walls proved to be a useless muse in my case. Sitting on the chaise and gazing out the window at the leafless trees on the Cullens' property wasn't helping either.

I was working on the _letters_. The same letters about which my editor, Kate, kept calling. Calls I avoided. I understood her excitement. She said I had something really great. "Inspirational," she said.

All I knew was that she was trying to impress Garrett, her boss, for both professional and personal reasons. She needn't have bothered though. Garrett adored her. I could tell by the way he looked at her. It was the way Edward used to look at me.

It was never my intent to share these intimate thoughts, but Kate wouldn't take no for an answer. Besides, I soon found the process awfully cathartic.

_Someone was pounding on the door, but I couldn't find myself to care enough to answer it._

"_Bella, open up!"_

"_Go away!" I groaned._

"_Alright, I'm coming in," Kate shouted her warning through the door._

_A few clicks and footsteps later, and Kate leaned over me as I lay on the couch dressed in only my blue bathrobe._

"_You. Look. Awful."_

_I was sure I was a sorry sight – with dirty dishes and pizza boxes strewn about, and the living room floor littered with tissues – but I just shrugged in response._

_I sat up and made a silent invitation with my eyes for her to sit. "How did you get in?"_

_She plopped herself down by me and held up a single key. I reached over and snatched it from her fingers._

"_Doesn't matter. I'll just get James to make me another one."_

_Jamie was so dead. _

"_Fine. Whatever." I thrust the key back at her. "What do you want?"_

"_Well, hello to you too. I came to check on you. You aren't answering anybody's calls, Bella."_

"_I don't feel like talking."_

"_Okay, well, you don't have to talk. But you do have to shower." She made a show of sniffing me. "You stink. When was the last time you bathed?"_

_Another shrug was as good a response as any._

"_Bella, Bella. You have got to get a move on. This is not the you I know."_

"_I'm version two-point-o." I grinned at her, but she just frowned in return._

"_Newer models are usually an improvement. You, my friend, are far from that. You're not the only one that's dealt with heartache before, you know."_

"_Really? Geez, I thought I was the only one." I rolled my eyes._

"_No, no. Hear me out. I'm gonna share something with you that I usually keep to myself."_

_She had my full attention, but I was feigning indifference. She saw right through me and continued._

"_Did you know I'm from Missouri?"_

_I shook my head._

"_I lived there until I graduated from high school and left for college. I left behind a younger sister, Bree." She sighed, her eyes full of a far away pain. "She…well she had her heart broken by her first and only boyfriend. She met this foreign exchange student, Diego, her senior year in high school._

"_I'm from a small town, so it was no surprise when all the girls in school fell for the brooding boy from Spain. He started dating my sister, and her life became wrapped up in his. When I went back to visit for Winter Break she was like a different person._

"_He applied for an extended student visa, and they went off to college together. My family was very worried. Wherever he went, she was there also. And you hardly ever hear of high school sweethearts making it."_

_I smiled slightly at that, remembering a sentiment I once voiced._

"_Turns out we were justified in our concern. Their second year in college, he got a phone call from some ex-girlfriend with a family emergency back home. He told my sister he needed to go to her and left without much warning._

"_He promised Bree he'd be back as soon as possible, but that never happened. He stopped calling. Stopped answering my sister's calls. Soon after, Bree came to terms with what happened: Diego was gone, and he wasn't coming back."_

_I had to tear my eyes away from Kate and her story at those words. An ache that my heart was well acquainted with became more prominent. I closed my eyes, willing the tears away. _

_He wasn't coming back._

"_Bree became depressed and shut us all out. She dropped out of college and moved back home._

"_Then one day, my mom calls me shrieking on the phone. She found Bree, dead,"_

_Kate's voice became shaky, an obvious tremor present. "It was an apparent drug overdose. She was found lying on her bed with a piece of paper next to her. All it said was, 'Please forgive me.'"_

_Kate took a minute to catch her breath._

"_We didn't even know she was taking drugs. All we knew was that she was gone because she couldn't get over losing him._

"_I felt guilty for not being there when it happened. It was harder and harder to go home after that._

"_I'm telling you this…because…" She started wringing her hands, anxious about continuing. "Bella, you remind me of her…before she…before she...died." I snapped my head up, shocked. "I'm not, I'm not saying you'll, um, hurt yourself. I'm just saying that you're on a destructive path, and I don't want to see anything happen to you. I'll always love my sister, but what she did…it was selfish._

"_It didn't matter that our whole family was still there for her. She'd lost herself in him, and so when he was gone, she didn't see how to move on. This may be hard for you to hear, but boyfriends break up with girlfriends all the time, and husbands leave wives every day. He doesn't define you. You were a smart, successful, independent, and beautiful woman before him, and you need to discover that again. I'm going to make sure you do, and so will James."_

_I hung my head, this time letting the tears fall silently onto my knee. _

"_I'm so sorry." I hoped she understood that I was apologizing for the tragedy that befell her sister, and I was doubly apologetic that my actions reminded her of such a sad time in her life._

_She gave my knee a reassuring pat, shocking me slightly. "Sorry. Static electricity, I guess. Go get washed up; I'll clean things out here."_

_I blushed at the scene before me, embarrassed at how I had been living. "Thank you, Kate."_

_She smiled sincerely._

_The shower was cleansing in more ways than one. I scrubbed myself clean and let the grime slide down the drain along with my self-pity._

_I didn't want to be Bree. I understood her reasons. I've wanted to die since he left and be released from this prison of self-doubt, but I didn't want to let my family and friends down. I resolved to get better, to live better._

_I didn't want to be selfish._

_I made my way back into the living room that looked almost clutter free. Kate had a pile of trash in one hand and was bent over reading the pages of my journal that I'd left out on the coffee table._

_I cleared my throat, alerting her to my presence. "You don't have to do that. I'll clean up later."_

_She straightened up. "Bella, what is this?"_

_She pointed to my open leather-bound notebook, which was hiding underneath used napkins and empty wine glasses._

"_It's nothing. Here." I reached out my hand. "I'll put it away."_

_It was too late. Kate emptied her hands of trash, snatched it up, and perused the contents._

"_The sting of goodbye and the promise of tomorrow, both haunt -" she read aloud._

"_I know what it says."_

"_Bella, do you realize what you could do with this? Realize how good this is?"_

"_It's personal. Give it back." I reached for the journal, but Kate yanked it away._

"_You'll thank me later."_

Kate was right. Although at times I wanted to strangle her, writing those letters had been the best thing for me.

My heart would never be whole again, but the writing process was making the missing pieces a bearable loss.

The door to the music room creaked open. I looked up from my journal to see Edward's puzzled face. He was sweaty and out of breath, holding the ends of a towel draped across his neck, apparently just coming from one of his workout sessions that didn't include Emmett.

Given the size of their house, it amazed me how many times I kept running into my ex-husband, especially since I tried to avoid him.

When he first got home from the hospital about a week ago, it wasn't difficult. During the day I hid in my room, working remotely from my laptop. When I got hungry, I'd quickly sneak down to the kitchen and hurry back up. And occasionally, I'd leave the house and sojourn to a coffee shop.

But when I was in the house, he was always…there.

He was there every morning as I exited my room to take a shower, either going to or coming from his own bedroom that shared a hallway with Jasper's old room. Neither of us said anything to each other as he passed.

He was there when I grabbed a book from their library; he came in a few minutes later, perusing for one himself. I felt his eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. I turned to look, but he glanced away immediately before returning his book to the shelf and stalking out of the room.

He was there in the kitchen when I snuck down for food. He'd enter as I made a sandwich, and he'd open the refrigerator door and just stare at the contents.

If I didn't know any better, I would've thought he was following me.

His absence at dinner every night pushed that conjecture aside. He'd made sure to schedule his rehab sessions with Emmett during that time. It was obvious he was avoiding being forced into a social setting with me where conversation would be inevitable. His parents probably expected him to be more civil than he was willing to be.

He wouldn't have to avoid me much longer. Esme's Valentine's event was tomorrow, and I had only promised to stay through then. Edward was fine, and he wasn't dying – at least not that I could tell. Alice had gotten me out here under false pretenses.

Still I stayed willingly, hoping to find some answers about why Edward had left me. I hadn't gotten any, only the implication that it was because of another woman – Carmen. Of course, I hadn't actually asked any questions – not of Esme, Carlisle, and especially not Edward. The fear of being right about Carmen had crippled any attempt I'd made to ask.

Edward cleared his throat, bringing me back to the present.

"Oh, I was just finishing up. Room is all yours." I stood up, grabbed my journal, and headed for the door.

We passed each other on his way to the piano bench and my attempt to exit. Before I crossed the threshold, Edward began to play an unfamiliar tune.

I paused, turned around, and rested my head on the doorframe. I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me. I loved when Edward played. Esme once told me she used to have dreams of her son becoming a concert pianist. His talented fingers were a gift, a blessing to be shared with the world.

He chose to share those brilliant fingers with the world by way of surgery. His music…that stayed private.

The room fell silent, and I opened my eyes to see Edward's green ones staring back at me.

"Sorry. I just wanted to listen."

Edward scooted over to the edge of the piano bench and patted the space beside him before returning his attention back to the ebony and ivory keys.

A little shocked at the invitation, I carefully walked back into the room. He said nothing, and neither did I.

I sat down beside him, trying to keep to my side the bench. He continued his song while I sat and daydreamed about happier times. When Edward used to play for me when I'd had a bad day. When he used to play just because he felt inspired.

"I didn't realize how much I missed this," I whispered.

Edward's playing faltered slightly, but he didn't stop. "I don't recognize this; is it new?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I like it."

He said nothing as I stared at him. His hair was growing back quickly after being shaved for the surgery. The scar that traversed the base of his skull and up along his right ear would soon be covered by his autumn-colored locks.

"What inspired this?"

"Bella…"

He halted his fingers upon the ivory keys and turned his head toward me, an unreadable expression on his face. He didn't answer me or elaborate. Once again, he returned his attention to his keyboard.

I stood up, wanting to escape the awkward tension and one-word responses to my attempt at conversation. "Sorry…didn't mean to pry."

I turned to walk away when his fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling me back to him.

"Bella…"

The music had stopped, and suddenly there was this energy…a charge in the room.

I looked down at Edward's contorted face. I was unsure if he was in pain or just upset. I didn't know anymore when it came to him.

"Edward, it's fine. Keep playing. I think I'm gonna take a nap." I smiled faintly at him, then continued my path toward the door.

Before shutting the door behind me, I thought I heard him mutter something that sounded distinctly like, "Damn it!"

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	9. Chapter Eight: As Long As We're Here

**Disclaimer: I don't own it; Stephenie Meyer does. ****I own the real life story this little fic is based upon. **

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**Still, all mistakes are mine. **

Groaning and sighing, I kicked myself free of the tangled bed sheets. Sleep eluded me.

I should've known better than to take a nap in the middle of the day. Reading hadn't helped. After staring at the same paragraph for fifteen minutes, I'd put my book down and tried some other techniques: I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes. I'd tried to relax my toes, then feet, then ankles, working my way through all my body parts, but it was useless. I stared at the ceiling, but my mind kept drifting to the room down the hall.

Was he asleep? Or was he just as restless, tossing and turning, his mind turning through the same corridors my mind had traveled? Did it matter if he was?

I had to get up and shake my head of those thoughts.

I crept down the stairs, careful to avoid the creaks and moans of the wood protesting under my feet. I plopped down on the couch in the family room, flicking on the television in hopes of finding something to numb my brain.

The longer I watched the train wreck that was late night television, the more I felt my IQ drop. And I now had this overwhelming compulsion to go buy hair removal products and wrinkle cream after watching the same repetitive, monotonous commercials.

Yet no matter how mind-numbing the show, I still wasn't sleepy. My brain was wired, thoughts pinging from one memory to another like they were trapped inside a pinball machine.

Was my life starting to resemble the ridiculousness of a Lifetime movie? Who stays to visit with the family of their ex? Who takes indefinite leave from work because their ex fell sick and his family practically begged you not to leave them?

Did I mention there was an ex involved? Pathetic.

Why was I subjecting myself to this? The temperature gauge was set to awkward and uncomfortable whenever Edward and I were in the same room. And it's not like I was actually "visiting" with his family. They'd returned to their respective lives once Edward was released from the hospital; though, they were available to support Edward whenever necessary – or whenever he allowed them to, rather.

I wasn't a part of that network of support.

So why the hell was I here again?

I wouldn't be much longer. Tomorrow, I'd finally return one of the many calls Kate had left me and tell her I was coming home.

Going home…back to an empty house. Empty bed. Empty life.

And just like that, my chest became heavy, my chest constricting as if a python were squeezing the life from me. The idea of being alone again was suddenly too much to bear.

That's the real reason I was here and had been so easily convinced to stay.

Here…I wasn't alone. No matter how bastardized my companionship, I was not alone.

Tears pricked at my eyes. In the quiet dark with just the flickering lights of the television illuminating the family room, I let them fall and stream down my cheeks.

"You always did cry at the stupidest shit," Edward mocked, his tone not one of tender teasing.

Startled by his presence, my hand flew to my chest, pressing against my racing heart.

"Jeezus, Edward, you scared the shit out of me."

I looked from his still form standing in the entryway of the family room and then back to the television. It figured he'd think my tears were due to the stupid happenings on screen. But did he have to sound so disdainful about it?

He used to think it was cute, but that was the nature of broken relationships. The traits and characteristics - once found so endearing - became abhorrent flaws, grating on the nerves.

"_Isabella Swan."_

_I followed after the nurse who summoned me into a smaller room. It was time for my annual womanly check-up._

_She instructed me to disrobe and exchange my clothing for a garment a tad bit thicker than tissue paper, but only just._

_I was almost situated on the little table, ready for the doctor to enter, when my phone rang._

"_Crap! I thought I turned that off," I mumbled to no one and jumped down to grab it._

"_Hello."_

"_Hey, Bella. Whatcha doing?"_

"_Jamie, not now. I'm at the doctor. I'll call you back later."_

_Before I had a chance to hang up, he responded, "Doctor?" _

"_Yes, Jamie." I spoke in my most patronizing tone. "Doctor. You know…the nice men in white coats who get paid to prod and torture you."_

"_Torture?" _

_I rolled my eyes. _"_Yes, torture. Would you like a play by play? What do you want me to break down first? The boob grope or the foot stirrups?"_

_My rambling was cut short by the door opening._

"_I gotta go," I whispered to Jamie before hanging up my phone and putting it away._

_I climbed back up onto the table and turned to face the door, and then I noticed him._

_No way. No freaking way was the ER doctor from my last visit right here. The same doctor who gave me his phone number. The phone number I had never called. No freaking way._

"_You don't work here!" I blurted out._

_He cocked his head to the side, raising one eyebrow. "I don't?"_

_Flustered at my rudeness and my current predicament, my face flushed. There was no way I was letting him look at…at…my girly bits. Not like this anyway._

"_Um…no. You…you work at the ER." My voice rose toward the end as if I were questioning him…and myself._

"_So let me get this straight. Because I work at the ER, I can't work here?" He gestured around the room before crossing his arms over his chest. He was a hand talker, and it was kind of cute. He had long, slender fingers. I wondered if he played the guitar or maybe the piano or maybe something else entirely. _

_I shook my head to clear it of thoughts of his hands, realizing the room was quite chilly and just how little the disposable gown covered. I suddenly found myself mimicking his posture and crossing my arms over my chest in embarrassment, but that only managed to scrunch up my tissue-paper gown in the front. I dropped my arms to my side, trying to close the gown around me._

_I gave up, placing my hands in my lap, hoping my breasts were as covered as they could get. I looked up to find he had moved closer, standing next to the table where I sat. He had this knowing smirk on his face – like only he was in on the joke – which only managed to frustrate me. This man truly unnerved me. And I hadn't yet decided if that was a good thing._

"_You know what I mean," I whined. I kicked my feet a little. Apparently, I was channeling my inner five-year-old._

_Edward chuckled and casually leaned against the wall behind him. He was poised to speak before my regular OB/GYN interrupted him. I sighed audibly, showing my relief that she was going to save my hoo-ha from the viewing public. Or potential suitors. Whatever._

_I mumbled under my breath, "No hoo-ha for you. No sir-ree. Not like this, anyway."_

_Edward raised his eyebrows at me. Oh shit. Had he heard me?_

_I was certain my face showed the mortification I felt._

"_Ah, Isabella. You've met Dr. Cullen. He's doing an eight-week rotation here, and he'll be assisting me today. Is that okay with you?" _

_Of course it wasn't okay. I didn't mind male doctors, even when it came to my lady parts. Yet it mattered with this particular doctor._

_I was frozen in place - still as a statue, contemplating an escape. Maybe I could fake an emergency?_

_Then the very person I was trying to evade, at least for the moment, saved me._

_Edward leaned down from his stance on the wall and whispered so softly I could barely make it out. "Don't worry. Your…um…hoo-ha…is safe."_

_He _had _heard __me. __I __had __no __words. __I __sat __there __and __gaped __at __him. __He __winked __at __me __and __cleared __his __throat._

"_Dr. Bennett, I actually have some charts I need to look at before I leave. Would it be okay if I got Nurse Crowley to assist you?" And then he flashed the most beautiful smile I had ever seen._

_He was gorgeous. And a charmer._

_Dr. Bennett waved him off. "No, that's fine. Go on, dear. I'll catch up with you later."_

_Edward reached behind me and opened the door. "Goodbye, Ms. Swan." He exited the room as I remained speechless. He remembered my name?_

"_Well, Isabella. Shall we?" Dr. Bennett asked, effectively breaking me out of my Edward Cullen induced trance._

_Properly pap-smeared and prodded, I dressed and made my way to the counter to provide my co-payment. I expected to see the usual discharge nurse, but in her place was none other than a very smug Edward._

"_Hi, Ms. Swan. I'll take those." He motioned to the papers in my hand._

"_I thought you had charts or something."_

_He answered my rude inquiry by waving said charts in the air. Did that smirk ever leave his face?_

"_I need to learn all the office procedures, so I offered my help today." He fought off a grin before he spoke again. "Besides, I wanted to make sure payment was all settled."_

_Somehow, I didn't think he was referring to my insurance co-payment. _

_I leaned in conspiratorially, handing him my credit card. "Look, what do you want?" I whispered._

"_Well, when I give my number to a pretty girl, it's only natural to hope she uses it," he answered nonchalantly as he ran my card through the terminal before handing it back to me._

"_You think I'm pretty?" I blushed. "Wait!" I paused, shaking my head. "How many girls, pretty or otherwise, have you given your number to?"_

"_Wow. Let me think." He pretended to count on his fingers before leaning toward me, his head crossing through the glass divider used to separate the patients from the back office. "I've given my number to exactly one girl, pretty or otherwise. Although, I happen to think she's quite breathtaking if I do say so myself."_

_Again with the gaping. "One?" I asked in stunned disbelief._

"_Should I do a recount?" He held up his fingers, prepared to repeat his mock count._

_I playfully smacked at him. "Oh, shut up."_

"_In all seriousness, Isabella, just one, in at least four years." His face reflected the seriousness that his tone of voice had just taken._

"_Okay."_

"_Okay?"_

"_Okay, I'll call you."_

_He grinned and pointed his finger at a sign posted on my side of the glass divider. Payment is due upon checkout. _

"_What?" I had already paid._

_He just stared at me, arching an eyebrow._

_Realization suddenly dawned. "Okay. Fine!" I grumbled, reaching into my purse for my cell phone and the prescription note that had Edward's number on it. Yes, I kept it, and the look currently displayed on his face told me he knew I had._

_I punched the numbers into my phone and hit send._

_Edward reached into the pocket of his slacks and held up a finger as if to silence me. "Just a second, please," he said, completely earnest._

_He put his phone to his ear and answered with a simple, "Hello." He waved his hand at me, pointing to the phone hanging in my hand, encouraging me to play along._

_Once I put the phone to my ear, he continued talking. "Sorry, but I'm at work right now. Could we possibly continue this conversation later?"_

_I just stared at him. Was he serious?_

_He waved at me again, indicating it was my turn to talk. "This is ridiculous," I groaned, burying my face in the palm of my other hand._

"_Oh, it's just dinner and polite conversation. Nothing to fret about. How does seven tonight sound?"_

_The slight reverb caused by hearing his voice in duplicate was somewhat distracting. I sighed and looked back up into his eyes. Shiny green eyes where only truth could be seen._

"_Seven is good."_

"_Perfect. Bye for now, Isabella."_

_He ended the call and placed both hands in his pockets, rocking back gently on his heels. He seemed really proud of himself. Cheeky bastard._

_I couldn't help but smile. He was so damned cute. And I had to admit, he was smooth._

_I hoisted the straps of my purse over my right shoulder and turned to walk away. Before exiting through the door, I glanced back at Edward. "And you can call me Bella."_

"_Noted," he replied simply._

_I left the office on a natural high that stayed with me the entire trip home where I began getting ready for my date._

_~UrQ~_

_Edward arrived at my apartment promptly at seven. I had to push Jamie out of the way to keep him from answering the door first. He had stopped by after work to see if I wanted to grab dinner. When I told him about my plans with Edward, he refused to leave. Stupid, interfering best friend._

"_Whoa, Bella! Eager, huh?"_

"_Shut it, Jamie!" I hissed as I pulled open my front door._

_Edward stood in the hallway waving his cell phone in his hand. "You forgot to mention when you texted your address that the parking was atrocious." He grinned, letting me know he wasn't truly complaining. Plus, it was an accurate observation._

"_I know. It sucks," I agreed, stepping back to allow him entrance. _

_Edward's face fell when he saw Jamie standing as if on guard, arms crossed over his chest. He recovered quickly, offering his hand. "Oh. Hi. I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I remember you from that night in the ER." He turned to look at me and then back to Jamie. "I'm Edward Cullen."_

_Jamie looked at his hand then to me at my place behind Edward. I scrunched my face, urging him to cooperate. Jamie shrugged his shoulders in response as if he really didn't care, but I knew better._

"_James." He offered, accepting the handshake. "Nice to meet you. So where ya headed tonight?"_

_Edward was about to answer, but I interrupted him. "None of your business, nosy."_

_I ushered Edward back out the door, grabbing my cardigan on the way out._

"_Bella…" I could tell from the way Jamie said my name he was warning me to be careful. _

_I gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll call you later, Jamie. And you better put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, buster!" I glared before shutting the door behind me, leaving him no chance to respond._

"_So__…__where _are _we __going?__"_

_~UrQ~_

"_You're kidding!"_

"_Completely serious." Edward shook his head as he chuckled._

"_So he was cleaning the bathroom naked?"_

"_Yep. And his cat pounced, sinking its claws into his…well…moving targets."_

"_Oh my god…" I was laughing so hard I had to clutch my sides for support._

_Our moment was broken by the waiter dropping off the bill. Edward visually scanned it before placing his credit card in the black folder._

_My expression suddenly turned solemn as I realized I didn't want the date to end. Edward was so easy to talk to, and we shared common interests: books, music, movies. And he made me smile, whether he was being intentionally goofy or just being himself._

"_Penny for your thoughts."_

"_That might cost you a whole dollar as I have about a hundred things in here right now." I pointed to my head for effect._

"_I'm good for it." He smiled, leaning on the table with his arms crossed under him._

"_I'll go easy on ya. Wouldn't want to break the bank." I smirked._

"_Wouldn't want to do that," he replied, one side of his mouth curling upward._

_I mirrored his position on the table before answering. "I was just thinking that I don't want this to end."_

_I realized immediately what I just said could be taken a couple of ways: That I didn't want the date to end or that I didn't want whatever was blossoming between Edward and me to end. Quick contemplation made it very clear I didn't want either to end._

_Edward stared at me intently. He reached forward and pried my hand out from under me. He rubbed over my knuckles gently with his thumb. "I don't either, Bella," he said assuredly, letting me know he felt the same way._

"_Lucky for you, there's a movie I've been waiting to see. Up for a late showing?"_

"_Lucky for me, huh?" He grinned in response._

"_Sure," I answered and stood with my purse, ready to follow this man anywhere._

_~UrQ~_

_Even if I wanted to, I probably couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The scene before me was moving, pulling at my heart strings._

_I caught Edward surreptitiously stealing glances at me from my periphery. I tried to ignore him, but he leaned into me and made fake sniffling sounds while pretending to wipe away a tear._

_I elbowed him in the side and huffed, "Stop it."_

_He continued to stare as I wiped away real tears from my face, now self-conscious of my compassion for people, even the fictional ones._

_He kept staring, so I turned my head and glared. "What?"_

_A woman a few rows in front of us turned around sharply and "Shh'ed" me. It came out more like a hiss._

_Edward answered her harsh plea for silence by leaning over the arm console separating our seats and cupping my cheeks in his hands, and then he kissed me, keeping us both quiet._

_Soft, warm lips met surprised but pliant ones. My mouth parted slightly, and Edward took that opportunity to slide his tongue between my lips. The kiss was slow and languid, both of us enjoying the taste and newness of one another._

_The kiss eventually ended, but Edward didn't pull back right away. Instead he rested his forehead on mine. He placed a soft peck on my nose and exhaled in what seemed to be relief. I could relate. It felt like I had finally found it. Found him._

_~UrQ~_

I smiled at the memory. He was different then: smiling and joking a lot. Sometimes he was moody, but never mean. At least, not intentionally. His behavior in the past year – toward me, anyway – was not the Edward I knew. Not the Edward I loved.

At first, everyone chalked his personality change up to his brain tumor. I heard every attempted comfort and speculation. "Just no telling when it comes to the brain." And, "Have you checked his meds? Maybe he's having a reaction."

In the end, it didn't matter. I mean, how could you argue with divorce papers? At first I tried to reason with him, convince him that divorce was a hasty decision, especially given his health, but that didn't matter to him.

Plus, Edward had started working at the hospital where his father was an Attending right after he left me. Alice had let it slip in conversation. If the hospital thought Edward was healthy enough to cut into live people, how could I not believe that Edward was in his right mind when he filed for divorce?

He just didn't want me. Not anymore.

I frowned at the thought.

"Can I change it, or do you wanna finish watching this?'

Edward had made his way to the couch opposite mine and waved the remote, waiting for a response.

"No, it's okay. I wasn't really watching it."

He shrugged and started flipping through the channels. I watched as the screen flickered from one scene to another when Edward spoke again.

"If you weren't really watching it, why were you crying?"

Was he really asking about my well-being? I think a half dozen emotions flitted across my face, from sadness to annoyance, before it settled on the shocked expression I now wore.

When I didn't answer, he answered for me.

"Look, Bella, if being here upsets you that much, why don't you just go home?" he asked softly, staring at the television as if he really didn't care to know the answer to his question.

I stared slack-jawed, ready to spew every vitriolic word I could think to throw his way. How dare he assume? What right did he have? After what he did? How he left? Instead, I clamped my mouth shut and kept all my thoughts bottled inside.

Besides, he was right. But it didn't mean I wasn't angry. Him being right just added fuel to the fire.

Why was I here again?

I stood up unceremoniously from the couch, kicking the throw blanket off of my feet. Without a word, I stormed back upstairs to Jasper's room, no thoughts of avoiding creaky floorboards on my mind.

I pushed open the door with a little more force than necessary, causing it to slam against the wall. I flinched at the thunderous sound, grateful that Esme and Carlisle's bedroom was in the opposite wing of the house.

"Shit!" I mumbled as I flipped on the light switch.

I grabbed my suitcase from the closet, throwing it on the bed. I turned and stalked back through the door, on a path toward the bathroom.

In the dark of the hall, I smacked into Edward's broad chest. "Ow!" I grunted, rubbing my pained nose as I staggered back.

He looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "I just came up to check…what are you doing?" His gaze moved to the suitcase open on my bed.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Edward? I'm leaving."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"It's the middle of the night."

"So?" I shrugged. "I'll take a cab." I tried to sidestep him, heading for the bathroom to collect my favorite shampoo, but he reached out and grabbed my bicep, halting my movements.

"No."

"No?" I asked incredulously. Was he serious?

"No. Bella." He shook his head. "Let someone drive you in the morning."

Internally, I cringed. He didn't want me to stay. He just didn't want me to leave like this. Well, screw him.

"I'll be fine, Edward. Don't worry your pretty little head about me. Now. Let. Go." I gritted out.

He released his grip, and I snatched my arm away from him, making my way across the hall when he growled in frustration. "Why do you have to be so fucking obstinate?" he half-questioned, half-accused.

I turned back to face him only to find he was merely inches from my face. "You don't talk to me like that." I stabbed his chest with my finger, emphasizing each word. "Just who do you think you are?"

He grabbed my finger and clutched it in his fist. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes. Fine. Get packed. I'll drive you."

"The hell you will! You're not even well enough to drive."

"Guess we'll find out, won't we?"

"No, Edward. I'm taking a cab."

"The hell you are! Either I'm driving or I can wake my dad. He'll take you."

He started toward the stairs, but I put my hand on his shoulder. "Stop! It's the middle of the night."

He whirled back around. "That's what I fucking said!" His voice was on the verge of screaming.

I balled up my fists, clenching them at my sides. "Quit fucking cussing at me!"

He let out a haughty chuckle and groaned, running his hand over his face in exasperation.

The next thing I knew, I was being propelled toward the wall, my back now flush with it. I gasped in surprise, barely registering that Edward had me pinned, his hands planted on my waist.

And then his lips engulfed mine.

The kiss was everything but sweet and gentle. And before I could question myself, I kissed him back, my fingers finding purchase in the fabric of his tee shirt. Edward kept the pace frenetic as I spilled every ounce of hurt, bitterness, disappointment, pain, and…love…into our lip-locked embrace.

My fingers dug into his chest; it had to hurt, but Edward didn't seem to notice or care, his hands clutching just as tightly at my sides until I moaned into his mouth. He groaned back and bent down folding his arms over my backside, lifting me. His grip caused my short robe and gown to ride up my hips. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist, allowing him to press me harder against the wall.

I was breathless and couldn't think. All I saw, all I felt was intertwined with the here and now. I let the moment carry me away, lost in his touch, his kiss…in his urgent need for me. A need making itself known through the thin fabric of his pajama pants as he rubbed himself against me.

A brief flicker of concern ran through my mind at how he was able to hold me up in his state. Those concerns were erased when I felt his hand – always so cold – rub over the waistband of my panties.

He hesitated for a moment.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

There wasn't enough blood in my head to make a rational decision. Through the lusty haze that clouded my brain, a tiny alarm rang dimly in the back recesses of my mind.

"No," I answered.

He stiffened. "Do you want me to stop?"

Did I? No. My body screamed for his touch again, but I should've said yes. His hand brushed against my thigh.

"No," I answered, my breath barely above a whisper.

He slipped his fingers under the elastic barrier and cupped me, ghosting his fingers over my opening. "Always so wet," he muttered.

I whimpered at his words and arched my head back, letting it rest on the wall behind me. Having open access to my neck, Edward trailed wet kisses from my jawline to my collarbone and back toward my ear. "I need this," he rasped as he inserted two fingers into me.

I inhaled sharply, squeezing my eyes shut. "Me too."

That was all the encouragement he needed as he yanked my panties down. I had to adjust my legs to allow his maneuvering, but no sooner had the panties dropped, did Edward have my feet locked back around him. He lowered his pants and boxers just enough to let his cock spring free, and then he plunged into me.

Both our movements stilled as he allowed me to adjust to his size. It had been a long time.

His eyes were closed in concentration, his forehead creased with the effort he was exerting to keep us upright, among other things. And then his eyelids fluttered open and focused intently on mine.

I nodded slightly.

Never taking his eyes from mine, he started rotating his hips in a circular motion. My eyes rolled back as I took in the pleasure.

He leaned forward, thrusting deeper as he captured my lips in a frenzied kiss again, our breathing erratic. The kiss was one of eager, needy lips and teeth, mouths open, hot breath on hot breath.

He pulled his head back and stared at me again, never ceasing the achingly slow ministrations upon me. I tried to buck, my body pleading for more friction, but he held me tight in his grip. This was his carnival. And I was just along for the ride.

When he leaned into me for another kiss, his lips moved slowly with mine, his tongue languorously exploring my mouth, matching the sweet, exacting pace his hips were setting.

There was so much passion and feeling in the kiss; I almost cried.

I returned the kiss silently, meeting every thrust until I felt a familiar stirring and coiling in the pit of my stomach.

I was close and had to reluctantly pull away from the kiss to catch my breath. Edward's movements suddenly slowed, if that were even possible. His hips continued moving – unhurried – as if he knew I was close and wanted to draw out every last second.

I mewled in response, desperate for release, yet ravenous for more. I didn't want this to end either. Edward placed his mouth next to my ear and whispered in a deep rough undertone, "Let go, baby. Just let go."

I came undone.

It had been so long since he called me that. The force of my orgasm rocked through me. I squeezed my legs tight, pushing him deeper into me as I clenched around him.

His thrusts changed; each one forceful and slow. His grunts were on the verge of animalistic as if he were fighting a battle against his wild release.

He drove into me again and again, his repeated movements causing a familiar vibration deep within, readying me for a second release. Then Edward let out a guttural moan as he came inside me, sending me over the edge with him.

His motions didn't cease, his body trembling as he rode out his orgasm. Finally exhausted, he stilled, resting his head on my shoulder. I clung to him, running my fingers over the hair that was growing back. Sweat had formed at the base of his neck, but it didn't deter me. All I could think as my fingers stroked his head was, _"__What __now?__"_

The result of our coupling began to trail down my legs. "Edward."

"Hmm," he muffled into my shoulder.

"I'm dripping."

"Huh?" He pulled away. "Oh." He looked down between our bodies before slowly easing out of me, both of us hissing as he did.

He let me down gently, steadying me with his hands upon my shoulders. He stepped back, lifting his boxers back into place.

"I'll…uh…just go clean up." I pointed to the bathroom, sliding around him and escaping into it.

Shutting the door and locking myself in, I succumbed to the feelings I was afraid to acknowledge in the hallway.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod," I panted. What the fuck just happened? I was going to be sick.

I stumbled to the toilet and heaved the contents of my stomach into the bowl.

Eventually, I made my way to the sink and splashed cold water on my face, taking in the red-rimmed eyes staring back at me.

I took a few calming breaths and tried to steel myself to face him after what just happened. I didn't know how long I stood there, staring at the disapproving stranger in the mirror and trying to suppress the panic that bubbled inside me.

"It's okay, Bella. Don't over think this. Just breathe," I whispered to myself.

After wiping down my legs, brushing my teeth, and washing my face, I stepped back into the hall, hoping the redness of my face could be attributed to the hot water I had used to cleanse it.

I needn't have worried though. Edward was gone. I looked from left to right to be sure, but the evidence was clear.

He had left. Again.

I shuffled back to the guest room, where my suitcase sat, mocking me, on the bed.

In a gust of pent up fury, I shoved it clear off the bed and into the dresser across the room, the bang and clang of knobs and drawers providing a cacophonic symphony to my chaos.

I slid to the floor, resting my back against the bed, the familiar feeling of tears streaking down my face. Though, this time, they were angry ones.

Whatever game Alice and Esme were playing was over. No longer would I be a pawn because clearly they hadn't given Edward the rulebook. If he thought he could take advantage of me after tossing away our marriage, he had another thing coming.

This was all a big mistake: coming here, staying here. It was all so stupid.

I hadn't gotten the answers I wanted, whether I asked for them or not. Nothing was clear to me, but it didn't matter. I was done. I would be making no more mistakes. And my first step in doing that was to get the hell out of Texas.

I stood up from my spot on the floor and began picking up the items that had fallen from the dresser. My shaky hands placed the items – one by one – back on top, and then I noticed it.

A small piece of notebook paper had been placed on the dresser. I leaned forward to read it.

It was Edward's handwriting and only had two words.

"Don't go."

**I beta for the wonderful Purelyamuse, author of _Masen Days_. This fantabulous story about a skateboarding Edward (Masen) who writes poetry, wears Vans, and says, "Yeah" a lot is up for Fic of the Month at The Lemonade Stand. Please go vote and show her some love.**

**http:/www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com/ - Link is also on my profile.**

******Sooooo...I'd love to know what you think about this chapter. I've been told that next week's update might elicit strong reactions.**

******Just saying...**


	10. Chapter Nine: Not Enough

**Breaking News: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and I do not! * grumbles ***

**I am the very fortunate owner of some of the BEST friends in this fandom. One of these days I will officially meet these wonderful ladies in person. **

**Please enjoy the chapter and remember all mistakes are mine!**

My head lolled, and I jerked awake. I must have drifted off at some point with my head propped against the wall. I had curled up in an armchair in my room, waiting for dawn to come when sleep wouldn't.

"Ow." I groaned aloud and rubbed my aching neck. I uncurled my legs and stood up to stretch, much to the protest of my stiff muscles. My head throbbed, and I was sore everywhere.

I was sore in places one wouldn't necessarily be just from falling asleep in a chair. A chill of dread crept up my body as the sleepy fog dissipated from my head.

"Holy shit!" I said aloud. I had sex with my husband last night. Correction. Ex-husband. _How __the __fuck __could __I __have __let __that __happen?_

I pressed the heels of my hands into my puffy, swollen eyes. The previous evening's events flashed through my head like images in a slideshow. I remembered a cheesy movie, a helping of self-pity, a new resolve to get the hell out of dodge, and tears.

And Edward.

And then anger.

And then Edward.

Oh. My. God.

And then…Edward.

"Shit, shit, shit," I grumbled, stumbling across the room on shaky legs to check the time on my phone. I had wanted to make my escape before everyone was up and congregating downstairs, but the morning sun was already streaming through the window.

I slipped out of my nightgown and robe and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, sliding my bare feet into comfortable slip-ons. I wrapped my hair into a loose ponytail before I shoved my discarded pajamas into my overstuffed luggage, fighting with the zipper. Just a few hours ago I had packed and repacked my things three times to fit all the items I'd acquired during my stay.

There.

I was ready to leave. I could do this. Next step: sneak out and away before anyone knew I'd left. I'd leave a message when I got to the airport.

I opened the door to the bedroom slowly, peeking my head into the hallway. The coast was clear, so I stepped out with my rollaway and shut the door behind me. I quickly ran into the bathroom to brush my teeth and gather my toiletries bag.

At the bottom of the stairs, I heard voices coming from the kitchen, so I proceeded cautiously, trying to avoid detection. I should have known better with my luck.

"Bella!" Emmett's gruff, exuberant voice bellowed.

I cringed and turned to face him. "Um, good morning, Emmett." I waved.

Did I just wave at him? Sheesh.

Emmett looked at me curiously and chuckled. "Whatcha got there, Skivvies?"

"Skivvies?"

"Yeah. It _is_ what you greeted me in when we first met. Made quite an impression. So Skivvies it is."

My cheeks became heated as my blush surfaced. While what Emmett said wasn't entirely true, it was embarrassing nonetheless.

"So, Skivvies, you doing the walk of shame or something?"

Before I had time to respond to his somewhat inappropriate, yet completely accurate observation, his head was smacked, and he yelped.

"Ow! Baby, that actually hurt."

"That was the point. Leave the poor girl alone."

I don't know how I missed the stunning and pregnant blonde, but there she was, standing behind the stool Emmett sat in, rubbing one hand over her protruding belly, the other hand cupping a mug of steaming liquid.

"Ignore my husband. He may be in his thirties, but he has the mentality of a tenth grader at times. I'm Rose by the way."

"Hi," I replied meekly.

"Did you need some help with your luggage?" she asked, inclining her head in the direction of the hallway behind me. "Emmett can help."

"Um…no thanks. I'm just gonna…gonna call a cab," I said, holding up my cell phone. "I was just going to grab a bottle of water, and then I'll be out of your way," I added.

"Oh, you're not in our way. We're here to help Esme set up for her party tonight," Emmett explained.

Oh, the Valentine's party; the one I helped Esme organize. I promised her I'd stay through it, but I couldn't…not after last night.

I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts. It didn't matter anyway. I had to get out of here.

I tried to look up cab companies again on my phone but the connection was inconsistent in different parts of the Cullens' home. "I…um…can't get a good signal right now -"

I was cut off by the sound of voices carrying over from the foyer, getting louder. It sounded like Edward was talking to someone, explaining details of dinner, but I couldn't really make out what he was saying.

He came into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me, both our gazes locked upon one another.

"Ow, Edward." I heard a female voice. "Why'd you stop like that?" It was Carmen, and she rubbed her forehead, having bumped into Edward's back. She looked between the two of us and answered her own question. "Oh."

She was the first to break the uncomfortable silence that followed.

"Hi. It's Becca, right?"

Guess she couldn't be bothered to remember her boyfriend's ex-wife. _Bitch_.

Of course, I _did_ just sleep with her boyfriend, so I guess I was the bitch.

I didn't even bother to correct her, just hmm'ed in response. But Edward spoke up. "Carmen, you met Bella," he emphasized my name, "at the hospital."

She didn't have time to pretend to be embarrassed because Esme marched into the kitchen spouting off directions to an assistant trailing behind her, who was furiously writing notes on a clipboard. Esme doled out the last of her demands, and the helper retreated.

"Oh, good morning, Bella," she smiled. "Was that your suitcase I saw?"

"You're leaving?" Edward sounded surprised, focusing his intense stare on me.

"I told you last night," I started.

"Well that was before…" He ran his hand over his face, exhaling mightily.

"Before what?" Carmen inquired.

I didn't even bother to look at her or reply to her question. She no longer mattered to me. Edward didn't respond either.

He and I both just stared at each other, at a loss for what to say. It was a good question. What _did_ happen last night? I mean, I knew what happened; I was there. But what did it mean?

Our eye contact was broken when Esme's assistant escorted the caterers through the kitchen. The smell of seafood wafted over as they carried in boxes of shrimp, smoked salmon, and oysters.

"Oh my God." Rose groaned before she bolted to the garbage can and heaved.

My sympathetic stomach started to churn. I stood close enough to Rose that all the smells of the kitchen threatened to make me ill as well.

"I need to get some air," Rose said as she covered her nose. "Bella, you look green. Do you want to join me?"

"Yes, please." I quickly followed behind her as we made our exit.

"Thank you, Rose." I paused in the foyer. "That was…"

"Awkward as hell, and I'm not talking about my breakfast making an appearance."

I laughed. "Something like that."

"We should be thanking the caterer for our escape. Edward and Emmett have been hanging out a lot, and I can't stand it when she's around."

My face fell. I had figured Carmen was his girlfriend, but having it confirmed by Rose was a punch in the gut. Why else would she be hanging out with Edward? I felt ill again. A look of concern passed over Rose's face.

"Hey, you okay?"

I controlled my expressions and swallowed the bile in my throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. Carmen can't be that bad," I said, secretly hoping she was.

"No, she just smells like shit."

We made our way down the hallway and into the family room. "I didn't notice anything."

"You wouldn't. I'm not saying she smells bad."

"Okay. I'm confused." I sat down in the center of the wrap-around couch while Rose carefully lowered herself in to the recliner.

"She always wears that vanilla spray or perfume or whatever. Makes me think of shit. Every time."

"Shit?" I giggled. Rose was a weird one.

"My mom used to spray this vanilla-scented air freshener after anyone went to the bathroom." She raised her eyebrows at me. "You get what I'm saying?"

I laughed in response. "They say scent is the strongest tie to memory."

"No shit! Seriously! All I know is I want to hurl whenever she's around." She pulled out a pack of gum and offered it to me.

"Thanks," I said, taking a piece.

"Anyway. Those were some pretty cryptic statements back there, and with the burning looks you were shooting at each other, you could be Swiss cheese. So tell me. What _did_ happen last night?"

Before I could answer, however, she laughed. "Nevermind. Your red cheeks say it all. Plus, I see the way he looks at you."

"He left me."

"And? All that proves is he's an idiot with a messed up idea of what the right thing to do is. Has nothing to do with how he feels."

The look on my face must have expressed my dubiousness. My head still pounded, and the lack of sleep and the stress of staying here drained my strength.

Rose put her feet up and settled into the cushions, watching me with curiosity.

"You know sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger about the things that are troubling you than it is to talk to your family or even your closest friends."

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm really tired. I just don't feel like talking anymore, and I'm ready to go home."

Apparently Rose wasn't giving up that easily and decided to try another approach.

"Did you know that Emmett and Edward were best friends in grade school? They lost touch, but in the last six months they've become very close again. I might be able to offer you some helpful insight. Emmett can't keep a secret from me to save his life, and he gossips like an old woman. I feel like I sort of know you already. Whenever you came up in conversation, Edward was pretty emotional about the subject."

I had a feeling Rose knew more than she was letting on. "Divorce is a pretty strong emotion," I replied.

"Pfft," she scoffed. "Divorce is a piece of paper."

"So is marriage."

"Precisely." She grinned.

I didn't quite know what her point was, but I had little time to ponder it.

"Bella, dear. There you are," Esme said, settling herself down next to me. She patted my knee affectionately. "You wouldn't leave before the party would you? You've put in so many hours toward this benefit, and I couldn't possibly have done it without you. I would just be heartbroken if you missed out on the festivities."

Her Texas twang became more pronounced as she laid on the guilt. Must've been part of the Southern charm.

"Well, I…uh…gotta…" Damn it! Couldn't I form a sentence anymore?

"Besides, I saw on the news this morning that an ice storm is shutting down airports from Tallahassee to DC, and I don't know that you'll be able to get a flight out today."

My head fell against the back of the couch. I felt defeated. I briefly contemplated getting a car rental and driving home, but I was still so tired. Esme saw weakness and prattled on.

"You're practically my co-chair tonight, and oh, it's going to be great. Edward is feeling well enough to play. You remember my parties don't you?" She turned her inviting smile toward me.

I nodded. Of course I remembered. The last one I attended had been…interesting.

"_Why aren't you dressed yet?" I tried to fit my earring through the hole in my ear while staring at my husband, who was sitting on the bed in the guest room of his parents' house._

"_I'll get ready in a few."_

"_The party starts in like five minutes." I reminded him._

"_Bella, the party is right downstairs. I'm sure we'll be okay."_

"_I know," I said, sighing heavily. "I just want to make a good impression. Your mom asked me to write the opening speech for the charity auction. I don't wanna screw it up."_

"_You won't. You'll do great." He smiled his glorious smile, almost easing away my nervousness._

"_As long as I have you with me, I will."_

_Edward's face fell a bit. "Bella, you don't need me. The people are gonna love what is written in that speech. And they'll love the speech writer for it. And baby, that's all you. I have nothing to do with it."_

_I walked over to him, placing my legs in between his. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his face against my abdomen. I ran my fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. "I still need you."_

"_Stop saying that," he muffled into my dress._

_"Why? It's true. I'll always need you."_

_He looked up, his green eyes glowing in the lamplight. "I wish that were true."_

"_Edward, are you trying to tell me something?"_

_At first, he said nothing, just stared up into my eyes, conflict swimming in his. As quick as it formed, his furrowed brows relaxed and then he smiled._

"_Just that I think you're beautiful. And people love you."_

_Deciding not to press the issue, I smiled in return. "Including you?"_

"_Always. Never forget that."_

"_Maybe you could remind me." I stepped back and let the straps of my dress fall off my shoulders._

_He flashed that crooked smile I loved. "Thought we only had five minutes?"_

"_Should be enough time for you." I smirked mischievously._

"_You shouldn't have said that," he warned, pouncing on me. My shriek of laughter filled the room before Edward captured my mouth with a kiss and propelled me backward toward the bed._

_We were late to the party, but it was worth it._

_~UrQ~_

"_Are your mom's parties always like this?" I asked Edward, taking in the sights before me. Black tuxedos and shiny party dresses adorned the 200 or so guests who stood about the room, congratulating themselves on being masters of business and industry, no doubt._

_I mean, Edward told me his mom came from "old" money, but this was nothing short of surreal to a woman who grew up in the middle-class home with a police chief for a father and an art teacher for a mother._

"_You get used to it." Edward shrugged as he grabbed a champagne flute from the tray of a passing waiter._

"_If you say so…hey, you okay? You look a little flushed." I reached to feel his forehead, but Edward jerked his head away._

"_I'm fine." Chugging the champagne in one gulp, he added, "I think my mother needs me." Then he turned and walked away._

"_O-kayyyyy. Mr. Moody," I muttered aloud._

"_You must be talking about my brother."_

_I turned my head and saw Jasper smiling with his arm secured around Alice's back, a prominent smile displayed on her face as well._

"_Man, am I glad to see you guys." I exhaled and leaned over to hug them. My behavior was probably somewhat inappropriate to the high society guests, but I didn't care._

"_It can't be that bad, Bella." Alice chuckled into my ear, returning my hug._

"_It's just so…"_

"_Boring." Jasper answered for me._

"_Something like that. Plus, I think something's up with Edward. Not sure what though."_

"_He __hates __these __parties __probably __as __much __as __you __do. __Mom __always __makes __him __play __the __piano. __Show __off __his _genius_.__" __Jasper __held __up __his __hands __in __finger __quotes._

_As if on cue, tinkling sounds of music filtered through from the main room. Like moths to the flame, we all started walking toward the sound. I sauntered slowly, letting the other guests trudge ahead of me. We made it to the wide doorway where I leaned against the jamb and watched my husband from afar._

_Jasper wasn't too far off with his genius statement. Even to my untrained ear, I could tell that what he played was beautiful. The looks on the mesmerized faces of those around me confirmed my thoughts. Esme had every reason to be proud, and it showed._

_She flitted around the room, not so casually, gesturing in the direction of Edward sitting at the piano, her smile growing with each measure that he played._

_I couldn't tell if Edward enjoyed playing to the extent that his mother treasured it. His face was perplexing. Either he was focused, determined not to make a mistake, or he was pained. I couldn't really tell._

_As if he knew I was staring, Edward looked up from the piano and locked his gaze with mine. He smiled at first before his expression darkened with a slight frown, and then he returned his attention to the keys. Suddenly the music morphed from one of classical sophistication to that of clanging, discordant cacophony. _

_A hush overcame the room as we all stood, transfixed at the scene before us. The notes seemed to have no harmony in nature, just a string of sharp and flat notes displeasing to the ear. But then Edward started to sing, and the jarring music transitioned into a melodic tune._

_If attention is what he wanted, he got it. All eyes and ears were tuned to him as we listened to the song he sang._

"_To love somebody, naturally."_

_Edward had a beautiful singing voice._

"_To love somebody, faithfully."_

_Alice and Jasper came and joined me at the entryway to the room, both with eyes wide with disbelief._

"_To love somebody, honestly."_

_Alice leaned toward me to ask a question while our attention was still on the performance. I didn't hear her. I wasn't listening to anything but him. Edward lifted his head from the piano and once again caught my stare._

"_It's not enough. It's not enough. It's not enough…"_

_Esme had discreetly made her way back through the crowd to her son. She rested her hands on his shoulders to interrupt his playing, but still his eyes were fixed on mine. I couldn't be too sure, because of the distance and lighting in the room, but his eyes seemed watery, as if he could cry at any moment._

_Finally, he broke his stare, shrugged away from his mother, and left. I crossed the room to follow him, but Esme immediately accosted me._

"_Bella, love. Do you know what that was all about?"_

"_No clue," I responded absentmindedly, searching the crowd for my husband; even though I knew he wasn't there._

_Esme left me to go do her version of damage control. She stood behind a podium near the piano to thank all the donors and give her closing remarks. I felt an obligation to stay after she singled me out, thanking me for the opening speech. _

_My mind drifted and I was left to wonder about, well everything: Edward's cryptic statements earlier in the night about not needing him came to mind first. And then he sang about love not being enough. What was this all about? Did he want to be alone? Should I give him some space for a little while?_

_I waited long enough to make sure Esme didn't need anything. Then I said goodbyes to complete strangers who commended me on my speech before I made my way upstairs where I hoped to find Edward._

_He was there, pretending to be asleep. He never slept on his back, but there he was, trying to convince me of his slumber with his heavy breathing. I played along with his charade and got ready for bed. I climbed under the sheets and sidled up close to him, wrapping my arms around his torso. I placed a soft kiss on his chest and murmured, "I love you. I hope it's enough for whatever's going on."_

_He exhaled, so I glanced at his face, expecting a response. Instead, all I saw was a lone tear travel down his cheek and land on the pillow behind his head._

"_Oh, Edward. What's wrong, baby?" I tried to hug him, comfort him in any way I could, but he turned over and away from me, burying his face in the pillow._

_We never discussed it again._

Looking back on it now, his behavior should've set off warning bells, but hindsight was twenty-twenty.

"You don't need to do anything today. All the details are taken care of. I just want you to be my guest after all you've done for me. Please say you'll stay, Bella."

If I couldn't get a flight out, was it really worth her disappointment if I told her no? I smiled politely and nodded to her.

"Esme, if you'll excuse me, I don't feel very well. I think I need to lie down and get some rest before tonight."

~UrQ~

Here I was two years later getting ready for one of Esme's parties – even though I thought I'd never attend one again – wearing a black dress that Alice had let me borrow, the result of my unending inability to say 'No'.

I was struggling with the zipper of my dress when a knock sounded out on the bedroom door, startling me.

"Bella?" It was Edward. "You in there?"

I held my breath, though I wasn't sure why.

He knocked again before jiggling the doorknob. Thank God I had locked it earlier.

I tiptoed across the room and leaned against the wall. I half expected the doorknob to turn despite it being locked. I waited and listened for him to give up and walk away – it's what he was good at after all. He shuffled his feet on the other side of the door, their shadows casting imprints on the carpet where I stood.

"Bella, please."

Still I said nothing,

There was a small thud against the door. I envisioned Edward on the other side resting his head and waiting for me. The floor creaked as he shifted his feet. I pressed my ear to the wall and strained to hear anything.

"Please." The pleading voice was barely audible.

I pulled my head away from his voice and slowly slid to floor. Through the crack at the bottom of the door, I could see a sliver of his shoes before they disappeared. The muted sound of footsteps on carpet faded quickly.

I let myself breathe deeply again, exhaling as if it would expel the stress from my body. "You can do this. One more night. Just breathe."

~UrQ~

As I walked down the grand stairway, leading to the main atrium of the Cullen home, my senses were bombarded with the sea of pinks and reds before me.

Esme had really gone all out for this one. Heart-shaped placards adorned the walls, and tiny cherub cupids hung from the chandeliers. She even had red and pink drinks served in fancy glasses as the women servers walked around with pink feather boas adorning their necks.

Valentine's Day. Single people were justified in their hatred of the holiday.

Alone. I hadn't been without a date on Valentine's in over a decade.

Yet here I was in my ex-in-laws' house at a party reserved for couples, where my confusing ex-husband and his new girlfriend were present. Lonely and out of place didn't begin to describe how I felt.

I grabbed one of the fancy drinks from a passing tray and skirted around the edge of the room. I knew some of the people here; they were regulars at Esme's charity events. They looked at me with thinly veiled curiosity, their gazes flicking between Edward and me.

I resigned myself to a corner in the living room, sulking and sipping some fruity cocktail, watching as Esme worked the room and complimented one guest and congratulated another. The only difference between this party and the one I last attended was the charitable cause for which they were all gathered – and the tacky pink boas.

I felt like some badly cast character of a made-for-TV Valentine's Day movie. I was Jessica Biel in _Valentines __Day._ Maybe having a go at a piñata with a baseball bat would make me feel a little more…centered. I watched the room, trying to block out all the romance and couple vibes Esme's party gave off. It was almost like déjà vu.

Same amount of people. Same amount of booze. Triple the amount of awkward tension between Edward and me.

My ex-husband was busy fending off curious questions about his current wellbeing and prognosis. It was hard to tell from my vantage point, but if he had more than a half inch of hair on his head, he probably would have pulled it all out by now. I bet he was getting frustrated with the onslaught of questions.

I wondered about Carmen; I hadn't seen her around. Wasn't she Edward's date?

He caught me staring from across the room and smiled for the first time that evening.

He began to make his way toward me, but I tried to slip away before he could reach me – I wasn't ready to talk to him, not yet. Maybe not ever.

Footsteps echoed behind me as I entered the kitchen.

"Bella, please. We need to talk," Edward said, grabbing my elbow.

Keeping my face from him, I gently placed my cocktail on the counter and slowly turned. I crossed my arms over my chest and all but tapped my foot to the tune of an angry woman.

"Okay, Edward. Talk." My voice was sharp and curt, but I wasn't about to mellow it out for him.

He said nothing, just rubbed his hand through his barely-there hair.

"Go on. I'm waiting." I resisted the urge to grab him by the lapels and shake him until he talked. Yell, cry, scream…anything but the silence.

He sighed. "Last night. We need to talk about last night."

"Okay, Edward." I stepped closer to him and gritted through my teeth. "What _did_ happen last night?"

He stared down at me, still mute. I took another step forward, well aware my stance had moved from impatient to confrontational. "Better yet. Why don't you tell me what happened this past year? How about that, huh, Edward?"

My voice was slightly raised, but I didn't care who heard. "Tell me how you wake up one day and decide that you can't be my husband anymore?" I dropped my arms back to my sides, my hands clasped into fists, and took another step forward. "Or this, tell me how you go from being a loving, caring man that I love to the hateful, rude asshole that you are now?"

The anger that flowed through my veins felt…good. It felt freeing and cleansing. I poked him in the chest with one finger. "Or, how about this? Tell me how you can go from avoiding me and ignoring me to fucking me up against a wall? 'Cause we both know that wasn't making love."

A gasp sounded out behind me. My raised voice had attracted an audience but only of the familial sort. Alice watched us, mouth agape.

She stepped forward in an effort to placate me. "Bella…"

"Don't." I whirled on her. "What the hell, Alice? You tell me he needs me and that he doesn't have much time left? Are you serious? All I've experienced since I've been out here is nothing but his contempt. And look. Just look! He's fine."

Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper approached to hear the last part of my outburst. Angry tears started to stream down my face, but they weren't going to stop me. In fact, it only infuriated me because I was once again crying over this family.

I was on a roll. All the anger and despair and confusion I had been feeling since I'd arrived started bubbling over. If I were honest with myself, these were the feelings that had been trying to spill out of me for the last ten months.

"Maybe we should all have a sit down or something after the party," Esme suggested.

"And you!" I turned my attention to Esme. "I know he's your son, but how dare you call me one of your own when you did nothing but abandon me when Edward decided he'd had enough of our marriage." I may as well have slapped her from the way she flinched at my words. "And then you have the nerve to invite me into your home and try to manipulate us like a pair of puppets? Well, I'm cutting the strings. Exactly what are you playing at?"

Her face finally broke through my angry fog. What was I doing? This wasn't me.

I stopped momentarily, choking on my own sobs and took in my surroundings. Alice cried quietly into Jasper's side as he held her. Carlisle had taken the same stance with Esme letting her tears soak his shirt.

Edward just looked…pained, face scrunched up, eyes boring into mine.

I took a few calming breaths and gathered my thoughts. "Jasper?" He lifted his head. "Will you take me to the airport?"

Sensing that I couldn't be talked out of it this time, he nodded his assent.

"Good. I'm gonna go grab my things. Meet you outside in thirty minutes."

If I didn't get a flight out, I'd just sleep at the airport. It would be more comfortable than staying here any longer.

I started to walk away, but Edward grabbed my elbow again. "Bella, please. I meant what I said in the note. Please."

Not bothering to turn around, I spoke slowly and clearly, my voice finally back to its normal pitch. "The truth is Edward, I don't love you as a wife loves a husband. And even if I did, it wouldn't be enough. Isn't that right?"

Then I shrugged from his grasp and walked away.

**I****'****d ****love ****to ****know ****what ****you ****think!**

**By the way, I'm very nervous about the response to next week's update. * bites nails ***


	11. Chapter Ten: A Little Bit Stronger

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. She just lets me torture the poor souls of her Edward and Bella.**

**Please enjoy and remember all mistakes are mine.**

On the way home from the airport, Jamie had tried to get me to talk to him. I refused. I was tired of crying over Edward and what might have been. No more was I going to allow him to have any semblance of control over or presence in my life. He'd left me, and good riddance.

I sensed Jamie's reluctance to let it go at that, but he really had no other choice. I was done when it came to Edward. I'd told Jasper just that as he drove me away from the Cullens' emotionally constipated house that night.

"Bella, you don't mean that."

"I'm serious, Jasper. I'm done. With the games and with the secrets. I don't care anymore."

Jasper shot me a disbelieving look. "You just need a little time to cool off."

"Damn it!" I smacked my hand on his dash. "I am _so_ sick of people telling me what I need or thinking they know what's best for me."

"I'm…I'm sorry," he replied, his voice full of remorse. "I didn't know."

"Well, now you do. I mean it. Tell them all I'm done. Don't contact me again."

My face resolute, I shot him a grim smile as I exited his car and walked away.

When Jamie couldn't get me to talk, Kate thought she'd try, taking me for lunch on my first day back to work.

"So you gonna tell me what happened in Texas?" she asked before taking a bite of her salad.

I sipped from my ice water before answering. "I'll tell you like I told Jamie; I don't want to talk about it."

"So that's it? You're just gonna move on and forget all about him?"

"I'm gonna try." I sighed and bit into my sandwich.

It would be hard, but I had to let them go – all of them. They weren't my family, not anymore. They belonged in Edward's world and not mine.

Alice and Esme, of course, ignored my request. At first they each called once a day, a far cry from how they treated the situation a year ago. I deleted every message as soon as I heard their voice; I had no idea what they said.

Alice resorted to texting me when I didn't return her calls.

_Come on, Bella. Please talk to me._

Irritated that her text interrupted my game of Words with Friends, among other things, I replied with:

_I'll change my number if you keep this up._

Her response was almost immediate and further managed to piss me off.

_Oh Bella. Don't say that. We're family. _

I furiously typed out my next response.

_We WERE family. Your brother-in-law made sure of that. Now leave me alone._

Edward made sure of a lot of things.

And maybe he just followed along with my wishes not to be contacted; I hadn't heard from him since I'd gotten back.

No phone call. No text. No email. Nothing. Again.

And maybe I shouldn't have been surprised, but it didn't leave me any less confused…and annoyed.

"_Go home," he said with disdain from his hospital bed. _

"_Don't go," he said in a note._

"_We need to talk," he pleaded before I left._

Talk about what? Why he left me? How he treated me? It didn't matter. None of it.

But the sex…

Though incredible – really incredible – it changed nothing.

It was time to start over. Start a new life. A new way of living. A new routine.

The thing about routine is, it's just that. Routine. It was the only thing that kept me from returning to my life of sleeping on the couch with empty pizza boxes and wine glasses littered about.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. It had been six weeks since my return from Texas, and I was determined _not_ to return to the life I'd lived before. There were times when the idea of shutting people out and hiding myself away greatly appealed to me, so that's where the routine came in handy – to keep me in check, to keep me on track to moving on.

Work, write, eat, sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

Kate kept me focused, urging me to continue writing; it's all I'd been doing since I'd gotten home. In a feverish bid to finish my book – if that's what we were calling it – I spent my days and nights holed up in my bedroom, scribbling away. Before I knew it, another three weeks had passed, and I had finished my letters. The edits, though few, had been submitted and approved. The galley copy sat on my bedside table, still to be read.

_Did __I __really __want __the __world __to __know __this?_

Not that it mattered; the publisher had given a launch and delivery date: two weeks.

The invites were out, and everyone was coming, except those who used to matter. They weren't invited at all.

Jamie, well Jamie was a Godsend. He'd call me to make sure I was okay and occasionally drop by to take me out to lunch. And when work was over, he'd come by the house to keep me company – not that I was much company to keep. Didn't matter to him, though. He made sure I ate and promptly informed me when it was time for me to shower, and he kept the house clean.

He practically moved in. At least until he convinced me to move out. It made sense really. The house was a representation of my time with Edward, and since there would be no more time with Edward, well, I moved. I moved out. I moved on.

Jamie persuaded me to get an apartment closer to the city, closer to work, but most importantly, closer to him.

He spent nearly all of his free time in my new apartment, head buried in the fridge or commandeering the remote. He was like the older brother I never had.

He should've just moved in. He left hints: his toothbrush in the guest bathroom and his favorite soda in the fridge, but he never broached the subject.

He knew I needed space – emotionally – and like the best friend that he was, he gave it to me.

Still, Edward was the last man I had lived with, and having someone to come home to again was…reassuring. Jamie's presence alone provided comfort, especially on moving day.

It was tough, more of a purging for me.

Purging. Phonetically similar to purgatory. Fitting.

"What is this?" Jamie asked from his stance on the floor.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Oh, that's Edward's."

He scrunched his face and made a disgusted look. "It's a toy."

I went back to wrapping my things in newspaper. "It's a Star Wars collectible toy."

Edward had collected them since he was a kid. I used to joke I'd sell them on eBay if he ever pissed me off…or died. He'd already accomplished one task. The other, well…

"So…what do you want me to do with it?" I shook my head of thoughts of Edward dying.

"Um…donate it. I don't really care." Edward didn't, so why should I?

"_Keep the house." He shrugged._

"_But what about your stuff? What about all this?" I cried._

"_It's just stuff, Bella." _

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie toss the toy onto one of the piles we created earlier. "Gonna be one lucky kid." He stood and heaved a box into his arms. "I'll be right back. Taking this downstairs."

I waved him off and finished taping the box. I hoisted it up, resting it on my hip, prepared to take it to the moving van when I saw them.

I dropped the cardboard box to the floor, the current task momentarily forgotten.

I _knew_ they were there; I just didn't remember.

There they sat, resting against the wall in the back of an unused upstairs closet. A thin film of dust had accumulated on the glass and frames in the year they'd been there.

A gleam of light from the hallway ricocheted off of a tiny crack at the bottom of one of the frames, pulling my mind into a vortex of memories.

"_Dance with me, beautiful." Edward's head was cocked to one side, hand proffered. _

_I gave him a small frown. "Did you see what she just did?"_

"_Yes, but right now, I just want to dance with my beautiful wife." He tilted his head to the other side as if pondering something. "Man, it feels good to say that." He smiled and grabbed my hand, leading me to center of the floor, pulling me close to his chest._

"_It's broken," I whined._

"_You're so cute when you pout." He chuckled, his chest vibrating._

"_Edward, it's not funny." I pulled away and glowered._

_His face sobered. "Sorry," he said fighting a smile._

"_I'm serious."_

"_Bella, baby, if this is the extent of the disasters we can expect on our wedding day, then I'll take it."_

"_She broke our photo guest book. It has a big crack in it now."_

"_Which can be fixed. It was an accident. It doesn't mean anything other than that we'll have to buy a new frame." _

"_What if it's like a bad omen or something?"_

"_It's not. Trust me."_

_I eyed him warily, pursing my lips._

_He tightened his hold on me, resting his forehead on mine. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"_

"_Okay, Rod Stewart."_

"_Well, you do look wonderful tonight." He pulled me into his arms, dipped me backwards and kissed me before straightening us up again._

_I threw my head back, letting a boisterous laugh ring out. "Sorry, I meant Eric Clapton."_

"There's _the __smile __I __wanted __to __see. __Now __dance __with __me, __woman,__" __he __said, __twirling __me __in __a __circle._

The slam of the front door brought my attention back to the cracked and dusty glass before me. We never fixed the frame. Edward said it gave it character, said it was a good memory.

I saw it as a bad omen, and I was right.

I leaned forward and blew away some of the dust, revealing Edward's and my smiling faces.

One year. Well, almost. It was hard to believe that much time had passed since my life had been turned on its axis, spinning me in a completely different direction. No one ever expects their fairy tale to end though.

In reality, my life nowhere resembled a fairy tale, but it was _my_ life. I had a husband. I had a best friend. I had a confidant.

Gone.

In hindsight, I saw the signs. If the indifference and nonchalance weren't enough, surely his words "I don't want you anymore" clued me in that something was wrong.

I'd never forget the look on his face from that day. His eyes were cold and distant, almost angry. Such a striking difference from the face displayed before me now. Even if I were a stranger, I'd know the way that man was looking at that woman was filled with nothing less than adoration.

While preparing to move, Jamie and I had sorted through almost everything before boxing items up. We made a trash pile, a Goodwill pile, a Bella-better-share-this-with-me pile, but none of those piles would've helped me figure out what to do with our wedding photos. So I just stared at them, thinking all the while: he left me, taking nothing but my broken heart with him.

"_It's our life, our memories." I tried to reason with him._

"_Like I said, keep the house and whatever is in it. I don't want it. Not anymore."_

I kept our stuff all right. I hid it away and pretended it didn't exist. So there I stood, staring at reminders of a future that no longer belonged to us, wondering what it all meant.

It wasn't exactly like I could hang them around my new apartment. But how was I supposed to throw them away? Wasn't I supposed to keep them for the memories of happier times? Everyone had a past, right? And it's not like we had kids to pass them onto.

I mulled it over in my head, but my mind – the traitorous thing that it was – reminded me that he didn't want to keep them as a memory of happier times, so why should I?

I hated it when I got like that. It was hard to break the habit ingrained in me after being with someone for over ten years. My first instinct had always been to turn to him.

I wanted so much to call him. Well, not the him of now, but the him that I knew and loved. The one who loved me back. But he no longer existed, and I had to mourn the loss of him as if he passed away.

I lost track of how long I'd been standing there when Jamie came barreling up the stairs. He stopped when he noticed what held my attention. He placed a hand on my back and gently pushed me toward the stairs. "Why don't you go see if we missed anything downstairs. I'll take care of this, okay?"

I didn't know what he did with them; they could be in my new apartment for all I knew. It wasn't terribly important for me to find out though, so I didn't ask.

~UrQ~

The granite felt cool and rough under my heated fingertips. As my hand traced the lettering, my stomach sank, a feeling of dread drowning me from within.

I clutched my belly as if that act would quell the discomfort associated with my sudden onset of fear.

I lifted my hands to find them bloody and stained. Panicked and speechless, I stared in disbelief and wonder, trying to discern the source of the bleeding.

"Why didn't you save him?"

My head shot up at the sound of Esme's voice. She stood before me, dressed completely in black, a thin black veil covering her face. She clutched a crumpled piece of paper to her chest as mascara-laced tears streaked down her face.

"Esme? What…what's going on? Where are we?"

My own voice sounded muffled, distorted as if under water.

"Where we're headed," she answered, turning in a half circle to reveal what was hidden behind her, a headstone.

The same one my fingers had just traced.

"I don't understand," I said, searching Esme for answers. I watched as the piece of paper she clutched fell from her grasp and floated to the fresh dirt we stood over. Only it wasn't a piece of paper. It was a baby photo…of Edward.

I bent down and picked it up, my fingers casting a bloody imprint on the image of the smiling baby.

"Looks just like him." Her voice was soft and reverent.

"Who? Edward? This _is_ Edward." I pointed to the picture.

"No." She raised her arm, her finger pointing down to the dirt. "This is Edward."

I jolted awake, my body drenched in sweat, my chest heaving with heavy breaths. I tried to move, but my limbs wouldn't obey, temporarily paralyzed.

I laid there and repeated out loud. "It was just a dream. Just a dream."

Eventually, control of my extremities returned, and the aroma of bacon and coffee wafted through my room. I got out of bed and went to join Jamie in the kitchen where I assumed he was making me breakfast. It was the morning of my launch party, and the thought of him doing something nice for me made me smile.

I opened the door to my bedroom and shuffled toward the kitchen when my stomach violently turned as the more potent stench of bacon grease wafted my way. I barely made it to the trashcan in time.

"Whoa, what was that?" Jamie asked me from his stance at the stove.

"_That_ was vomit."

"Nervous about the party tonight?" he asked as if he already knew the answer.

"I don't know," I replied, reaching for a glass so I could rinse my mouth out. "I think I might be coming down with something. I could barely keep my dinner down last night and threw up before I went to bed. Plus, I just had a really freaky dream. Woke up a bit…disoriented."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it was just a dream."

"You think you'll be okay to go tonight?"

I nodded. "I should be fine. You still my date?"

"You bet your sweet ass I am. I want the first signed copy as well." He grinned before returning his attention to the bacon. My nose crinkled a bit; the smell was nauseating.

"I already signed your copy. It's on the table by my bed."

~UrQ~

As my date for the party, Jamie sucked. We arrived together, but he left me alone so I could schmooze the so-called important people pretty much as soon as we'd arrived, leaving him to mingle with the not-so-important people I suppose.

It wasn't too bad. Kate walked me arm-in-arm through the crowd of sixty or so people, pausing for polite conversation here and a bit of small talk there. We stopped by the bar to grab some drinks before making another pass around the room.

"I'll have a glass of Chablis, and she'll have…" Kate looked over her shoulder, waiting for me to tell the bartender my order.

"Ginger Ale." Kate raised her eyebrow. "What? I've been feeling sick."

Jamie chose that moment to rejoin me for the evening. "She hasn't been _feeling_ sick; she _has _been sick. She threw up like three times today. I'm surprised she came."

"You do look kinda pale," Kate said, visually scanning me for proof of Jamie's claims.

"It's just the stress from moving and the book and all." I shrugged and reached forward to grab our drinks.

I offered Kate her wine glass. She took a sip before responding. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you might be pregnant."

Both Jamie and I laughed heartily. "She'd have to, you know, be getting some for that to work, Kate."

"Yeah, Kate…" I took a swig of my drink and was ready to echo Jamie's assertion when a horrible thought came to mind. Choking my last swallow down, with Jamie patting my back – as if that ever truly helped in sincere cases of choking – I tried desperately to recall my last period. I couldn't.

"You okay, Bella?" Kate asked.

"Yeah…um, I…it just…it went down the wrong pipe."

Kate's worried eyes studied me. She looked skeptical. So was I.

Jamie nudged me gently in the side with his elbow. "I think someone's trying to get your attention."

Kate and I both turned our heads in the direction he'd indicated. "Oh, it's time!" Kate grabbed my hand, and we ascended the dais to where a chair and microphone were set up for my reading. Kate gave a brief introduction. The curtain behind me fell away to unveil a twenty-foot banner of the book cover as my backdrop.

I sat down and grabbed the marked copy of the story I was about to share, running my finger over the glossy dust jacket. It wasn't that I didn't know what it looked like; it was my book. It's just that the whole experience was a bit surreal. I imagined this was what recording artists felt like: One day listening to your favorite artist on the radio, the next turning on the station and finding that the voice crooning in your ear was your own.

The artwork was magnificent. I'd contributed ideas here and there, but it was nothing compared to the final product: a blurry silhouette of a man against a midnight blue background, clutching tattered and worn notebook pages in his hand.

The silhouette looked nothing like Edward – it wasn't supposed to, even though the book was inspired by him…somewhat – but still I was glad. Seeing his face everywhere would've been a step in the wrong direction if I tried to live without him. I placed my hand gingerly on my tummy, rubbing soothing circles. Maybe that idea had gone to the dogs now anyway.

A baby. Edward's baby would mean he'd be in my life, book cover or not.

I took a deep breath and began to read a passage from _Letters __to __Masen_. My words echoed through the sound system, and the room fell silent. This moment was my dream finally coming to fruition. I should have been completely present so as to remember every detail, but my mind was preoccupied with another moment that changed my life forever.

"_Bella, come on, we're gonna be late."_

"_Just a minute." I called back to Edward through the bathroom door. Except I wasn't quite sure it would be a minute. The box said results in two minutes, but that didn't mean I'd be ready in that time. Hell, I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready._

_There I sat on the toilet – though not using it for its intended purpose – waiting for a particular color to indicate in which direction my life was about to turn. _

"_Bella. The movie's gonna start in like 45 minutes. I don't wanna miss the trailers." Edward all but whined on the other side of the door._

_I said nothing. Instead, I sat frozen, literally biting my nails, gaze transfixed on the counter._

"_Bella?" He called after me._

_Again, I said nothing._

"_Bella, I'm coming in." _

_I heard the doorknob turn and knew he had entered, but I didn't look up. I was too afraid. Would he be as terrified as I was? Would it be for the same reasons?_

_From my peripheral vision, I saw him pick up the box and place it back down. I didn't know if he looked at the stick. By now the indicator would have something to tell us._

_He knelt before me, placing his hands upon my knees. Unable to control them, tears ran down my cheeks. I hung my head and let them fall. _

_Keeping one hand on my knee and using the other hand to wipe my tears away, Edward said, "Baby, talk to me."_

"_I think…I think I'm pregnant." I whispered into my lap, still unable to look at him._

"_I can see that," he said softly. He lifted my chin, forcing me to make eye contact. "What I want to know is, are these tears of joy?"_

"_I don't know. Yes. Maybe." I shrugged out of his touch. "I don't know, Edward."_

"_Bella, it's really very simple. Do you want to be pregnant or not?" he asked, his voice soft but firm._

_I turned and glared, though I wasn't really angry. "Edward, we're not even married."_

"_There's a simple solution to that as well."_

_I stared at him long and hard. There was a hint of a playful smile on his face, but his eyes revealed the truth; he was serious._

"_Edward, that better not have been a marriage proposal."_

"_It wasn't. Though I do want to marry you."_

_If my heart were to have stopped beating only to restart again, beating double time, Edward would have been the cause._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah." He smiled, then inclined his head toward the counter._

_My smile faded but only slightly. I wanted a baby – someday – and to have one with Edward would be a dream come true; I just wasn't sure the timing was right. As if sensing my thoughts, Edward reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it reassuringly._

"_I meant what I said, baby or no."_

_I returned the squeeze and reached for the stick. I let out a huff and looked down._

_Negative._

_A myriad of emotions stormed through me: sadness, relief, joy, pain, and disappointment. I blew out another puff of air and held out the stick._

"_Want to see?" _

_He shook his head. "I saw it when I came in."_

"_But you…"_

"_Doesn't matter," he interrupted. "I meant what I said, baby or no." Then he leaned forward, cupping my face in his hands. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head and whispered, "I love you," into my hair._

_After running his hands over my hair a few times, he stood up and offered his hand. "Those tests are pretty accurate, but we should get a blood test, just to be sure."_

_I nodded, not knowing what else to say. _

"_You still up for a movie? I bet we can make the late showing. I'll buy you a ridiculously overpriced box of Goobers." He playfully shoved me with his hip, and I shoved him back._

_I yelled, "Hey," in mock offense._

"_Come here, you!' He grabbed me, pulling me into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulders. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm kinda glad you aren't pregnant." I tensed up a little, and he sensed it because his grip got tighter. "Just hear me out, okay."_

_I relaxed into his embrace. "This way – when I marry you – you'll know it's not out of some misplaced obligation to marry the mother of my children. It's because I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. The fact that we're married when you bear my children will just be an added bonus."_

_I pulled away from the hug, framing his face with my hands. "I love you." _

"_You should. I'm buying you a five dollar box of Goobers."_

I was still lost in my own world of thoughts and everything to do with the what-ifs of being pregnant when I finished the reading. Applause filled the room, and I took in the faces that surrounded me, smiling and nodding my appreciation. Display tables with the book were being uncovered while servers passed out champagne. The guests began to spread out to mingle and discuss the story. It was then that I noticed him, just a few feet away, through a break in the crowd.

For a few seconds, I didn't blink; I didn't move. Instead, I stared at a sight I couldn't quite grasp. There he stood, holding a copy of my new book in his hands. His hair had grown back, but it was short and lacked luster. What made it so much more unbelievable was how thin he looked – too thin. He had bags under his beautiful green eyes, and if I had to guess, I'd say he hadn't been sleeping.

Edward.

Even his gaunt appearance couldn't convince my heart that this wasn't the same Edward. My Edward.

His less than healthy look made my gut churn in concern, wondering about his prognosis. Dr. Gerandy had said it wasn't cancer, but that didn't mean Edward was clear of danger.

But at the moment only one thought was going through my mind. I wanted to know what the hell he was doing here.

**Important note: I will not be posting the next chapter in a week (Christmas Eve.) I will be busy with family and church obligations. Plus, my mom is having surgery on her shoulder, so I'll be helping in her recuperation. **

**I apologize, but I'm hoping you all are busy with family and holiday stuff that you won't even notice the missing update. However, if I do find time to polish the next chapter after the edits, I will post. I just don't want to promise it if I can't deliver.**

**The next update will be fun, I think. We get to see a little more from the Jamie we all know and love. **

**I'd love to see what you think so far.**

**Augurando a tutti pace, gioia, amore e prosperita**


	12. Chapter Eleven: Not Ready to Make Nice

**Disclaimer: I don't own it; Stephenie Meyer does.**

**As always, Team Unrequited made this chapter better. All mistakes are mine, though.**

**Enjoy!**

When I saw him through the crowd, I thought I was hallucinating. Hallucinations weren't symptoms of a pregnancy, were they?

I'm not sure if my imagination would have made him look so different, though. I could tell he was talking to someone, and from the way he ran his hand across the back of his neck, he seemed tense and nervous.

I moved to get a better view and realized Edward was standing before my parents, waving his hands around as he spoke. My parents had arrived late, leaving me little time to chat with them before I did my reading. I watched as my dad stood stoic, expression blank and arms crossed over his chest. My mom mirrored my dad's stance, but her arms hung by her side, one hand fiddling with the strap of her purse. They looked guarded and reserved, and I was relieved to know they were just as surprised to see him as I was. I couldn't imagine them being the ones responsible for his presence here.

I wondered what exactly he was sharing with them. Was it superficial and inconsequential? Or was it serious and meaningful? Were they discussing the book and the passage I read? Did he come here to explain himself, finally?

My mom must have felt my stare because she reached forward and placed her hand on Edward's forearm, nodding in my direction. All three turned to face me. I offered a faint and insincere smile.

Edward exchanged a few more words with my parents before he navigated through the crowd, toward the stage where I still stood. I glanced between him and my parents as he came closer. My mother's face was one of sympathy and concern; my dad's was equally concerned yet lacking in sympathy.

I descended from the dais and took my seat at the signing table next to one of the displays, waiting for him to approach.

When he reached the table, he held out the book in his hand, a slight tremor present as it wobbled in his grasp. "I was wondering if you'd sign this for me." His face displayed a nervous, tight-lipped smile.

I hesitantly took the book and opened it to the blank cover page. I wasn't prepared for this. Did he expect me to say something meaningful and profound? It's not as if my whole heart wasn't poured out into the pages that followed. I felt I should offer more than just my name, but I couldn't find the words.

_What was he doing here? And what would I even say?_

Apparently Jamie knew what he wanted to say because he joined us at the table. "What are _you_ doing here?" He all but snarled out the question, glaring at Edward. Both men stood facing one another in front of where I was seated. Jamie was pissed and ready for a fight, his eyes murderous and unforgiving; Edward ground his teeth together, frowning at Jamie's intrusion.

Kate was busy getting the party patrons to line up for autographs, so we didn't yet have an audience. I hoped their pissing contest didn't attract one.

"Don't start, James," Edward growled in return. "I'm here for Bella…on her big night."

"That's rich," Jamie scoffed. "Have you come to claim some sort of credit for her success?"

"I'm just here to support her."

"Too little, too late Cullen… or maybe you should change your name to Fairweather. Leave it to you to show up just for the good times. Funny how I was the one to take care of her during the bad times. Oh that's right, the whole _in sickness and in health_… that only applied to the _in health _part, huh?"

"You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Edward retorted through gritted teeth.

"I know enough."

"You know shit!" Edward spat.

It was like watching a tennis match, my neck swiveling with each vitriolic turn they took. Their voices remained level; if anything, they dropped in volume with each worsening insult. The barbs were exchanged in a conversational tone, their facial expressions and tonal inflections the only indication of their ire.

Jamie stepped forward. "I know you're a cowardly motherfucker." Jamie pointed at Edward, not yet poking him in the chest, but near enough.

"Fuck you. I don't owe you anything." Edward turned his back on Jamie and stared at me. "I came to see Bella."

"Oh no you don't." Jamie grabbed Edward's shoulder, turning him away from me. "No way am I letting you upset her."

Edward shrugged him off, his voice now rising. "Don't touch me."

Jamie shoved him in return. "What are you gonna do about it, huh? Run? It's what you're good at."

This was not good; the tennis match had turned into a train wreck, and I was too stunned to step in and stop it.

Edward chuckled in that haughty way of his, running his hand over his face. "Interfering asshole," he muttered before turning and punching Jamie in the jaw.

A series of gasps sounded out as the quiet confrontation turned physical.

Jamie stretched his jaw and wiped blood from his mouth. "I was so hoping you'd do that." He pulled back his fist and all but tackled Edward, driving them both toward the rear of the party room as Edward struggled to shove him off and stay upright at the same time.

I stood up, frantically scanning the room for a familiar face to help me. I didn't want either of them to get hurt, especially Edward. He looked so weak and pale. Yet, the vengeful part of me took pleasure in watching Jamie land a few punches.

They bumped into one of the displays, causing my books to tumble to the floor, the smacking sound as they fell echoing through the room.

The shock that had held me frozen in inaction shattered. I charged across the room, my distress turning to anger with each step I took. I would be livid if the cops were called. The last place I wanted to be tonight was in a police station. "Stop it! Just stop it!" I yelled.

They either didn't hear me, or they were choosing to ignore me. "You idiots! Do you—"

I was cut off by my dad placing his hand on my shoulder. "Let me handle this." He stepped forward, pulling the two men – acting like little boys – apart. "Enough! This is Bella's big night, and you're ruining it."

Reluctantly, both men dropped their fighter stances and shot me apologetic frowns. They looked pathetic: both trying to catch their breath, wiping blood from their mouths and brows.

My current and former best friends weren't always this antagonistic toward one another, but divorce changes things. I remember when they even called each other friends.

"_Honey, I'm home…" I sing-songed, walking in the door to my apartment. I found Jamie and Edward sitting on my couch, playing video games. "Hi guys." Jamie barely acknowledged me, and Edward just stared at me, a puzzled look on his face._

"_Don't mind me," I playfully admonished. "I'll just be in the kitchen cooking dinner."_

_Not taking his eyes from the game, Jamie yelled, "I think it's a tacos night."_

"_I'll take that into consideration."_

_I put my stuff down and headed for my bedroom. I changed into something more comfortable before returning to the kitchen, where I found Edward standing aimlessly as if waiting for me._

"_You want a beer or something?" I asked, startling him._

"_What? Uh, um…no, I'm fine."_

_I walked to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and hugging him. "Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what are you doing here? I thought you had to work."_

_He hugged me back. I could feel the reverberations in his chest as he responded to my question. "I got out early. Came over to surprise you but was surprised myself when I got here."_

"_By what?" I asked, pulling away to look at him._

_He looked down, raising one eyebrow. "Does James live here, Bella?"_

"_Practically," I snorted. "Which reminds me." I pulled away and yelled into the living room. "I think tacos are a good idea."_

"_Sweeeeeet!" Jamie responded. "Knew I liked you for a reason."_

_I shook my head and reached around Edward for the ground beef already sitting on the countertop. "Very subtle, Jamie," I muttered._

_I heard a grunt and looked up to see Edward standing with his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't seem happy._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_You didn't answer my question."_

"_Yes, I did. I said, practically, which implies that he doesn't but might as well. What's the big deal?"_

"_The big deal is," he started, his arms now waving around as he talked. "Is that I came over here to see you, and who do I find here? Another man." He pointed to living room where I hoped said other man couldn't hear us._

"_Oh my God, you're jealous." I tried hard not to laugh._

_Edward let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, how would you feel if you came over to my house and saw another woman there?"_

"_Depends. Who is this other woman to you?"_

_He sighed again before taking a seat at my small kitchen table. "Who is James to you?"_

_I needed to take this seriously, so I sat down in the chair opposite his. "He's like a brother to me."_

"_So you two…never…?"_

"_Never what?"  
_

"_You know?" he emphasized, raising his eyebrow again._

_My laughter could not be contained. "Ewww. No. Like I said: like a brother."_

_Edward's shoulders slumped, but I could tell he was still bothered. "What?" I asked, hoping he'd just say whatever was on his mind._

"_Do you think he sees you as a sister?"_

"_I sure hope so." I grinned; Edward didn't. I cleared my throat. "Look, he's not into me."_

"_Is he into girls?" Edward asked, a hint of hopefulness in his voice at the possibility that my best friend might be gay._

_Jamie strolled into the kitchen and headed straight for the fridge. He found a beer, popped the top, and took a swig before saying anything. "I hope that wasn't your attempt at asking if I'm gay." The two of them appraised each other like they were about to square off or something._

_Jamie took another swig. "But to answer your question, no, I'm not gay. I like women, not _your_ woman. She really is like a sister to me. Plus, we tried that shit already – was like kissing my grandmother." He shook his head, fighting off a revolted grimace._

_Edward shot a glare in my direction. I hadn't told him that part. "It was in tenth grade. We kissed. We regretted it. End of story."_

_Edward scowled at Jamie who nodded his head in confirmation of my version of events. "Dude, seriously. Like I'd want someone whose feet stink."_

"_Hey!" I turned around in my chair to face Jamie, who was smiling triumphantly. "My feet do _not_ stink!" I reached for the pack of tortillas on the table and took one out to fling at him._

"_Whatever," he responded, completely unfazed by my weapon. "When you're done being all emo and shit," he continued, his attention on Edward. "Come back to the living room. I want to play Call of Duty." He walked out, leaving Edward and me alone._

_Edward smiled, finally looking relaxed for the first time all night. He stood up and kissed the top of my head. "I'll just be in there." He inclined his head toward the living room. "By the way, I think your feet are cute…and smelly," he added before running away from my smacking hands._

_I busied myself with getting dinner ready – listening to their occasional shouts and grunts – glad that I could have the two men I loved the most – after my dad, of course – in my life without complications._

We had all been ushered into a private room. Kate spoke with the event coordinator, and my dad flashed his badge to security, persuading them not to call the cops. I stood at the wall, staring at Jamie and Edward who were seated at separate tables, both facing the door. My mom handed them each a plastic bag filled with ice from the bar so they could nurse their bruises and swollen knuckles. Unlike some parents, my mom wasn't one to meddle. She gave me one of her looks and left the three of us alone, closing the door behind her.

Edward kept shooting me glances. I met his gaze each time, not quite sure what he was feeling or thinking. I couldn't claim to read the expressions on his face or understand his actions anymore.

The door opened and closed again, and I looked up to see Kate making her way toward me. She didn't appear upset, which surprised me. "You okay?" she asked once she reached me.

"I'm fine. I just hope those two turkeys," I said, pointing at the troublemakers, "didn't ruin anything."

Jamie's head shot up, his eyes downcast as if ashamed.

"Are you kidding? That was _great_!" Kate exclaimed.

I cast a dubious stare in her direction as if she'd gone insane, and maybe she had.

Seeing the doubtful gawp on my face, she explained, "The publicity from this will be fantastic for your book. Just wait. The reporter from the Lifestyle section of the Atlanta Journal and Constitution was practically salivating when the fight broke out."

I groaned. I had been so preoccupied with meeting the tight deadlines for editing and publication that I honestly hadn't given thought to how my book would fare in the market. Then tonight I was distracted by Edward, wondering what he was doing here; and, of course, there was the matter of my possible pregnancy.

First things first, though.

I stepped around Kate and faced Edward. "What are you doing here?" I hadn't intended to sound hostile, but really, what did he expect? He deserved it: my hostility, my anger, and my wrath.

Remembering his sickly and gaunt face before Jamie got a hold of him and seeing his even more pitiable demeanor was what kept me from staying angry.

"Please answer me," I insisted softly.

He took the ice pack down from his face where a swirl of green and purple formed beneath his eye. He glanced from Kate over to Jamie and then back to me. "Can we do this somewhere more…private?" he pleaded.

Jamie huffed, and I just rolled my eyes. "Here is fine," I answered, not making anything easy for him.

Edward sighed, returning the ice pack to his face. "I came to see you. I wanted to congratulate you."

"This was a private launch party. How did you even know about it?" I asked.

"Garrett told me." Edward shrugged as if it were no big deal. I'd forgotten that Edward and Garrett were friends. I didn't know they stayed in touch.

I side-eyed Kate, her expression one of surprise. She held up her hands and shook her head as if to indicate, "I had no idea."

"So let me get this straight. You flew to Atlanta just to congratulate me on my book?" I stood with my hands on my hips, waiting for his response.

"Well, not exactly," he began.

Jamie muttered under his breath, "Here it comes."

Edward spun his head in Jamie's direction. "Here _what_ comes?"

"Your bullshit," Jamie answered.

"Fuck you, James. Like I said, you know shit."

"I know you look like shit." Jamie smirked.

"Gee, I wonder why," Edward said mockingly.

"Whatever, dude. You looked pale and weak as a motherfucker. I added some color to your pasty ass. Seriously, you look like shit."

Edward rolled his eyes and replied, "Thanks," in mock gratitude.

"What do you mean, 'not exactly'?" I asked, getting back to the point, my hands clenching my waist.

Edward threw his ice pack onto the closest table and fiddled with his tie, not meeting my eyes. "I'm, uh, here for treatments at Emory."

"Oh," was my only response. If he was here – for treatments at one of the finest research hospitals in the nation – that must've meant that his surgery a few months ago hadn't been successful. Or maybe something else was wrong.

"Are…are…you okay?" My voice cracked.

Edward met my eyes, his brow furrowing at the concern he saw on my face, no doubt. He hesitated but answered, "No, Bella."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Did you come alone?" I wondered if his family was here or maybe even Carmen, though it pained me to think of her here with him.

He shook his head before answering. "I flew in last night. I had a meeting with Dr. Barrow this morning. You remember him? Chief of Neurosurgery?"

I didn't remember who he was. Why should I? Edward was a general surgeon, working in the ER as needed. He had tried to open his own practice to get more stable hours before the diagnosis. I waved him on so he'd continue.

"Anyway. Mom and Dad will be here tomorrow. I wanted to see you, so that's why I'm here."

"What did Dr. Barrow say this morning?" I asked, ignoring the effect his words had on me. A part of me softened at the thought of him wanting to see me. Another part questioned why? Why now? Yet, all of me was terrified about his prognosis, though.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really don't want to talk about this."

I hated when he did that: gave me a little information, only to close me out on the things I really wanted to know. I planned to call him out on it and tell him he wasn't being fair, but Jaime beat me to it

"That's just bullshit." Jamie stood up quickly and walked brusquely over to where Edward sat. "Then why did you come here looking all pitiful and shit? Are you trying to break her heart again, you selfish bastard?"

Edward stood up abruptly. "Goddamn it!" he yelled, pounding his fist on the table. "This is none of your business, James."

"You made it my business when you ran away like the coward you are," Jamie yelled in return. "That's my best friend. Someone had to take care of her!"

"And she's _my_ wife. I was trying to protect her," Edward roared.

The room grew quiet, Jamie staring slack jawed at Edward while I tried to comprehend what he'd just said.

Eventually, I whispered, "Not anymore."

"What?" both of them asked simultaneously, probably because they didn't hear me.

"Not anymore," I repeated with more confidence, looking Edward straight in the eyes. "I'm not your wife anymore. You made sure of that."

Edward's mouth sagged into a frown. "I…I know. I need a chance to –"

I held up my hand, cutting him off. "You had your chance. I don't want to hear it; not now. I think I need to sit down." I felt a little dizzy, my head spinning from Edward's confession and what it might mean.

I stumbled over to the nearest chair, both men rushing to my aid. I sat down and watched as Jamie pushed Edward out of the way so he could check on me. "You okay?" he asked, his eyes roaming my face. "You're not gonna throw up again, are you?"

"Again?" Edward asked, eyes widening.

I shot daggers at Jamie, trying to shake my head inconspicuously, warning him to shut up.

Jamie winked at me and responded. "None of your business."

Edward threw his hands up in an exasperated surrender. "Fine. I guess I'll just go." He started walking toward the door.

"It's what you're good at," Jamie goaded him.

Edward stopped mid-stride and glanced back at us, his mouth parting as if he wanted to respond. Instead, he locked his jaw, pursed his lips, and walked out.

"That was…intense," Kate said from her stance by the door.

I'd forgotten she was there amidst the chaos. "Oh my God, Kate. I'm so sorry. This night is probably ruined. I don't even want to think about what all those people out there must be thinking. I just –"

"Bella, stop." She held up her hand. "It's fine. I already made an announcement that you weren't feeling well. You did say you were throwing up earlier, right?"

"Yeah, but what about what happened? The fight?" I asked.

"Like I said, you let me worry about that. Why don't you go on home, and I'll call you tomorrow sometime?"

I was skeptical, but I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to get the hell out of dodge.

"Jamie, you're taking her, right?" Kate asked, though it sounded more like a demand.

He stood up from where he was kneeling, offering his hand to mine. "Yes, ma'am. I'll make sure she's okay." He smiled softly.

Once in the car, I asked Jamie if he'd stop at a pharmacy on the way home.

"Still feeling sick?" he asked.

"You could say that," I answered, gazing out the passenger window.

"Bella?" he said, his tone accusatory. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing. Can we just go?"

The ride was quiet. I barely registered we had arrived until Jamie shut off the ignition. "You coming?"

I didn't move, fear paralyzing me. "I can't do this," I whispered.

"Do what?" I turned to face Jamie. "Are you crying?" he asked, having seen the tears streaming down my face.

"I think I'm pregnant," I blurted.

His eyes got big. "Oh, um…"

"I can't do this. I just can't do this," I cried.

He reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it in a comforting manner. "How far along are you? Do you know?"

"If my math is right…" I paused to wipe my nose with my hand. "Almost eleven weeks." He didn't say anything; he just sat there letting my cries and sniffles permeate his car. "Go on. Say it."

"Say what?" His eyebrows pinched together.

"Oh come on. You know you want to. Something like how could you or why with him –"

"Bella, you are utterly absurd. You want me to ask you why you slept with your ex-husband, the man you've loved for over a decade? I think I know the answer to that."

"Tell me I'm stupid or something, please," I begged, the tears flowing freely. "Because what if I'm pregnant with his baby? What then? We're not married, not anymore. And did you see him? Oh my God. What if he's dying, Jamie? What if he's dying? I just can't…" I bowed my head to my hands, letting my shoulders shake with uncontrollable sobs.

His arms surrounded me, pulling me close. He laid my head on his shoulder and just allowed me to cry.

He held me like that, letting the emotions drain out through my tears, waiting for my body to stop shaking from the sobs and my breathing to steady.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"You ready to find out if you're pregnant or not?"

I lifted my head from his shoulder and wiped the stale tears from my face. "Yeah." I had already scooted closer to the passenger door, reaching for the handle, when he stopped me.

"Want me to come in with you?"

I faked a smile. "No, I need to do this on my own," I replied, turning back toward the door.

"You need to call him, baby or no."

My body froze; Jamie's words were eerily similar to words Edward had once said to me. "You sound just like him," I said, turning once more to face him.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, well. You weren't the only one he left behind."

He smiled grimly, and I exited the car, steeling myself for whatever was to come.

**Thank you all for the well wishes for my mom. She is doing fine. She's been in a little pain, but she's refusing her pain meds like the loveable stubborn woman that she is! **

**Anyway, Happy New Year, and I'd love to know what you think so far!**


	13. Chapter Twelve: What Do I Do Now?

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it; I just play in her world!**

**Again, Team Unrequited made this chapter so much better. All mistakes are mine...feel free to point them out. *coughColleencough* I heart you!**

**Enjoy!**

I wasn't looking forward to my day. How was I supposed to have this conversation with Edward?

"Um…so yeah. I'm pregnant. It's yours. I'm keeping it. How's the brain tumor?"

No. I didn't think that would work.

I stalled as long as I could. Then around noon, I grabbed my cell phone and sat down on my couch, scrolling through my contacts. My finger hovered over the number under Edward's name, shaking at the thought of actually pressing it.

I took a deep breath and made the call.

"Hello," a woman's voice answered.

I pulled the phone from my ear, checking to see if I had called the correct number. I had.

"Hello," she said again. "Bella, is that you?"

Recognition dawned. "Esme?"

"Oh, hey kiddo. How are you, dear?"

"I, um...I'm fine. Is Edward around?" It would be hard enough having this conversation with Edward; I wasn't quite ready to talk to his mother, especially after what I'd said at her Valentine's party.

"Oh, he just went back with Carlisle. He left his things with me. That's why I answered his phone."

"Are you at the hospital?" I asked, though I was sure of the answer.

"Yep. They're running some tests. I'm here for support. You know I don't understand all that doctor speak." She chuckled.

I was torn. Was it okay to pump Esme for details of Edward's condition, or was I supposed to respect his privacy? I wanted so much to know, but I didn't have the nerve to ask. Besides, would Esme even share with me?

My lack of response made the awkward conversation even more uncomfortable. "So, will you just tell Edward I called?"

"Sure. Say, why don't you come and meet us here? We can all go for lunch afterward." Her voice was bubbly yet reserved like she wanted to be friendly and nice but was afraid to do so.

I fidgeted with the tassels on my throw pillow. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Well, why don't you at least come keep an old lady company?"

"Um…"

Taking that as an assent, she said, "Okay, great! I'll meet you in the cafeteria. We can drink some delightfully horrible coffee together. See you soon, kiddo."

She hung up, and I hung my head. It wasn't like I could just _not_ show up; that would be rude. For a split second I pondered calling back with an excuse that I couldn't make it, but I was curious as to why she wanted to talk to me. I wasn't exactly nice to her when I left Texas, rightfully so. Her tone during the phone call suggested she wasn't holding a grudge, and neither was I, so maybe she just wanted to clear the air. I wanted to give her that opportunity.

~UrQ~

The great thing about living in the city: public transit. I hated driving in the awful Atlanta traffic. I stepped off the bus and started walking toward the university hospital. This was Edward's alma mater and his former place of employment. He often worked at the sister hospital, Emory in Midtown, but he spent most of his time here.

Walking through the doors was akin to walking through a portal in time. The familiar sights and smells held a plethora of memories for me. When Edward's schedule was hectic or he'd forgotten to eat simply because he was too busy, I'd stop by with a quick meal and spend some time with him. Back then, he let me take care of him. As I passed a supply closet, I remembered when Edward convinced me to make out with him in it – and the time he convinced me to do...more. I smiled at the memories.

Still, these walls were a reminder of everything that went wrong with my marriage: how every three months, I was here, anxiously awaiting the news of his MRI results – until Edward closed me out with secret appointments and tests. How he hardly ever made it home when I was home, our schedules always conflicting – probably purposefully toward the end. How these doctors, whom I once called friends, knew about Edward's worsening condition and kept it from me. Privacy laws meant nothing to me. He was my husband; how could they? How could _he_?

I stood before the cafeteria doors, taking deep breaths, steeling myself for the conversation with Esme. I walked in, my nose crinkling a bit. My little man wasn't making the smell of food easy for me – I was convinced the baby was a boy, my dream from last night cementing it for me.

When Jamie had dropped me off at home, I immediately took the pregnancy test and let it develop while I got ready for bed. Once in my pajamas, I grabbed the stick and walked back to the bedroom. I set it down on my bedside table and climbed under the covers. I was exhausted. It had been an eventful night in more ways than one, and I hadn't completely processed my feelings about all that had happened.

Edward's arrival at my launch party.

Jamie and Edward's fight.

And the confession…Edward's confession.

Was that why he left me? To protect me? What a load of horseshit if it was. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what to do with that information. Besides I had more important things to worry about at the moment.

I wrapped my hair into a ponytail, picked up the indicator stick, and scooted toward the headboard so my back was against it. I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping the stick firm in my hand. I repeated a mental mantra of _just do it_ – it wasn't like waiting any longer would change the result. I opened my eyes to peek at my fate.

A strangled whimper escaped my lips as my hands shook. The stick slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor as my arms folded over and clutched my abdomen. I rested my head against the headboard and let warm, silent tears run down my face.

I was pregnant.

I slid down and hugged a pillow to my side, letting it capture my tears.

When we were together, Edward and I had focused on our respective careers, figuring we had all the time in the world to start a family.

Little did I know.

Now here I was about to become a single mother, and what was worse, there was a strong possibility I'd be a _widowed _single mom.

Just thinking about the possibility of Edward dying sent me into silent hysterics, my grip hardening on the pillow as I cried into it until sleep eventually claimed me.

~UrQ~

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the…"

I stood in the doorway and watched as he knelt by his bed, saying his nightly prayers, the table lamp casting a glow on the back of his reddish hair. He looked so much like his father.

"Amen." He opened his eyes and lifted the sheets to crawl under. He didn't notice me until he got fully situated. "Mommy! Is it story time?" He had his father's smile too, and I melted every time he flashed it.

He scooted over, and I climbed atop the covers, lying beside him. "It is. What will it be tonight? Peter Rabbit? Wild Things?"

"You just read that, Mommy. I already know what's gonna happen. Will you tell me the story about my daddy again?"

"Like you don't know what happens in that story. I've only told it to you, oh, maybe a bajillion times." I nudged his shoulder with mine.

He giggled and scrunched his face. "That's not a number, silly. Please, Mommy, tell me the story about my daddy."

I couldn't resist the innocence behind those huge hopeful eyes. "Okay, where do you want me to start?"

He clapped his small hands together a few times. "The part where I'll always be with my daddy and he'll always be with me."

"That's toward the end. You sure?"

He shrugged – so much like his father. "It's my favorite." He snuggled close to my side, throwing his tiny arm across my torso. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"I wish my daddy was here to tell me the story."

I ran my fingernails up and down his back, the gesture soothing for the both of us. "Me too, baby, me too."

My head shot up, my eyes blinking repeatedly as I tried to focus on the clock display. It was a little past three in the morning. I laid my head back down and realized it was only a dream. A very vivid dream.

Everything seemed so real: the colors, the sounds, the smells. But most of all, it _felt _real.

I was going to be a mom and was already starting to feel like one.

I smiled, splaying my fingers out over my tummy. The circumstances were in no way ideal, but there was an indescribable feeling of joy at the thought of being blessed with a baby.

Restless and unable to fall back to sleep, I spent the rest of the night researching pregnancy on the internet. It turned out that vivid dreams were par for the course. Another site I found said my little man was probably about an inch and a half long already, with tiny hands and feet that moved around constantly. I had already taken to rubbing my hand affectionately over my still non-existent belly, even though I couldn't feel the baby's movements yet.

I had to be careful not to do that in front of Esme, though. She didn't need to know…yet.

Esme stood up from her seat in the back corner of the cafeteria and waved me over. She gestured for me to sit after hugging me close. Surprisingly, the embrace wasn't awkward; it was warm and affectionate, and despite our situation, I welcomed it.

"You want anything?" she asked, sipping her cup of coffee.

"I'm fine right now. Thanks, though."

She took another sip, eyeing me curiously before she spoke again. "Bella, allow me to get right to it."

"Okay." I closed my eyes briefly, my muscles tensing in anticipation despite my efforts to stay calm and composed through this conversation. Maybe answers were finally coming.

"I owe you an apology," she stated.

I nodded. She did.

"I don't even know where to start." She exhaled a puff of air, signifying her frustration, no doubt.

"Look, Esme. We don't have to do this. Maybe I should just – "

"No, no. If I've learned anything in the past year, it's that life is short, and I need to do this."

We both knew to what she was referring. Life _was_ short, but I didn't want to dwell on what that meant for Edward. I smiled kindly at her, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

She squeezed my hand in return. "I'm sorry I didn't call you, and I'm sorry for ceasing contact with you altogether. I just didn't know what to do when Edward showed up unannounced." Her eyes – so much like Edward's – were full of remorse. We sat in silence for a few moments, holding one another's hand. Her actions after Edward left had been, and were still, painful. Not as much as losing my husband so abruptly, but it still hurt.

"Thank you, Esme. That means a lot."

"I want you to understand why."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue. She withdrew her hand and took another sip of her drink. "I was just so surprised to see my baby boy. He looked like he had been crying for days."

My eyes blinked repeatedly. Had I heard her correctly? That wasn't how I remembered it. Edward had been cold and distant when he told me he was leaving.

Esme cleared her throat and continued. "Both Carlisle and I tried to get him to tell us what was wrong. All he would say was that his marriage was over and that you didn't want to be with him anymore."

"He what?" I half-yelled. People stopped and turned their attention our way. _So much for calm and composed._ I lowered my voice and leaned toward Esme. "What did he tell you?"

"Just that you couldn't handle what was happening to him, and he _begged_ us not to call you or talk to you. And I have to admit that I didn't really want to at first."

"Esme, I don't even – "

She held up her hand. "Bella, please let me get this out. You have to know that I didn't believe what he said – not really. After my surprise and anger wore off a little, I just couldn't fathom that you would say or do anything of the sort, but he was _so_ distraught, inconsolable even. What was I supposed to do when I saw my baby in so much pain?" She seemed to choke up at the memory, reaching out for my hands again. "Believe me, you'll understand when you have kids someday. You'll do just about anything to keep them happy, even if it isn't always the right thing."

I barked out a laugh, but nothing was funny. Not even close. If she only knew that 'someday' wasn't that far off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Her words wounded me deeply; how could she even entertain Edward's lie? I was furious with him. Why? Why would he do that?

I removed my hands from Esme's and placed them in my lap. I couldn't handle her touching me; the betrayal stung.

"Of course," she continued. "When I talked to Alice and she told me about calling you, it became clear that something wasn't right, though. That maybe Edward was hiding something."

It took every ounce of control I had not to retort with a sarcastic remark.

"Will you tell me what he told you when he left? I want to hear your side…if you'll tell me."

"I don't owe you anything." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back against the booth.

"I deserve that. I do. But you have to know I love you, Bella. And so does Edward, so much."

I leaned forward, careful to keep my voice low. "Well, he has a very funny way of showing it. You want to know what he said when he left? He said he didn't love me anymore. He didn't use those exact words, but damn near enough. He shattered my heart to pieces, and now I find out that he lied to his family about me. I don't even know what to do with that information."

I started crying, unsure if my tears were from sadness or anger or hormones. Maybe all three.

"Oh, honey." Esme's eyes held tears of her own. "I don't believe for a minute that Edward doesn't love you."

I stared at her blankly.

"Regardless of what he said, you have to see that everything he's done – however ill-conceived – was done with your best interest in mind, or what he thought to be your best interest."

I wiped tears from my face and answered. "Esme, with all due respect, that's just bullshit."

She blanched, but I continued. "Leaving someone high and dry, telling them you don't love them anymore is not in anyone's best interest. I mean, I was his wife, damn it." I smacked my hand down on the table. I didn't want to look straight at her anymore. Her wide-eyed expression reminded me of my dream and of Edward. Instead, I watched through the window as a bird jumped from one tree branch to another outside. I inhaled deeply and shook my head. "Jamie was right: he _is_ a coward, and you're just making excuses for him," I said, my voice low and soft, my gaze still focused out the window.

She pulled some napkins from the dispenser on the table and handed them to me, my tears showing no signs of surrender. "I don't know what to say, dear," she answered, her voice cracking. "Maybe he just wanted to protect you."

That's essentially what Edward had said last night, but that still didn't explain his behavior. Why was he so cruel? I was sick of it, and I wanted some answers. I took the napkins and wiped under my eyes. "Protect me from what?" I scoffed.

"From watching me die."

I startled and turned around. Edward stood behind me, his father next to him, both with bleak expressions and weary eyes.

Esme's composure dissolved. She brought her hand to her mouth and choked back her sobs. "Oh, Edward, don't say that."

Carlisle walked around his son and sat down next to his wife, pulling her into his arms.

Edward stayed standing, staring at me. He looked no better than he had the night before. He was still pale, though the bruises from his brawl with Jamie provided some color.

"We should talk," he said. "But not here." He looked over to his mother. "Why don't you go back to the hotel? I'll stop by later. You still have my phone?"

Esme fished the phone, his keys, and his wallet from her purse and handed it over, giving her son a pointed look, inclining her head in my direction; subtlety was not her forte.

"You coming?" Edward held out his hand to me.

I glanced from his hand and back to his face before I rose from the booth on my own and shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. Edward's face fell as he lowered his arm. He tilted his head to the side, turned, and walked out, with me following behind.

We made it out to the street before he spoke. "You drive or take MARTA?"

"I rode the bus."

He took in his surroundings. "Okay, it's nice enough. Let's take a walk."

"Is that such a good idea? I mean, are you able?"

His mask of cautiousness slipped, and anger clouded his expression. "I can walk, Bella. I'm not an invalid."

"Well, fine. I hope you can keep up then." I stalked off, unsure of the direction I was going. How dare he get mad at me? I was just concerned. When would he accept that?

He caught up to me, matching my stride. "So, where we going?" His voice was light yet antagonizing.

I kept my pace as my head turned from side to side, eyeing the restaurants and coffee shops we passed. "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. Somewhere we can talk. Hey, you can slow down now."

Keeping a brisk pace, I turned to him. "Oh, is someone having a hard time?" I taunted.

He chuckled. "Not at all. I'm following you."

I walked as fast as I could, and it irritated me that his long legs made it easy for him to keep up. He matched my strides, neither of us talking for a few minutes. I didn't know how long we'd keep it up; I just knew I wasn't going to be the first one to stop.

"Still not gonna slow down, are you?"

"Nope," I answered, moving my arms a bit faster to increase my speed.

"Still stubborn," he said.

"Still a jackass," I replied.

"Oh, ow, ow…" he cried out. I halted my movements and looked over my shoulder. He was bent over, clutching his side.

I ran back to him. "Are you okay?"

He grimaced, his fingers gripping his waist as he caught his breath.

"Shit! I knew I shouldn't have done that." I berated myself. I was pacing around him, unsure of what to do, when he chuckled. My head snapped up. His chest shook with laughter as he stood tall, biting his lip and fighting to keep the smile from his face.

"Gotcha," he teased.

"Oh you little…" I flailed my hands around him, smacking him as I yelled. "I can't believe you did that. You. Scared. The. Shit. Out. Of. Me." Each of my words was punctuated with a smack.

"Stop…stop hitting me," he said between chortles. His laughter was big and contagious, and mine soon joined his.

Eventually, our mirth died out, sobering us both. "Hey, you remember the first time we ate there?" he asked, indicating something over my shoulder.

I turned around to see the place he was referring to. "Yeah," I replied softly. Of course I remembered.

"_I've lived in Atlanta all my life and have never eaten here. This is good," I added before taking another bite._

"_Paul suggested it," Edward replied._

"_Well, I think this is my new favorite restaurant."_

_His smile was huge, suspiciously so. "I'm so glad you said that."_

_I eyed him warily. "Why?"_

_He placed a small envelope on the table and pushed it toward me. "Because I wanted this to be a good memory."_

_My eyes roved from the envelope and back to him. _

"_Go on; open it," he said, encouraging me with a smile._

_I picked it up, fumbled with the flap, and pulled out a small card – the kind seen in floral arrangements. Written on it was:_

_If this works the way I hope, you'll be distracted long enough to allow me time to get in position. When you're ready, look up._

"_Edward, what is – " I began, looking up as he directed._

_He knelt beside me, a velvet box in his hand._

_My heart beat frantically, excited for what I knew was coming._

"_You remember the movie we saw the night you thought you were pregnant?" he asked._

"_Yes," I answered, my voice hesitant. Where was he going with this?_

"_And do you remember what Buzz Lightyear's catchphrase was?"_

"_Yes…"_

"_Well, I was wondering," he started, flipping open the velvet box where a shiny, emerald-cut diamond ring sat, "if you'd do me the honor of becoming my wife…to infinity and beyond."_

_I was speechless. After the pregnancy scare had passed, I had pushed the marriage talk to the back of my mind. Now the thoughts of a permanent future with this incredible man started to bloom like a field of wild flowers stretching for miles._

_Sensing my silence for something else, Edward began rambling. "I know it's cheesy, but I just can't imagine my life without –"_

_I placed my hands on either side of his face. "Edward," I whispered. "Shut up... just shut up. You had me at Buzz Lightyear." I winked. "Of course I'll marry you."_

"_Really?" he questioned, still on his knees. _

"_Really." I nodded enthusiastically._

_The couple at the table next to ours started clapping, sending the rest of the restaurant into a domino effect of applause. _

_Edward stood up from his spot on the floor and slid into the chair next to mine. He placed one arm behind my back, bringing me closer so he could place a soft kiss on my lips. His eyes met mine and he mouthed, "I love you."_

_Then he removed his arm from my shoulders and plucked the ring from the box. "You got your movies mixed up by the way," he said, teasing me. "I'm not so sure about this anymore." He smiled, waving the ring back and forth in front of me. "I mean, I was counting on a solid trivia partner."_

_I shoved him playfully. "You better give that to me."_

_He held it between his thumb and forefinger. "Look at the engraving."_

_I grabbed the ring and flipped it over. There, engraved inside the band, was an infinity loop. _

_I smiled, letting the tears of joy stream down my face._

"_I was thinking we could do the same with our wedding bands," he added, grasping my hands in his and slipping the ring onto finger._

_I held out my hand, watching as the light danced across the diamond. I wondered if I'd ever stop staring at it. Eventually, I wrapped my arms around his torso and whispered, "I love you."_

_He kissed the top of my head and whispered back, "To infinity and beyond."_

I swiveled to face him. "Why did you bring that up?" The memory was bittersweet, and I couldn't understand his reason for reminding me of something so…painful.

"To remind you of what I said," he answered calmly.

"I remember what you said, Edward. I don't need a reminder," I answered icily. "I think I should go." I couldn't do this, not here…not on the sidewalks of downtown Atlanta, with passersby and strangers watching.

I turned to walk away, but he grabbed me. "Wait, I know you're angry with me, but –"

"I wonder why that is?" I whirled on him. "Could it be because you left me? How exactly does divorce fit into your promise of 'to infinity and beyond'?" I said the words as though they were a curse. "Or how about the fact you lied to your family about me? I still can't believe you did that." There was no mistaking the reason for my tears this time – they were angry ones.

He held my gaze during my little rant; his expression pained and worried. "I was trying to prot –"

"If you even say, 'protect me', so help me God, Edward," I warned through gritted teeth. I groaned, turning in a frustrated circle. "Just what are you protecting me from, huh? Did you really think leaving me and saying the things you did would _protect_ me? You have no idea what that did to me."

"Bella…" He was pleading with me. Did he want me to stop? Were my words too painful for him? Well, that was tough. The words paled in comparison to the pain I'd actually lived through.

"This is stupid. You don't love me. You left me. You divorced me. You _lied _about me. You don't do that to someone you love. I don't even know why I'm here." I pursed my lips, trying to keep them from quivering. "I should go." I stepped back, ready to walk away, but Edward stopped me.

"No!" he said a bit forcefully as he stepped toward me and cradled my face in his hands, wiping away my tears. "I _hate_ to see you hurt like this. I wanted to save you from this. That's all I wanted." His voice was thick and hoarse, cracking beneath the intensity of his emotions.

My shoulders and chest shuddered as I desperately tried to keep my composure.

He pulled me to him and folded his arms over my back as I buried my face in his chest and melted into his embrace.

"I fucked up," he said, his voice penitent. "I'm so sorry….so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. I do. I never stopped." He paused to take a breath, his chest trembling. "Please believe me, baby. I love you. I love you…so much. Please forgive me. _Please_…forgive me." He placed small kisses on my hair as he rubbed his thumb over the nape of my neck, clutching me to him tightly.

He repeated his litany over and over as I sobbed into his chest, clinging to the back of his shirt as if it could save me.

**You know, I've told you all how great my team of betas and pre-readers are, but I wanted to take a minute to thank my reviewers. You ladies (sorry if there are men out there, lol) leave the most passionate, thoughtful, and insightful reviews. The way you've responded to my story - which most likely would've never been posted if BellaFlan hadn't convinced me to do it - continues to blow me away. So thank you.**

**I'd love to know what you think so far. Leave your thoughts in a review. I respond to them!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Rescue Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. You all know who does.**

**I have the best beta/pre-reader team! I'm so lucky! **

**All mistakes are mine. Please enjoy.**

My body remembered what it felt like to be held by Edward, even if I had tried to forget. How the sound of his heart beating, though frantic, calmed me. How his musky scent – now slightly different, probably due to his regimen of medications – reminded me of home. How his arms, providing a protective cage around me, convinced me that I was loved.

I was loved.

He repeated it, his mantra, full of 'please forgive me' and I love you'.

A part of me wanted to stay here forever, locked in his embrace, and just forget all the awful things that had been said and done in the past year. But a bigger part of me knew better. There was still so much we needed to sort out.

"Edward?" I pulled away and looked up into his face. I hadn't realized that he'd been crying too. His face was splotchy and his eyes glistened, long lashes clumping together from the tears.

"Yes, baby?" I cringed a little at his affectionate nickname. Though, I missed this side of Edward – I missed him, period – it was still too soon.

"We…we need to talk." I pulled away further, placing my hands on his chest, not entirely ready to sever our physical connection just yet.

"I know," he whispered, removing his hands from my back and covering my hands. "Let's grab some food and head back to your place."

"I, uh…I don't think…really, my place?"

"Where else?"

I was ready to suggest his hotel, but that didn't sound like a practical idea either. The only place to sit would probably be the bed, unless they had gotten the penthouse suite or something. Knowing his family, they probably had. That reminded me of the other reason why going to his hotel wouldn't work – his parents.

"Okay," I agreed. "But I didn't drive."

"I know. I'm okay taking MARTA."

"But then how will you get back?"

His eyebrows furrowed at my question, as if it were a given that he could stay at my place, and I just crushed his expectations. "The lines run late, Bella. If it gets too late, I'll just call a cab."

He removed his hands from mine and stepped back. Our physical connection was lost, and I was left feeling like maybe I'd done something wrong, setting us back a few paces on whichever path we were traveling.

Recovery? Redemption? Forgiveness?

Yet, as I quickly thought it over, I made myself squelch those feelings of self-doubt. I hadn't done anything wrong. I was establishing boundaries in our unconventional relationship. I wasn't quite ready to trust him or let him back in, so to speak…not until I got some answers.

"Okay. Let me just call Jamie. I want to make sure we have some privacy."

"You live with James?" His nostrils flared and that vein in his forehead became more prominent.

"No," I replied, my tone mimicking his. "He does have a key, though, and he's always there. Not that that's any of your business."

He was stricken by my words. The truth hurts, buddy. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry."

I didn't feel like arguing with Jamie about Edward, much less doing so in front of him. So I sent him a quick text asking him to give me space for the evening and saying I would explain later.

The ride back on public transit was quiet but a welcome reprieve for me to gather my thoughts. I had so many questions, and I hoped he'd answer them. Plus, I had to find a way to tell him there was a baby Cullen on the way.

Edward and I both agreed to order take-out once we reached my apartment. Having decided on a local Thai restaurant, I placed the order while Edward busied himself by looking around my place.

"They said it'd be about forty minutes," I explained, joining him at the bookcase in my living room. "Want something to drink?"

"Sure. Whatever you're having is fine." He smiled down at me. "These aren't all of your books." It wasn't a question, but I knew what he was asking.

"There's more in my bedroom. The rest are in boxes. I just haven't gotten around to unpacking them yet." I shrugged, watching him finger the spines of my books absentmindedly.

"It's just different, you know?"

Yes I knew. It _was_ different. "It's smaller than the house, but I like it."

He stepped away from the bookcase, shoving his hands in his pockets. He ambled over to the kitchen counter, leaning over it as if inspecting my sink. What was he looking at?

"Yeah," he started, "I heard you sold our house."

"Not exactly." I joined him in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "Want some sweet tea?"

"You mean brown Kool-aid?" He smirked, standing up tall. "What do you mean, 'not exactly'?"

I poured us both a glass of brown Kool-aid as he liked to call it while answering. "The house is on the market, but it hasn't sold yet." I put the pitcher back in the fridge and placed his glass in front of him. "Atlanta real estate kinda sucks right now."

"Thanks." He situated himself on a barstool by the kitchen counter. He leaned forward, placed his head in his propped-up hands, and asked, "Why?"

"I don't know. Real estate sucks everywhere right now, doesn't it?" I took a sip of my tea.

"No, why did you move? I left you the house."

Oh.

Were we having this conversation now? I needed to sit down for this. I walked toward the small kitchen table and gestured for Edward to join me.

He slid off the stool, grabbed his glass, and sat across from me.

We both ran our fingers up and down our respective glasses. I didn't know where to start. Though, answering his question was probably the simplest way to get the conversation going.

"I moved because Jamie suggested it." He frowned when I mentioned Jamie, but refrained from responding. "And I moved because that house was about you and me. This," I waved my hand, "is about me."

"Oh." He lowered his eyes from mine and took a sip. "And James," he said into his glass.

"What?" I heard him, but I wanted an explanation as to what he meant.

"This place is about you and James. You said it was his idea, and he's here all the time." He still wouldn't look at me.

"Why do you keep bringing him up?" My voice portrayed the irritation I felt.

He shrugged then answered, "I don't know. Just looks like you're moving on is all."

Was he saying what I thought he was saying? "Edward, do you think Jamie and I are…are…do you think we have something going on?"

"Don't you?" His voice was tinny and unsure, like maybe he didn't want to know the answer.

"No, a million times, no." I laughed, surprised but a little glad about his assumption. "Besides, why do you care? What about Carmen?"

"What about her?" He scratched his cheek.

"Aren't you two, you know?" I raised my eyebrow, waiting for my question to sink in. He hadn't always been this clueless.

He practically snorted in response. "Bella, don't be absurd. It's not like that between us." He huffed a little and shook his head slightly.

I was a little annoyed that he dismissed me so easily. This had been eating at me for the last three months. It hurt to think I had been replaced so quickly. Or worse, that she was the reason he left in the first place.

"Well, then what's it like?" I said, trying not to snap at him.

"I don't know. She helped me," he said quietly as he swirled the ice cubes around in his glass.

"When I couldn't?" I muttered under my breath.

Edward heard anyway and finally looked up, his eyes studying mine in an attempt to understand.

"How did you meet her? What is she to you?" I asked.

"Bella, you have nothing to be jealous of."

"What? I'm not! I was just asking," I huffed, a bit indignant, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh, you're jealous." He chuckled and pointed his glass at me. "You're really jealous."

"And what are you?" I leaned forward in my seat. "Mister, 'are you moving on with James?' What does that make you?"

He immediately sobered. "Yeah, well. I don't like the idea of you with him…like that."

"Yeah, well. Ditto!"

"So we're both jealous, what does – "

"I never said I was jealous," I argued, though he spoke the truth.

He continued as if I'd said nothing. "So what does this all mean?"

"Confusion," I muttered.

"I didn't catch that."

"It means I'm confused." I unfolded my arms and leaned back in my chair. "Why are you here?"

"Um – "

I cut him off. "And you didn't answer my question about Carmen." I glared at him. I wasn't in the mood for his stall tactics and avoidance techniques.

"Carmen is a friend from high school."

That didn't make me feel any better. He'd known her since high school? Had they been talking all this time?

"I've never heard of her."

"You wouldn't have. I only caught up with her again when I started working at the hospital in Dallas. She's been a good friend this past year." His eyes met mine, and he smiled faintly.

I tried not to grimace at the thought of Carmen being a good friend. Though he implied nothing was going on between them, it still hurt to know that she got to be there for him when I wasn't allowed to be.

"But she was around your family enough. Rosalie said –"

"Carmen was hardly ever around my family," he corrected, a bit defensively. "And Rose isn't family, but what did she say?" He sighed, almost rolling his eyes.

My cheeks flushed. I wasn't so sure I should be sharing this. "Nothing. It's just, she gave the impression that Carmen was around a lot." That's not really what Rosalie said, but it was implied, or maybe I'd just deduced it. Who cared? I just wanted to know who she was.

"Just friends. Nothing more."

"But you said you loved her," I argued, remembering the first time I saw her in Edward's hospital room.

He tilted his head to the side, eyebrows drawn together. "Oh," he said, the crinkles in his face easing. He smiled and leaned forward. "Do you love James?"

"Edward, we've been through this –"

He waved his hand in the air. "No. Do you love him like a friend or brother or whatever?"

"Of course." Where was he going with this?

"Well, it's the same with Carmen."

I frowned a little, trying to wrap my head around the idea that Carmen wasn't _with_ Edward.

"I've known Jamie for almost twenty years, Edward. How does Carmen get that close in twelve months?"

Edward sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He placed them back on the table and reached out to hold my hand. I let him.

"Bella, I promise not to lie to you again. I am done hiding things from you. If it helps, I'll tell you every conversation I ever had with Carmen if that's what it'll take for you to believe me." He took a deep breath and continued on.

I was grateful. I needed to hear this. I just wondered if I could take it.

"When I got to Dallas, I shut out everyone, especially my family. I was lying to them, too. I worked as much as possible to avoid them.

"Carmen was in the cafeteria one night, and she recognized me. I wasn't really friends with her in high school. I actually knew her twin brother, Eleazar, a little better. We got to talking, and I asked how he was. She told me that her brother died of an aneurism two years ago. Apparently, he'd had his first stroke when he was only twenty-five. Emmett was actually his physical therapist too.

"She has a very different outlook on life than I do. She's studied alternative medicine and believes in the power of healing words and a healing touch. She's not your typical psychiatrist. I like to call her Dr. Mindfuck 'cause that's what she does. But anyway, she convinced me to start talking to someone soon after…after…"

He avoided my gaze again.

"After?"

He withdrew his hand from mine. "After I left you."

Oh.

"If she was hardly ever around your family, what was she doing at your mom's party?"

He shrugged. "She was a donor."

I wasn't letting it go at that. "But she was there before the party even started, and she was talking to you."

"She stopped by to check on me."

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"Because I was going crazy with you around and I needed to talk to somebody." He let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Another woman?"

"I told you it's not like that."

"Then why did she call me Becca in the kitchen?"

"Like I said, Dr. Mindfuck."

"What is that supposed to even mean?"

"It means she was trying to goad a reaction."

"From me? Why?"

"No, from me."

"Why?"

"Because that's how she operates, Bella. She gets inside your head," he waved his finger around his head, "and makes you realize what the fuck you've been denying to yourself. And in her warped mind, calling you by another name was her way to force me to take up for you or something. You'd really have to ask her why she did it."

"No, thanks." I had no intention of ever talking to that woman, and a part of me wanted to ask that he never did again. I wasn't sure I could – or should – ask that of him, though.

"Why doesn't Rose like her?"

"Probably because she's been friends with Emmett since before he married Rose."

"So you hung out with Carmen at Emmett's house and not your parents' house?"

"I didn't hang out with Carmen. It wasn't like that." He blew out a breath. "Emmett would have get-togethers, and he'd ask me over. Carmen was always there. I think Emmett took her on as his little sister or something after her brother died. When I was over there, Emmett and I'd steal away to talk or whatever. Maybe that's why Rose hates her. Who knows?"

I was satisfied with his explanation, though I didn't like it. It made me sad that someone else had been the one to help him. "Okay. Answer my other question. Why are you here?"

"Um…because we needed to talk and we were gonna have dinner. Speaking of, " he said, looking up and scanning my apartment. "Has it been forty minutes yet?"

I slammed my hand down on the table. "Stop avoiding the question!"

He startled, almost jumping out of his seat. He looked taken back at my mini outburst of anger. "I wasn't avoiding," he answered earnestly, his eyes soft but scared, as if he didn't know what I'd do next.

"I know you're here for treatments, but, Edward, you could've done the treatments without me ever knowing you were in Atlanta. Why now? Why did you come see me last night? Why are you suddenly ready to talk to me? What changed?"

He exhaled a great gust of air and rubbed his hand back and forth – feverishly – over his neck. "I don't know, Bella." His hand stopped its frenetic movement but remained in place at the back of his head. His gaze met mine, and he stared for a few moments; he was apparently at a loss for words.

I said nothing; it was well past time for me to get the explanations I deserved, and I would wait him out if necessary.

He lowered his hand to the table, resting both palms on the surface and picking at his fingertips – eye contact unbroken. "I was surprised when you came out to Dallas."

I kept his gaze but remained quiet.

"At first I couldn't believe you were really there. After all I said…and did, you…you were there. I was so confused about how that made me feel. I wanted to be angry with you and even tried pushing you away."

An involuntary harrumph escaped my lips, causing Edward to arch his eyebrow.

"Sorry," I said, shifting in my seat and leaning forward to rest my elbows on the table. He had my full attention.

"When I realized you weren't going anywhere and that my family was colluding against me…" He trailed off and smirked; it made me smile in return.

"Anyway, seeing you again reminded me of how much I missed you. I missed being around you…even though I had no right to feel that way. Just the smell of your hair from that damn fruity shampoo you use made me crazy." He chuckled and lowered his eyes. "I _really _missed you, and I didn't know how to process it. It made me question everything: my decisions…my…just my…everything," he whispered.

"I was still confused, though. So I just kept pushing you away. Not really sure why…just because it was easier maybe. And then, _that_ night." He lifted his eyes to mine again. "_That_ night happened, changing it all."

More than he knew.

"After you left, I wrestled with the idea of following, but I didn't know if I should. I mean, nothing had changed."

Confused by his words, I opened my mouth to ask what he meant – what hadn't changed? The doorbell rang, though, interrupting the momentum of our conversation. I was getting answers…finally.

"That's the food." I stood up from the table. "I'll just be a minute."

"Okay," he said, standing with me. "I'll get plates and stuff."

I signed for the food and returned to the table where Edward had set out plates and silverware and had even refilled our drinks.

"Thanks," I said, spooning food onto our plates.

We sat, eating, letting the silence envelop us – nothing heard but the occasional clinks of our forks against the plates or the crinkle of the ice melting in our glasses.

"Where were we?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"I was just wondering where we left off before the food got here."

"Oh," I responded. "Um…you said something about _that_ night changing things, but that things hadn't _really_ changed. Whatever that means."

"Oh, yes. I wanted to follow you to Atlanta," he started, repeating his earlier statement. "But I couldn't. Not with things the way they were. Then I got a call from Dr. Barrow."

"He's the one doing your treatments?"

"Yeah. Well, sort of. He came up with the idea for them." He paused to take a drink. "I won't bore you with the medical jargon and stuff, but for the first time in a really long time, I feel there's some hope."

"And you didn't before?" I asked softly.

He didn't respond in words, choosing to nod his head instead.

"Why?"

Blowing out his breath, the force of it eliciting a whistle from his lips, he answered. "Because before, I thought I was going to die."

His words were hard to swallow, literally. My throat felt tight, and my chest constricted. I'd already lost him to divorce, but death…death was just so…final.

"Why'd you think you were going to die?" I asked, my voice low.

"Because I have a brain tumor."

I pursed my lips, giving him a you-don't-say glare.

"You remember what it was like. The headaches and nosebleeds. What you didn't know was that it was getting worse. I woke up one morning with a migraine. I mean, my head was pounding, and I couldn't see. I thought I'd gone blind. You were gone that weekend at some seminar with your mom."

That was the week before Edward and I had flown out to his parents for his mother's charity auction – the one for which she'd ask me to write the welcoming speech. I knew something was strange about him that weekend. That was the beginning of all of this.

"At first I thought it was a sleepy haze or something. I kept squeezing and rubbing my eyes, hoping I could regain my vision. Nothing worked. Naturally, I panicked. I knew it was related to the tumor, but I didn't know what it meant for my prognosis. What if the blindness was permanent?

"I fumbled my away around the bedside table until I found my cell phone. The first thing I did was dial your number…but…I never called. I didn't want to worry you just yet." He shot me an apologetic frown.

"Instead, I called Paul. He picked me up and drove me to the hospital where we ran a shit ton of tests: MRI, CT, blood work, urine analysis, you name it; only to have my vision return about two hours later. By that time, we had the images from the MRI. We consulted with the neuro on duty and compared it to the one I'd had just like four weeks earlier. The tumor had grown and not just in size."

"What do you mean?"

"The best way to explain it is to think of an octopus or something with tentacles. The tumor was branching out in my brain."

"Oh my God," I said, disbelief and sheer terror evident in my voice.

"Yeah, pretty much," he agreed. "Scared the shit out of me. And after Paul and I researched it – looked at clinical cases and such – we knew it was just going to get worse, and I knew things were never going to be the same."

"Like how?"

"Like…I knew I was going to die, Bella," he answered, his voice a bit rough. "And it wasn't going to be pretty or easy. I didn't…I _don't_ want that for you."

"For _me_? Edward, you're the one with the tumor."

"Exactly!" He threw his hands up, his fingers flicking strongly with the force of the motion. "And you were gonna be the one to watch me deteriorate and die. You don't deserve that."

"And what about you?" I retorted, my voice rising in anger. How dare he decide what was best for me? "You were just gonna die…what, alone? Did our vows mean _nothing_ to you? I was your wife. I promised to be by your side. How dare you take that away from me?"

"I was trying to protect you," he yelled back. "I'd rather you hate me than watch me die…like that. I thought it'd be easier. Losing someone you despise can't possibly hurt as badly as losing someone you love."

He really had no clue.

I shook my head in disbelief. A part of me understood his convoluted logic, but that didn't change the fact that what he did was completely infuriating…and unfair…and selfish.

"So that's why you pushed me away for almost a year before you eventually left?" I asked, though I was sure of the answer. I was so hurt by his explanation that I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Bella, I've seen so many people die in my career. I hated telling the families that their loved ones were gone. It killed me to see them fall apart and grieve like that. But the worst part of my job wasn't the ER and the accidents or tragedies. It was when you saw the spark go out of someone after they watched their loved one deteriorate and suffer from something incurable. It was like the disease wasn't just killing one member of the family, but all of them. I didn't want your spark to go out. I thought you'd bounce back and find someone else to love if you just thought I was a bastard."

He got up from his seat across from me and sat down in the chair next to mine. My heart rate accelerated in anticipation for what he was about to do, though I had no clue what that was.

"Hey," he whispered, reaching for my hand and enclosing his fingers around mine. I didn't respond at first, so Edward scooted to the edge of his chair, his knees rubbing against mine. "Will you look at me? Please."

I eventually complied, angling my body toward him, my eyelashes already wet with unshed tears.

He traced my jaw with his finger. Edward's touch was tender and reverent, sweet. I bit my lip in an effort to stifle my imminent breakdown. I missed this Edward. This Edward was the man I knew and loved. He bore no resemblance to the stranger who had cut out my heart with the razor sharp edge of his words just a year prior.

"Bella, I –"

"You said you didn't love me," I reminded him. My lips trembled, quaking with emotion. "How could you? How could you say that to me?"

He sighed, lowering his finger from my face. "And you believed me." He hung his head and started babbling. "I never knew I was such a good liar or that you'd even accept what I said. You've always been so tenacious. I thought for sure you'd fight me or something, but when I saw the look of devastation on your face, I knew you'd bought it. The lie."

I squeezed my eyes closed, letting the warm tears streak down my already heated cheek. It was hard to process what he had said. I understood the words, but they hadn't truly sunk in yet. "You…you lied?" I asked, my eyes still shut. "Why?" I blinked, focusing on his apologetic face.

"I wanted you to hate me."

My shoulders shook as I released the sobs that had been forming in my chest, crying into my hands.

I heard a soft rustle and then felt his arms surround me, pulling me to him. He buried his head in my hair, his hot breath tickling my ear. "Can you ever forgive me?" he cried. "For what I did? For how I treated you?"

Bit by bit, I reached my hands up and around his back, crying into his shoulder and finding comfort in his embrace again.

We sat there, holding one another until our tears subsided and all that was left was an occasional sniffle or deep intake of breath.

It felt good being in his arms, yet strange all the same. This was a reconciliation of sorts, but I wondered if we'd ever return to the way it was before he left. Was that even possible?

Would Edward want to? If I were being honest with myself, I'd admit I did, especially given my current predicament.

I was the first to pull away, but stayed close enough for Edward to keep an arm around me.

My head was positioned just below his chin so that when I looked up, I was in perfect receiving position for a kiss, which was what Edward looked like he was about to give me.

I recognized the hunger in his eyes as he licked his lips in anticipation. I was prepared to reciprocate until I saw it.

"Edward," I said, pulling back in concern.

"What?" he answered, apparent alarm written in his face.

"Your nose is bleeding," I pointed out.

He leaned away from me and put a finger just below his nostrils. "Oh," he said, inspecting his blood-smeared finger. "I'll just take care of this in the…where is your bathroom?" he asked as he stood from the table.

I stood up to show him. "Just down the hall and…Edward!"

He had collapsed on his way to the bathroom, convulsing on my living room floor, unresponsive to shouts of his name.

**I have the privilege to beta for the new collab between BellaFlan and FictionFreak95. The story is Penal Code and is absolutely hilarious. Go check it out and remember not to drink or eat anything while reading. Spit takes are abound to ensue if you do.**

**I also get to beta for GingerandGreen's story, Plight Thee My Troth, and oh my goodness, her next update is a doozy. I believe she's posting tomorrow. Please remember to check it out. It has Darcyward/Lordward. Go show the story some love, please.**

**I'll be running and hiding now. See you again in two weeks. Sorry, I'll be out of town.**

**I'd love to know what you think.**


	15. Chapter Fourteen: I Won't Let You Go

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I own the real life this story is based upon.**

**As always, Team Unrequited makes me look like a better writer than I actually am.**

**All mistakes are mine. Please enjoy.**

"_Can you tell us what happened, Mrs. Cullen?"_

"_I'm not really sure," I replied. "Look, can you just tell me what's wrong with my husband?"_

"_He's being evaluated by Dr. Morrison. The more information we have, the better we'll be able to diagnose and treat him."_

_I was fidgety and anxious, so I sat down in the closest chair, and the doctor joined me. "I don't know. One minute we're driving down the road, the next I'm yelling Edward's name and reaching for the steering wheel."_

"Ms. Cullen, which hospital should we take him to?"

I faced the paramedic; however, my eyes kept flicking to the floor, where Edward was lying unconscious, being treated by another paramedic.

He looked pale – too pale, but the rise and fall of his chest was reassuring.

"Ma'am?"

"Uh…" I turned toward the EMT, my attention divided between him and Edward. "Emory is closest. He's being treated by Dr. Barrow there."

I focused on his nametag as he scribbled notes on a clipboard. "Treated for what?"

He kept his head down, writing. When I didn't answer, his pen paused, and he lifted his head. "Ms. Cullen, are you okay? Maybe you should have a seat," he suggested.

Distracted by the men walking through my front door, wheeling in a stretcher, I didn't immediately respond. I watched as they hooked Edward up to monitors and cuffs before lifting him onto the stretcher and strapping him in.

"Ms. Cullen, it'd be very helpful if you could tell us what your husband is being treated for?"

I returned my attention once again to the paramedic, his face one of empathy and concern. "He's not my…um…a tumor. He has a brain tumor."

Putting pen to paper again, he asked, "Do you know what kind of brain tumor?"

"_Astrocytoma? What's that?" I asked._

_Edward began to explain from his place in the hospital bed. "It's a tumor, most likely benign."_

_Dr. Morrison nodded his head in agreement. _

"_How do you know it's benign?" I asked both of them._

_The two doctors started speaking at once. I held up my hand and glared at my husband. "Will you let the doctor answer, please?"_

_Edward chuckled. "I _am_ a doctor, you know."_

"_Well, right now, you're a patient. So act like it." I gave him my best 'try-me' face before turning toward Dr. Morrison._

"_Most astrocytomas are – benign, that is. We won't know for sure unless we do a biopsy, but considering its size and location, I don't believe that's the best approach."_

_Even though I'd asked him not to say anything, I looked to Edward for reassurance and confirmation of Dr. Morrison's explanation. He nodded._

"_But what if it's malignant?" I asked, afraid of the answer. My husband had a brain tumor, and no matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise, this was crucial. _

"_Bella, it's not, baby. That's really rare." Edward stared at me, smiling, but something in his eyes communicated a bit of anxiety._

"_But what if?" I asked, not convinced._

_Edward opened his mouth to answer, but the ringing of my cell phone interrupted him._

"Hello."

"Oh, Bella." Esme's shrill voice rang in my ear. "I just got your message; we'll be there in maybe ten minutes. How is he?"

"I don't know. I had to step out of the room to call you. They paged Dr. Barrow. He should be here soon."

"Oh, good," she replied. "Hang in there, kiddo. We're on our way."

I ended the call and paced the corridor, pleading with God, begging to be heard. I prayed for Edward's health, for his doctors, for my own strength, for a miracle, but mostly I prayed he wouldn't die.

Carlisle and Esme arrived shortly thereafter. Esme joined me in my pacing as Carlisle went to gather information about his son. "Why don't we sit, dear?" She placed an arm around my shoulders and led me over to some chairs along the wall. She sat with me, her fingers interlaced with mine, giving my hand an occasional squeeze.

I could hear the clock above me ticking away the minutes as time dragged on, the sound echoing to a roar inside my head. I didn't want to check how much time had passed. I feared the longer it was before we had an update, the worse the news would be. Eventually, Carlisle returned, his face hopeful and relieved. Both Esme and I stood to greet him.

"I think he's going to be okay," he assured us.

"Oh, thank God," Esme said, burying her face in her husband's chest.

"What do you mean, think?" I asked.

Esme raised her head to look at me as Carlisle said, "Hmm?"

"You said 'think' as if you're unsure. What does that mean?" I elaborated.

"We won't know anything until we get some test results back. They're doing an MRI now while he's out," Carlisle explained.

My former mother-in-law turned to her husband. "Out? He still hasn't come to?"

I'm glad she asked because I wondered the same thing. Carlisle went on to explain that Edward had been postictal – a state of altered consciousness someone experiences after a seizure – and that he'd be awake soon, probably amy minute now. In the meantime, the doctors would run every test necessary to determine what happened.

I listened attentively, hoping to match Carlisle's explanation with what I had witnessed and with what I had learned before when Edward and I were still together. My mind jumped from past to present, lost in all the memories from then and now. Both times, it all came down to one question: would Edward be okay?

"_Yes. From what I can tell, he'll be just fine."_

"_Really?" I asked my father-in-law. "You're not just trying to make me feel better?"_

_He chuckled, and I imagined he was rolling his eyes. "Of course not, Bella. He's my son. I wouldn't do that to you."_

"_So this explains the headaches and nosebleeds and the _mood swings_?" I asked, turning to look at my husband who watched me pace back and forth while I interrogated his father over the phone._

"_It does, unless there's another cause, but from looking at his file, I'd say yes. Didn't Edward tell you all this, kiddo?"_

"_Yes. It's just . . . we've been dealing with this for a while now . . . the symptoms. No one could tell us what was wrong."_

"_Well, that can happen. Edward's symptoms can be easily attributed to other causes. An astrocytoma would've been the last thing I thought to check for," Carlisle reasoned._

"_Edward said that." I glanced again at my husband, who was now giving me his I-told-you-so look._

"_Okay, Carlisle, one more question. If the tumor is benign and we only have to deal with the symptoms, why did it make him blackout while driving?"_

"_It could be a multitude of things. Didn't Edward explain this to you already, honey?"_

"_Why do you keep asking me that? I just want some reassurance that he's okay," I replied, my voice cracking with the emotion I tried to keep at bay._

"_Bella, I'm – " Carlisle began, but I didn't hear the rest. Edward had grabbed the phone from my hand._

"_Dad, I'll call you back."_

_He ended the call and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm okay, baby. I promise, I'm okay."_

_I wanted to believe him._

A man who introduced himself as Dr. Barrow joined us all in the hallway. He and Carlisle exchanged pleasantries before discussing the particulars of Edward's case. Esme and I followed the conversation the best we could, but Dr. Barrow didn't try to explain things in lay terms. He fired off details and answered Carlisle's questions with terminology we'd never heard before.

The parts I did understand involved pressure on the brain and ionized radiation therapy. The tumor had grown back only slightly, but it was enough to cause Edward's seizure. Dr. Barrow wanted to attack it with radiological treatments, the same treatments he had convinced Edward to fly to Atlanta for. Only now, he'd be starting right away.

Having explained the protocol, Dr. Barrow led us to a standard recovery room where Edward was just coming to. Carlisle had explained Edward was given anticonvulsant medication, which would make him a little groggy.

Once again, I was met with Edward's face from the doorway of his hospital room. Though, this time it was a tired smile instead of an angry glare that greeted me. There was a curtain between him and the other bed. Thankfully, it wasn't currently occupied.

"Hi," he said from his bed. He nodded for me to enter. Esme and Carlisle stepped aside to let me by. Esme smiled hopefully at me as I passed her.

I joined Edward, standing awkwardly by his bed. His pallor was the same, his face still covered in bruises, courtesy of my best friend. There was no satisfaction in seeing his face marred by them anymore.

"You okay?" he asked, reaching for my hand.

"Am I okay? Are _you_ okay? You scared the crap out of me," I answered, wrapping my hand around his cold fingers.

The beginning of a frown formed on his face. "I know. I didn't want you to see that."

Trying to control my tone – his parents were in the room – I said, "Edward, I am a grown woman. I can handle unpleasant things. I care about what happens to you. When are you going to start letting me?" I pulled my hand away and hugged my arms across my body, drumming my fingers against my side.

Did he have to be so exasperating?

He had the decency to look repentant and reached out for my hand again. I relaxed and sat down on the chair beside his bed.

"Do you remember what happened?" I asked.

"Mostly. I remember our conversation, if that's what you mean."

I sighed with relief.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" His fingers traced circles against the back of my hand.

I smiled timidly at his attempt at humor, and he beamed back at me.

"I'm glad you're here," he said.

"Me too."

Esme coughed, interrupting our quiet moment. I had almost forgotten we had an audience. "Edward, I'm going to go get some of your things from the hotel. Carlisle," she turned her head to her husband, "didn't you want to go see if those other test results came back?" she asked, taking his hand and pulling him along behind her. "We'll be back in an hour or so." They shut the door behind them on their way out.

"Are you tired? Do you have a headache?" I reached forward and placed my palm on Edward's head, my fingers brushing through his hair gently.

He seemed a bit surprised by my affectionate gesture. "A little and yes. I think I might've hit my head. I'm sorry if I put a dent in your wall." He winked at me.

"That's not funny." I shook my head.

He frowned and leaned his head into my hand. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Do you want me to leave so you can get some rest?"

"NO!" He pulled my hand from his head, clutching it so hard it almost hurt. "Please don't go yet."

"Okay, I'll stay." I smiled, reassuring him. He released the pressure on my hand. "So…what happens now?"

His forehead crinkled. "What do you mean?"

"The treatments…your hospitalization."

"I'm not exactly sure. They want to start my treatment immediately. I think my dad probably talked to Dr. Barrow more than I did."

"Will you tell me about it? What they're going to do."

He removed his hand from mine and pushed a button on the arm rail of his bed, raising himself into a more upright position. "Well, what Dr. Barrow and I discussed was a localized radiation treatment, aimed specifically at the tumor. It'll be administered every day for six weeks, except I'll have a break on the weekends."

"And that will make the tumor go away?"

"Well, it'll shrink it and hopefully alleviate some of my symptoms."

"Will it make you sick…the radiation?"

"Probably, but I'll be given nausea meds and such to lessen some of the effects."

"And your hair? Will you lose it? It already grew back so nicely after your surgery from a few months ago."

"I might." He grabbed my hand again and squeezed it reassuringly. "But I'll just shave my head if it comes to that."

"So you think this will help? Will give you a chance at…at…"

"At living? Yes."

I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Good. That's good."

He smiled. "Thank you for being here."

"Thank you for letting me."

His face fought off a grimace as he nodded slightly.

I cleared my throat and asked another question. "What if the treatment doesn't work like you hope it will?"

"Then it'll be just like before."

"Before?"

I averted my eyes and bowed my head. What did he mean by that? Before, when we were married and he kept me at arm's length, or before, when he divorced me and shut me out completely?

As if reading my mind, Edward tried to explain. "Bella, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that we'll be back where we started – with me having a brain tumor and still trying to find a cure."

I listened to the words, but his explanation only reminded me of more questions I'd meant to ask before he had collapsed on my floor. "Edward, what if Dr. Barrow hadn't called you? Would you ever have come back?"

I immediately regretted asking the question as soon as it escaped my mouth. He was in the hospital after having a seizure, and here I was interrogating him, and I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hear his answer anyway. I had a feeling I wouldn't like it.

"I'd like to say I would've stayed away, to keep you from seeing me so sick, but the truth is, the longer I was away from you, the more miserable I became. This is probably the most selfish thing I've ever done – coming here and asking you to take me back. I couldn't really remember all the reasons I thought leaving were a good idea anymore. I think I may have contacted you sooner or later regardless. Dr. Barrow just provided the catalyst I needed to get back in touch with you. I…I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to hear or not."

"Okay, so let's say the treatments don't work." I paused; both of us frowned. "Are you gonna want to leave again? Will I be able to trust you not to do that? Not to try and _protect_ me?"

"I promise. You have my word, and I realize that might not mean much, but I'm telling you I'm not going anywhere unless you order me away...or until the good Lord takes me away." He gave a half-smile and squeezed my hand again.

A few silent minutes passed as I sat by his side, watching him fight to keep his eyes open. I lazily stroked his arm, taking comfort in the fact that he was alive and okay.

Before I knew it, Esme and Carlisle were back, and the hospital announced visiting hours would be over shortly. Edward assured me they weren't really going to kick me out, especially since he didn't have a roommate yet, but he looked as exhausted as I felt. I squeezed his hand and told him to get some rest, assuring him I would be back tomorrow.

~UrQ~

The following day, I stepped off the elevator with a cautious hopefulness in seeing Edward. I was worried he'd close himself off after his seizure, even though the fact that he'd continued to talk to me last night was encouraging. The answers were healing in a way, and I looked forward to hearing more.

I was walking down the corridor toward his room when a commotion caught my eye. A team of doctors and nurses flew toward the patient elevators pushing a gurney. I saw one of them perched atop a patient doing CPR.

My stomach dropped to the heels of my feet so fast I thought I might collapse. The dread that took over my body wasn't creeping slowly through my veins – it hit my system like I was thrown into an icy pond. I gasped from the force of it.

I raced to Edward's room and stood at the doorway, panicking.

His bed was empty and so was my soul.

Where were they taking him? What happened? The nurses' station was empty, so I frantically poked my head into rooms, looking for someone who would know what was going on. I noticed a nurse coming out of a room down the hall and rushed toward her, wiping the tears from my face.

"Please, can you tell me where they took Edward Cullen? The patient in room 217. I think something happened to him."

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I whipped around to see Esme behind me, looking concerned but not distraught. Did she not know? Did I have to tell her?

"They took him away. They… they were doing CPR… his room… he's gone." I sobbed into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me.

"Bella, sweetie, nothing happened. He's fine. They moved him to a suite upstairs earlier today. When they assigned him a roommate, I asked Dr. Barrow if we could get a private room. Sometimes hospitals just need the right incentive. Although I don't know why they didn't put him in a VIP suite sooner with his connections here."

Esme kept rambling, but I wasn't listening. I sat down on a bench in the hallway and felt the adrenaline drain from my body. I briefly explained that I had seen his roommate taken away. I was embarrassed at how quickly I had fallen apart. If I was going to support Edward through these treatments, I had to be stronger. He couldn't see me break down like this.

Edward was fine.

He was upstairs.

That wasn't him.

I didn't lose him.

Edward was fine.

I repeated these things over and over until my heart stopped pounding in my chest.

Esme grabbed Edward's phone charger and his toothbrush from the room, and she walked with me back to the elevators and to his new room.

The VIP suite was very similar to a hotel: a room for the patient, sitting room for family and friends, sleeper sofa, dining table, and an entertainment center. We even had the option to order room service, which was considerably better than hospital food.

Even though his hospital room rivaled those of some hotels, Edward told me he was bored and felt imprisoned. Against his wishes, his treatments were administered every day in an in-patient capacity. Dr. Barrow wanted to monitor Edward's progress closely; the seizure had heightened their need for caution, which only managed to frustrate Edward.

However, weather permitting, Edward escaped to the hospital gardens almost daily, so he wasn't exactly a prisoner, a fact I reminded him of when I visited.

And so it began. Our new routine.

He texted me throughout the day. He'd gone from telling me nothing the last time he was sick to giving me every little detail about what they were doing to him during treatments. I really looked forward to his messages.

During his walks in the garden, he took pictures of flowers and sent them to my phone. He also took pictures of some of his meals and told me they weren't nearly as good as mine. I was a little surprised at his playfulness and optimism in the face of the long and exhausting journey that was his treatment.

Though sometimes awkward in the beginning, I was at the hospital every day. I wasn't sure what my role was at first; my ex-husband and I still hung in this relationship limbo that hadn't really been defined. I wanted to forgive him, but I was afraid – terrified really – of being hurt again.

Then there was the small matter of my pregnancy, which wouldn't be small for too much longer. I had to find some way to tell him; I just didn't know how. I didn't want it to affect the way he responded to me yet.

Besides, I enjoyed the time we spent reconnecting. At first, I visited only to say goodnight, always arriving in the evening. Esme and Carlisle would then depart, leaving Edward and me to comfortable silence.

One night I brought him my homemade peach cobbler, and we sat eating it together for dessert. I was relaxed and enjoying myself when his cell phone rang.

"Hi, Carmen." Edward glanced nervously at me.

"No, I'm sorry I haven't called you. No…everything is fine. They started the treatment, and I was admitted. No… it's a long story. Well… actually…she's here right now." He caught my gaze again and gave a faint smile. "Yes. Um, I'll tell her you said that. I appreciate it. Really. Thank you. Yes… I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for calling. Okay. Bye."

"So that was Carmen." I took another bite of the cobbler.

"Yeah." He put the cell phone down and ran his fingers through his hair.

"What did she say?" I asked tensely.

"She wanted to see how I was doing. She wanted to know if I had reached out to you. She, um, says hello, and she's glad you and I are talking."

I tried not to let it get to me. He said there was nothing between them, but the fact remained that he talked to her…he shared with her when he had so clearly shut me out. My jealousy wasn't irrational. It was justified.

Still, it made me a little happy to hear he hadn't called her first. I wished she hadn't called him.

I said nothing and took another bite but could barely swallow it down. Carmen's phone call had made my cobbler unpalatable. I dropped my fork and huffed.

"Bella…"

"Yeah." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair, which sat facing the television mounted on the wall.

"Bella, look at me."

I ignored him and pretended to be interested in the program we were watching.

"Are you mad at me?"

I still didn't respond. Maybe I was being silly and petulant, but I couldn't exactly help it, even if I felt a little justified in my feelings. I could blame it on the hormones. Though, Edward would have to know I was pregnant in order for me to use that excuse. I blew my bangs out of my eyes and listened as Edward tried to appease me.

"She's nothing. Please believe me. I don't want to hurt you."

"It doesn't. I'm not mad. It's fine." There was no conviction in my voice.

"Baby, please don't let it bother you. You are the only woman who's ever been important to me…even if I didn't always show it. What will it take for you to look at me? Do you want me to say I'll never talk to her again? I'll do it."

I exhaled deeply and finally turned to face him, searching his eyes. He was so sincere. So open and vulnerable. I felt childish and immature to ask him to do that. I knew he would, though. I could tell he was being completely earnest with me about this, and that was enough for me. After all, he was here now, and she was there.

~UrQ~

Some nights, Edward and I would pass the time watching reruns of family sitcoms on TBS. I'd sit in a chair while Edward commandeered the remote from his hospital bed.

Some things never changed.

He fell asleep a lot, most often taking several short naps, and when I sat next to him, I'd run my fingers through his hair. It was the only physical contact I had with him, for the most part. We hadn't pushed any of those boundaries.

Sometimes when he slept, I would whisper confessions to him. I'd tell him how much I missed us. I'd tell him how I loved the feel of his hair, and I was glad he hadn't lost it yet. I whispered how much I hoped he'd get better and stop making me worry. I whispered some of my fears and told him of the hurt that I still felt over when he'd left me.

I told him I was trying. I was trying to trust, trying to forgive. I just needed time.

When he wasn't dozing, he'd occasionally stare at me. I could see it from my periphery. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he never did.

He left the questions to me. He always knew when I was stewing on something.

"You can ask me anything, you know."

Yes, I did know. Finally.

"What makes you think I have a question?"

"Your foot won't stop shaking."

I smiled. I guess I was pretty obvious.

"I was just curious why you lied to your parents. They would have supported you regardless; they're your parents, not mine. Why did you lie to them about me?"

He raised the remote and clicked off the television. "Because I'm an idiot."

I flicked my hand in the air. "No argument from me."

He smirked. "I deserve that. This may not make any sense, but I lied because I was already struggling with my decision to leave you. When I saw how devastated you were, all I wanted to do was run back to you and sweep you into my arms and tell you it was all a lie…that I didn't mean it. But I didn't." He paused and bowed his head, fiddling with his hands in his lap.

"When I made it out to Texas, I figured the worst was over, but I was wrong. My parents kept pestering me to call you…to work things out. I just kept saying 'no'. They were relentless, so I finally just blurted out that you didn't want to be with me anymore."

Hearing it for a second time didn't make it go down any easier. My head was swimming; I got lightheaded easily lately, and I had to make a conscious effort to take deep breaths.

"I didn't mean to lie about you...I just…I just wanted them to leave me alone, and to leave you alone. Plus, it provided some kind of insurance for me."

He lifted his eyes to mine again, and after taking in the confused look on my face, he explained. "If I told them you didn't want to be with me, but then I tried to go back to you, they'd stop me."

The deep breaths were not helping. The residual anger was surfacing, and I was afraid I'd say something I didn't mean.

I stood up and grabbed my purse. "Thank you for explaining, really. I wanted to know. I just need…some time. I'll be back tomorrow."

I walked out before he could see my tears.

~UrQ~

By the third week, our routine was a lot more regular, and our evenings together were much longer. I'd show up just after dinner and right before Edward's parents left for the evening. We'd watch television or play Scrabble.

Deciding to change things up, I brought playing cards one night.

"Ready to get your ass handed to you in Contract Rummy?" I asked, smacking the cards down on his hospital tray in a show of mock force.

Edward looked from the cards to my face and smirked. "Someone got tired of losing at Scrabble."

"Whatever. Wanna play?"

"Sure." He shrugged. "I'll beat you at this too," he said with a bemused smile.

I rolled my eyes. "Want me to set things up at the table out there?" I pointed to the table in the family area where we'd been playing Scrabble.

"Can we just play here?" he asked, pointing to his tray. "I don't really feel like getting up."

"Sure," I replied pulling up a chair. "You feeling okay? Can I get you anything? Do I need to get the nurse?"

"I'm fine, Bella," he said, giving me a pointed look. "I'm not a child."

"Oh, okay." I stood up from my chair. "I think I'll leave you to it then. Have a good night, Edward."

I turned away, reaching for my purse when he spoke. "Bella, stop. I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

Facing him again, I asked. "How _did_ you mean it?"

Edward heaved a sigh, running his hand over his face. "I don't know. I just don't like you fussing over me. Will you sit down, please?" He pointed to the chair I just vacated. "Please."

I put my things back down and rejoined him by his bed. I said nothing as I picked up and shuffled the cards. I was going to see him sick and help him whether he liked it or not. He just needed to get over it. It was quite frustrating.

Drawing a card from the deck, I noticed him studying me. I got the feeling my every move was being scrutinized. This wasn't the first time he made me feel this way.

"Edward?"

"Hmm."

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked, sorting the cards in my hand.

He cleared his throat but said nothing. He laid down a card and drew another from the stack.

"Edward, you gonna answer me?" I peered over the tops of the cards to see his face.

He shrugged, sorting the cards in his hand.

"Fine. Don't tell me." I feigned indifference and reached for the deck.

We played silently for a few minutes until Edward spoke. "So…what's the weather like?"

"Really?" I asked, shooting him a disbelieving look. "You're asking about the weather?"

Were things that awkward between us? I thought the last three weeks had been pivotal and crucial to our reconciliation. That's what we were doing, right? Reconciling?

"So would you say it's been unseasonably cold outside?"

I placed my cards face down on the tray. I didn't know where he was going with this, but I played along anyway.

I mimed the actions of a meteorologist, waving my hands around in front of an invisible green screen, and then added commentary.

"Good news, fellow Atlantans. Looks like nothing but sunshine for the foreseeable future. You know what that means – "

"You're such a smart ass," Edward interrupted. "A little moody too. And it hasn't been just today."

"Sorry. Just find it odd that you're asking about the weather."

"I haven't been able to get down to the gardens the past two days." He reached for his cup and took a sip. "Haven't felt up to it."

"Oh." I shrugged, suddenly feeling sheepish at my assumptions. "It's been in the high 80's, sunny, and humid," I said, emphasizing the last word.

"Yet, you've been wearing long-sleeved shirts and sweatpants." He quirked an eyebrow at me.

Uh oh.

My baby bump was becoming more prominent. The only thing I had to keep it covered for the time being were oversized shirts – which happened to be long-sleeved – and baggy pants. I'd forgotten how perceptive Edward was, though.

"I…uh…yeah," I stammered, standing up quickly. "I haven't been feeling well," I lied. "Which…which reminds me," I began to explain, reaching for my purse. "I need to pick up a prescription from my pharmacy before they close. Um. I'll see you later."

I left Edward and his perplexed face as I all but ran to my car. I sat behind the wheel for a few moments and let my breathing calm down.

I had to tell him about the baby; he deserved to know, but I didn't know how. I had embraced the art of procrastination.

Before I knew it, my drive home had turned into a detour over to my parents' house.

I sat in their driveway with the car idling and let the myriad of what-if scenarios play out in my head.

Oblivious to my surroundings, I jumped when a knock sounded on my passenger window. It was my father.

I unlocked the car. He slid into the seat next to mine, closing the door behind him.

We silently stared at each other, both of us gauging one another's face. Though I wasn't crying, I'm sure my dad could tell something was wrong. He was a police chief; reading people came easy to him.

I leaned my head back, shut my eyes, and let the silence hang in the air.

"This about Edward?" my father finally asked.

Not opening my eyes, I asked, "How'd you know?"

He laughed. "I am your father, Isabella. It's my job to know these things. Besides, James stopped by."

I turned my head to face him. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "He was dropping some things off for the silent auction for the Police Chief's Association Fundraiser. I was making chili and invited him to stay for dinner."

"Sorry. I know I was supposed to drop them off. I forgot. I've had a lot on my mind."

"That's what he said."

"_What_ exactly did he say?"

"What do you think he said?" my dad asked, turning the question back on me. It was a cop thing. Give away nothing; let them tell you everything. I got used to it growing up, but it was still annoying as hell.

"Did he tell you Edward's doing treatments at Emory for his tumor? His parents are here too."

"He did. Your mother called Esme and asked if she could do anything: bring food, offer support, whatever."

"She did?" I asked, surprised. "I didn't know that."

"I'm sure you've had other things on your mind, sweetheart."

"If you only knew, Daddy." I blew out a breath.

"Come on inside." He patted my knee before reaching for the door. "I have some apple pie you need to help me eat."

"Mom didn't make it, did she?"

"I won't tell her you asked that if you come inside."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You wouldn't."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Okay, fine. Got ice cream?"

"Of course. Now, come on."

I sat at the kitchen counter while my dad made coffee and plated our dessert. I declined the cup of coffee, but he slid me a slice, complete with a scoop of ice cream, and sat across from me.

I dipped my fork in the pie. "You didn't answer me. This Mom's?"

He chuckled, speaking around a mouthful. "No." He shook his head in mirth.

I laughed and took a bite.

"So you want to tell me what's been on your mind?"

Where to start?

"I don't know, Daddy. I already told you. Well, Jamie told you Edward was in the hospital. I've been going to see him every day." I paused to gauge my father's reaction. I had his full attention.

"It's so weird having him back. Well, we're not back together. That came out wrong. He's just back…but we're not…" I had resorted to waving my hands around as if that would've helped me explain it better. Apparently, some of Edward's mannerisms had rubbed off on me.

My dad swallowed his bite and took a sip of his drink. "Every day, huh? How's that working out?"

I shrugged, moving the pie around with my fork. "Was awkward at first, but I couldn't not go. We started talking the day after the book signing."

"Did he come out here for you or for the treatments?"

"Both, I guess. He came out here for some new kind of treatment. Though, he said he was gonna call me anyway."

"What did he want to talk about?"

"The reason why he left."

His eyes widened, most likely remembering what Edward said to me a year ago. _I simply don't love you as a husband loves a wife_.

"He said he left me so I wouldn't have to watch him die. Can you believe that?"

"_Is_ he dying?"

"He thought he was, but these new treatments or whatever have given him hope. He seems fine when I visit him; though, today wasn't a good day for him. But, Daddy, who does that? Who leaves their spouse because they think they're dying?"

"Apparently, Edward does."

"Yeah, well…" I didn't finish my thought. I wasn't quite sure of what I would've said anyway.

"Bells, he's not the first man to feel like he needs to protect his family from harm and pain any way he can. Some men on the force have made bad decisions because they don't want their wives to be widows, or they just pull away from them because of the strain of the job. Some men won't marry at all because of the risk. I think it's a poor excuse, but I've seen it before." He paused, letting the words sink in.

"You would never do that to Mom."

"I've also never had a brain tumor and had to take medication that affected my very biology and ability to make rational decisions. I think you need to take that into consideration, honey."

"You're right," I said, poking the pie with my fork.

"So what does this mean?"

"It means." I paused, exhaling a great puff of air. "It means I'm confused. The last three weeks have been great…sorta. When I visit, we talk and watch TV, and if I forget that we're in a hospital, I can almost imagine us back in our living room, sitting on the couch and watching our favorite shows.

"We even play Scrabble like we used to, and he still beats me like he used to." I smiled. Edward was very competitive, and he never just _let_ me win. It was annoying, especially since _I_ was a writer.

"The best part, though. The best part is when we go for walks in the garden. The hospital has these healing gardens for the patients. You know, waterfalls and pretty flowers. All to help you forget you're in a hospital. Anyway, we stroll along, talking about anything: politics, movies, books. It's like I have my best friend back.

"But there's this underlying tension. I think he feels guilty – and he should – for how he handled things. And I feel like it's not real – like at any moment, I'll wake up and he'll be gone again."

"Isabella?" My dad's voice was firm, but his eyes were soft. "Do you still love him?"

Without hesitation, I answered, "Unconditionally."

"Can you forgive him for what he did? The things he said?"

"I want to. I understand why he did it, but he needs to understand he can't do that. He can't make decisions for me. He robbed me of my chance to be there for him. We were married, and what he did was awful. Stupid. Cruel. Protective."

"Have you discussed this with him? Let him know that his behavior was unacceptable?"

"Not exactly. He talks, he answers my questions, but _we _don't talk."

"Then, baby, how do you expect to move on and heal from this? _You_ have _got_ to communicate."

"I know. Daddy?"

"Yes?" He canted his head to the side.

"What do you think about all of this? You have to have an opinion."

"Oh, I do, sweetheart, but this is about you and what you need, not about my feelings. I won't lie and say I haven't wanted to wring Edward's neck or that I haven't envisioned taking him out back and giving him a piece of my mind. His views on protection and what it means to be a man need some serious reevaluation. At the same time – as a man – I understand him. He wanted to protect you, and even though he went about it the wrong way, I get it."

"Esme basically said the same thing."

He shrugged. "It comes with being a parent, I suppose. You'll understand someday." He winked and got up to pour himself another cup of coffee.

"Someday's not so far away," I muttered.

"What was that?" He sat back down across from me.

I ignored his question and asked one of my own. "So you'll be okay if Edward and I work things out?"

"Of course I would. I only want your happiness, baby. Doesn't mean I'm not worried, but I trust you and want what's best for you, and I think Edward is what's best for you."

"Really?"

"Really." He nodded. "I saw what you two had before the tumor and how much he loved you, how he treated you. And from what you've said, he seems to still care for you. All you two need to do is talk and work out a plan for the future, whatever that might be."

"I wish it were that simple."

"It never is."

"I'm pregnant," I blurted.

My dad's face went through a multitude of expressions before settling on a smile.

"It happened in Dallas. It was a crazy night, and – "

He held up his hand. "I think I can manage without the details." He put his hand down and smiled. "I'm gonna be a grandpa. A grandpa." His eyes had this far away look like he was already imagining taking his grandchild fishing or teaching him all about sports. "How does Edward feel about becoming a father?"

"He…uh…well, I haven't exactly…he doesn't know." I hung my head, averting my father's stare.

"What?" My dad's voice was raised, a rarity for him. "Why haven't you told him?"

"I…I don't know. I didn't know how to bring it up. Plus, he's dealing with so much right now."

"Isabella Marie, do you mean to tell me that you're making decisions on what's best for Edward _without_ consulting him first? Doesn't that make you just as guilty as him for what he did?"

I hadn't thought about it that way, but my dad was right – as usual. And as I let his words sink in, I got this sickening feeling in my stomach. I needed to tell Edward…right away.

I stood up brusquely, the scrape of the stool sounding out in the kitchen. "I should go." I fished my keys out of my pocket. "Thank you for the pie and the conversation."

"Anytime, sweetheart. I take it you're going to the hospital."

"Yeah. We need to get this settled…everything. Once and for all."

"Be careful, sweetheart. I love you."

I halted in my hasty exit and walked over to my dad. "Thank you, Daddy." I hugged him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I love you too, so much."

"I'll give you two days before I tell your mom she's going to be a grandmother. I have a feeling she'd rather hear it from you though."

"Yes, sir." I smiled one last time and then left.

I drove back to the hospital, my heart beating rapidly at the thought of telling Edward the news.

After midnight, the hospital corridors were fairly empty, especially Edward's wing, which had a private entrance.

I made it to his room and opened the door slowly. The suite was dark, both the sitting area and the room where Edward slept.

I knew it was a long shot, expecting him to be awake at this hour, but I had to tell him…now.

He looked so peaceful and pain free, the moonlight casting a glow upon his head.

I slipped out of my shoes and carefully crawled into bed next to him. The bed was bigger than most, but it was still small.

Edward stirred. "Bella?" His voice was sleepy and raspy.

"Shhh. It's fine. Go back to sleep." His breathing was even and deep. I wanted to talk to him…to tell him, but he needed his rest, so I took the coward's way out and practiced what I would say while he slept.

"Edward?"

He didn't respond, letting his small snores answer for him.

"Edward, I…uh, um…well, I'm pregnant. It's yours. Of course it's yours. Who else's would it be?" I paused and took a breath. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that even though our situation is screwed up…you're gonna be a father." I ran my fingers through his hair and watched him sleep for a minute or two. "And I want this to work…I want _us_ to work. We have so much to discuss, but I think we can do it."

He grunted and flipped his head over on his pillow. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

I slid out of bed and was putting my shoes back on when Edward spoke.

"I know. A baby. I know."

I froze. "Edward, are you awake?"

**I think some of you have heard by now that I was admitted to the hospital a few days ago for hypokalemia (medical term for low potassium.) I'm still here and waiting to get the word that I can go home today. *crosses fingers* I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers, and I'm completely blown away by your support. Thank you isn't strong enough to express how I feel.**

**As you can imagine, I've had a lot of down time - mostly spent dozing - but I've been able to write some and finish edits. Thus, me posting this chapter. I'm obsessed; I know it. But what else was I going to do, strapped to a hospital bed for 3 days. Okay, so I wasn't really strapped. :)**

**I usually respond to every single review I get, but I wasn't able to get to them due to being out of town last week and my current hospitalization this week. Please forgive me. I have nothing else to do but to respond while I'm stuck here, so let me know what you think so far...please.**


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Scratch

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I get to use her character names and traits and have fun with them. Or torture them as some people have said.**

**As always, Team Unrequited made this chapter better than it was. All mistakes are mine, though.**

**Please enjoy.**

"Edward?"

"Turn on the lights, please."

I dropped the shoe in my hand and fumbled for the light switch. The brightness momentarily blinded me, but when I could see clearly again, Edward was sitting up, motioning for me to join him at the bed.

"Were you awake the whole time?" I hadn't moved from my spot.

He said nothing, nodding instead, his gaze piercing right through me. _He knew_.

"You heard all of it?"

"Yeah."

"What did you mean 'you know'?"

"Why don't you sit down?" He pointed to the bed again, scooting over and patting the spot next to him.

"I'm…I'm okay here." I wouldn't be able to sit still. My heart was pounding. I came here with every intent to tell him about the baby, but when I found him sleeping, I thought I had more time. Now it was out in the open, and we had to tackle it, along with the rest of our unresolved issues.

"You knew?" My tone was disbelieving. My baby bump was barely visible, and I thought I was hiding it well.

"Bella, I'm a doctor – one who did a few rotations in gynecology and obstetrics before deciding on general surgery. I recognize the physiological indicators. Plus, there were other signs." He gave me a pointed look.

"Signs?"

"You used to have a cup of coffee after dinner every night, and yet, I haven't seen you drink any during your visits – when you do drink a beverage, it's always decaf. You turned down a turkey and brie sandwich when my mother brought us lunch last Saturday, and it used to be your favorite. And either you gave up biting your fingernails to stubs, or they're growing unusually fast. Also, when you sit, you rest your hands on your lower abdomen, letting your thumbs graze in lazy circles. And you get this far away look sometimes, especially when we've been down in the gardens and you see the children of some of the patients."

I'd forgotten how perceptive Edward was; it made him an excellent doctor, but a frustrating friend and husband.

"How long have you known, and why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugged, looking down. "I was hoping you'd say something. Put my mind at ease."

"At ease? Why would you need to be put at ease about my pregnancy? Does it bother you or something?"

His head snapped up, his eyes searching mine. "No, not at all! Quite the opposite, really." He smiled that shy and alluring smile I loved so much. It'd been a long time since I'd seen it. I smiled in return. Then he dipped his head and muttered, "I just wasn't sure if…if…"

"If it was yours?"

He shot me a sheepish look, nodding. "My question is, why didn't _you_ tell _me_?"

"I did…sorta."

He pursed his lips. "And if I hadn't been awake, how long would it have taken you to actually tell me? Don't you think I had a right to know?"

"You mean like I had a right to know that my husband's condition was worsening? And that I should've been given the chance to be there for him? You mean like that?"

"Bella, that's not – "

"Fair? And what you did to me is?"

"I said I was sorry."

"And that's supposed to make it all okay? To make up for the months I thought you hated me and thought our marriage meant nothing to you?"

"I already explained this." Edward's voice rose in timber, and his brow furrowed. He swung his legs off the bed and stood. "You know that's not true. I fucked up and made a mistake!" He stepped toward me, and I stepped back; though I wasn't sure why.

He halted his movement, apparently shocked at my aversion.

"A mistake?" I snapped back at him. "Forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on your way home is a mistake. Agreeing to work the late shift on date night is a mistake. Forgetting to get a birthday card is a mistake. Lying to your wife, pushing her away for a year, and then divorcing her and leaving everything behind like it was worthless to you is a bit more than a mistake, Edward."

He had been getting irritated, but in that moment, my words changed his demeanor. His voice was still tense, but his shoulders fell, trepidation and fear evident on his face. "Can't we just move on from this? I mean, we're gonna have a baby."

My anger continued to fuel my words.

"And what happens when the baby gets here, and you decide that your health is declining again? Are you just gonna leave me again…leave us?"

"What? No! I want to be here for you…and the baby."

"But what happens when you decide you're too sick to stick around, and you want to protect me again? Protect us? I won't let you do that. Not to me…or our baby."

"I won't. I've learned my lesson."

"Have you?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "And what was that?"

"You know what I mean, Bella." He huffed, rolling his eyes.

"No, I'm curious. What _exactly_ did you learn? You have no idea – none – what your leaving did to me. It nearly destroyed me. Yet I still dropped everything to come be by your side when Alice called me, only to be treated like shit when I got there."

"I never asked Alice to call you. I didn't even want you there!" he yelled.

All the air left my lungs, and just like that, a bucket of water doused the flames of rage that were burning inside me, replacing them with a familiar pain. _He didn't want me there._ I bit my lip, trying not to cry.

"Bella." He shook his head and stepped toward me, and again I stepped back, pressing myself against the wall. "I didn't mean it like that." His voice was soft and reassuring, like he was trying to tame a wild animal.

He approached me slowly until his bare feet were touching mine.

I tried to avoid his eye contact, afraid my tears would fall.

"Hey," he whispered. "I'm sorry." He ran his hand over my hair, but I moved my head.

"No." It came out as more of a whimper than a protest.

Then he placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned in closer to me. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down harder on my lip. His breath, next to my ear, was warm, yet it made me shiver. "I didn't want you to see me like that. In my warped mind, I was saving you from watching me die."

I let out an involuntary groan; I didn't like hearing about his possible death.

"And the way I treated you was inexcusable. You deserve better…so much better than me."

Slowly, my eyes blinked open, and I allowed myself to really look at him. Weary and remorseful, Edward stared back at me. He squeezed his eyes shut before placing his forehead against mine. "Though I don't deserve it, please tell me you'll give me the chance to make this right. To prove to you that I'm not going anywhere."

I pushed on his chest, forcing him to back away. "You don't get to do that: whisper sweet words and pretend it's all better."

He opened his mouth, prepared to protest, but I didn't give him the chance. "No, let me finish! You walked out on me, Edward. You told me you didn't love me and made me question if you ever really did."

"Bella, you can't really believe – "

"I said, Let. Me. Finish."

The fight left his eyes and he nodded his head, allowing me to continue.

"You acted unilaterally, deciding what was best for me. We were a unit, and you robbed me of the _right_ to fulfill my vows and be there for my husband. Instead you handed that privilege over to Carmen."

His head snapped up in surprise. "That's not what – "

I held up my hand. "Save it. I believe you when you say there's nothing romantic between the two of you, but the simple fact is, she was there for you because you allowed her to be. You gave her what was _mine_." I swiped at the angry tears streaking down my face. "And that…that betrayal hurts worse than you actually leaving me. You're right, I _do_ deserve better than you."

I paused to take a breath, my chest heaving and quivering as I swallowed my sniffles. I was finally giving a voice to the thoughts that had plagued my darkest moments in the last few weeks. When he left me, he took my heart, my faith, my trust and my confidence with him. Although he had returned, the other things didn't come back so readily.

"I love you, Edward. God, do I love you, but I don't know if I'll _ever_ be able to trust you again." I buried my face in my hands and let my sobs consume me. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if we can move on and heal from this. Maybe it's too late."

I couldn't breathe, the weight of what I'd just said hitting me like a breaking ball.

Was this it? Were we really over?

The room was filled with an eerie silence, broken only by the weeping moans emanating from deep within my chest. I was dragging each breath in through my teeth, trying not to hyperventilate as I sobbed.

Eventually I lifted my head to find Edward still standing across from me, shoulders slumped, his fist covering his mouth, stifling his own cries.

Tears ran down his face as he blew great puffs of air into the hand covering his mouth, over and over again.

We made eye contact, and my raw, torn-up heart ached at the sight before me.

As though he sensed my vulnerability, he closed the distance between us, trapping me against the wall once again. He raised his hands, his outstretched fingers shaking as he reached for my hands, which were hanging limply by my side. He interlaced our fingers and squeezed so tight it hurt.

I stared down at our hands and fingers woven together. He leaned in closer to me, but I couldn't look up; the pain on his face was too much to bear.

"I know I screwed up. I know. I just want to fix what I did. I will always be yours, no matter what. I always have been. That has never changed." He paused and rubbed this thumbs in reassuring circles on my hands. He sighed deeply and brushed his lips across my forehead before leaning down to whisper in my ear. "I just want you back, us back. Please…_please_."

The warmth of his words as his breath caressed my neck coupled with his eager, sincere pleas sent the fortress around my heart tumbling down.

He released my hand and cupped my chin, urging me gently to look at him. I resisted and pressed my face into his shoulder to avoid facing those eyes just yet. Instead, I felt him sinking down and watched as he kneeled before me. He looked up into my eyes, beseeching me over and over again me with his pleas.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and repeated his litany against my abdomen.

My shoulders shook with silent sobs. The tears fell from my cheeks, and I fell to my knees and into his embrace. He crushed me against him, every inch of our bodies touching for the first time in months. My fears tumbled out as if they were kisses against his face

"I'm so scared, so scared," I said, my lips brushing against the side of his mouth with each word.

"Me too." His words kissed me back. Then he released his grasp around me so he could frame my face and kiss me properly. It was soft, simple, and real - unhurried. He pulled away, resting his forehead on mine. "I'm scared too – of dying, of losing you. I _don't _want to die."

"Oh, Edward, please don't say that!" I cried, clutching at his shirt. "You're not going to die. You have to live. You have to, please. You have to. If not for me, for your baby."

"Hey." His voice got firm and confident. "Look at me." He waited until my eyes were open before saying, "It's always been for you. All for you. You asked me what lesson I learned. I know now that whether I have four months or four years or forty years, I don't want to spend any of those moments without you. Never again. Even though I fucked it up; it's always been for you, and if you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Unbidden yet curious thoughts poked through my hazy, emotionally fogged brain. Though I didn't like to dwell on it, I wondered just how long his life would be. I couldn't just come right out and ask; yet it needed to be discussed.

"So, um, how…how're the treatments going?"

He smiled, rubbing his thumbs back and forth on my cheeks. "Good, really good. I get to go home after my treatment tomorrow if all goes well."

I raised my eyebrow. "It's only been three weeks; I thought you had six weeks of treatments."

"Things look really good, so I get to complete the rest of my treatments in an outpatient capacity at home."

"Home?"

He trailed his hands from my face and along my collarbone until they rested on my shoulders. He squeezed them lightly before standing up and pulling me with him. "Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to get a place here – in Atlanta, close to you and the hospital."

"You don't need my permission for that."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't want to be here if you don't want me here. So I guess the question is, can I stay…for you…for us?"

"Well, we can't exactly work this out if you're in Texas."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Was it? I wanted him here, and it wasn't like I could actually prevent him from staying anyway. I just didn't know if I could ever trust him again. I wanted to, though. Lord, how I wanted to.

"It's late. I should let you get back to bed." I bent down for my shoes but stopped when Edward spoke.

"Stay."

I dropped my shoes once again and looked up at him from my stance on the floor. "Huh?"

"Stay…here…with me. If…if you want."

"I don't know. I should really get – "

"Bella, it's late, and we're both tired. Please, just stay."

"Where would I even sleep? On the pull out?" I nodded my head in the direction of the guest suite in his room.

"Or you could sleep with me." His eyes widened upon seeing my startled reaction. "I didn't mean it like…I just meant, you know…_sleep_, sleep."

I covered my mouth with my hand, suppressing the urge to smile and failing. I walked toward him and pointed at his hospital bed. "Don't you think it's a little small?"

He looked down at me and flashed me that crooked smile of his. "I think we can make it work."

Somehow I knew his meaning went beyond the size of the bed, and once again, I wanted to believe him.

~UrQ~

The sound of seemingly distant voices brought me out of my dream, if I could call it that. It was more of a hazy recollection of awakening in the middle of the night to unfamiliar surroundings. I remembered Edward lying beside me with his hand resting on my abdomen as if he were trying to cuddle with the baby. I smiled and then drifted off to sleep again.

I opened my eyes but closed them immediately, squinting at the harsh overhead light.

After my eyes adjusted, I focused in the direction of the voices to find Edward standing at the foot of the bed, talking animatedly with a nurse.

"…and can you make sure they put cheese in the eggs? American. She doesn't like cheddar."

I propped myself up on my elbows and watched as Edward doled out instructions to the nurse who was studiously taking notes. The rustle of the bed sheets must have alerted them to my presence. Edward turned and flashed me a smile, one side of his mouth curled upward.

"Good morning, beautiful." He joined me on the bed, sitting down next to me. He brushed his fingers across my cheek. "Sleep okay?"

"Like a baby." I leaned into his hand. I had missed these innocent touches, but they would take some getting used to again.

His grin became more pronounced; he practically beamed.

"Speaking of…you still see Dr. Bennett?"

My forehead crinkled, thinking. "Dr. Bennett?"

"You know, for obstetrics?"

"Oh." I sat up, scooting toward the front of the bed and resting my hands in my lap. "Yeah. I had my initial check-up at her practice, but she wasn't available that day. I hope to see her for my sixteen week visit."

"Lauren?" Edward said, turning his head again to the nurse who was now fiddling with some machine on the other side of his hospital bed.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?"

"Will you call Emory Midtown and see if Dr. Bennett is available? If she's not, ask who she'd recommend here at University Medical."

She nodded and returned her attention to the machine. "Will do. After I get your breakfast." She finished pushing buttons, winked at him, and then walked out.

I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath. "Typical."

Edward chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm not her type; I stand up to pee."

"What?" I asked, laughing.

He arched his eyebrow, waiting for me to get it.

"Oh."

"Plus, no reason to be jealous. You're the only one on my radar. Past, present, and future."

"I'm not jealous," I argued, though the way I said it wasn't convincing, even to me.

"Of course not." Edward smirked before leaning his head toward mine. He licked his lips, and I just knew he was going to kiss me.

I abruptly turned my head away and swung my legs off the opposite side of the bed from where he sat. A kiss wasn't so innocent as his hand on my cheek.

"I…uh, need to go. I have to talk to my mom. Plus, I need a change of clothes." I crossed the room to where I'd left my shoes. I slipped my feet into them, fighting with the heel, bracing my arms against the wall for support. "So, um, what was all that Dr. Bennett stuff about?" I asked Edward who had turned to face me, confusion etched in his features.

I won the battle with my shoes, but Edward still hadn't spoken. "Edward?"

He blinked his eyes a few times, coming out of his thoughts. "Um…yeah, Dr. Bennett. I just thought we could do an ultrasound and check out how the baby's doing."

"They don't normally schedule those until around the eighteenth week, right?"

His shoulders slumped, deflating him, like I'd just taken a pin to his balloon. "O…o…okay. I can wait; I guess I just got a little excited." He shot me a faint smile.

I cleared my throat and softened my voice. "We'll talk about it when I get back."

"Don't you want to eat? I ordered you breakfast."

"Uh…I have to run." Literally. Now who was the coward? "I'll grab a bite on my way home." I walked toward the door but paused in the threshold. "I'll see you later."

He didn't acknowledge me. Instead he stared at the floor, lost in his own world again, so I left.

"Stupid, stupid." I berated myself the entire car ride home. It all felt like too much, too soon.

We hadn't really settled anything last night in our emotionally charged confrontation. It was clear we both wanted to be with one another, but could we? Could I?

How could I trust someone who had ripped my heart out with hateful words and hasty actions that were specifically aimed to inflict pain? How could I erase the heartbreaking memories full of misconceptions and misdirection? How could I move forward? How could _we_ move forward?

My father's questions from last night entered my mind. _Did I love him and could I forgive him? Maybe my love wasn't unconditional, after all._

No, it was. I loved him, and I wanted to forgive him. I just needed time to figure it all out.

I made it back to my apartment and found Jamie asleep on my couch.

He roused when I placed my keys and phone on the kitchen counter, sitting up, and rubbing his eyes. "Hey."

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I stopped by to see you, but you weren't here. Figured I'd wait 'til you got back. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. What time is it?" he asked, joining me in the kitchen.

"After nine."

"You were out all night?" he asked, his tone curious.

"I was at the hospital with Edward." I stepped around him to grab some orange juice out of the fridge. I poured a cup and sat at the kitchen table.

Jamie sat across from me, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, how's he doing?"

"Good, I guess. He said he gets to go home today."

"Today? And wait, home?"

"I know. I thought the same thing." I took a sip from my cup.

"So…"

"He gets to complete the rest of his treatments as an outpatient, and he wants to get an apartment here." I shrugged as if it were no big deal, but it was, and I imagined Jamie knew that.

"What did you say?" He pushed away from the table. "Need anymore orange juice?" he asked, reaching for my cup. I shook my head, and he walked past me to get his own. He sat back down at the table and took a sip.

"I didn't really say anything. It was kind of an emotional night."

"So does this mean you're getting back together?"

"I think so. I mean, I want him to stay, but I'm just so…"

"So what?"

I mulled over all the emotions I felt and chewed on my bottom lip before answering. "Confused, happy, reluctant, hopeful…fill in the blank."

"Bella?" His concerned eyes searched mine.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to be with him? Even after everything he said to you? After everything he did? Is he who you want?"

I didn't answer, choosing to nod my head instead.

"And you forgive him?"

"I want to." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I really want to."

"Then do it."

My head shot up. Did he just give me his blessing? "You're okay with it?"

He lifted his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "It doesn't matter what I support or what I think. Or anyone else for that matter. This is between you and Edward."

"It's not that simple."

"Make it that simple. Work things out with him first. Decide what the rules of the game are. _Then_ you can tell everyone else how to fall in line."

"I'm just so…surprised. I didn't expect this…at all."

He downed the last bit of his drink. "Well, I want what you want. I still don't trust him, but this isn't about me. Hey…are you going back up to the hospital today?"

"Yeah, his last treatment is at two, I think."

"Two?" He glanced down at his wristwatch. "I, uh, need to go. I'll talk to you later."

He put his cup in the sink, kissed my forehead, and then left.

~UrQ~

I took my time showering and getting ready. From what Edward said, if his treatment went well, he'd be going home today. I imagined his _home_ would be the hotel Esme and Carlisle were staying at until he could find an apartment, but I didn't know for sure. For all we had talked of our relationship, I really didn't know anything anymore, but I needed to figure it out soon.

But first I needed to call my mom before my dad ratted me out.

"Hey, stranger."

It was good to hear her upbeat voice. "Hi, Mom. How's it going?"

"Good, just working on a lesson plan before the bell rings. You caught me at a good time. What's going on?"

"Well, I need to talk to you…about something important."

"About Edward?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, why don't you come over tonight for dinner? Bring him with you. He is getting out of the hospital today, right?"

"Um…yeah. How did you know?"

"I just talked to Esme. I believe they're coming over tonight, too."

"Oh…" I internally groaned just thinking about having dinner with everyone. All those curious eyes and questions. How were we going to explain it to everyone else when we barely knew ourselves where we stood? 'We're taking it as it comes' would not fly with our intrusive and somewhat meddlesome families and friends.

"I have to go, dear. See you tonight. Love you."

"Okay. Love you, too."

I hung up the phone and scrounged around in the fridge for something to eat. I should've stayed and eaten the breakfast Edward ordered for me. I should've stayed and agreed to the ultrasound. I should've allowed him to kiss me.

We couldn't keep doing this…running from one another. I wanted him and he wanted me, so we needed to make it work. The only way to do that was to confront our thoughts and feelings head on.

In the hospital this morning, he had been trying to show his feelings, and I had shut him down. The walls that had crumbled last night had somehow been rebuilt by my subconscious while I slept. We just needed to take it slow, and I had to communicate that with him. Plus, he deserved to know about dinner with my parents. We needed a strategy to face that one together. Edward would be walking into it unarmed and should be forewarned.

I snatched my keys off the counter and all but ran out the door. I'd grab breakfast on my way there.

I made it back to the hospital and Edward's room – he hadn't been discharged yet. I walked through the guest suite portion and paused when I heard raised voices. Edward was talking to – I peered through the door – Jamie. And it was a heated conversation.

Not again.

**So last week I updated from a hospital bed and was then released a few hours later. Only I was re-admitted to the hospital last Tuesday evening and re-released yesterday. I cannot thank you enough for the emails, tweets, phone calls, and private messages, all encouraging me to get better. I AM getting better; it's just taking some time.**

**Due to my hospitalization, I haven't really had time to do what needs to be done for this story, so I'm asking that you give me a week or two to catch up. The next two chapters are written, but they are currently in the revision process, and I can't promise they'll be finished by next Saturday.**

**Good news: I have the final three chapters (total of 20 chapters) all mapped out and am working on churning them out as quickly as possible. So *fingers crossed*, I say we can post the next chapter two weeks from now.**

**Again, thanks for everything.**

**I'd love to know what you think so far.**


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Heart of the Matter

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I own nothing Twilight related. Damn it!**

**As always, my team of betas and pre-readers fixed my grammar and made this chapter better.**

**All mistakes are mine.**

**Please enjoy.**

I crept closer to the door and peered around the corner, trying to obscure myself from view. Edward sat on the bed, fully clothed, his overnight bag placed next to him. Jamie stood over him as they argued.

"I am _not_ doing that, James. I made a mistake. Why can't you see that?"

"Oh, I see it. And a _mistake _is forgetting to put money in the parking meter, asshole. What you did was launch a calculated campaign to break Bella's heart. I just see the potential for you to hurt her again."

"I'm not…I mean, I won't. I mean, I don't want to, and I'll try not to."

"Edward, look, I don't want to hear it." He let out a puff of air as if annoyed. "Your words mean nothing to me, but you must be doing something right because Bella is buying your bullshit."

Did Jamie really think that of me? That Edward was feeding me lines and I was too clueless to tell the difference? He and I would have a conversation about this later.

"It's not bullshit. God, you're so frustrating," Edward accused, running his hand over his face.

"I'm not trying to be." Jamie shifted his stance, shoving his hands in pockets. "I'm just looking out for Bella. Someone has to."

Edward narrowed his eyes. "I _am_ looking out for her. I thought I was doing the right thing when I left –" Jamie scoffed, but Edward kept talking, ignoring him. "I realize now that was wrong. So totally fucking wrong."

"You think?"

"Screw you! What would you have done?"

Jamie chuckled. "I wouldn't have left the woman who promised to support me in sickness and in health. That's for damn sure."

"Yeah, well, you never really know until you're faced with it, James. I didn't want her to watch me die."

Those words pierced through me like an arrow through my heart, and a cold chill of dread crept across my skin. Hearing Edward explain this again made my chest ache. He sounded so earnest and pained. From the look on his face and the cracks in his voice, it began to settle in just how difficult this past year had been for him. He had been trying to die alone.

I remembered how withdrawn he was even before he even left and how he had kept it all bottled up inside: thinking he was dying, and then on top of that, worrying about taking care of me. Though he went about it in the worst way possible, I was closer to understanding his train of thought and what led him to make the decisions he had. I realized now that I wasn't the only one who had suffered from his poor choices.

Jamie started for the door where I stood. He was busy grabbing a chair when his head popped up. I jerked my head back, hoping he hadn't seen me. The sound of the chair sliding across the floor made me peek my head back in.

Jamie had pulled the chair up to the bed and sat in it, directly facing Edward.

"Be real with me," Jamie said, his voice soft and serious. "Are you okay? "

"You mean with the tumor?"

"Yeah."

"The tumor is the smallest it's ever been. The surgery a couple of months back and the radiation therapy I'm doing are making a huge difference."

"So you're not…not going to die?"

"Hopefully not anytime soon, but I'll always have to live with this tumor and the side effects."

"Look, man, outside of what's between you and Bella, I'm really sorry for fighting with you. I'm sure that didn't help with anything. And you ended up in the hospital the next day. I didn't mean to –"

Edward held up his hand. "It's fine. I deserved it. Plus, I threw the first punch." He smirked.

"Yeah. Surprised the shit out of me too."

Both men laughed, and I tried not to laugh with them.

"We're done talking. You can stop hiding now, Bella."

Uh oh. I should've known Jamie saw me.

I stepped through the door and studied Edward's expression; his eyes were swimming with hope and a bit of apprehension.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hey," he replied. "Did you eat?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about earlier; I just…I…I needed… I'm sorry."

Jamie stood. "Well, I'll let you two talk. Call me later, Bella. Dinner? Tonight?"

"Actually," I said, turning to face him. "I'm having dinner at my parents' house," I swiveled my head toward Edward, "and you're coming."

Jamie actually snorted in response, cocking an eyebrow and eyeing us both. "Dude…good luck with that."

Edward shot him what could only be described as a fuck-you glare. "Thanks."

"Anytime," Jamie replied before leaving the room, shouting, "Later, Bella," on his way out.

Edward shook his head and muttered a soft, "Asshole."

I could tell he didn't really mean it from the way the corners of his mouth turned up. I hoped this would be the last confrontation between the two of them, and I even began to hope that maybe Edward and I wouldn't be the only ones to reconcile.

There was a brief period of awkward silence as I stood, staring at Edward who sat on his bed. "So you get to leave today?" I walked forward, pointing to his overnight bag. He moved it out of the way and let me sit next to him.

"Yeah, Dr. Barrow is stopping by first to go over outpatient treatment protocol." Our heads shot up at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Speaking of…"

Dr. Barrow approached the bed and shook hands with Edward before offering his hand to mine. "Hello, there. I'm Dr. Barrow."

I returned the shake. "Isabella Cullen. We met when Edward was admitted a few weeks ago."

"Actually, you two met about three years ago at a charitable dinner the hospital sponsored," Edward corrected me.

"Oh, did we?" Dr. Barrow tilted his head to side. "Wait, you're Bella?" He pointed his finger. "This is your wife?" he asked, turning his finger on Edward.

Talk about awkward. I flinched and focused my gaze on the floor, catching a glimpse of Edward staring at me through my periphery.

Luckily Dr. Barrow didn't wait for an answer, instead grabbing the chair that Jamie had recently vacated. He scooted close, opening the chart in his hands.

"Well, I'm glad you're here, Bella. You'll need to hear this as his caretaker and such."

I opened my mouth to protest that I wasn't his wife or his caretaker, but my words fell silent as soon as Edward touched me.

Edward placed his hand on my lower back and ran his fingers under my tunic and along the exposed flesh above my waistband. The act was meant to be soothing and comfortable, yet it caused a hitch in my breath, igniting familiar but dormant feelings.

"Okay, let's hear it," Edward said, his fingers still setting my skin on fire.

"Well, you've still got three weeks of the radiation therapy, but as you know, the tumor is still present. We were able to shrink it down to less than two millimeters, and we'll monitor the growth – if any – with routine MRIs." He scribbled something on the notebook in his lap and glanced up at Edward. "I've put in an order to schedule your first one in four weeks, okay?"

Edward halted the path his fingers traced on my skin before removing his hand altogether, placing it in his lap. He fidgeted with his fingers. "Okay. And medication?"

The doctor rattled off a few names that sounded very familiar.

"Wait, isn't that what he was on before?" I turned to face Edward. "Isn't that what you were taking?"

He put his hand on my knee and patted it. "Yes."

I narrowed my eyes at him, my eyebrows drawing together. "But why? It obviously wasn't working. You had surgery just a few months ago in Dallas, and you just spent three weeks in the hospital getting radiation treatments. I don't understand why you're going back on a medication that wasn't successful."

"It's really the best medication to help with the everyday symptoms, and now that we've administered radiation, these medications should be helpful in preventing any further surgeries," Dr. Barrow explained.

Edward returned his hand to the small of my back. "It's okay." He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "I'll be okay."

"Oh," Esme's surprised voice interrupted us. My head shot up to see her standing in the doorway, Carlisle standing behind her. "Hi, Bella. I didn't know you'd be here."

"Um…" I started.

Dr. Barrow stood and said his goodbyes, stating he had other patients to see. Carlisle followed him out, leaving Edward and me under the scrutinizing gaze of his mother.

She cleared her throat. "Well, dear, we're here to take you home."

"Home?" Edward and I both asked simultaneously.

"Jinx!" he said, nudging me with his elbow while grinning at me like an overgrown kid. I had missed the playful silliness of this man.

Esme pulled keys out of her purse. "I found a furnished one-bedroom apartment a few blocks from the hospital. We'll drive you over."

"Okay. I'll ride with Bella, though."

"Actually…" Esme started, "would it be okay if you rode with your father and I rode with Bella?"

Edward turned to me; I nodded in acceptance.

A car ride that was meant to be a brief five-minute trip, turned into at least twenty minutes in the Atlanta traffic, plenty of time for Esme and I to talk.

"So you and Edward are working things out, yes?" she asked from the passenger seat, a bit of a calm nonchalance to her voice.

I took my eyes off the road briefly and met her inquisitive look. "We're trying."

"Well, I'm glad. If anybody deserves some happiness, it's the two of you."

"Thanks." It was the only word I could muster. I was wary of anything Esme said anymore, unsure if it was another attempt to manipulate me.

"Bella, look, I know I'm probably not your favorite person right now, but I wanted you to know how truly sorry I am for how I treated you after Edward left and for how I treated you while you were in Texas. I had no right to manipulate you like that. I just saw the opportunity for my son to be happy again, and I didn't really think about how inconsiderate I was being to you or what you might have wanted." She paused and rested her head against the window. "You know, I saw how Edward reacted with you out there. It's like he came alive for the first time in months, instead of moping around. So I guess I wanted you around to keep him that way. Still it was unfair of me, and I'm sorry. Truly sorry."

"Esme, I don't know what to say…"

"It's okay, dear. You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know." She reached over and patted my hand on the gearshift. "And I meant what I said. I still consider you my own, even if you don't consider me part of your family anymore." Her voice grew soft and wistful, while I tried to fight back tears. Damn pregnancy hormones.

The rest of the ride to Edward's new apartment was silent. When we arrived, Edward pulled me aside. "Go on," he said to his parents. "We'll be up in a second." He brushed strands of hair that the wind had blown astray out of my face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. She just apologized and was glad to know we're working things out."

"Is that what we're doing? Working things out?" The side of his mouth curled upward.

I smiled in return. "Yeah."

"Does this mean you'll let me take you on a real date? One outside of a hospital?"

"Maybe." I smiled, tilting my head to the side. "First we have dinner with our parents tonight."

"Our?"

"Yeah, apparently my mom invited your mom."

"Oh, well, this should be interesting."

"Yeah."

He smiled that irresistibly charming grin of his and grabbed my hand before pulling open the door to the building and leading me inside. "This isn't really my home, Bella. This is just where I'm going to live for now. _You_ are my home. I hope you know that."

He leaned forward and brushed his lips across mine in a ghost of a kiss.

I was beginning to believe him again.

~UrQ~

We pulled into the driveway and parked behind Carlisle and Esme's rental car.

"Looks like your parents beat us here. You ready for this?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"I guess."

"Then let's do it."

He got out and met me at the front of the car. He took my hand in his and led me to the front door. I knocked but only to announce our arrival; my parents had an open door policy.

We walked through the threshold, hand-in-hand and were met with four pairs of curious eyes.

Carlisle and Esme sat on my parents' couch, both nursing glasses of amber liquid. My dad must've broken out the good scotch in anticipation of dinner and the conversation that was sure to accompany it. If I weren't pregnant, I could've used a little liquid courage myself.

My parents had just returned from the kitchen and stopped mid-stride when they saw us. A small frown formed on my mother's face when she noticed our joined hands.

I removed my hand from Edward's grasp and stepped toward my father, feeling like Edward's stare was burning holes in the back of my head.

"Hey, baby girl." He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. "Want anything to drink? I got you some ginger ale in the fridge."

"Ginger ale?" my mother asked. "Are you sick, Bella?"

"No," I answered a little too quickly. "Uh… I was in the mood for one last night when I stopped by. Thanks for getting some." I stared down my dad, willing him to understand I wasn't starting our night with this conversation.

"I'll get it." We all turned to Edward. "If…if that's okay."

I smiled at his nervousness; he was uncomfortable, and I could definitely relate. "That'd be great. Thank you."

"Just bring it to the table, Edward," my dad suggested. "It's time to eat."

Taking their cue, everyone filed into the dining room. Each couple sat next to one another, leaving two empty seats for Edward and me. I supposed we were a couple, or trying to be at least. Would I ever get to the point where I just accepted it and stopped questioning our status?

Edward returned with my ginger ale and took his seat next to me. He scooted close to the table and inspected the food. "Wow, Renee, you really went all out, didn't you? There's enough food here to feed an army."

"Hmm," my mother responded. "Would someone like to say grace?"

Edward's face fell at her obvious dismissal of his attempt at small talk. It was going to be a long evening.

My dad leaned over and whispered something in my mother's ear. They exchanged a few heated whispers before my mother pushed away from the table. "I, uh, forgot something in the kitchen."

She stood up, but paused before actually moving in that direction. "You know, I can't pretend to do this. Edward…" His head shot up at hearing his name. "You come into my house, holding my daughters' hand, and I feel like I am the only one a little surprised and quite frankly upset by this. I just… I don't know how… why? How could you do it? Leave her the way you did?"

"Mom!"

"Renee, I thought I explained all of this to you." Esme's voice was sugary sweet. "We already talked about this, dear."

"And I told you that was a bunch of horseshit. You didn't see what she was like after he left." She nodded in my direction and placed her hands on her hips. My normally laid back mother was as agitated as I'd ever seen her.

Esme stood, her voice matching the timber of my mother's. "And you didn't see what he was like by the time he got to my house. He was devastated, Renee."

"Well, he's the one who left. He did it to himself."

"Mom!" I yelled again.

"Well," Esme huffed. "I can't believe you'd even —"

My mother cut her off. "And I can't believe you'd try to defend—"

"She's right," Edward said, his voice even and low, forcing the others to listen. "Renee's right. I _did_ do it to myself. And I deserve for all of you to shut me out and tell me to go to hell."

"Don't say that, Edward." Esme's tone was admonishing yet concerned all the same.

"Mother, just let me finish, please."

Carlisle placed his hand on Esme's forearm. Her face had this expression as if she wanted to say something else, but she sat down instead. Carlisle nodded in Edward's direction. "Go on, Son."

Before starting, Edward glanced up at my mother, who stood just behind where my father was seated. Wordlessly, she walked back to her seat and scooted close to the table.

"Mom…Dad…you should know I lied to you about Bella. I told you both she couldn't handle being with me while I was ill." He paused to take a drink while I took in the faces of his parents; neither looked surprised. "The truth is, I never gave her a chance to handle it.

"I made the decision on my own to spare her." He shot me a half-hearted smile. "Or so I thought. I realize now that what I did was cruel and unfair, and I'm sorry. So very, very sorry. And if she'll let me…if you'll all let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving I'm worthy of a second chance. Worthy of a being a good husband and a good father."

"Father?" everyone except my father and myself chorused.

I could feel the heat creeping up my neck and covering my face as my cheeks flamed red.

Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

I inhaled deeply. "It…it's okay," I whispered back. "They were gonna find out eventually."

I surveyed the gawking faces staring back at me.

My mother shook her head back and forth. "You're pregnant?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Who's the father?"

"Mom!"

"So…" Esme fingered the pearls of her necklace. "You're pregnant and Edward's the father? Is that correct?"

I nodded.

"When?" my mother asked. "How? I mean, I know how, but…but when?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but Edward answered for me. "Sixteen weeks and one day."

"You've been back together since before you got back from Texas?" My mother half screeched and didn't even bother to mask the incredulous look on her face.

This was beyond embarrassing and awkward. How did I begin to explain this? My father, who leaned over and whispered something in my mother's ear again, saved me.

Her mouth formed into a frown as she took a moment to gather herself. Then she straightened her back and glared at Edward. "So you only came back for the baby?"

"What? No!" Edward sat forward in his chair. "I didn't even know – not for sure, anyway – until Bella told me yesterday. I came back for Bella."

"And treatments," my mother retorted.

"What?" Edward asked.

"You came here for treatments, right?"

"Well, yes ma'am, I did, but my intention was to rectify things with Bella. After I saw her in Texas, I knew I couldn't be without her anymore. Even before that, I knew."

"Took you long enough," my mother muttered.

Esme shot her a disbelieving glare, and it mirrored my own.

My mother was usually one not to get involved, so her questions and behavior were nothing short of surprising.

"Yes, ma'am," Edward began, "I realize that. It was a combination of a lot of things that made me tarry, but I –"

I grabbed Edward's hand and twined my fingers with his, placing our hands on the table for all to see. "But he's already explained things to me, and really, that's all that matters right now. Edward and I want to work this out."

Edward seemed surprised I was coming to his defense. His hopeful smile conveyed gratitude for the life preserver I threw him. I smiled timidly in return. We were in this thing together.

I squeezed his hand and continued. "We realize it's going to be difficult, but it'd be a hell of a lot easier if we had your support."

My dad cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, placing his arms behind his head. "Thank you, Edward. I accept your apology, but I'll support any decision my daughter makes. If she chooses to tell you to go to hell like you said, then I'll back up her decision…gladly. But if she chooses to forgive you and give you a second chance, then I'll be here to pick up the pieces should you screw things up again. But Edward," he leaned forward in his chair, crossing his arms in front of him, "make sure you don't screw up again."

The mention of taking care of me reminded me of a dinner Edward and I had with my parents not too long before we were married.

_I took a deep breath and smiled. I loved the smell of apple pie baking in the oven. Luckily for everyone, I had baked the pie, not Mom. _

"_Hey, sweetie, dinner is almost done. Can you call the boys in? They're on the porch, I think."_

_I rolled my eyes. I had seen them walk out there an hour ago, each with a bottle of beer in hand. Edward had been quiet on the drive over; I chalked it up as something to do with work. I heard their muffled voices as I approached the screen door._

"_Dad? Edward? Dinner's ready."_

_I pushed the screen door open and caught my dad's hand slipping from Edward's shoulder. _

"_Just remember what I said, Edward." _

_His face was…contemplative. Dad nodded to me as he walked into the house, and Edward followed. I could tell from the furrow between his eyes and that vein on his forehead that something was troubling him, or at least I thought I could tell._

"_Are you okay?" I caught his wrist and pulled him back to me._

"_Yeah, fine. Why?"_

"_You and my dad looked pretty serious."_

"_We were just having a man-to-man chat. He knows we're serious and just wanted to make sure I was taking care of you, that I wouldn't hurt you."_

_I rolled my eyes. My dad, always the Big Chief._

"_I'm sorry, Edward. This isn't an Austen novel, and I'm not some helpless damsel. I can look out for myself. I'll talk to him."_

_Edward smiled, his serious look gone and a relaxed Edward making an appearance again. _

"_Don't do that; let him play Papa Bear for a little while longer. He's your father, Bella." Edward slipped my hand from his wrist to interlock our fingers. "He's just looking out for you. I'm glad he still does."_

_There was something else there. Something hidden behind his eyes. I knew him well enough to know he wasn't outright lying._

"_So that's all you guys were talking about?"_

_Edward clasped his other hand to the back of his neck and rubbed. _

_Now I was sure Edward was hiding something, and he was nervous._

"_Yeah, that's about it." _

_I let it go. I knew when he was ready, Edward would come and find me, and we would talk through whatever was still on his mind._

_I didn't have to wait long. A week later Edward got down on one knee and asked me to be his Mrs. Cullen._

My dad let his veiled threat hang in the air as Edward swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Yes, sir. I know I let you down and broke promises I made to you to take care of her, but I'm doing my best to make sure that never happens again."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm famished. Do you all mind if I say grace?" He held out his hands until one by one our hands were linked. He nodded, an indication for us all to bow our heads.

"Lord, thank You for this time of food and fellowship. I pray that You bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and that You bless this fellowship to the nourishment of our souls. Help us to rebuild the relationships once broken, for if they hadn't been, there'd be no joy in the mending. Give us hearts full of forgiveness and hope for new beginnings. Amen."

Amen, indeed.

~UrQ~

After Edward's apology, dinner flowed pretty smoothly. Mom and Esme seemed to reach a consensus of support for Edward and me. Dad, Edward and Carlisle talked baseball, football, and fishing, but I think for Edward it was more about staying in Dad's good graces than a genuine interest in any of the sports.

I followed Carlisle and Esme out to their rental car while Edward said goodbye to my parents.

"I'm so glad you are giving Edward another chance. If I had known, Bella…"

"It wouldn't have made any difference, Esme. I tried to change his mind, but he was certain that walking away was best."

"Best for whom? I know he's my son, but sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of his."

"You and me both, but our priorities are changing now. We are going to try again and work things out, together."

Esme swiped at her tearing eyes and pulled me into a firm hug. I really had missed her motherly hugs.

Carlisle settled for a comforting embrace. "I'm glad you're back, Bella. We've missed you so much."

That was all I needed. A tear or two leaked from my eyes as I let Carlisle go. Is this what I had to look forward to for the next few months? Random bouts of tears and emotional breakdowns? God help me when we actually started telling people.

Edward hugged his mom and dad before they got in the car and drove away.

"That went well." Edward laughed, though I knew it wasn't really funny.

"Yeah, well, except for Mom's blow out. Did you know that she and Esme had discussed it?"

"No, but I can't say I'm surprised. Our families did take the whole gaining a son and daughter thing a little too seriously."

Edward let out a yawn, and I saw my parents still standing on the porch of the house.

"Come on, let's get you home. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

Edward agreed and slipped into the car while I waved goodbye to my mom and dad.

The traffic was lighter as we made our way back to Edward's apartment. Our hands were clasped over the center console while Edward snoozed against the window. Thankfully, it was a short journey. I shook him gently to wake him when we arrived.

"Edward, we're back."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you," he said between yawns.

"That's okay, it's been a momentous day."

"Yeah, it has. Telling them they're going to be grandparents on the same day we tell them we're back together is pretty big."

"I think it will be okay. Besides, telling them to expect grandkids is kind of like an engagement announcement; no matter what you've done, all is forgiven."

When Edward turned to me, he had that look again – something hidden behind his eyes. This time, though, he didn't seem nervous.

"Marry me."

**There you have it. I apologize for the delay. Most of you know why. Thanks to all of you for your support during that time. I seriously can't thank you enough. **

**I'd love to know what you think so far. **


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Better Together

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I'm just playing in her sandbox.**

**Team Unrequited made it better. Still, all mistakes are mine.**

**Please enjoy.**

After the words escaped his mouth, I didn't respond. Even if I had known what to say, I couldn't make my mouth form words. I was frozen. Stunned.

Instead, I stared at him, my eyes never leaving his. He didn't look away or backpedal. He didn't start rambling on to fill the void of my silence. Edward waited patiently, rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand. It was so quiet, so still, I swear he could probably hear my heart pounding in my chest. My mind jumped from one thought to another just as quickly as my pulse hammered in my ears. Those thoughts ran the gamut from irrational rage at his utterly shocking impromptu proposal to peaceful contentment that he had even asked.

I couldn't, though. Not like this. Not this soon. But what about the baby? Being married with a baby on the way might be beneficial. Wasn't that the way it was supposed to be?

No! I shook my head of the thoughts. It was too soon.

Down the street a car horn blared, jarring me out of my stillness. I slowly pulled my hand from his, turned off the engine, and pulled the keys from the ignition. I stared out the windshield and gripped the steering wheel until my hands went numb. I felt faint and leaned forward, resting my forehead atop my hands.

"Are you going to say anything?" Though just a whisper, his voice boomed as if he were using a microphone, echoing in the eerie silence of my car.

"I…I…" I lifted my head and turned to face him. "Can we go up?" I nodded toward his apartment building.

He dipped his head forward in the briefest of nods, his mouth in a tight line, and then exited the car.

He stood and waited for me as I took some time to collect myself. Wordlessly, I followed him up the steps. He opened the door and fumbled for the light switch, unfamiliar with his new home.

I sat down on the living room couch while he rummaged through the fridge. "Wow, my mom must've had groceries delivered. You want something to drink?"

"Sure." I rubbed my palms over my knees, back and forth. "Whatever is fine."

He ducked is head back into the fridge. "Oh, look, she got ginger ale." He held up the soda can as proof, one side of his mouth curling upward.

I laughed. "She probably figured you'd be nauseated or something from your meds. There's no way she knew I was pregnant."

He joined me on the couch, handing me the can as he sat next to me. "So…"

I popped the tab and took a swig. "So…"

"I'm sorry for just blurting it out like that, but it's been on my mind for awhile."

"Proposing?"

"Marrying you. Being married to you, rather."

"Trying to fulfill some misplaced obligation to marry the mother of your child?" I smirked and nudged his shoulder.

"No." He winced as if I struck him. "I want to fix what I screwed up."

"Why? Why did you push for the divorce in the first place?"

"Because I wanted you to be free to move on."

I pursed my lips.

"I didn't really want that, not really," he tried to explain. "I just wanted you free to find someone…healthy." His face for one moment showed the shame and searing agony of what it must have been like for him to make that decision. The pain etched in his features made the muscles near his eyes twitch, and his fingers dug into his leg as if he were trying to convert his mental anguish into a tactile pain.

"Hey," I placed my hands atop his, stilling his movements. "But you are healthy. The…the treatments are working, aren't they?" Involuntary tears began to well in my eyes, but I tried everything to keep them from falling.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it. "Yeah, but I still have the tumor, Bella. I'll have to take medication and live with the symptoms for the rest of my life. I didn't want to become a burden to you."

"Stop saying stuff like that. I'm going to be here to help you, but you _have_ to let me."

"Does that mean you're saying yes?"

"Yes?" I paused. He was referring to the proposal. "Oh." I took another sip of my drink before reaching to place it on the end table. "You have a coaster?"

He crinkled his face and shook his head slightly, dropping his gaze from mine. "Is avoiding the question your way of saying no?"

I set the drink down, sans coaster. "Look, Edward, I'm here, and I'm in this with you, but it's too soon. It's just too soon. When you left…when I thought I'd lost you, I didn't think I'd ever get married again. I guess you could say I lost faith in the institution. I mean, if what we had – and I thought we were happy – if what we had failed, how could I trust it not to fail again?"

He shook his head. "If I live over a thousand years, I'll never forgive myself for leaving you."

It would do us no good to dwell on the past. "Let's just take it slow, okay? We both need time to heal and get past the gun shy stage." I paused and took a breath, trying for a more positive outlook. "Besides, you promised me a date outside the walls of a hospital. Why don't we start there?"

He looked disappointed but nodded without saying a word.

I stood up and took my ginger ale to the kitchen and poured it down the drain, sorry to be so wasteful.

I walked back to the living room, feeling Edward's stare the entire way. I picked up my keys. "You need anything before I go?"

"Stay."

I knew it was coming; in fact, I had been considering it myself. Yet no matter how much I wanted it, and even if nothing happened between us, I knew it was a bad idea. It was the total opposite of going slow.

Staying with him at the hospital was different. We were in a semi-public area with an expectation of interruption at any time. Here in his apartment with no one and nothing to stop us should we decide to act on our…feelings: bad idea.

It still felt a bit strange to go from the Edward of last year, who did everything possible to avoid me, to the Edward of now, who didn't want to let me go.

"Bella?"

I twirled the key ring around my finger. "I really should get home."

There was that look of disappointment again. "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow." His face morphed into a mischievous smirk.

"What?" I tucked my hair behind my ear, suddenly insecure.

He let out a light grunt. "Nothing. Just thinking about possibilities for our second first date." He waggled his eyebrows lasciviously.

"And on that note…" I let out a small laugh. "Good night, Edward."

I turned and walked toward the door, looking back to wave goodbye, but he was right behind me.

"Did you think I'd let you leave without at least a kiss goodnight?" He bent down to kiss my cheek and ran his fingers up my neck cupping my face as his thumb brushed softly against my face. "I'd give anything to have you back, Bella, to have your trust. If it's time you need, I'll wait forever. I don't plan on making it easy for you, though."

His lips pressed tenderly and briefly against mine. My eyes fluttered closed, waiting for him to really kiss me. Edward's lips grazed mine once more. I felt the gentle caress as he moved his kisses to my cheek and then my forehead. His hand slid down my neck and across my collarbone to my shoulder. These light sweet touches made me breathless, made me want more, made me remember him…us. He pulled away from me, and I felt the loss. He knew exactly what he was doing as he backed away. My eyes opened, and I was flushed and flustered, forced to fumble my way to my car with Edward's chuckles to send me off.

~UrQ~

My head was already on my pillow when my cell phone beeped. I picked it up off the nightstand. There was a text message from Edward.

_I felt it too._

Confused, I texted back. _Felt what?_

_The pain of goodbye and the crippling burden of a tomorrow without you._

That was from my book.

He sent a follow-up text. _Though mine was self-inflicted, I still felt it._

My fingers hovered over the display, unsure of how to respond.

Okay?

Good to know?

Thanks?

I finally settled on no response, placing the phone back on the nightstand, and falling promptly asleep.

~UrQ~

I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when my doorbell rang.

I opened the door – toothbrush in mouth – to find Edward holding a tray with two coffee cups and a bag of pastries.

Stepping aside to let him enter, I watched as he pulled some small plates from my cabinet and placed them on the counter, setting a muffin on each.

After he finished, he turned to me, running his fingers through his hair – what little of it he had – before putting them in the pockets of his cargo shorts. He rocked on his heels a bit. He seemed anxious.

The treatments had left him thinner than usual, making his clothes somewhat baggy. What hair had grown back was missing its natural sheen. I wondered if he'd ever get his lustrous locks back. It was such a defining thing for him.

Despite the differences in his appearance, he looked good. Well, better.

There was something different about him. A spark. A bit of hope. And I wanted to believe it was because of me. Because of the baby. Or both.

It took me a few seconds to get over the initial shock of his early arrival and the whirlwind of nervous energy he exuded as he descended upon my kitchen with breakfast. "Um," I said, toothbrush still in my mouth.

"What's your day like? Any big plans?"

"Let…" I took the toothbrush out and walked to the kitchen sink to spit out the toothpaste and rinse my mouth. "Let me check my phone." I fingered through my calendar. I was free; though even if I wasn't, I might've cancelled any appointments. I was strangely excited and curious about what Edward had up his sleeve. "Looks like I'm all yours."

One side of his mouth curled upward. "I like the sound of that."

I smiled back.

He pointed at me. "You need to get changed."

I glanced down, taking inventory of my clothes. I was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. "What should I wear?"

"Something comfortable."

I waved my hands over my body and scrunched my face.

"Bella, it's almost June. You'll be miserable in sweatpants. Got any shorts?"

"Is our date outside?"

"Maybe." A coy smile lit up his face.

"Just give me a few minutes." I started walking down the hallway toward my bedroom, excited about the day to come.

I did a mental inventory of what summer clothes would still fit me. Now that I wasn't hiding it from anyone, I was going to have to go shopping for maternity clothes sooner rather than later.

"You might want to bring some bug spray and sunscreen, in case you don't like what I brought," he hollered down the hall.

I halted momentarily at his words. Definitely an outside date.

~UrQ~

We walked outside where I stopped in my tracks. His car sat in the parking lot of my apartment complex. I turned to him. "Is that your car?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"The one that was in Texas?"

"Yep." He shrugged. "I had my mom send my things out here since I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Now I like the sound of _that_."

He smiled again and gestured for me to get in the car.

We sat silently, listening to the music and holding hands.

"Edward, are you taking me to the Chattahoochee River?" I asked, noticing the signs.

A light smile played on his lips. "Maybe," he said before he started humming a song I couldn't recognize until he added lyrics. "Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee," he sang, trailing off into a hum again.

I shook my head, laughing. "You're silly. I can't believe you know that song. You didn't even grow up here."

He shrugged, his hands planted on the steering wheel, and shot me a brief smile. "I'm in a good mood."

I smiled and turned my head to gaze out the window. I was in a good mood too.

Edward parked the car and gestured for me to get out. He opened the trunk and started unloading a backpack, a tackle box, and a couple of fishing rods.

"Um…Edward, where did you get all that?"

He finished pulling everything out and closed the trunk before he responded. "Your dad let me borrow it."

"You went to see my dad? When?"

"This morning before I got to your place."

I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was a quasi-grunt. Edward didn't normally borrow things from people. He usually just bought whatever he wanted or needed. I was surprised he braved seeing my parents alone and so soon after our emotionally charged dinner last night.

As if reading my mind, he explained. "I called to ask him a question about fishing licenses. He asked me to stop by because he wanted to talk to me. Said I could use his fishing gear, but he laughed when I told him what I planned to do with it."

"And what's that?"

"Teach you to fish." He handed me the tackle box, slung the backpack over his shoulder, and heaved the rods into one hand.

He started walking toward the river, and I followed along. "I'm not touching any worms."

Edward's laughter boomed, frightening some birds out of the surrounding trees. "That's pretty much what your father said. Come on."

We eventually came upon a small wooden boardwalk where Edward laid down the fishing gear. Then he removed his socks and shoes before he sat so his legs hung over the ledge, the muddy water just under his bare feet.

He got himself situated and then patted the spot next to him.

I rolled my eyes and tried not to smile, but I failed. I took off my socks and shoes and settled down next to him. "So…what now?"

He reached for the tackle box and one of the fishing rods. "Now… now I teach you to fish."

I let out a small chuckle. "And you think you can do something my dad couldn't?"

"Lots of things, actually." He smirked and handed me a rod. "There's a lot to learn about life through fishing."

"Oh my God!" I laughed. "_What_ did my dad tell you?"

A shadow of a frown marred his face, but only just for a moment. "No, really, hear me out." He grabbed some bait from the tackle box and began to attach it to the end of his hook.

"You have to be patient to fish," he said, his attention focused. "There's nothing you can do to speed up the process or make the fish come to you. Sure, you have bait to entice the fish, but even then, you have to wait."

He took hold of the tip of the rod I held in between my legs, releasing my hook and lure. "That's where persistence comes in. If you want the fish bad enough, you'll keep at it…no matter how long it takes."

Finished with baiting both lines, he began to fiddle with knobs and pulleys on his reel. "Another thing you have to be is optimistic that you'll catch the fish, even in the face of unlikely odds."

He handed me his rod with one hand and reached for mine with the other.

I traded with him and watched as he tightened the line, now fiddling with the bobbers and sinkers on my line, adjusting the reel in the same manner as before.

"You also have to be attentive to the needs of the fish, which means being attentive to its surroundings and how it might affect your ability to catch the fish. A good fisherman knows that the boy over there," he pointed across the embankment, "and the pebbles he's throwing will cause ripples in the water, scaring the fish away. A good fisherman even knows that when I tell you there's a mosquito on your neck…"

Instinctively, my hand slapped the side of my neck.

He laughed. "There's some bug spray in my backpack. Anyhow, the sound you make when you smack it away might disrupt the fish's surroundings. A good fisherman knows that the fish needs the water to be calm for it to even attempt to swim freely."

He stood up on the dock and offered his hand to pull me up as well. I watched his fingers wrap around the handle, and before I could study his form, he cast out his line. I watched the bait and lure fly through the air and splash into the glittering water. When I looked back at him, the intensity of his gaze felt warmer than the morning sun on my face.

"I can be a good fisherman. I can be patient, persistent, optimistic, and attentive. I can give the fish what it needs so it will come to me.

"You know the mark of a great fisherman, though?" he asked, returning his attention to the water in front of us. "Being able to catch the fish that was once let go. The one that was released because maybe the fisherman wanted to give it time to grow or maybe he thought the fish deserved something better. The fisherman can only hope the fish wasn't too badly harmed by being yanked out of its natural habitat and thrown back in unceremoniously.

"Anyway, the mark of a great fisherman is being able to catch that fish again. The fish that is doubly afraid to swim out and test the waters because of whatever prior harm it experienced."

Edward set his rod against his backpack and hooked it onto the dock cleat so it wouldn't get pulled into the water. He stood behind me and circled his arms around my waist, wrapping his fingers around my hand and the grip. He planted his feet on either side of mine and pulled the rod straight up, bending our elbows together, and flicking our wrists as one until my hook and lure flew through the air and landed a few yards away from his.

I wasn't paying attention at all to how I was supposed to be casting. I was still lost in his words and the real meaning behind them. I was lost in his arms. Or maybe I wasn't lost at all any more; maybe I was finally found.

I leaned back into his embrace and felt him brush my hair to one side. He leaned down and kissed me behind my ear, letting out a contented sigh.

"I can be a great fisherman. I _will_ be a great fisherman." I looked back over my shoulder as he caught my gaze again, and I smiled because I believed him.

I believed he would be a great fisherman.

After placing my rod next to his, we sat down together, side by side, and he hooked my ankle with his, swinging our feet off the edge of the dock. I nudged his shoulder. "You know that song you were singing right before we got here?"

"Yeah."

"Sing it again, please."

"Okay…"

"Please…"

He sighed and shook his head with mirth before giving me what I asked for. "Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee…"

I placed my hand on this thigh and squeezed. "Never knew how much that muddy water meant to me," we sang in unison.

~UrQ~

We sat together, enjoying the minimal breeze and smacking away mosquitoes, waiting patiently for fish that never came until the sun faded into the horizon.

"The sandwiches we had for lunch aren't really holding me over. What do you say we go get cleaned up and grab some dinner?" Edward suggested.

"Sounds perfect."

"Okay, I'll drop you off and then pick you back up in an hour or so."

"Or you could just shower at my place."

He smiled. "Okay."

We drove back to my apartment to get cleaned up for dinner, holding hands over the center console. There was no awkward tension, just comfort in reconnecting again.

We kept our hands intertwined as we walked from the car and up the stairs to my apartment, only letting go of one another so I could unlock the door. Even still, Edward let his fingers trail along my lower back, making the usual menial task quite difficult.

I finally managed to unlock the door. "I'm going to take a quick shower. You can use the guest bath if you want."

"And mess with your precious hot water? Not a chance. I'll wait 'til you're finished."

I matched his smile. He remembered how hot I liked my showers. "Suit yourself. What should I wear?"

He pointed to his backpack. "I have jeans and a polo in here. So something similar?"

"You brought a change of clothes?"

He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "Well, I figured we'd get dirty at the river. This was just in case…"

"Uh huh. I'll be in the shower." I smiled and walked down the hall, looking back to see him smiling at my retreat.

While in the shower, I tried not to think about the fact that Edward would soon be naked in my apartment – in the shower – but still naked.

I toweled off thinking how just last night I'd mentioned taking things slow – and I wanted to, and Edward had agreed to it. The theory was much easier than the practice, though.

Even his innocent touches felt naughty. I'd spent the day watching his adept hands fingering the reels and lines. All the while, my thoughts focused way too much on rods that had nothing to do with fishing. The exhaustion I often felt during the first trimester was gone. I felt energized and aroused. From what I read, many women experienced an increased libido at this stage. I definitely fell into that category, and it was putting me in direct conflict with trying to abstain from attacking Edward before we went to dinner.

And it wouldn't help to see him fresh out of the shower, smelling of soap, his hair damp and begging for me to run my hands through it.

The sexiest part of him was that he really didn't understand or notice the effect he had on the female population.

I almost wished there was something I could do to get him just as bothered by me, but again, that would have been the opposite of going slow.

I ran my hands over my belly and examined my profile in the bathroom mirror. "I'm blaming my thoughts about your daddy on you, you know."

~UrQ~

"The Aquarium?" I asked when we pulled into the parking area. "Is there a reason for the fish theme to our day?"

"Just kinda worked out that way." He shrugged. "I figured we could grab a bite to eat inside, then we could walk around and stuff."

"Well, I happen to like how it's worked out so far."

"Good."

I hadn't been to the Aquarium since it first opened back in 2005. My mom had taken her art class on a field trip, and I accompanied her. Edward had been performing surgery all day, so I'd thought it would be fun.

That had been during the day, crowded with kids, parents, babies, and class trips. The Aquarium was much different at night. The lights were dimmed, and the patrons could peruse the tanks and displays with the likes of Louis Armstrong crooning overhead.

It made the setting…romantic, and I didn't mind at all. The whole day had been perfectly romantic, and I couldn't wait to see what else Edward had up his sleeve.

After grabbing a quick bite at the snack bar, we walked hand-in-hand through the corridors, stopping to stare at certain displays. Sometimes we'd talk aloud and tell each other what we found fascinating, but mostly we held hands and stole glances at each other, both of us comfortable with the silence of our lackadaisical stroll through the Aquarium.

We came across a special display of clownfish, and the only reason I knew what they were was because of the movie Finding Nemo.

I stood reading the sign that explained a brief history and anthropological aspects of the clownfish. It was fascinating.

_The clownfish are hermaphrodites, meaning that they develop into males first, and when they mature, they become females. If the female clownfish is removed from the group, such as by death, one of the largest and most dominant males would become a female. _

Edward stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso, placing his hands right upon my baby bump, reading the details aloud, with his breath fanning over my neck as he spoke. "That convo definitely wasn't in the movie."

"What?" I asked, turning my head to his, in perfect position for Edward to kiss me. I wanted it, and so did he; I could see it in his eyes. I decided to take the initiative this time and stood up on my tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Edward gave me one of his brilliant smiles, then cleared his throat and returned his attention to what he had been reading. "You know, daddy clownfish explaining hermaphroditism to baby fish. That takes the birds and the bees talk to a whole other level."

We laughed together, and Edward hugged me closer, running his thumbs in lazy circles on my abdomen.

I placed my hands atop his and rested my head to his chest. "I'm leaving the sex talk to you. You can tell our son all about how babies are made."

His laugh shook us both. "Leaving that to me, huh? Hey…son?"

I turned once again to face him. "Yeah, I don't know for sure yet. We'll find out in our ultrasound next week, but I have a feeling he's a boy."

"Why?"

I didn't really want to answer this and leave an opening to talk about my dreams. It seemed silly and a bit scary. "Call it intuition, I guess."

"Well, has your intuition come up with any possible names for our…son?"

"Yeah, actually, I have thought about it."

"And…"

"What do you think about E.J.?"

"For Edward, Jr.? I think I like it already."

"No, actually, for Edward James. We could call him E.J. for short. I couldn't think of anything better than naming him after two of the favorite men in my life."

Edward closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths. He rubbed his hand across his forehead and offered me a weak smile. I felt a twinge of disappointment that he was opposed to the name James. I had hoped his friendship with Jamie would mend just as our relationship was, but maybe I was foolish to think that.

"You don't like it? We…we…can pick…pick…another name… it was just…just a thought," I stammered.

His face relaxed, and he hugged me a little tighter.

"No. I think it's a great idea. I'm thrilled, and I think Jamie will be floored. I'm just glad he was there for you when I left. I'll never be able to repay him for taking care of you when I didn't."

"Hey, knock it off. No getting morose on me tonight. It's been a wonderful day. Better than our first first date, I think."

"Oh, really?" He arched an eyebrow. "Better, huh?"

"Well, maybe they're equal. Both are definitely worth remembering."

He held me tight and brushed his nose against mine. "Good. You ready to leave?"

"Sure. I just need to use the restroom again before we go. I'll meet you at the door?"

I finished washing up and made my way to the exit. Edward sat on a bench outside the door and next to him was a little boy waiting with his family. Edward pulled out the Aquarium map and started to tear it in half, folding the paper again and again until it started to take on a recognizable shape.

The little boy looked at him in awe when Edward produced a tiny paper airplane. He jumped up to show his mom and dad, thanking Edward before skipping away.

It helped me imagine Edward with our child one day: playing catch or helping with homework. It filled me with hope as I envisioned the future we would have together. He was going to make an excellent father.

Edward sat alone, waiting for me and lost in his thoughts when he grimaced and pressed his palm to his left eye. I rushed out the door and sat down next to him as worry crowded out the hope I had been feeling just moments before.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, rubbing circles on his back.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Just a sharp pain. It's gone now. Are you ready to go?" He jumped up from the bench and offered me his hand, looking toward the parking lot.

"No." I pulled him back to the bench, squeezing his hand to get his attention.

"Don't blow me off. I need to know if you are hurting. I need to know when you're tired. I need to know what you're feeling or when something is bothering you. You know that, right?"

He didn't respond, but I could feel his reticence as he tensed up next to me.

"You don't have to hide your struggles from me. I want to know when you have a headache, or if you're nauseated and have stomach cramps, or if you're dehydrated and get backed up, so to speak." I tried to crack a smile. This was a heavy conversation to have outside the Aquarium.

He looked away from me, dropping his shoulders a little and staring at his feet.

"Edward…" I waited for him to look back at me. "You want me to trust you, but it goes both ways. We can either do this together or we do it alone. The best thing about being with you is that my joys, my dreams, and my happiness are all doubled. However – even better than that – the fear, the burdens, the worries, and the trials and tribulations…those aren't doubled; they're halved. I get to share those with you, and hopefully I can lighten the load. You have always been so strong for me, Edward. Let me be strong for you."

His eyes glistened, and he didn't try to hide this vulnerability from me. I held his face in my hands and leaned in to kiss him. When I opened my eyes, a tear trailed down his cheek, and I brushed it away with my thumb.

"I love you," I whispered. "No more secrets, okay?"

He nodded and stared with such intensity, I was left speechless. His eyes were like a window to his soul, and there were no walls or doors to knock down to see inside this time.

"Promise?"

"To tell you about my poop? If that's what you need, then yes."

I smacked him on the arm. "No, silly."

He laughed and pulled me tight into a hug. "I promise to tell you everything that's going on with me, from the trivial to the meaningful. I promise to share my thoughts and fears, even if they scare you too."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he leaned over and silenced me with another kiss.

Pulling away, he said, "Because we're doing this together. I know that now."

His lips met mine again, and I forgot what I was even going to say, my mind dwelling on one thing.

We were in this together.

We _were_ together.

Together.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: When You Find Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own; I'm just playing in her sandbox.**

**Thanks to Team Unrequited for fixing my grammar, typos, and other stuff. All mistakes are mine.**

**Please enjoy.**

The doorbell rang, bringing a smile to my face. I rushed to answer it in giddy anticipation even though this had become routine for us.

"Hey," I said, stepping aside to let Edward enter. Every day, like clockwork – after his treatments at the hospital – he showed up at my place with herbal tea and some kind of pastry in hand. I figured he was trying to fatten me up, as if the baby wasn't doing a good job of that anyway.

"Hey. Kitchen or dining room?" he asked, holding up the goodies in his hands while leaning down to give me a quick kiss hello.

"Kitchen is fine."

We sat across from one another and nibbled on our muffins. He'd read the headlines from a newspaper, and I'd check emails from my phone. Sometimes we'd talk about a story he'd just read or about something he'd noticed on the way over to my apartment. Then there were times we didn't talk. We didn't have to. We were just happy in each other's company, enjoying and finding bliss in what we used to take for granted – being together.

This was the pattern we had built together in the past few weeks. We'd eat brunch, then we'd settle onto my couch and watch television until he dozed off for an hour or two while I worked from my laptop.

According to Kate, the book sales were meeting expectations given that I hadn't promoted it traditionally by giving interviews and book readings, outside of the initial private launch. Remarkably, Edward and Jamie's little _squabble_ hadn't done any real damage to the success of the book. I still had a few regular clients I did some writing for. I kept up with those and took on a couple new assignments Kate referred my way. Luckily, the money from that and the book royalties were enough to sustain me. If I were being honest with myself, my writing career was the furthest thing from my mind. The more pressing issues were, of course, the baby and Edward.

I frequently found myself distracted when trying to submit a write-up or draft for Kate. I'd get lost in the sound of Edward's heavy breathing as he slept, or I'd just stare at the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, all the while taking silent inventory of his physical health.

Thankfully, he hadn't lost his hair from the radiation treatments, but it still hadn't grown back the same. It wasn't as full in body or as rich in color. Edward hadn't mentioned it, but it must have bothered him in some way, so just the other day, he shaved it off in a short buzz cut.

I was getting used to it, and the feeling was still foreign to my skin when I ran my fingers over his head.

"Stop that," Edward protested, laughing as he moved his head away from my hand.

I hadn't thought he was awake. "I can't help it. It's so soft."

Edward smiled and rolled his eyes. "It's just hair, Bella."

"But it's soft hair. Like a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, great. So now I'm a bunny rabbit."

I shrugged. "No, but your head feels like one." I raised my hands, ready to assault his head again with my fingers.

"Get those hands away from me, woman."

"You like my hands."

He sat up and restrained my wrists in his hands. "I like more than just your hands."

There it was – that chemistry he and I had been flirting around since our date at the Aquarium. Since then, we had shared some nice kisses and cuddled with one another, but we hadn't pushed any sexual boundaries.

And I was ready to.

I figured Edward was waiting for me to make the first move or for me to give him the go-ahead to make the first move.

It all reminded me of our first time.

"_I can feel your eyes on the back of my head."_

_He was right; I was staring._

_He sat at his computer entering case notes about some patients or something while I sat on his couch trying unsuccessfully to watch television. Instead, my mind dwelled on the fact I had met Edward's family just a few days ago, but Edward and I still hadn't had sex._

_We had been dating just over two months, so I understood not getting completely physical yet, especially considering our demanding schedules. Meeting his family seemed like a significant step forward, however, especially since he introduced me as his girlfriend. We'd done nothing aside from a bit of heavy petting during a few passionate make-out sessions that never seemed to last long enough. We even slept together a couple times…emphasis on sleep, as in shared the same bed._

_His grueling hours at the hospital left little time for us to actually spend quality time with each other. When we were together, he wanted to sleep. I couldn't blame him for his somnolence, but it still left me wondering about the nature of our relationship._

_Did he even want me that way?_

"_Bella?" Edward had turned his computer chair to face me. "You gonna tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"_

_I clicked off the television and placed the remote on the couch next to me. "What are we?"_

"_Edward." He pointed his finger at his chest. "Bella." He turned his finger toward me._

_I threw a pillow from the couch at him. "Smartass."_

_He covered his head, laughing. "You asked!"_

"_That's not what I meant. Smartass," I repeated._

"_What did you mean?" His smile was big, and his expression gave me the impression he knew what I was asking but wanted me to say the words out loud._

_I let out a sigh. "Is this serious? Are…are we serious?"_

_At first he said nothing, just stared at me instead. Eventually he shook his head as if to shake it free of thoughts. "I think…I thought we were."_

"_Then why don't you…I mean, why haven't we…"_

"_Had sex?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Come here." He gestured with his finger. _

_He sat back in his chair and waited. I slid off the couch and went to stand between his legs. I could feel my pulse start to race, nervous and excited over just the thought of having this conversation with him._

_He leaned forward and put his hands on the back of my thighs, his fingers setting my bare skin on fire. "You think I don't want you?"_

"_I…I…" Is that what I thought? This man could have whomever he wanted, and yet the precious spare time he did have, he spent with me. _

_His fingers continued their circuit on my skin, making it hard for me to coherently respond._

"_Do you want me, Bella?"_

_He started massaging my legs, inching his way just up under my gym shorts, running his fingers along my panty line. _

_I closed my eyes and rubbed my lips together. "Yes," I whispered._

"_Are you sure?" His palms alternated between cupping my ass and running along my inner thighs. _

_I was never surer of anything in my life._

_It was a good thing he had a hold of me with my knees on the verge of giving out. _

"_Yes," I said again._

"_Will you tell me something first?" He slipped his fingers under my panties, running them along the curve of my bottom. "Why didn't you call me when I first gave you my number?"_

_My eyes snapped open to see his staring intently at my face. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to respond. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure why I hadn't called. There were so many reasons, none of which seemed to hold much weight at the moment or make any sense now that I was standing before him with his hands all over me. I just didn't call._

_I had no idea where he was going with this, until it occurred to me my own insecurity – my own doubts – had held the man of my dreams at arm's length. Did my hesitation make him wonder how desirable he was to me? He never noticed when women all around us were checking him out; perhaps I needed to make him aware of just how much I wanted him and only him._

"_I didn't know what you really wanted. I… I didn't think it was for real."_

_He increased the pressure of his massage, his hands now completely under my panties, squeezing my hips. "You know I want you, right? I want you in my apartment so I can spend time with you, whether we're watching TV or just talking. I want you in my bed; I like sleeping next to you. But mostly, I want to be inside you."_

_He kept one hand on my ass and ran his others fingers along my inner thighs, ghosting slightly against the apex of my legs, the sensation leaving me breathless and panting with want._

"_But, Bella, I need to know you want me too. So tell me, baby, do you want me?" He deliberately pressed his thumb against my clit._

_I moaned and leaned into him for support, resting my head atop his._

"_Would you like me to show you how much I want you?"_

_I bit down on my lip and nodded._

_He stood up, lifting me with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he carried me into his bedroom where he laid me down and proceeded to show me – in great detail – just how much he wanted me._

"Where'd you go just now?"

"Nowhere…"

"Uh huh. And that's why your cheeks are so red?"

"No, they're not," I lied. I couldn't see it, but I could feel my face start to flush.

"Oh yes they are. I bet they even feel warm under my lips." He puckered his mouth and leaned forward, placing his lips on my cheek. He wasn't really kissing me, his mouth stationary, unmoving.

I laughed, shaking my face, but he moved with me.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Nothing," he muttered before trailing his lips to the corner of my mouth. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes, a glint of mischievousness shining in his. "The doctor in me was just wondering," he said, leaning forward to press his mouth next to my ear, "if you'll tell me what made your heart rate speed up, causing the capillaries in your face to expand so that your cheeks turned this lovely shade of pink."

How he managed to make something medical sound so sexy, I didn't know.

"Maybe you'll tell me if I do this," he said, as he pressed his lips to mine.

The kiss started off chaste, but it quickly turned into something which also made other parts of my body blush. Before I knew it, Edward had me pinned to the couch, his body situated above mine and between my legs.

My hands roamed the contours of his back as his traveled from my waist to my hips.

I let out an involuntary moan, which seemed to spur him on, and then his hips dipped into mine, hitting me in just the right spot.

"Edward," I managed to get out.

"Mmm…" he answered, turning his lips to assault my neck.

"I…"

"You," he replied breathlessly, never stopping the motion of his hands or hips. "Is this what you were thinking about? What made you blush?"

I couldn't think with the way he kissed me. I didn't want to talk. We had better things to do with our mouths . "Unfff…"

He trailed his lips down my neck, making my hairs stand on end. "You like this?"

God that felt good. "Yes, yes…"

"Do you want me to stop?"

Did I? The last time he asked me that question, I wound up pregnant. It wasn't like that could happen again, and we had been making strides in our reconciliation. Oh, who was I trying to kid? I wanted him bad and was amazed at my own ability to resist him until now.

"No," I answered, "don't stop."

Edward pulled away from my neck and flashed a smile so big, I could see his wisdom teeth. "Really?"

"Really. Now take off your clothes," I demanded, reaching out to pull off his shirt.

"Yes, ma'am." He chuckled and dipped his head, allowing me to assist him.

My hands returned to the task of mapping out the landscape of his back as Edward unleashed a deluge of kisses on my neck and collarbone.

Slowly, too slowly, his fingers began to fumble with the waistband of my shorts. He had just ghosted them over my sex when his cell phone rang.

We both lifted our heads and stared at one another.

"Let it ring," I suggested.

"Works for me." Edward sat up so he could start wiggling my shorts off my body. He had his hands on the hem of my shirt, ready to lift it off, when his phone started ringing again.

I sat up and pulled off my top and tossed it on the floor. "Ignore it."

"Okay," he said, standing up just enough to take off his shorts before leaning down to kiss me again.

Almost as soon as his cell phone stopped ringing, mine started.

We both groaned and pulled away from one another. Frustrated, I stood up and walked to the kitchen to grab my phone. It had already stopped ringing, but I had a text message from Esme. The missed call was from her as well.

"I think your mom is trying to get in touch with us, or with you, rather. You know how she is; she'll be calling us every five minutes until someone gets back to her"

"Yeah, I'll call her back in a minute," he said, picking up our discarded clothes. "You look good like that, by the way."

I glanced down at myself, clad in only my bra and panties, my baby bump more prominent with no clothing to hide behind. I rubbed my hands over my belly and smiled, glad that Edward liked the way I looked, even if it was ever changing.

He handed me my shirt and shorts. "I'll go call her back and see what she wants. What time's your appointment?"

"Two. We should probably leave in the next hour."

"Okay."

I left him to call his mother, deciding to shower before my ultrasound appointment.

I was still a bit hot and bothered by our _almost_ encounter.

It hadn't escaped my notice that he had filled out a bit since his arrival in Atlanta. He'd added back a few pounds from when I first saw him at my book signing looking pale and sickly. The radiation therapy wasn't making him as nauseous as they thought it would, so his appetite was normal for all intents and purposes. He was also no longer pale. The afternoon walks we'd been taking had added some color to his skin.

Though it had been hot and humid, those walks were the highlight of my day. Edward and I would stroll along the river, holding hands and sharing our thoughts. We discussed everything from the baby and our hopes and dreams to the things that made us laugh on television the previous evening. Instead of snapping me pictures of flowers with his phone like he had while in the hospital, he'd pick them and place them behind my ear. It was cheesy, but I loved it.

Often times, his fingers would linger at my face, tracing my jaw line toward my lips, his thumb resting on my chin – it was an invitation or request of sorts to kiss me. One I always granted.

The kisses were short and sweet, yet they always managed to leave me wanting more.

That's why I found myself in the shower, maneuvering the loofah and my fingers to places where I desperately needed the touch…and the release.

I had finally given in and said yes, only to be thwarted by Esme the erection-killer. Probably not a nickname I should mention to Edward. No one would be earning any points by making a horny pregnant woman even more frustrated – especially my mother-in-law – or former, rather.

It wasn't like I hadn't considered Edward's proposal. I had. We were together and parents to be, but I had lost my faith in marriage. I mean, if Edward could divorce me so easily – no matter his reasoning, then what was the point of doing it again? I wanted it to mean something to me, and I wasn't sure it would – not yet, anyway.

"You ready?"

I rejoined Edward in the living room. "Yeah, what did your mom want?"

I handed him the keys. He hated being the passenger; it was a control thing.

He opened the door for me. "I'll tell you about it on the way."

Once on the road, I asked again. "So…your mom?"

He reached over and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers and resting our joined hands over the center console, leaving him to drive one-handed.

"She wants to know if we want to have dinner tonight."

"She called repeatedly for _that_?"

"Well, she wants to make reservations and needs to know how many people to put on the list."

"Who else would be there except us? You know, I'm a little surprised they're still in town. How long do they plan on staying?"

He glanced in my direction briefly, returning his attention to steering wheel. "I don't think they plan on going back to Texas."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm here, and they want to be here…just in case."

"In case of what?"

He side-eyed me.

"Oh." In case he died. I didn't want to dwell on that fact, so I re-directed the conversation. "About dinner…who else will be there?"

"School's out for the summer, so Jasper flew in."

"Okay…"

"Alice is with him."

"Oh. If…if…you want to go, I'm okay with it."

"Bella, we don't have to. I know you haven't worked things out with Alice yet."

"There's nothing to work out."

"Every time I bring up her name – or my mother's for that matter – it takes tremendous effort on your part not to roll your eyes or grind your teeth. I know you're still mad at them."

"I'm not mad. I just don't care to be around them. Your mom is, well, your mom, so…" I sighed and looked out the window. "And Alice is your sister-in-law, so she's not going anywhere either, but I just haven't gotten over how they treated me…not yet."

"I know you've mentioned they manipulated you. I wasn't really around to see it, so what did Alice do? You don't have to tell me about my mom. I already know about her."

"She told me you were dying in order to get me out to Texas, and she made me think you and Carmen were an item."

"Why would she do that? She doesn't even know Carmen?"

"Well, maybe…she didn't really – it was already in my head, but she didn't help dissuade me."

"She probably didn't know. Only my dad really knew who she was, outside of Emmett. Everyone else just let their imaginations run wild, and I did nothing to stop it. Really, you should be mad at me."

"Don't think I haven't been," I muttered. "And she told me you were dying, Edward. _Dy-ing_."

"Bella, the surgery could've gone either way. You were there. You know that. And for what it's worth, I'm glad she stuck her nose in where it didn't belong. I'm not sure we'd be where we are today without that phone call."

Maybe he was right. Maybe I just wanted someone to aim my anger at. I had thought I'd dealt with it all. Apparently not. I'm not sure why I was still holding onto it.

"We'll see how I feel after this." That was as much as I was willing to compromise.

"Whatever you want. I mean that," he said, pulling into the parking lot of the hospital where my obstetrician's office was.

We didn't have to wait long before we were ushered back to the ultrasound room. The tech wasted no time in getting me prepped while I adjusted my clothing. She tucked a towel into the waistband of my maternity shorts, which were now pushed embarrassingly low on my hips and began to smear the cold gel all over my abdomen.

Edward sat next to me and fidgeted with his fingers, while I lay back on the exam table and got as comfortable as I could with my full bladder and the bundle of anxious anticipation short circuiting my peace of mind.

"You nervous?" I asked, having seen him rub his palms back and forth over his knees.

"Yes…no. Really excited, actually."

"Me too." I smiled.

The door opened and in walked Dr. Bennett. It had been nearly a year since I'd last seen her for my annual womanly check-up. She'd been my gynecologist for over a decade, but she'd hardly changed a bit in the past ten years.

"Isabella!" She waved her hands in front of her. "I'd hug you, but you're, well…" She gestured toward the table where I lay, feet in stirrups.

"And, Edward. Oh my God, Edward, how are you, dear? I haven't seen you in quite some time."

Edward stood and gave her a hug. Their embrace was brief, but it seemed meaningful. They pulled away, but Dr. Bennett kept her hands on Edward's forearms, giving him a once over. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay. I'm going to be a father." His smile almost seemed shy.

"I see that. I'm so proud of you. You make sure to keep in touch, you hear? I rarely heard a thing from you while you were in Texas."

Edward ran his hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah…"

He didn't complete the thought, and I cleared my throat, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Dr. Bennett filled the silence that followed. "It looks like Jane's already got you ready to go. She's the best; you're in good hands. She'll get you started, and then I'll meet you in my office when you're all finished." She left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"So…" Jane clapped her hands together. "We ready to do this?"

Edward had resumed his seat next to me and held my hand. He sat near the head of the table-bed, both of us in perfect line of sight to see the monitor.

"Okay, Isabella –"

"Bella," I corrected.

"Bella." She smiled. "This will be a bit uncomfortable, and your bladder won't like me by the time we're finished, but it'll be worth it. Honestly, I don't enjoy torturing you; we just need the full bladder to push the baby up so we can see it better. I'll go as quickly as I can and will try to make this as painless as possible."

"Are we finding out the sex?" Jane asked.

Edward and I turned our heads to one another. We'd discussed it early in the week, and neither of us could keep the silly grin from our faces as we nodded in unison.

"Yes," I answered. "Yes."

Jane got to work, typing away at the keyboard, rattling off some questions and entering the information into the computer. When she was done, she added some extra gel to the wand and pressed it to my stomach. It took a few moments, but I eventually heard the rapid thump-thump of a heartbeat. Jane adjusted a knob on the screen, the sound echoing off the walls of the tiny room.

"What you're hearing is the sound of your baby's heartbeat. It's a good one. Healthy. The beats per minute are right in the normal range."

I squeezed Edward's hand, all the while staring at the screen.

I was listening to the sound of my baby's heart, and it was beautiful. I had heard the heartbeat at my previous appointments, but there was something about seeing the fluttering black and white image pumping in time with the sound that brought tears of joy to my eyes. Or maybe it was sharing it with Edward for the first time. There was no loneliness to diminish the elation I felt with him here by my side.

Jane was incredibly fast. She measured the head, spine, other body parts, and all the vital organs. I doubt Edward needed all the explanations, but she pointed out and described each step in great detail. The printer churned out picture after picture for the file. She paused a moment when the baby moved around and captured an image that made me want to laugh and cry and smile for the rest of the day. The unmistakable profile of our baby sucking its thumb was paused on the monitor. She made two extra prints of the image for us to take home.

"Wow, this kid has some long legs. They're measuring a bit long for the number of weeks you are at, but everything looks normal. It just looks like you may have to buy your son a basketball when he's born with legs like that."

"Son?" Edward asked with an unsteady breath. "It's a boy?"

"It's a boy," Jane mimicked.

Edward turned to me and placed a kiss on my forehead. "We're having a boy, baby. A boy."

I stared into Edward's watery eyes, letting tears fall from mine. The moment was so sweet and endearing, watching the man I loved almost lose his composure at the thought of having a boy.

His eyes were so earnest and vulnerable and eerily familiar. In the quiet recesses of my mind, a tiny inkling of recollection and fear came crawling to the forefront. It reminded me of something I had pushed from my memory: my dream of our son and the way his green eyes pierced through my heart while he lamented the fact his father wasn't around to read him a bedside story.

I tried to fight off the thought of a future without Edward, but my face must've betrayed my intentions.

"You okay?" Edward asked, his forehead wrinkled in concern.

"Yeah, yeah." I shook my head. "I just have to pee."

"We're almost finished," Jane assured us.

She fiddled with a few more buttons and knobs and put the wand down. She wiped the gel off my torso with a towel and handed me an extra one. "You can get cleaned up and go to the bathroom now. When you're finished, I'll take you to Dr. Bennett's office."

Jane left the room, and Edward helped me from the table. I told him I would be back in a minute and hurried off to wash up and pull myself together.

I made it to the restroom and relieved myself, chanting a silent mantra along the way: "It's okay; it was just a dream."

I took a few extra moments to clear my head, trying to shake off the sense of foreboding weighing down my psyche.

I walked out of the restroom to find Edward waiting for me, his back resting on the wall.

He was thumbing through the pictures Jane had printed for us, his crooked smile reminding me this was a joyous occasion, not something I needed to fret about.

Edward slipped his arm over my shoulder when I sidled up next to him, and we went back to follow Jane to Dr. Bennett's office.

Dr. Bennett plowed us with details before we even took our seats. I listened while she explained how far along I was – twenty weeks gestation or technically eighteen weeks after conception. She flipped through my chart and commented on how good things appeared, reaffirming we were indeed having a boy.

She looked at the ultrasound pictures Jane had added to the file and handed us a few more duplicates. One showed two tiny feet side by side, ten toes surprisingly visible in the grainy print.

"And here's a pamphlet on umbilical cord blood banking."

"What's this?" I asked, taking the proffered handout and looking to Edward for his reaction, assuming he knew what it was.

"The pamphlet gives you options concerning what to do with the placenta and umbilical cord once you've given birth," Dr. Bennett answered. "Up until recently, both of those were treated as medical waste. With today's technology, the cord blood or the stem cells from the placenta could save a life."

"Save a life?" I asked.

"Absolutely. The medical potential and advantages of cord blood banking are making phenomenal advances; the future holds infinite possibilities. Most families choose to freeze the cord blood or stem cells for their own family, to be used later in case of illness." She cast a glance over at Edward. "Some families donate them to other families, much like you would donate an organ or blood. The information is all in that packet. There is a cost associated with storing and preserving the cord blood, and it's not usually covered by insurance, so you may want to discuss the pros and cons after you read through the information."

"Oh." I fingered the edges of the booklet. The concept was easy enough and seemed to be standard operating procedure for pregnancies and birth. Yet, my stomach had this sinking feeling, this overwhelming impression of dread. This was important, especially for Edward. Somehow I knew that.

"We'll do it," I said, handing the pamphlet back to Dr. Bennett. "We'll freeze whatever's necessary." I turned toward Edward, his expression solemn, his thoughts probably mirroring mine. "Whatever's necessary to save a life."

My voice was sure and confident, closing the door on any possible debate, but internally my heart was beating fiercely, the crippling fear of having to actually use my baby's cord blood looming over me.

~UrQ~

"You're quiet."

I removed my head from the passenger door window. "Hmm?"

"You haven't said anything since we left the hospital."

I knew I hadn't. I never really believed in dream interpretation before, but with the confirmation we were having a boy, it was hard not to speculate what it could all mean. Like flashbulbs going off in my head, images of my dreams kept coming to mind.

In my dreams, Edward wasn't around, and I was left to raise my son…alone.

This information coupled with the discussion regarding cord blood just hung a dark cloud over my head, miring me down.

"I'm just hungry. Can we get something to eat?"

"Of course. Did you want to go to dinner with my parents and my brother?"

"I really don't feel up to it. Why don't you go and just drop me off at home?"

"I don't have to go. I can stay with you."

"No, no, it's fine. Can we just get some Willy's, and then you can drop me off and spend the evening with your family? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? You don't want me to come over after?"

"I don't know. Not tonight. I'm tired and wouldn't be good company. I'll probably be asleep early. We can see each other in the morning. It's just better if you go to your home and I'll stay at mine."

He rubbed his lips together and made a clicking sound. "Yeah, well, we need to talk about that at some point."

"Talk about what?"

"We'll talk tomorrow," he said succinctly as if trying to end the conversation.

"No, what do you mean? I want to know now."

"Well, Bella, if you're not going to marry me, you need to consider us at least moving in together, so we can both be there for the baby."

Not this again. Not now.

"Moving in? Why? We don't have to. How is that taking it slow? The baby won't be here for another five months. Plus, people co-parent from separate homes all the time."

"So that's what we are? Just co-parents?"

"I don't know. I don't really want to talk about this anymore. Can you just take me to get some food and take me home, please?"

A small part of me knew I was being deliberately mean and hurtful. I channeled my apprehension to anger and irrationally took it out on him.

He blew out a deep breath and shook his head slightly, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "Fine, but I'm not okay with this. We need to discuss this eventually."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. Edward broke the silence first. "I've really missed Willy's. They don't have them in Texas. I'm tempted to say no to my family and just enjoy some Mexican with you."

"Yeah, well, whose fault was it that you missed out on it?" I didn't know why I attacked him, but it was as if I couldn't control the things coming out of my mouth.

"Bella…"

"What?" I asked, my voice dripping with irritation.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Edward," I lied. "I just can't forgive and forget, all right? I can't just marry you again or move in with you again just because in a moment of weakness you managed to knock me up. Just forget about the food; I want to go to _my_ apartment. I want to be alone."

"Okay, Bella. Fine. I'll take you to _your_ apartment."

I rested my head against the window and let tears run down my face, my silent agony going unnoticed or unmentioned by Edward. I didn't really want to be alone at all but couldn't get it out of my head, in the end I would be, regardless.

He pulled into the parking lot, and I exited the car, shutting the door without saying a word.

The tires squealed as Edward pealed out, and I walked into my apartment forlorn and feeling guilty.

My behavior in the car was reprehensible and all a product of my own fear.

Fear of being a single mom.

Fear of losing Edward – to death or otherwise.

It wasn't like I believed my dreams were prophetic, but they still haunted my thoughts.

My tears continued to fall as I scrounged in the kitchen for something to eat, nothing looking appealing. Worrying about things I had no control over and arguing with Edward had depleted my appetite entirely.

Abandoning my efforts for food, I traipsed to my bedroom and kicked off my shoes. I climbed onto the bed and pulled a throw blanket over me as I laid my head back, letting the pillow capture my tears.

My eyes soon fell upon something laying on my bedside table; it was an envelope. My name was on it, written in Edward's handwriting.

I sat up to read it.

_Perhaps a letter isn't the best way to go about this, but after reading your book, I wanted an opportunity to respond. I'm a little gun shy about saying these words to you, and maybe that makes me a coward, or maybe it just means I think more clearly writing it out._

_Either way, I wanted you to know how truly, truly sorry I am. Those words seem so trite as to what I'm actually feeling; yet I mean them – every word._

_I know I hurt you. Even if I hadn't read it for myself in your book, I knew you were hurting. I knew because I was hurting, and you and I have always had this special connection…a connection I broke with my stupidity._

_Outside of the pain I felt, it _killed_ me knowing I hurt you, all out of some misguided notion to protect you. I made promises to you and to your family that I'd never hurt you like this, but I did it anyway._

_I was supposed to be the one to protect you from this kind of pain; I never intended to be the cause._

_I don't know if it's possible for you to trust me again, but I hope that someday you can find a way to do so._

_And even though I've broken my promises to you in the past, I'm going to make these promises to you now._

_Bella, I can't promise I won't die. No one can guarantee that. I know now it was stupid to try and protect you from that._

_But I will promise to love you for as long as I live. Hell, I promise to love you for as long as _you_ live._

_I promise to share with you my thoughts, my fears, my opinions, and to not keep you in the dark._

_I promise to be the best father I can be. I already love our baby, Bella. That baby is a part of you and me, and I know our baby will be beautiful because it came from you._

_And though it frightens me that our baby may have to one day grow up without me – I promised I'd share my fears – I know that our baby will be the luckiest child in the world to have a mom like you._

_I'm not sure of what else to say other than I love you. I always have. I always will._

_Yours always, Edward._

Under his name, he had drawn an infinity loop.

I clutched the letter to my chest and let the tears fall. He must've placed this on my nightstand earlier in the day while I had been showering. I had no idea when he had written it, though. What he'd said was exactly what I needed to hear, or see, rather.

I'd already decided we were doing this together, and Edward had been making an effort to be more open with me. I needed to do the same.

I reached over and grabbed my cell phone, texting Edward the only thing I knew to say until I saw him face to face.

_I'm sorry._

I stared at my phone, willing and waiting for him to respond. Even after a few long minutes, nothing.

I knew I shouldn't have expected anything; he was with his family, and I had treated him so poorly earlier. Still it made me cry, even thinking there was a possibility he was too upset to answer me.

I regretted telling him not to come over tonight. I slid back down in bed and fell asleep fitfully, angry with myself for pushing Edward away.

~UrQ~

The sound of knocking on my door and the buzzing of my cell phone woke me from my restless sleep. I glanced over at the clock on my bedside table. It was a little after midnight.

I picked up my phone – two missed calls and three texts – all from Edward.

Maybe that was him at the door, but I couldn't be sure. It could be Jamie, but I'd have to murder him for scaring me like this if it was.

I slowly slid out of bed and cautiously made my way through the empty apartment to see who it was.

With each footstep, my heart rate sped up. Then I about had a heart attack at the sound of Edward's voice.

"Bella, it's me."

The muffled sound of Edward's voice made me jump out of my skin. My sleep-addled brain had hoped it was him but still conjured up other images of things that go bump in the night. The adrenaline coursing through my veins pulled me out of my drowsy stupor.

I hurried to the door and pulled it open, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my head in it.

"You scared me, but I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I began placing light kisses on his neck, my lips running a trail from his collarbone to his jaw.

"Whoa, whoa." He jerked his head back. "Not that I don't like this, but could we maybe go inside?"

I stepped back, noticing the bag in his hands. It was from Willy's.

After reading his letter and then seeing his thoughtfulness in action – especially after how I'd treated him – I fell apart.

"Oh my God, Edward." I took the bag from his hand and stepped inside, allowing him entry. I shut and locked the door, then set the bag down on the kitchen counter.

Like a dam cracking with the force of the water upon it, my tears and sobs came tumbling out. I stood by the counter, my hand atop it, using it for support to keep from crumbling to the floor.

"Bella." He wrapped his arms around me, his hand cradling my head to his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Please don't leave me."

"I can't hear you, baby." His hands framed my face as he lifted my head from his chest, his eyes searching for answers in mine. "What's wrong?"

"Please don't leave me." I beseeched him.

Concern was etched onto every one of his facial features. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I won't leave you. Not again."

"But you will," I whimpered. "You could die, and then I'd be all alone to raise our baby. Please promise me you're okay. That the radiation treatments are working. That you won't die on me, not when I just got you back again."

"Oh, baby" he said, smothering my head to his chest again. "I could die in a car wreck tomorrow. I can't promise I won't die. Nobody knows when or how. I know that now."

I pulled away to look at him. "But the treatments are working, right? The brain tumor won't kill you? That's why I was so _off_ this afternoon. I've been having these dreams that you die, and it's just me and our son left. That's why I had a feeling it'd be a boy. And then when Jane confirmed it…and then there was the discussion about the cord blood. It all just terrified me.

"And then I read your letter with those sweet, sweet words. I love our baby, too. So much. That's why I can't do this alone.

"Edward, please don't leave me. You can't. You just can't. I think I would die…literally die if I lost you again. I can't go through that again. Please just tell me you're okay." I sobbed, on the verge of hyperventilating. He was my life preserver, and I clung to him for dear life.

I knew he couldn't possibly keep those promises. How could he? No one knew the future, and that's what terrified me: our future – if we had one.

In one swift move, Edward lifted me off my feet and carried me to the couch, sitting with me upon his lap. He nuzzled his face into my hair and gently rubbed my back. "Baby, look at me."

Using the sleeve of my shirt, I wiped my tears away. Then I settled my eyes back on his, willing myself not to cry anymore.

"Have you been keeping this all bottled up? Don't do that. Don't do what I did and let the poisonous thoughts eat away at you. Share them with me. Let me be here for you. With that being said, I have an astrocytoma, Bella. I can't promise I won't die."

Inhaling sharply, I covered my mouth with my fisted hand, swallowing down the whimpers wracking my body.

"Hey." Edward removed my fist from my mouth, cradling it in his hand. "It doesn't mean I won't be perfectly fine, either. Like I said, I could die tomorrow in a terrible accident. I can't promise you I won't die."

I squeezed his hand tight and listened as he continued. "I _can_ promise that I'll never intentionally leave you again. I was a boneheaded jerk, and I can't believe I ever fathomed the thought of living…of dying without you by my side."

I couldn't help the syncopated heaving of my chest. He couldn't die. Not now. Not after we'd made it this far.

"I'm here, baby. Let's live for today. I don't want fear or regrets to plague the present. Every day, every minute with you is a gift I almost threw away. So let's enjoy the time we have. Whether it's four weeks, four months, or four years," he said, repeating his speech from the hospital. "Let's just be. Okay?"

"Okay." I sniffled and wiped away the new tears that had fallen. I grabbed the end of my shirt and pulled it over my head.

"Bella…"

"Okay. Let's enjoy what we have while we have it. I'm tired of fighting it…fighting you. I want you to make love to me."

I stood up and shimmied my shorts down my legs.

Edward reached out to grab my elbow before I could unclasp my bra. He stared at my body with hooded eyes, licking his lips before standing up. He stood tall, staring down at me. "You said you wanted to take things slow, and I intend to do just that."

I didn't have time to feel the disappointment of his rejection before he lifted me off my feet and carried me into the bedroom.

He set me down on my feet. "Which means, I'm going to undress you slowly." Still towering over me, he bent down and lavished me with kisses, his lips setting my skin on fire from my neck to the edge of my shoulder. While his lips were busy, his fingers were working to un-do my bra.

Once free, Edward flung the clothing to the floor, his hands taking the place of the silky material he'd just discarded. He kneaded my breasts, his thumbs paying special attention to my sensitive nipples with each pass of his hand.

I became antsy, crossing and uncrossing my legs just the slightest bit, eager to create some friction.

Edward lifted his head and flashed me a lopsided grin. "Like that, huh?"

I loved it when Edward talked during sex. It didn't have to be dirty; I just liked the tone and sound of his voice. It oozed sexiness. He made me feel wanted and desirable.

Slowly, Edward maneuvered me to the bed, the backs of my knees hitting the edge as he lay me down.

"Scoot up," he instructed, and I obliged.

I had barely put my head on the pillow when Edward had nudged my knees apart and positioned himself over me.

Propping himself up on one hand, he trailed the other from my face to my neck, along my collarbone, over the swell of my breast, down my belly – circling my navel, until stopping at the waistline of my panties.

Even though it was over ninety degrees outside, my body shivered with each touch of his hand.

Dipping inside my panties, his finger flirted with the top line of my hair.

I inhaled deeply, anticipating his intentions but whimpered when he withdrew his hand.

"Lift your hips."

I did as instructed, allowing him to take off my panties. I was completely nude, ready for him to do with me as he pleased, but he was keeping to his promise of taking things slow.

He took each of my feet in turn into his hands, plying them with soft kisses from my heels to my inner thighs. He was teasing me, and I loved every minute of it.

After finishing his mission of kissing every inch of my legs, he pulled away, standing up just long enough to disrobe.

I watched as he kicked off his shoes and socks and undid his belt buckle before languorously unzipping his pants. He began to unbutton his shirt, and his eyes roamed over my naked form. "You are so fucking beautiful."

Finally, he slid out of his boxers, and I smiled at the sight of him. He was ready for me, and I was more than ready for him.

He had other plans.

Almost ghostlike, he glided up the bed until his face was between my legs. "I remember what you like." He exhaled a slow hot breath against my skin and hummed his lips against my clit. He remembered all right.

I moaned from the sensation, my toes curling and uncurling, anxious for him to have me already.

He hovered his mouth just over my clit. "I hope you're ready because…" He licked a trail from end to end of my slit. "Because I plan on making love to you all night."

He didn't wait for me to respond, instead taking my clit into his mouth and sucking it, licking it, kissing it.

On sensory overload, my hands fisted the sheets, and my hips began to undulate under his mouth.

His grip on the outside of my thighs tightened, keeping me in place.

My hands moved from the sheets to the top of his head. It wasn't so much to guide him – he needed no help in that department – but more for me to hold onto. With his shaved head, there was nothing for me to pull on or yank, so I simply held on, hoping I wasn't hurting him.

I felt him chuckle, the action vibrating against me. The sensation of soft hair and rough stubble drove me crazy.

He pulled his head back, lifting his eyes to mine. "Like that, huh?"

"I want you," I said, my voice on the verge of desperation. He was torturing me.

"I know." He sank his tongue inside me…licking, twirling, and curling his tongue until I could take it no longer. Relentlessly, he continued, even after I came.

I grew too sensitive and squeezed his head between my legs, indicating for him to stop. My legs fell limply to the side as I palmed my breasts, kneading them as I came down from my high.

"That's a mighty big smile you have there."

I opened my eyes to see Edward suspended over me, a sexy grin illuminating his face.

"You make me smile."

"I plan to make you do more than that," he said, reaching between us and lining himself up at my entrance.

We both groaned as he slowly…slowly slid into me.

I watched as he threw his head back in pleasure, his eyes shut and his mouth falling open slightly.

I reached forward and ran my hand over his cheek. He opened his eyes and lowered himself enough to kiss me, never ceasing his thrusts. He pulled away but barely, his hot breath fanning over me.

I clasped my hands behind his neck and got lost in the torturous pace he was setting.

With each thrust, with each push and pull, our eyes remained locked on each other's. We were lost in one another as the world fell away, and nothing but us existed. This was the final step in our reconnection, and it was beautiful.

Unbidden tears leaked down my cheek. I thought about how much I'd missed him, how much I wanted him, how much I needed him.

He saw my tears and whispered, "You okay?"

I nodded my head and mouthed, "I love you."

He leaned forward and captured my mouth in a kiss as his hips began to circle, increasing the pace.

Our slow, languid kiss seemed to last forever until I felt the familiar coiling in my stomach. He rested his head over my shoulder, thrusting into me over and over again. His mouth right next to my ear, he breathlessly whispered, "I love you. Always."

His words sent me over the edge with him falling right behind me.

He collapsed against my chest and moved his hips to the side, keeping his weight off my stomach while we both caught our breath.

I ran my fingers over his head, just enjoying the connection we shared. After a few blissful minutes, I tapped Edward, indicating to him I wanted to get up.

"I don't want to move."

I laughed. "Well, you have to. As great as this has been, I'd hate to ruin it by wetting the bed."

His chuckles shook us both before he pulled away. "Go to the bathroom, woman. I'll clean up out here."

"I love you. I hope you know that." I planted a quick peck on his lips and went into the bathroom.

After washing up and throwing on a robe, I grabbed the spare key I kept in my purse. I walked back to the bedroom and curled up with Edward on the bed.

"It's after midnight," I mentioned.

"Yeah…" Edward seemed perplexed.

"It means it's your birthday."

He reached over and grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand. "You're right."

"Here." I handed him the key. "Let's start here, then we can talk about moving in. Happy birthday, Edward."

He flashed me that glorious, flirtatious smile I loved so much. "Happy birthday, indeed." He set the key down then turned to me. "And I intend to keep it happy. Turn over. I want to try something."

I let Edward position me after I turned over, our bodies spooning. He undid the sash on my robe and ran his fingers over my backside.

"I told you I plan to make love to you all night, and I intend to do just that."

I smiled. I had no problem with that.

No problem at all.

**This story is winding down. Only a few chapters left. I'd love to know what you think so far.**


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Get It Right

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters; Stephenie Meyer does.**

**I own the life this story is based upon.**

**As always, Team Unrequited fixed my grammar and such. All mistakes are mine.**

**Please enjoy.**

"Wake up, sleepyhead." I poked Edward's side and watched as he recoiled from me, rolling onto his stomach.

"Ow, woman!"

I chuckled and crawled atop Edward's back, my legs straddling his hips. "Oh, did that hurt?" I said in a mock sympathetic voice. I leaned down and kissed his shoulder blade, his neck, and behind his ear. "Maybe I should just tickle you instead," I whispered to him with a devilish grin on my face.

Before I had a chance to assault him with my tickling fingers, however, Edward had flipped us over, pinning me beneath him, his arms keeping his body suspended above my ever-expanding belly. "You're lucky we have to leave for our appointments soon, or I would _so_ make you pay for that."

My bottom lip extended into a pout. "We don't have time to play?"

Edward shook his head and let out a laugh. "Not that I'm complaining, but wasn't this supposed to pass after the second trimester?"

I shrugged. "All I know is I want you."

"The feeling is definitely mutual, baby." His hardness grazed against my thigh when he leaned down and gave me a brief peck. "But we need to get ready." He slid off the bed and opened his dresser to grab some clean clothes.

"You'd better save that for me for later," I called after him.

"I'm not the one who fell asleep at 8:30 last night," he said, winking at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him, but the gesture was lost on him because he had already turned his back on me to enter the bathroom.

I had taken a bath the night before, so I went to the closet to grab some clothes. We had a big day planned, and I wanted to wear something comfortable but nice. I settled on a maternity dress with leggings.

It was hot and humid outside in the September heat, but everywhere I went today would likely have the air conditioning on full blast.

Once dressed, I waited for Edward in the living room while I checked my emails and voice messages.

_Bella, hi. It's Heather from ReMax. I just wanted to let you know that the painters have finished with the house. Feel free to stop by anytime and check it out. Okay, talk you later. Bye._

Edward had joined me in the living room, eyeing me as I deleted the message.

"Who was that?"

"It was just a message from the realtor. She said the paint job at the house was finished and I could check it out."

"What paint job?"

"I told you, didn't I?" His confused look told me I hadn't. "She called last week and said there were a few areas that needed some touching up. She said it would likely sell faster if we did it. I agreed to let her do whatever was necessary. Apparently, it's finished, and I can go by and see it anytime."

"You didn't tell me that." He wasn't upset. Instead, a sly smile formed on his face.

"I could've sworn I did. I swear my memory has gone to shit since I've been pregnant."

"It happens." He shrugged. "You want to check it out tonight after the baby shower and family dinner?"

"Sure. We can do that."

"Okay, you ready to go?"

"Yeah."

Edward helped me off the couch, the size of my belly hindering me from easily standing up. It was hard to believe I was at thirty two weeks already.

After a short ride over, we pulled into the hospital parking lot, and Edward assisted me out of the car. We shared a brief kiss and went our separate ways.

Each of us had routine procedures every month: MRI for him, ultrasound for me. It just happened to work out that they were scheduled on the same day.

I was on the borderline of what was considered advanced maternal age – though I didn't think thirty-five was particularly advanced; I didn't _feel_ old – and Dr. Bennett was being extremely thorough. When my amniotic fluid measured on the low side of normal, I was grateful for her caution and the extra appointments.

So far everything else was perfect. Edward's tumor remained dormant and showed no signs of growth while our baby was getting bigger by the second.

Edward still had nosebleeds and the occasional headache, but overall his prognosis looked good. His medical license hadn't been suspended, but he couldn't perform surgery any longer. He was currently volunteering at a free clinic once a week in one of the rougher parts of Atlanta. He had looked into other options as well, including teaching medicine, but that would've taken some time to pursue.

I was still working, and I knew it bothered him that he wasn't. He'd told me he wanted to give back and contribute for as long as he could. I tried not to let it bother me when he worded it that way, as if there would be a time soon enough where he couldn't do these things any more.

Edward wasn't the type to sit around all day just because he could. He might not have been bringing home a paycheck, but it wasn't like he needed it anyway; he could live off of his trust fund until he died if needed, a perk of coming from a family of "old" money.

I was worried he would be bored and unfulfilled without working, but he managed to find plenty to keep himself busy and surprisingly happy.

When my parents had their annual Fourth of July barbecue, several of the teachers in the performing arts and music department were in attendance. Edward got into a conversation with the orchestra director and volunteered to play accompaniments for several summer music camps just to give himself something to do.

According to my mom, most music budgets had been cut back so drastically, volunteers and sponsors were the only thing actually keeping the programs afloat. He'd continued accompanying several classes when the school year started. The music teachers were delighted to have him, but I wondered if in part he was doing it to get back on my mother's good side.

I was worried at first. Spending all day around teenagers could prove tiresome, but Edward seemed invigorated when he came home. I was happy that he was happy.

I sat outside in the hospital hallway, waiting for Edward to join me, hoping his results were as good as mine. The ultrasound was normal and showed that baby E.J. was steadfastly growing. At this rate, he'd be a little over nine pounds by the time I gave birth – if I kept to my November sixth due date.

Dr. Bennett and I discussed possible complications due to my age and other factors that could merit a c-section. As of now, there were no risk indicators, and we were strictly speaking in hypothetical and precautionary terms. As long as my baby was born healthy, it didn't matter when or how I delivered him.

I was busy checking emails on my phone when I noticed approaching footsteps. I lifted my head to see Edward's smiling face and stood up to greet him. "How'd it go?"

"Don't know yet. I told them we had a big day planned. They're going to call with the results later. They took some blood too."

I glanced at his arm and noticed the band-aid. "You ready?"

"Yeah. Let's do this."

His fake enthusiasm made me smile. We were headed to a baby shower/birthday celebration for me, held at my parents' house. Men had been invited for the birthday part of the party, but I felt bad for them. I had a feeling that most of the attention would be baby centric. I sure hoped the men had something to keep them occupied or that my dad had stocked up on beer.

We arrived just after four in the afternoon to see my parents' driveway and the curbside packed with cars. Who all had been invited?

I entered my parents' house to see the living room full of people – most were seated, some were standing and talking. I recognized a few people: Kate, Garrett, Jamie, my parents, and Edward's parents. The rest of the crowd, I did not know.

I caught Jamie's gaze from across the room and watched as he made his way to Edward and me at the door.

"Who are all these people?" I whispered conspiratorially.

Jamie visually scanned the room before answering. "I think they're from the crazy hippie's yoga class or something."

"I dare you to call my mom 'crazy hippie' to her face."

"Oh, please. What could she do? Paint me a picture of flowers and trees? I'm so scared," Jamie retorted.

"Smartass," I muttered.

"I don't know, James. Renee has some claws; I wouldn't underestimate her," Edward piped in.

Jamie gave me a hug and shook Edward's hand. The spirited camaraderie shared between the two hadn't quite returned yet, but the friendship had survived and was growing. Things had gotten better since their altercation in the hospital. Jamie had made an effort to be less confrontational, and Edward was working on regaining Jamie's trust. Jamie was just a wee bit more stubborn than me. I had faith that it would happen eventually, though.

"Yeah, you're probably right, Eddie."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I hate it when you call me that."

"I know." Jamie smirked.

"Like Bella said…you're a smartass." Edward laughed, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck and through his hair. Was he nervous? "Did you get my message?"

"Yeah." Jamie shot me a quick glance before returning his attention to Edward. "Want to…" He nodded in the direction of the kitchen, ignoring me.

That was unusual. Something was afoot, and Edward was in on it.

"Yeah," Edward answered. He leaned down and placed a kiss atop my head. "Be back in a minute."

"You two are having secret meetings now?"

"Maybe." Jamie ruffled my hair before I smacked away his hand. "None of your business, nosey!"

"I'll remember that," I yelled after them, watching as Jamie waved off my non-existent threat.

"Men," I muttered with a smile on my face. I was doing that a lot lately: smiling. I was glad that Edward and Jamie seemed to be re-building their friendship, even if it meant keeping me in the dark about some things.

The two of them walked into the kitchen just as my mom exited it holding a veggie tray in her hands.

Upon seeing Jamie, she switched the tray to one hand and placed the other on her hip, casting a playful glare his way.

I couldn't hear everything she said, but I was able to make out snippets of something to do with crazy hippies.

Ha! Jamie was so busted. That was until he flashed one of his charming smiles – something my mother was not immune to – and in mere seconds, all three of them were laughing, including Edward.

It was good to see my mom opening up to Edward more. I knew it was hard to trust him. Boy, did I know, but we were all trying to make it work, and I couldn't be happier for that.

My mom made her way toward me, dropping off the veggie tray at a table along the wall. "Bella, sweetie, you're here."

"I'm here. Mom," I whispered as she got closer, "but who are all these people?"

She raised her head and visually scanned the room from the women seated on the couch and loveseat to the men congregated outside around my dad, who was busy manning the grill. "Oh, your father's a little excited about becoming a grandpa. They're just some guys your dad works with…or used to work with. They wanted to welcome him to the club. Some of them are retired now. You know most of the neighbors, and the rest are from school. I didn't invite any teachers Edward didn't know."

"It's just a lot of people." I scanned the room as well, turning my gaze when others looked my way. I hated crowds.

"Yeah, well, I figured a party was a good idea after our little intimate dinner didn't go so well, and I know you don't like to be the center of attention. The more people, the easier it is to hide in the crowd," my mom explained.

I loved my mom. She was an eccentric free spirit, but sometimes she just shocked the hell out of me by how well she picked up on things.

"Good point. They didn't get me presents, did they? I don't even know them…or remember them, anyway."

"Oh, Bella, get over it." Kate smiled and handed me a bottled water as she joined my mother and me. "People love babies, and this is your first, take anything _anyone _is willing to give you."

"What she said," my mom agreed.

I leaned over and hugged Kate. I hadn't seen her since the book launch, only communicating with her via email and phone since then. "I'm so glad you're here."

"So what's the plan? All women inside and the men outside?" I asked.

"Just for the baby shower portion. We'll eat dinner and celebrate your birthday later." My mom ushered me over to my dad's recliner. "Now you just sit here, and we'll take care of everything."

Wow, my dad's sacred recliner. I was indeed the guest of honor.

"I'm not a baby." I smiled.

"No, but you're my baby, and you're having my first grandbaby, so just hush and let me take care of you."

Kate and I exchanged a glance, both of us smiling.

"Okay, Mom, let's do this."

I settled into my dad's recliner and Kate took a seat in a chair next to me. I had a perfect view of the first floor of my parents' house and the segregated groups of men and women. I had to admit, I'd rather be sitting on the deck watching my dad flip burgers, sipping on a beer, and talking football than oohing and awing over diaper wipe warmers and Boppy pillows.

Occasionally, I'd catch a glimpse of Edward looking through the glass patio door, beer in hand and smiling. When he'd catch my gaze, he'd shoot me a wink. I swear it was as if my smile was permanently plastered on my face.

Today was perfect and nothing could bring me down. Nothing.

In no time at all, the living room looked like a Babies 'R Us store had vomited all over it. It was full of onesies, blankets, bottles, baby wipes, teething rings, two car seats, a high chair, a baby swing, and enough diapers to last E.J. for the first few months of his life.

I wasn't subjected to any silly baby shower games. All I was expected to do was open presents and make small talk, and for that I was thankful.

The gifts that really stood out to me were the more personalized ones. Esme had given me a Tiffany's rattle. She said it had been Edward's. I didn't quite see the practicality of a rattle, but I loved the sentiment.

Then she handed me an envelope. "It's from Alice."

I opened the envelope to find a handwritten letter from Alice amidst what looked like legal documents.

_Bella,_

_It feels like forever since we've talked. Esme explained everything, and I don't blame you for still being upset about how we treated you in Texas. The only thing I know to say is that I'm sorry. I – we thought we were doing what was best for you and Edward. I realize now that we'd been pretty inconsiderate of your feelings and didn't go about the situation in the most thoughtful manner. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you._

_Now to your gift. You know how I'm always looking to the future for investments and financial security. I wanted to provide some of that to E.J._

_Inside the envelope, you'll find documents declaring E.J. the legal owner (technically they're in your name) of one thousand shares of a very small start-up company. I have a feeling that they'll be very successful. Call it hunch._

_I hope you like it. _

_Love, Alice_

_PS Please call me._

I folded the letter and placed it inside my purse while curious eyes watched me. "Alice bought E.J. some stock," I answered their silent inquiry. "I need to call her later to thank her."

Esme caught my eye and smiled. I had a feeling she was looking forward to a reconciliation between all of us, and frankly, so was I. I knew most of my resentment and bitterness had faded away. It was time to let the rest go so E.J. could grow up surrounded by the love of his aunt and uncle without me holding onto grudges.

I finished opening the rest of the shower gifts and moved on to my birthday presents.

Kate had framed and matted a newspaper clipping showing _Letters to Masen _on the New York Times Best Sellers List. It hadn't made it to the top ten, but I was thrilled to see it listed there at all.

Jamie's gift left me confused, but the timing was appropriate. He'd wrapped up a small packet of pocket tissues and a simple note stating "For Later". I'd have to ask him about them when we were all done.

Finally, my mom handed me a heavy rectangle covered in brown paper. I pulled away the wrapping to find a beautiful portrait of myself surrounded by Edward's arms, holding a baby bundled in a blue blanket. My mom had outdone herself. It was by far the most beautiful painting I'd ever seen her do.

I wiped my watery eyes and thanked everyone. "I guess Jamie figured I'd need these." I held up the packet of tissues for people to see, laughing along with them.

"You think I'd just get you a packet of tissues? You'll need those later when you see what I got you."

I turned to see Jamie standing with my dad and Edward just at the edge of the living room.

"Later?" I asked.

"Later." Jamie nodded.

I eyed him warily, looking to Edward as if he might know what Jamie had up his sleeve, but all Edward did was shrug and wink. Traitor!

"Who's ready to eat?" my dad asked, showcasing the tray of burgers and hotdogs he had in his hands.

We spent the next few hours munching on food and sharing stories of first time parenthood. Some of the stories were hilarious, but admittedly, some made me anxious about my immediate future. Edward could sense the way my body tensed because he'd run his fingers along my back, just above the waistline. It calmed me. _He _calmed me.

I kept trying to get Jamie to tell me what I needed the tissues for, but he wouldn't budge, and neither would Edward. He was in on it; I knew it.

It would be easier to get Edward to crack than Jamie, so I mockingly pouted at him throughout the evening, giving the puppy dog eyes in a bid to make him cave, but he was like a lock-box and had resorted to trying to distract me.

His little touches, stroking my cheek or catching my pinky to hold hands, as I circulated the room made me warm all over. The love I had for this man was almost uncontainable. The past twelve weeks had been some of the happiest memories with him – ever.

As night descended upon us, the party dwindled until only Jamie, Edward, and myself were left.

"Can you believe all the stuff we got?" Edward asked in wonder.

"I know. Think it'll all fit in the car?"

"Well, why don't I load it all up and take it back to your place. I'll come back to get you when I'm done," Edward suggested.

"Hey, I'll help you," Jamie interjected.

"Okay," Edward agreed a little too quickly.

"I'm on to you, you know. The two of you are up to something." I wagged my finger at them both.

"What if we are?" Jamie goaded, a smirk highlighting his face.

"Whatever. I'll see you later." I kissed Edward goodbye and proceeded to help my mom pick up paper plates and drink cups.

"You girls leave that. I'll clean up. You two just relax," my dad suggested before leaving us alone, walking back to the kitchen with two bags of trash.

"Okay," my mom and I agreed. I collapsed onto the couch and laid my head on the pillows. She sat on the opposite end, pulled my legs across her lap and began to massage my swollen feet.

"How are you, baby girl?"

"Right now, I'm excellent. It's been a really good day, and you're going to put me to sleep if you keep doing that."

She laughed and continued to rub my feet. "How are you and Edward?"

"Great."

"Good. Have you two figured out your living situation yet?"

"No." I sighed. "We probably need to discuss it. The baby will be here soon." I patted my belly as an afterthought.

"What's there to discuss?"

"He asked me to marry him…again," I responded, my voice a bit timid.

She stopped massaging my feet, her hand now resting on my leg.

"It was a couple months ago," I added after a moment, my voice still apprehensive.

"Seeing as how I'm just now hearing about this, I assume you said no. You know, I almost didn't include him in the painting. I was just going to do a portrait of you and the baby because I thought putting him in seemed premature, but I guess not. He's really changed."

I wanted to say something about her almost leaving Edward out of the portrait, but I didn't want to start a fight. In the end, he had been included, and that was all that mattered. "Yeah, I said no. We talked about moving back in together, but I wasn't ready for that either."

"What are you waiting on?"

Her voice was curious, but I couldn't detect any hostility or judgment. It was a far cry from that first dinner. I was glad I could talk to her about Edward and have her give me as near to impartial advice as a mother could.

"I don't know, Mom. I guess I'm just afraid he'll leave again." I hated admitting that, especially after the promises Edward had made to me. Even so, the fear still lingered, and I wasn't sure it would ever go away.

"I can understand that. What he did to you…well, let's just say you have a kinder heart than I do."

I smiled. If it were Dad, she'd probably do exactly what I was doing. "I love him, and I know he screwed up and is trying to make things right. I'm just still afraid."

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Yes." My answer was instantaneous. No thought required.

"Do you plan on leaving him?"

"What?" I raised my head to look at her in shock, but she made me lie back down. "No."

"Do you want him around to help raise your baby?"

"Of course I do. What kind of question is that?"

"Then it sounds to me like you know what you want. You're just letting fear dictate your response over something you can't control. If you're waiting until the stars align or for some great big sign to tell you it'll be okay, then you'll be waiting for the rest of your life. If you know you want him and can't live without him, then don't live without him…in any way."

She was right, and once again, it took the wise words of one of my parents to open my eyes. I lifted my head and glanced at the clock. "They've been gone awhile. I wonder what's taking them so long."

"You had a lot of stuff. If it gets too late, you can sleep in your old room," my mom offered.

"Thanks. I think I'll just wait here on the couch." I pulled the throw blanket around me and rested my eyes as my mom continued to rub my tired feet.

~UrQ~

_A polite round of applause broke out, and my heart swelled seeing E.J. – or Edward as he now liked to be called – accepting his diploma. He stepped to the podium, prepared to give his valedictorian speech._

"_First of all, I'd like to thank my father. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here today, and it's because of him that I've decided to attend medical school. I hope to one day find a cure for…"_

"Bella, Bella…wake up." Edward was shaking me awake. "Hey…there you are."

"Hey." I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I was alone in the living room. My mom must've joined my dad or headed to bed. "What time is it?"

"It's late, but I have something to show you before your birthday is over, if you're up to it."

"Yeah," I said sleepily. "I'm up for it."

"Why the smile? Have a good dream or something?"

"Actually I did. I dreamed E.J. was graduating from high school as the valedictorian." Edward raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, and he was going to medical school. He said he was doing it all for you. I guess you'll be helping him with all his homework." I laughed. Even though I'd already said I didn't believe my dreams to be prophetic, I hoped this one was real. Having Edward around to help our son with his homework through E.J.'s high school years gave me hope. Hope that things would last. That maybe this time we had it right. "Okay, what is it you have to show me? I need to talk to you about something afterward."

"Talk to me? About what?"

"After you show me, okay?"

"Okay. Stand up and turn around."

"Um…"

"Just trust me."

I did as instructed.

"Now close your eyes."

I looked over my shoulder to see him smiling and indicating with his finger for me to turn back around.

"You do realize you're asking a pregnant woman, whose center of gravity has gone the way of her waistline, to close her eyes and walk forward?"

I closed my eyes and immediately felt Edward behind me, whispering in my ear. "You know I'd never let anything happen to you."

I shivered then felt a piece of cloth being draped over my eyes. "Edward, are you blindfolding me?"

"I am. Come on. Take my hand."

I let him guide me to the car and buckle me in. It was a relatively short amount of time before the car stopped at our destination.

"Okay, we're here, but don't take off the blindfold yet."

I took my fingers away from the cloth covering my eyes and allowed him to walk me over what felt like grass, through a door, and up some stairs.

"Just a few more steps. And there. You can take it off now."

I slid the cloth over the back of my head and blinked, my eyes adjusting to the light. Slowly, things began to come into focus. We were in a nursery. There were baby blue walls, a crib, and a changing table, bookcases filled with children's books and stuffed animals, and even a rocking chair.

I walked around in awe, running my fingers over the spines of the books, then feeling the softness of the baby's bed, and finally playing with the toys hanging from the mobile above the crib.

Then I noticed what hung on the wall: the portrait my mom had painted.

Edward stood in the middle of the room, silently watching me. "You like it?"

Did I? It was surprising. A part of me was upset I hadn't gotten to contribute to the nursery, but I was more moved than anything. It was so thoughtful, and after looking around, it seemed that nothing had been missed. Not that I could tell, anyway. Still, there was something I was wondering.

"Where are we?"

He stepped outside the room, right at the edge of the stairs and indicated for me to follow him.

I walked toward him and stopped when recognition dawned. I turned in a slow circle to confirm it. We were in my house – our house, the one we used to live in. He had converted his old office into a nursery.

Then it hit me. The fresh paint job recommended by the realtor – it was all because of Edward. He had orchestrated this.

I looked over the stair rail to see the first floor absent of furniture and expected the walls to be empty as well until I noticed the light over the fireplace and what was hanging above the mantle: one of our wedding photos.

"Edward, I…"

"I know it's a lot, but please let me explain."

"I need to sit down."

Edward helped me to the rocking chair in the nursery, kneeling before me. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I stared into his concerned eyes as mine welled up with tears. "I'm just a little surprised."

"Do you need this?" Edward reached inside my purse and pulled out the packet of tissues Jamie had given me.

"Where is Jamie? Did he have anything to do with this?"

"It was his idea. I might have questioned why he pushed so hard for you to move out in the first place, and he said you didn't really want to sell the house, but he talked you into it. He told me about taking down the wedding pictures and hiding them from view. I mentioned my hopes of coming back here and my vision for the nursery and the house, so he offered to help. He really thought you'd like it. I thought you'd like it. We… neither of us thought you'd be upset. We thought you'd be happy."

I shook my head in disbelief. I was overwhelmed and unprepared to deal with all the emotions and memories that were clamoring for attention in my head.

"I know. I told him what we talked about last month, but he convinced me you just needed time and that you'd come around to love it."

Edward's hands were resting on my legs, caressing me tenderly, trying to soothe the stormy chaos of feelings that was bubbling up and threatening to overflow. I recognized the fear and regret in his eyes, and that uneasiness brought me back to earth.

"What we talked about last month," I muttered.

_We were sitting on my couch, eating Chinese food and watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory._

"_I. Am. Stuffed," Edward said, placing his carton on the coffee table and leaning back against the couch, rubbing his belly._

"_Not me. Eating for two," I said in between bites._

"_I have some leftover if you want it."_

"_This is plenty. Thanks."_

"_So, do you know what tomorrow is," he asked._

_I shrugged. "Your MRI?"_

"_No." He stared at me, waiting for me to get something that apparently I had yet to grasp. "The date, Bella. The date."_

_I put the chopsticks down and leaned back against the couch with him. "What about it?"_

_He turned his head toward me, so we were face to face, our noses practically touching. He kept blinking at me as if there were some code I had to decipher with each close of his eyelids._

"_Today's the twelfth, so that makes tomorrow the thirteen – Oh, the thirteenth. August thirteenth," I said._

"_Yeah."_

_I scooted to the edge and picked up my chopsticks. "Why are you bringing this up?"_

_He joined me, sitting on the edge, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together._

"_What did you do last year?"_

_I stabbed at the noodles with my chopsticks. "You really want to know?"_

"_Yes."_

_I inhaled deeply, blowing a puff of air through my nose. "I drank a bottle of wine and cried myself to sleep." I picked up a noodle and let it slide back down, repeating the motion as if in a trance. "Why do you ask?"_

"_Well, I've been trying to make new memories with you for all the special occasions we missed while we were apart, but I didn't know how you'd feel about tomorrow and whether you'd want me to acknowledge it or not. It's painful for me to think you're no longer my wife because of my failures. I didn't know if you felt the same."_

"Wait right here. I have something I want to show you," he said, bringing me out of my memories.

He left the room, returning moments later carrying a large picture frame. It wasn't just any picture. It was the engagement photo we had enlarged for the wedding, the one that had cracked.

"Look at the corner." He pointed to where the crack used to be. "I had it fixed." He set the frame down against the wall and sat down at my feet. "I don't want us to start over. I want us to fix what was broken. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I want us," he reached out and placed his hand on my abdomen, "all of us to be happy. If you tell me that you can't do it – that you can't live here, then we'll find some other place to live. . . I just want to be with you, no matter how or where you choose to let me do that."

His eyes were so earnest, so real. I couldn't deny him, not any longer.

I thought about every weekend since our fishing date. He'd planned an activity for every major holiday, special occasion, and tradition we had missed during the year we were apart.

He'd recreated the Fourth of July by taking me tailgating and to a baseball game with fireworks. We celebrated my "unbirthday" with dinner and a movie night. He'd made me a CD of his piano compositions, which included the song I heard him play in the music room at his parents' house and a new lullaby for E.J.

One weekend, he took me to a homeless shelter where we prepared and served a meal with other volunteers. I had always wanted to do that for Thanksgiving, but neither of us could convince our families to join in.

The following weekend I came home to find a decorated tree in the apartment, and we had our very own Christmas in July. He was as eager as a five year old on Christmas morning when he gave me my present.

"_This is for you."_

_I walked toward him. "What is it?"_

"_I know how much you love Jane Austen, so I got you the full collection."_

_This was the book I saw in the Cullens' library in Texas, the one Alice said Edward had bought. It was for me. _

_I lovingly fingered the gold inlay of the pages and began to silently read the first page._

_Afterward, we made love in front of the Christmas tree with carols playing on the stereo in the middle of summer._

For our Valentine's date, he bought me maternity lingerie and chocolate, but my most cherished memory was when he'd recreated Easter.

Edward rented out the rose gardens and terrace at his old country club, and he set me to the task of hunting for eggs. Inside each plastic capsule was a favorite quote he'd found in my book. There had to be about one hundred of them.

I shook my head, clearing it of the myriad of thoughts replaying in my mind.

"Okay. I'll…I'll marry you."

"What?" His smile grew big, crinkling his eyes. "I was just asking you to move in."

"I know, but I'm ready. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I'm ready to move in. I'm ready to marry you."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Really."

He stood up and practically yanked me out of the rocking chair, hugging me close and peppering my face with kisses: on my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, my eyelids. "And the house? Do you want to live here with me?"

My face was framed in his hands, so I gave a brief nod and smiled.

"You have made me the happiest man. I love you." His lips met mine in an unhurried and sweet kiss, his forehead resting on mine after our lips parted.

My heart was beating frantically, excited and nervous all the same about taking this leap once again with the man I loved. My mom was right, though. If I kept waiting until everything was perfect, I'd never be ready. It felt good making this decision. We were finally getting it right.

"Oh!" He pulled away from me. "I forgot something in the car. Wait here." He was like an overgrown kid, speaking fast and grinning.

I watched as he ran down the stairs and out the door, all the while rubbing my belly. "You're going to have so much fun with your daddy."

The ringing of my cell phone startled me out of my thoughts. It was almost midnight, and I couldn't imagine who would be calling at this hour. I walked over to my purse and pulled out my phone. "Hello."

"Bella, it's Carlisle. Have you seen Edward? He's not answering his phone."

"Yes, he's just outside. Do you want me to get him?"

"Just have him call me when he gets back."

The carefully controlled tone of his voice had me scared. This wasn't my former father-in-law talking. It was Dr. Carlisle Cullen. "Is everything okay?"

"Just have him call me, please."

The call ended, and I just stood there frozen, the rapid beating of my heart an indication it wasn't a dream. Edward had to be okay. He just had to be. Maybe Carlisle wanted to talk to him about something else.

Edward ran back up the stairs and stopped when he saw me. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." I held out my phone. "Your dad wants you to call him."

He gave me a quizzical look and then held out the book in his hands. "This is for you.

"It's the journal my parents gave me for my birthday. I've been writing down all our memories in it. I've written down the story of us – the reason I fell in love with you, and all the reasons I love you now. I wanted to put down on paper all my hopes and dreams and desires for you and E.J. and the future. I want to always remember what you mean to me and never forget how close I was to losing you. If things should change, and I ever get lost in my head again, I wanted to have this as a reminder to never lose sight of the fact that your love is a gift, and I will live each day cherishing life, cherishing us, cherishing you. "

I sat back down in the rocking chair and opened the beautiful leather book, filled with page after page of his crooked handwriting. I could barely read the words through the tears in my eyes.

I was grounded in the knowledge that Edward and I were nearly healed. Everything he did was with us in mind, and despite this house holding some sad and painful memories, the good far outweighed the bad.

I felt like I was in a fairy tale, and a magic wand was erasing all the hurt and mending the broken pieces of my previously shattered existence. I was being handed a second chance at my happily ever after until the buzzing sound of a missed message alert on Edward's cell phone broke the magic spell.

"Looks like I have some missed calls. Let me check my messages." He held his phone to his ear while I continued reading. From my periphery, I could see him lowering the phone to delete a message and then lifting it back to listen to the next. Each time he did it, the furrow in his brow became more pronounced.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I tried to quell the growing concern in my stomach at seeing his pale face and furrowed brow.

He deleted the last message and looked at me. "You'll marry me? You'll really marry me?"

"Yes." I closed the journal and placed it upon one of the bookshelves before walking over to him. "I will. Are you worried I won't?"

"A little, yeah." He hung his head as if trying to hide his expression from me. It was too late; I had seen the panic in his eyes.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, interlocking our fingers. "Who were the messages from?"

"One was from Dr. Barrow and two were from my dad. I guess I had the phone on silent and didn't realize they'd called me." He lifted his head and met my eyes again. "The tumor has grown, Bella. Dr. Barrow wants to see me in his office tomorrow."

I squeezed his hand tight and said nothing. My perfect, beautiful day was now marred by this news.

Jamie was right about one thing. I needed the packet of tissues, but not for the reason he thought I would.

**Please accept my apologies for the delay in this chapter. Some of you know that I've been dealing with some health issues, but I'm hoping most of it has been resolved now. Good news: there are only two more chapters and then the epilogue, so hopefully, you won't have to wait too much longer for me to wrap this story up.**

**As for review replies, I am behind. I WILL get to them; it'll just take some time.**

**I'd love to see what you think about this story so far.**


	21. Chapter Twenty: After Afterall

**I don't own it; Stephenie Meyer does.**

**Please enjoy, and remember all mistakes are mine. And, oh, Team Unrequited rocks!**

A slow and steady beeping noise resonated at the edges of my consciousness. I opened my eyes and immediately squinted, groaning at the brightness of the fluorescent lights above my head. Once my eyes adjusted, I took in my surroundings.

I lay in a hospital bed, the tubing for the intravenous fluids taped to the top of my left hand and a belt wrapped around my abdomen to monitor the baby. I turned my head to scrutinize the monitor and met with relief a consistent pattern of ups and downs, indicating my baby's vital signs were okay.

Edward lounged in a hard plastic chair, perched against the railing at the foot of the hospital bed. His eyes were closed, and his head was resting on his propped up hand.

I stared at the rise and fall of his chest, the disarray of his hair, and the shadows of an early stage beard, taking solace in the fact he was with me – for now.

I vaguely remembered waking up during the night, but I was so disoriented, I couldn't process what had happened. The drug-induced haze I felt before had dissipated though, and I could recall the beginnings of an anxiety attack after Edward had checked his phone messages back at the house. I remembered the woozy feeling of lightheadedness and the shallow breaths that followed before darkness overtook me.

We'd had three good months of nothing to report: his tumor hadn't grown, and the side effects of his treatments were minimal. Now all the fears I'd carefully tried to contain came bubbling to the surface – hot, raw, and real. His tumor _had_ grown back, and I wasn't sure what it meant. My mind ran through the deluge of possible scenarios: another round of radiation therapy or another craniotomy. Or death.

The monitors began to beep more rapidly behind my head, my pulse pounding in my ears.

No! Stop. Stop. Stop.

I couldn't think like that. I pulled in a deep breath and rolled to my left side, blowing the air out slowly and inhaling again.

Remaining positive was half the battle. Wassn't that what Dr. Barrow always said?

One thing I knew for sure: "I hate hospitals."

Edward stirred, having heard me. He looked exhausted, but I could tell his droopy eyes were happy to see me awake. He stood up and scooted the chair around my bed, sitting back down beside me. "How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"You fainted."

"I figured as much," I said, clearing my throat. "How long have I been here?"

"Just a day."

My brow furrowed in confusion. It was light outside. I wondered what time it was. How had I lost a whole day? A twinge of panic returned as the dark thought that I may not have as many days left with him as I'd hoped entered my head.

As if reading my mind, Edward explained. "You came to, but you kept mumbling about tumors and the baby. Your blood pressure spiked, so they gave you something to sedate you. Don't worry; it's safe for you and the baby." He reached out and squeezed my hand, trying to reassure me.

It took me a moment to relax. But when I did, I felt fine, so I assumed the baby was, too. I was more worried about Edward. "How are _you_?"

His lips formed a tight line, and the pressure of his hand on mine increased. "My dad and Dr. Barrow are going to meet me at," he answered, glancing at his wristwatch, "in about an hour. I told them I wouldn't leave you, so they'll come here to the room."

"I feel so tired."

"That's understandable. You didn't get the best news yesterday, and you're growing a human." Edward smiled faintly. "Get some rest, and I'll wake you when they arrive."

I dozed off and on after that, Edward never leaving my side, until Carlisle and Dr. Barrow arrived.

I raised the bed to a sitting position and watched as Edward greeted his doctor with a handshake and his dad with a hug before resuming his seat. They remained standing.

There was a brief period of silence, during which each man seemed to size up the situation, all of them reluctant to speak.

I smacked my hands down beside me. "Oh, just out with it already. What's the game plan?"

Dr. Barrow seemed taken back by my assertiveness, but Carlisle and Edward shared knowing smirks. Carlisle then glanced at Dr. Barrow and motioned with his hand for him to begin.

He clutched the clipboard in his hands and focused on Edward. "As you know, the tumor has grown quite significantly in the four weeks since your last MRI. I feel at this—"

"Wait," I interrupted. "What caused it to grow? We were doing fine these past couple of months. What changed?"

Dr. Barrow never kept things from us. He was open and honest and had mapped out every aspect of Edward's treatment in both technical and laymen's terms all throughout this process. Until now, I hadn't asked many questions because the news had always been positive and hopeful. Despite the fact I was the one lying in a hospital bed, he addressed me without hesitation or sugar coating. I trusted him, and I was sure he could see in my eyes that I believed Edward's life rested in his hands alone.

"I can't say for sure, but I'd venture a guess that the radiation contributed to the growth," Dr. Barrow explained.

"The radiation?" I was now more confused. "Didn't the radiation work to _shrink_ the tumor at first? And he had his last treatment over two months ago."

"Bella." Edward scooted to the edge of his seat, taking my hand in his. "Sometimes, due to the nature of the radiation, it can have the opposite intended effect. In this case, causing abnormal growth instead of shrinkage. Just think about tumors and cancers that sprang up due to Chernobyl. I've pretty much had radioactive material aimed at my head." He shook his head, taking in the horrific look on my face. "No, that's a bad example. No one really knows why radiation can work to both shrink and make a tumor grow. I knew the risk before beginning the treatments."

"But it _did_ work. It shrank your tumor. I don't understand." My ability to process this information was sluggish at best; the sedatives were still clouding my brain.

Edward smiled, shaking his head again. It wasn't meant to be condescending, but I took it as such. I didn't have a medical degree. How silly of me to assume everything was okay when all this time, Edward's tumor had been threatening to upend our whole world.

Since we'd been back together, I had been kept in the loop on all his treatments, but some of these outcomes must have been discussed before we had reconciled. In a way, I felt blindsided.

I tried to swallow the bile rising in my throat and asked as calmly as I could, "So what do we do now?" I wasn't sure if anyone heard me. The words were strained, and my voice was hoarse with fear.

Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "I fight it, Bella. We fight it. We aren't out of options yet. I've got too much to live for." He held my palm to his cheek, never taking his eyes from mine.

"So, Doc, what's next? What do you suggest?" Edward asked.

Carlisle and Dr. Barrow exchanged a look before the doctor answered. "I'd recommend going back in to extract what we can, though this time, I'd like to try a new therapy during surgery."

Based on their reaction, I expected Edward and Carlisle had both been anticipating surgery but hadn't heard of this new therapy. They usually nodded along with Dr. Barrow when he spoke, but now their expression mirrored my own, and we all waited anxiously for him to elaborate.

"While in surgery, I'd like to experiment with cell therapy in hopes of tricking the tumor into thinking it's brain tissue instead of cancer." He paused but only briefly. "Studies have proven bone marrow to be pretty successful, but our best chances would be with…"

His explanation trailed off, and one by one, the three of them turned their attention to me. The hesitation was palpable.

"What? What is our best chance?" I asked, my heart racing with anticipation.

Dr. Barrow let out a breath and answered. "The best chance we have is with a specimen that contains at least fifty percent of Edward's DNA."

Fifty percent? What were the odds of that happening? I shook my head, trying to fathom the odds of finding a match like that. That only left his parents and maybe Jasper.

The men stared at me: Dr. Barrow looked from my abdomen to my face, Carlisle offered me a gentle smile, and Edward raised an eyebrow.

Then I got it, my baby and his cord blood. That was Edward's best chance. My hands wrapped around my belly. "But I'm not due for another eight weeks."

Carlisle spoke up for the first time. "Let's hope we have enough time to wait 'til then." His solemnity was sobering.

~UrQ~

The next few weeks proved to be nothing short of chaotic.

My parents' house became command central for all things wedding, baby, and Edward related.

Since I had agreed to re-marry Edward, Esme and my mother were insistent upon having a small ceremony to re-do our vows. Both Edward and I would've been happy with going to a Justice of Peace. But my mother had seemed genuinely disappointed when we mentioned it, and Esme was a little appalled by the idea of a Cullen wedding being held at the courthouse, even if it was our second time around.

I let it go. Determined not to let stress put me on bed rest, or worse, back in the hospital, I ceded control of the details to our mothers. It made them happy and kept me calm.

Planning a wedding ceremony wasn't where their reign extended, however. Enlisting Jamie's help, along with some rookies from my dad's precinct, our mothers systematically arranged to have my and Edward's belongings moved from our respective apartments into the house we had once, and now again, shared.

Tonight would be our first night back in the house, but we wouldn't be alone. Jasper and Alice were flying into town and would be staying with us.

Edward was at the house setting up the guest room and awaiting the arrival of his new piano. When I had moved out of the house, all of his collectible items were donated to the Police Chief's auction, and his piano was donated to the school where my mother worked. A huge part of me felt guilty at having purged myself of his belongings, but Edward wouldn't let me wallow in self-blame. He reiterated that they were just things, though his words didn't have quite the same sting as the last time he uttered them.

Now that he had a permanent place to put it and piano accompaniment had become his new career, Edward bought a new piano as a house warming present to himself. He was super excited about the delivery, and I was just pleased to see a smile on his face again; they'd been few and far between since we had discovered his tumor had grown back.

Since he was at the house, I was relegated to picking up Jasper and Alice from the airport. It would be the first time I had talked to Jasper since he drove me away from the Cullens' house _that_ night and the first time I'd talked to Alice since my angry outburst at her during the party.

The airport was crowded and busy, as usual. I parked on an upper level and waddled toward baggage claim to wait for Jasper and Alice.

I saw his blond curly hair above the other heads in the crowd. He disappeared to the baggage carousel to retrieve a suitcase, and I noticed Alice standing nearby, talking on a cell phone.

I stood next to the closest doorway, waiting for them to head in my direction. Jasper saw me first, his eyes widening as they roamed over me, focusing on my rotund belly.

He stopped and flashed me a smile, his mouth curling upward the same way Edward's did, a brotherly trait they shared.

Alice halted right behind him, glancing around to see why he had stopped when she noticed me too. Her wide eyes were accompanied with a shriek of delight as she dropped her suitcase and all but hurled herself at me.

"Oh my God, Bella! You are so…" she pulled away and gawked at my belly, "…pregnant."

I laughed and hugged her back. "So I've been told."

"You look so great. I'm so happy for you. I can't believe you're having a baby. Esme will finally get a grandbaby and quit hassling me for one." She smiled and placed her hands on my tummy.

I'd grown accustomed to this invasion of my personal space, so I tried not to let it bother me. Besides, given the reason she was here, I'd allow her just about anything – no matter how I had felt about her previously. I had promised myself I would let go of the past.

On the ride back to the house, Jasper took the backseat, allowing Alice to sit up front with me. She chattered almost non-stop about varying topics, including her excitement at seeing the nursery and her anticipation at finally becoming an aunt.

Occasionally, I'd catch a glimpse of Jasper's smile in the rearview mirror, his eyes shining with deep affection as he listened to his wife exuberantly detail all the things she planned to do as an aunt.

Alice was always overly ambitious in any endeavor she tackled. I guessed spoiling her nephew would be no different. I only worried how she planned to do these things while living in a separate state. Did she plan on flying out to Atlanta often?

Alice paused long enough, giving me time to actually get a word in. "Jasper, you're letting your hair grow out?"

Alice turned to look at him as he ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I don't have to keep it short since I won't be counseling this year."

"I can't believe you took a whole year off."

"I wouldn't have it any other way; he's my brother."

The atmosphere in the car quickly went from lighthearted and airy to grave and oppressive, all of us falling silent.

Clearing her throat, Alice asked, "Have Carlisle and Esme's tests come back yet?"

"Neither matched," I answered.

Jasper heaved a sigh. "Well, that's why I'm here. They said a sibling has the best chance of matching anyway, right?"

I gave a half smile and made eye contact with Jasper in the rearview mirror, his smile as halfhearted as mine.

"Actually, they said the baby has the best chance of matching, but they're not sure we can wait until he's born. That's why they're testing bone marrow. It's the next best thing," I explained.

"So how does this all work?" Alice asked.

"From what I understand, it'll be like the surgery he had in Texas. They'll try to remove the tumor, except this time, they'll inject stem cells into the tumor remnant...if there is one, and see if they can make the tumor think it's not a tumor anymore."

Jasper spoke up from the backseat. "Yeah, Edward said it's like a _new_ cell, so hopefully they can trick the tumor into thinking the new cells are actually brain cells. Wild, huh?"

"These _new_ cells are the stem cells?" Alice asked.

I nodded.

"And you get them from bone marrow?"

"That and umbilical cords," I answered her.

"Really?" She seemed surprised.

"Yeah," I said, driving with one hand and using the other to rub over my belly, an instinctual move. "Dr. Barrow said it's the best chance we have since they'll be so genetically similar. The baby isn't due for a few weeks though, so we have to wait – against Dr. Barrow's wishes."

"What do you mean?" Jasper leaned forward, his head between Alice's and mine.

"Well, Dr. Barrow wants to do the surgery right away, but Edward thinks we'll be better off if we wait until after the baby is born."

"Is that safe?"

I glanced at Alice. Her face held the same fears as the rest of ours had when Edward first told us of his plan. "So far he's been fine. Just frequent headaches, but nothing incapacitating." I didn't elaborate on how Edward was receiving more frequent MRIs to measure the tumor's worrisome growth rate.

Alice looked troubled. I couldn't blame her. She was probably thinking the same thing we all had at one point. We all hoped Edward could survive that long.

A change of subject was in order. "They're probably still in the process of unpacking the kitchen at the house, so we're having dinner at my parents'. Is it okay if we head on over there, or do you need to rest and freshen up?"

Jasper chuckled. "Freshen up. Nah, we can go on over. I haven't seen them in forever. Your dad still have the 'stache?"

I let out a hearty laugh. "Did you know I've never seen him without that thing, and neither has my mom!"

"Oh, yay!" Alice said. "I can't wait to see them; it's been so long."

I parked along the street because my parents' driveway was packed with cars. As we neared the front door, I heard the distinct sounds of a baby crying.

"You hear that?" I asked Alice and Jasper, wondering whose baby that was.

They both shrugged as I opened the door.

The sight before me was simultaneously confusing and hilarious. My parents stood in the entryway between the living room and kitchen, my mom in stitches, and my dad smiling with his arms crossed over his chest. There sprawled out on a changing pad, arms and legs flailing, was a naked baby, quite startled by the hulking man in a surgical mask towering above her. I'm not sure who was squealing more, the man or the baby. That's when I noticed the blonde woman beside him, bent over a tote bag, tossing wipes and a diaper onto the table and barking orders.

It took me a few moments for me to recognize the blonde as Rosalie, which meant the masked man had to be Emmett.

"Baby, this is toxic stuff right here." He held up a dirty diaper as proof of his claim.

I scanned the rest of the living room and saw Esme, red-faced and near hysterics, leaning against an amused Carlisle, wiping away the tears from her eyes.

Emmett handed the screaming baby to his wife, stood tall, and removed his mask. "Oh, hi, Bella."

"Emmett, Rosalie…what are you doing here?" I asked, moving further into the room along with Alice and Jasper.

"Well, hello to you too," Rosalie said, holstering the baby on her hip, leaning in to greet me with a hug.

I felt the heat in my cheeks, realizing what I'd just said. "I'm sorry. I just meant…I didn't expect. I mean—"

"Bella, relax," Emmett instructed, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "You think I'd let Jasper have all the fun? I came to get my bone marrowed and throw a bachelor party." Emmett reached out to give Jasper a fist bump, and I rolled my eyes. "And of course I had to show off my new baby. She's gonna give your little guy some football pointers."

"_Our_ baby...and no bachelor parties," Rose corrected.

Carlisle and Esme rose from the couch and hugged Alice and Jasper, offering them their seats.

"Emmett practically insisted he come out to get tested and to be here for the wedding, of course. I asked your parents, and they invited them over for dinner tonight," Esme explained. "We thought it'd be a nice surprise for you and Edward. Where is he, by the way?"

"He's right here," Edward answered, stepping through the door behind Jamie. Both of them were sweaty, their shirts clinging to their bodies. "We are officially moved in and _almost_ all the way unpacked." Edward slumped into the nearest chair and wiped his face off on his shirt.

It took him a few moments to acknowledge Emmett and Rosalie's presence, his eyes going wide and his smile growing big. He got up again to shake Emmett's hand, but Emmett pulled him in for a hug instead.

"You know what causes that, don't you?" Emmett asked, pointing at my belly.

"Shut up, you dumbass," Edward retorted. Then he noticed his brother.

The two men embraced, both of them silently clinging to one another, the reality of why Jasper was in town no doubt weighing heavily on their minds.

The two men separated, each clearing their throats and standing tall as if to shake off their moment of vulnerability.

A round of introductions was made between Jamie and Emmett and Rosalie.

Eventually, we all settled down in the dining room, munching on the lasagna my dad had made and catching up with each other.

Carlisle and Esme had leased a townhome near the hospital, finally moving out of their hotel suite. I imagined Esme was itching to create a nursery of her own for E.J.

I wondered what they were going to do with their house and respective jobs in Texas. Carlisle had already mentioned he had taken a sabbatical, and Esme didn't really work. Still, I wondered about the house. Were they moving to Atlanta permanently to be close to Edward and their grandbaby?

Alice had all but confirmed that's what she and Jasper were doing on the drive over here. The company she worked for had its corporate headquarters in Atlanta, and Jasper could work as a high school counselor anywhere. Though technically, he didn't need to work either; he had a trust fund just like Edward did.

Emmett and Rosalie weren't moving, but they planned to stay in Atlanta at least until the baby was born. If I kept to my due date, they'd be out here for a little over three weeks.

On the one hand, I was extremely grateful for the love and support everyone had shown and continued to show. Yet, I simultaneously dreaded the circumstances which precipitated the need.

After dinner, we all congregated in the living room for coffee and dessert.

My dad allowed me to sit in his recliner while everyone else occupied the couch, loveseat, and floor.

Emmett and Rosalie sat across from me with Rosalie holding the baby in her lap. I watched as Emmett leaned over, blowing raspberries onto his daughter's belly, her laughter echoing throughout the room.

The sight was endearing and brought a smile to my face, but it quickly faded as I thought of the very real possibility that Edward would never get to do that with E.J.

I set my bowl of ice cream down on the side table and rubbed my palms in soothing circles across my abdomen. It frightened me to think of a future without Edward in it, but I just couldn't purge the thoughts from mind.

I was lost in my head when Rosalie and Alice invited me to join them outside.

"Here." Rosalie held out her hand. "Let's go talk."

I let them help me from the recliner and followed them out onto the patio. The night air was brisk and cool, but it felt nice on my overheated skin.

We all settled into patio chairs surrounding a table, and I sat silently, watching Alice and Rose watch me.

"Why are you staring at me?" I finally asked.

"No reason." Rose put her elbows on the table and propped her head up, studying my face. "Just wondering when you're going to tell us what's wrong. Do you need someone to talk to?"

"What? Nothing's wrong."

"Sure there is," Rose replied matter of fact. "You're two weeks away from re-marrying your ex-husband, three weeks away from giving birth to your first child, and there's no telling how long until Edward has to go back under the knife to try and remove a brain tumor. There's plenty wrong. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, Bella. I can feel your stress from over here."

Alice glanced from Rose to me. "I think what she means to say is that you can vent to us, tell us how you really feel."

"I'm fine." I sighed. "I'm just waiting for this little one to make his appearance." I patted my belly.

"I bet Edward is too," Alice said. "He wants to wait to have surgery until the baby's born, right?"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "But we're still testing for bone marrow matches, just in case."

"Who all's been tested?" Rose asked.

"Some teachers at my mom's school and some guys that work with my dad."

"And none of them matched?" Rose leaned forward in her chair.

"No." I tried to hide the crack in my voice.

"But that's why Jasper is here." Alice placed her hand on my forearm. 'They're brothers. There's a greater chance they'll match."

"It doesn't matter if he does; Edward doesn't want the surgery until the baby is born. I really don't want to talk about this." I shook my head and shut my eyes, leaning back in the chair.

"I think it will help if you talk about it," Rose insisted. "You know, Edward still calls Emmett almost every day. He's not keeping things bottled up any more. You shouldn't either."

I liked her no nonsense way of handling things. It was something I admired about her when I met her, but I couldn't handle her agitations at the moment.

Alice spoke up, trying to offer another point of view. "Maybe he's just saying that because no one has matched yet. Maybe if someone does, he'll change his mind."

"I don't know. I just want him to be okay." I looked from Alice to Rose before turning my eyes upward and biting my lip, trying not to cry. "I want him to be able to complain about dirty diapers. I want him to be able to hold his baby and blow raspberries on his belly. I want him to be able to hear the first time our baby calls him Daddy. I want Edward to see E.J. coming home from school with homework that only Edward can help with. I want him to have it all, and I'm not sure he will." My shoulders slumped, my burdensome thoughts weighing me down.

Alice tried to reassure me. "He will."

"You can't know that, Alice." I snapped, immediately feeling remorse upon seeing the hurt on her face. Her eyes glistened as my own tears began to fall. This was why I didn't talk much. I ended up a blubbering mess over TV commercials, let alone dealing with my deepest worries. These hormones were wreaking havoc on my emotions.

"I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. I just feel so… so helpless or hopeless or both. It's one thing losing Edward when it was just me…eventually I could cope. I did cope. Now I'm not alone. I can't fall apart if the worst happens. Someone else is going to be depending on me. Doing this all alone is what scares me the most."

I sniffled and sucked air in staccato gasps, trying to catch my breath.

"And then I feel selfish and guilty for feeling this way. Edward's the one with death staring him in the face, but he shows no fear. I'm amazed at his strength. I told him we'd do this together, and it's not fair to fall apart on him."

"First of all, sweetie, you are _not_ going to be alone. There is a houseful of people in there who will make sure that never happens. And this is what we were waiting for you to tell us. Do you feel any better?" Rose smirked.

"I hate you sometimes," I said. "Though I'm also pretty sure I love you, so after all of this is sorted out, please make sure we keep in touch." I had a feeling I would need her support.

"Of course, and if it's worth anything, I believe that God's not that much of a bastard that he wouldn't let you and Edward have a happily ever after, especially after all you've been through."

"I hope you're right."

~UrQ~

I couldn't exactly call God a bastard, but I wasn't particularly happy with him, either.

Emmett wasn't a match, and neither was Jasper, further cementing Edward's resolve to wait until after the baby was born to have the surgery.

His latest MRI – the only one since we discovered his tumor had returned – had shown further growth of his tumor, approximately half a centimeter in four weeks.

That bit of news alarmed me, sending my thoughts into a tailspin of doom. Edward tried to assure me he was okay or that he would be okay, but I had a hard time clinging to his hopeful reassurances.

He looked fine, and he said he felt fine, so all I could do was wait.

Wait.

Wait for E.J. to be born so he could save his father's life. That's what we were all banking on.

I tried to speed up the process by following the advice of some old wives' tales: eating eggplant parmesan, doing squats, having sex, and getting pregnancy massages. Nothing worked, but the latter two helped to alleviate some stress.

Esme and my mom tried to keep me busy with mundane wedding tasks, with just two days to go. Or they'd try to get me to make plans for Thanksgiving, which was less than a month away. I didn't want to partake in either.

How do you plan for a future you're not sure you'll have?

Surprisingly, Alice and Jasper staying with us didn't further agitate me. Jasper disappeared with Edward and Emmett on most days. Once he and Jasper recovered from the bone marrow tests, the guys would blow off steam and work out or watch sports. I could tell they were both trying to make sure Edward's physical and mental well being were as healthy as possible with his surgery on the horizon.

Alice kept me company while the boys bonded, which gave us a chance to reconnect and get past old wounds.

At first, she wouldn't allow me to properly apologize for my outburst in Texas, but upon my insistence, she relented. She allowed me to explain the betrayal and confusion I'd felt at the whole Carmen situation and my assumption of her complicity in it all.

The conversation ended with both of us in tears, which wasn't surprising. Throughout my pregnancy, I'd found tears to be par for the course. However, seeing Alice torn up over the possibility that her actions might've complicated things further between Edward and me really did a number on me.

Jasper and Edward arrived home to find Alice and I embracing through our tears. Both men were startled, not sure if they should interrupt until we assured them we were okay. Then we all got cleaned up and headed over to my parents' house for dinner.

Since Emmett and Rosalie had arrived in town, we'd spent the evenings at my parents' house. The men cooked and the women cleaned, except for me.

While I appreciated the concern, having people constantly fussing over me or ordering me around grew tiresome. One evening – after hours of answering to "How are you feeling?" or "Did you eat enough?" or "Do you need to rest your feet?" – I snapped at my mother.

"I'm pregnant; I'm not dying."

Like a slow-motion scene from a movie playing out before me, the activity around me stopped. I could practically hear the screeching of tires in my head, hear the train squealing to a halt on the tracks. Everything and everyone became silent.

Realizing what I'd said, I immediately tried to apologize, but my words were drowned out by my own tearful sobs. I couldn't believe how careless I had been. I wasn't dying, but there was a very real chance that Edward was. Plus, how incredibly ungrateful of me to not appreciate my mother's care and consideration.

I hid my face behind my hands until Edward pried them open.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" His voice was soft, and he looked at me in that way that told me he knew I just needed it to be him and me. Alone. Together.

I nodded and offered him a faint smile.

Holding my hand in his, he announced his intentions to the room. "I haven't had any real alone time with my wife, so we're gonna head out. We'll see you all later."

"She's not your wife for another two days, so don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Shut up, Emmett," Edward replied, his tone of voice serious but not angry. "She's always been my wife, no matter what a piece of paper says or what boneheaded move I made," he said, raising our joined hands to his lips to place a kiss on my knuckles.

We waved our goodbyes and made a hasty exit toward the car.

Once in the car, we both exhaled and gazed at each other with understanding.

"You okay?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, I will be. Where are we going? Home?"

"I figured we could walk around the river."

"It's dark."

"There's a flashlight in the trunk…or maybe it's in the glovebox."

I opened the compartment and rummaged through it. "It's probably in the trunk; it's not here, but our marriage license is." I held it up for him to see.

"Damn. I keep forgetting to bring it in the house."

I shrugged. "It's probably safe here."

"Hey," he reached out and brushed his fingers across my cheek, "you better?"

I leaned into his touch. "Yeah, now that it's just you and me. I love our families, but I've missed being alone with you."

He put the car in gear and pulled out of my parents' driveway. Then he reached out and held my hand over the center console, driving with his left hand. "I'm here now, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

The drive was silent for the first few miles as I gazed out the window. Eventually, I muttered, "And you better stay here." It wasn't really a command for Edward but more of a plea to God.

"Not a chance." He squeezed my hand. "I'm not through loving you yet."

"To infinity and beyond." I smiled at him before turning to look out the window again.

"That's right to infinity and OW! Oh my God! Shit!" He jerked his hand out of mine and pressed it to his eye.

"Edward..."

"Take the wheel." He grunted, his hand still pressed to his head.

"What?" I looked around the car, frozen in place, watching this happen to him.

"Take the wheel, Bella!" he shouted.

I didn't know what to be more alarmed about: his excruciating pain or the fact he yelled at me, but I didn't have time to dwell on it. The car was already starting to swerve.

"Put on the brakes," I instructed, steering the car to the right. "I'm putting the car in neutral. Edward…take your foot off the gas. Edward!"

I glanced at him. He had both palms over his eyes, and his back was arching up from the seat.

"Oh my God, Edward. Oh my God."

It was difficult, but I forced my leg between Edward's, pushing his out of the way, so I could use the brakes. I was practically sitting on Edward, but my belly kept hitting the steering wheel, so I couldn't fully take over, and hearing Edward's grunts grow in frequency and volume right at my ear, didn't make the task any easier.

With one foot on the brake as I partially hovered over the center console, I switched gears and tried to straighten the car out as it coasted to a stop on the shoulder of the road. I put the car in park, maneuvered myself back to my seat, and turned my attention to Edward, who was breathing heavily and groaning. Small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead.

"Edward…" I tentatively placed my hand on his, but he jerked away from me.

I whimpered and wiped the tears from my face. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God."

A sudden knock on the window sent my already racing heart into overdrive. I let the window down to see a middle-aged woman asking if we were okay and if we needed emergency assistance.

"Yes, please call 911. I…I don't know where I'm at." I felt so stupid, not thinking to call an ambulance immediately.

I looked over to Edward again, his hands still planted over his face, and his breaths were even but forced, similar to what I'd been learning in Lamaze class with him. "I'm getting out of the car, but I'm right here. Okay, Edward? I'm right here."

I got out of the car but stood just outside of the passenger door. I dialed my dad's cell phone and caught my bearings. Once I recognized where we were, I described what was going on.

He told me not to worry and hung up. Seconds later, my mom called from her cell phone and explained that my dad was calling to request a police escort for Edward.

I peeked inside the car to see Edward in the same position, his grunts of pain becoming more pronounced.

"Just tell them to hurry, Mom."

"They're on their way, baby girl."

"I know. I hear the sirens now. Mom…" I began to cry again. "I'm so scared."

"Oh, hun, I know you are. We're all on our way. We'll meet you at the hospital. You're not alone in this."

"Stay on the phone with me…please."

"I won't hang up. I'm leaving the house now. Your dad's still on the phone and will follow behind me."

"They're here."

The ambulance came to a stop, and two paramedics exited. One came walking toward me, but I indicated with my finger for him to check out Edward.

My mom stayed on the line as I silently watched the paramedic kneeling beside Edward. After a brief exchange, Edward made a move to exit the car, but his knees buckled, and his hands flew to his head again.

"Edward!" I yelled out, stepping forward as if I could catch him. Luckily, the paramedic did.

"Bella, what happened?" My mom's voice was calm and collected, a striking contrast to my frantic fettle.

"Nothing. The paramedic was able to catc– OW! Oh, my God! OW! Ow, ow, ow, ow…" Involuntarily my stomach tensed, my free hand flying to my abdomen for support.

My mom kept asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't catch my breath enough to tell her; the cramping was too intense.

I felt a warm trickle between my legs. The sensation was odd; I wondered for a moment if I'd lost control of my bladder. Then a gush of liquid streamed down my legs and puddled at my feet.

"Mom…I think my water just broke, and there's blood in it."

**I'm really sorry to leave here like this. My original plan was to post this chapter and the final one back to back, but it's taken me longer than anticipated to wrap up the final chapter. So please forgive me for posting with an ending like this. Just know that the final chapter is being revised. I hope to have it ready by Father's Day.**

**There's also an epilogue. That should be ready to post right after the final chapter posts. *crosses fingers***

**Please forgive the delay, and please forgive me if I haven't responded to your reviews. I will definitely respond to every review for this chapter, the final chapter, and the epilogue. Also, reviewers will get a song teaser for the next chapter. Let's just say that the lyrics are particularly poignant and appropriate.**

**That's enough for now! I'd love to know what you think so far.**


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: Live Forever

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. We all know who does.**

**So I FINALLY finished the story. This is the last chapter, and the epilogue will follow. I'm going to do all of my 'thank yous' and ANs in this chapter. The epilogue will stand alone. I hope it's been worth the wait. I apologize for the delay, but real life got in the way, and I just wanted to get it right - according to my vision.**

**I am so very sorry for not being able to respond to all the reviews left for my story during my hiatus. Please know that I read them all, and I appreciate your support and encouragement. I will respond to all reviews left for this final chapter and the epilogue, no matter how long it takes me. **

**Enough of that, enjoy the story. Scroll to the end for my AN and thank you notes. Merry Christmas!**

***Remember, all mistakes are mine.***

There are people who measure time in days, hours, and minutes and watch each one tick by.

Five years.

Sixty months.

Two hundred sixty weeks.

One thousand, eight hundred, twenty-six days.

Forty-three thousand, eight hundred hours.

Two million, six hundred, and twenty-eight thousand minutes.

A lot can happen in five years.

The world can change in that time. Governments reform their policies. Technology becomes smaller, faster, and more powerful. Trends gain and lose favor.

But that's all external, and therefore easy to track. Internal shifts, like those of person's perspectives, priorities, and goals, aren't always so visible to the casual observer.

I was given the same number of seconds and minutes in my day as everyone else. It was what I chose to do with that time that made a difference. It made a difference in who I was and in the person I was molding E.J. to be.

When something significant happens, something so profound it changes the way you thought about everything – every action, every decision, every choice you ever made and ever will make – you find yourself capable of transformation. One can only hope that the transformation brings out the best in you. I was pretty confident it brought out the best in me. It just took a while.

Part of my transformation lay in my perspective and attitude. In the last five years, I'd had countless moments that helped me change both. However, in terms of a catalyst to alter my whole life, nothing compared to the influence of my child.

Just as there are those that measure time in units, there are those who perceive time as a series of moments. If we're lucky, those moments become invaluable memories. Life essentially boils down to memories and the adventures and people who helped us create them. It's those moments that make life worth living.

And in a child's world, there aren't many events as important as a fifth birthday party. It's one of the first milestones they understand. It's a time when they are starting school and making friends. They learn to read and write and explore and absorb the world around them. They lose teeth and find their independence. Every discovery they make is profound.

E.J. was no different. I didn't want to miss any of his discoveries or observations. I didn't want to miss his moments.

The past few days had actually been the first time I hadn't been there to tuck him in at night. I didn't sing to him or read him a bedtime story. He handled it better than me. I couldn't take another night away, though, which was why I found myself rushing from the airport and fighting through traffic to make it home before his bedtime.

I mentally catalogued a checklist of all the things that needed to get done before his birthday tomorrow. This party was a very big deal to him. It would be the first time he'd had a large group of friends from the neighborhood to invite, in addition to his extended family.

I stared at the red taillights in front of me and mentally itemized balloons, cake, goody bags, streamers, pizza, bounce houses, and the games I had planned. I thought about presents and cake and candles, and my mind wandered. It was impossible to ponder E.J.'s birthday without also eventually thinking about his birth.

_Five Seconds._

_I shouldn't have felt anything__**, **__but I thought I could still feel my toes. This shouldn't have happened like this. _

_I stared at the white ceiling and the blinding lights shining down on my face. It was so hot in here. I needed Edward. I needed my mom. I was alone. _

_My heart was racing, crashing, pounding out of my chest. The nasal cannula smelled funny. There were too many nurses. There were too many doctors. I only recognized two of them. I wasn't familiar with this operating room. It wasn't a part of the maternity ward. _

_I felt tugging – it was the strangest sensation – and pulling. Then it was over, and I saw him with a doctor and a nurse out of the corner of my eye. He was red and bloody, but underneath he was white. Too white. _

_I wanted to hold him. I couldn't – my arms were strapped down under the sheet. I wanted to hear him, but I couldn't. _

_Five seconds. _

_Five excruciating seconds went by. _

_Then he wailed. It was the sound of my relief. _

_Then I began to shiver. It was freezing. They covered me in a hot blanket before they took him away. I was surrounded by people, yet all alone. Again._

The cars ahead finally began to move again, and it was obvious what had caused the delay. The flashing lights of police cars and an ambulance came into view. A brief twinge of anxiety made my breath hitch.

_Five Minutes._

_It took the ambulance only five minutes to get to the hospital. Paramedics understood the significance of those five minutes. Three hundred seconds. Each second measured by my increasing panic and anxiety. _

_Dr. Barrow met us immediately, barking out orders to get both Edward and me prepped for surgery right away. I was whisked in one direction and Edward in the other. _

_The pain from my contractions was nothing compared to the fear I was drowning in. _

Was Edward okay? Would he be okay?

I shook off my uneasiness and drove past the accident, speeding along with the rest of the commuters to make up lost time. I glanced at the clock and knew I was cutting it close. I debated calling to tell him I was coming home early but decided to wait so it would be a surprise.

I pulled into my driveway and smiled when I noticed the light on in the window of the upstairs bedroom. I set my suitcase down in the foyer as quietly as I could and climbed the stairs.

"Come on, squirt. Bed time." Jamie patted the bed, and E.J. climbed atop, situating himself under the covers Jamie held up for him.

"I'm not a squirt. Nana Esme says I'm big."

"She says you're tall, not big."

"I'm still not a squirt." E.J.'s scrunched up face was indignant.

I put my hand to my mouth in an effort to stifle my laugh, not wanting to alert them to my presence just yet. I stood there silently in the hallway, watching as Jamie got my almost five-year-old ready for bed.

It was hard to believe this was the same room Edward and Jamie had made into a nursery over five years ago as a birthday present to me. The walls had been repainted. The crib was gone. Baseballs, footballs and soccer balls replaced teddy bears, ducks, and wooden blocks.

E.J. stretched and yawned, and I wondered how long it would take for his little body to outgrow his twin bed. Esme was right; E.J. _was_ tall. It was the first thing she said every time she laid eyes on him.

_Five hours._

_After my cesarean, they moved me out of the operating room. But I still hadn't held E.J. in my arms. I saw him briefly before they whisked him away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for some tests. The umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck, which they assured me was common and wouldn't cause any problems for E.J. or the harvesting of the cord blood. _

_He was taken to the NICU for observation because his APGAR scores were a little low, and they wanted to be cautious. I counted the minutes. Doctors and nurses came and went. My parents visited my room, and I dozed off. They had given me an Ambien to help me sleep. It was five hours from the time the ambulance arrived to when I held my baby for the first time. I couldn't recall much else about that day._

_I remembered waking from my drug-induced slumber in the hospital to find my mom asleep in a chair in one corner and Esme sitting in a __rocker __across from her. _

_Esme held my newborn son, muttering soft sweet-nothings in his ear as tears streamed down her face. "You look just like your daddy. Just like your daddy. So much like your daddy. We're so lucky to have you."_

_At first I thought she'd been crying because she had finally been made a grandmother. I couldn't have been more wrong. _

_The next day, I was woken to breastfeed E.J. I gazed lovingly as I cradled him to my bosom, running my fingers over his soft, reddish hair; he definitely took after his father. It was amazing how much love I could feel for him, for this tiny human being. _

_By my count, I'd been in the hospital for at least two days, but I had yet to see Edward._

_Whenever I was awake, I'd ask about him. My family's side-eyed glances and tight-lipped smiles made__ my stomach drop, my mind racing in a maelstrom of what ifs._

_I soon learned that, for all intents and purposes, the surgery had been a success. They were able to remove most of the tumor, and Dr. Barrow was able to inject the tumor remnant with the stem cells from E.J.'s umbilical cord. Due to the dangerous amount of swelling in his brain, Edward had been placed into a medically induced coma. Dr. Barrow estimated that it would only last for ten days to two weeks, but I could tell from his reticence he was just as unsure as we all were, asking the same questions. When would he wake up? Would he wake up?_

_Again, all we could do was wait._

The sound of my son begging Jamie to read him another story brought me back to the present.

I couldn't resist any longer. The door creaked as I pushed it open.

"Mommy!"

My hands could barely contain his fifty or so pounds as he hurled at me.

"Mommy," he squeaked again, his arms clinging to my neck. "You're home, you're home!"

"I'm home, baby." I pulled away to get a good look at him. I hadn't seen him in five days. "Were you good for Uncle Jamie?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I don't like his scrambled eggs."

I cast a glance at Jamie, who just shrugged.

"Apparently, I suck as a surrogate mommy."

"What's a surrogate, Mommy?"

My glare spoke volumes at Jamie. "It's a stand-in." I patted the bed, trying to avoid answering the question even further. "Come on and lay down. I'll read you one more story, then it's lights out."

I grabbed a book from the shelf and held it up for E.J.'s approval. "No, Mommy." He shook his head and frowned. "Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper do the voices better."

"Such a critic." I tickled him and picked up another story. "How about this one instead?"

My next choice of book was met with eager eyes. I sat next to E.J. as Jamie exited the room, who squeezed my shoulder before he left.

Halfway through the story, my son was quiet and still. The regular deep breaths of a sound sleep escaping his lips.

I kept reading; it was a habit I had formed when he was just a baby.

_Five Days_

_I wanted so badly to show Edward his new baby, to give him a reason to fight and to live, but babies weren't allowed in the ICU. I had to wait until five days after my c-section before I was even cleared to see him. Even then, I had to wear a hospital gown and surgical mask._

_He looked no worse than after the surgery he'd had in Texas, but it still broke my heart to see him broken and helpless, the many wires and tubes attached and keeping him alive._

_I wanted to break down, beg God or whoever was listening to spare him, to spare me, the agony of losing him – again. I rushed out of the ICU room and into the arms of my father, who had been waiting patiently for me. No words were needed; he let me cry in his arms while he rubbed soothing circles onto my back._

_I spent the rest of the day getting ready to go home, though I wasn't quite ready to return to my life sans Edward but _with_ a new baby. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Edward should've been able to hold E.J. as soon as he was born. Edward should be driving me home right now, carrying the baby carrier, opening the front door, changing the first diaper. Instead, he was fighting for his life in a sterile, cold room._

_I wasn't alone, but without Edward, it still felt like it. At first, I enjoyed all the familial support._

_Esme and my mom fussed over E.J. and me, making sure he was fed and changed regularly. I guess the same could be said of me. I counted it as a victory if I could manage to brush my teeth on my own._

_I was numb, going through the motions._

_I told myself to snap out it, to make the best of my situation and be a mother to E.J., but I couldn't do it – not without Edward._

_When I let it, the bitterness crept in. I felt resentment and anger. I snapped at people who were just trying to help, dark thoughts filling my head. I wanted to blame someone. Sometimes it was God. Sometimes it was Edward. Sometimes it was the doctors or the stem cells. I hated the false hope I'd felt. Occasionally, in my blackest moments, I even wanted to blame E.J. for not making his father better immediately. _

_I also felt myself being torn in two. When I was at the hospital, I felt like I should be home with E.J.; and when I was home, my thoughts were with Edward, my mind imagining all sorts of complications._

_Logically I knew I should be home bonding with my son, finding joy in being a new mom, but I felt drained instead. I doubted my ability to take care of this tiny being when I couldn't even take care of myself. I withdrew, spending more time at Edward's hospital bed than at home. I didn't want my sadness to taint my beautiful baby._

_Whenever I was home, Jasper kept trying to get me to talk, putting his Psychology degrees to use. "I brought you some toast."_

_I took the plate from his proffered hand. "I still don't want to talk."_

"_Alice said you'd say that."_

_I gave him a look that said, "Duh!"_

_He chuckled and plopped down in the armchair next to where I sat on my bed, my head against the headboard. "I'm okay with silence. That's why I like being around you; it's quiet."_

"_Ouch, Jasper, ouch!"_

"_What? What did I say?" He clasped his hands and placed them under his chin. It didn't make him look innocent. He knew exactly what he was saying, or doing, rather. He was goading me, and it was working._

_I blew out a breath and responded. "You're saying it's quiet with me because I don't have a baby around me. I'm letting my mom and Esme take care of him: changing his diapers, giving him baths, feeding him. At least I pump the breast milk for him," I mumbled._

_He slid his legs onto the ottoman, patting the chair's armrests. "Why do you think that is?"_

"_Why what is? Why I let them take care of my baby, or why I find it hard to be around my baby?"_

"_Yes."_

"_You're not very good at this, you know?" I glared at him._

_He smiled and waited for me to answer._

_I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my toast. It was no longer warm, but it tasted good. "Thanks," I offered, holding up the piece of bread._

_He gave a brief nod and resumed resting his hands under his chin._

"_I just can't. Not right now. Not without Edward."_

"_Is that what you believe? That you're alone in this?"_

"_Aren't I? Do you see Edward here?" I waved my arms._

"_Hmm."_

"_Hmm? What does 'Hmm' mean?"_

"_I'm here with Alice, and so are my parents, and your parents, and Jamie. Yet, you still feel alone in this. I think we're doing what any family does, and we're all coping the best way we know how. They're hurting too, and you're shutting them out."_

"_Don't do that." I swallowed the frog in my throat. "Don't make me the bad guy in this."_

"_No one said anything about good or bad; it just is. We're all here for you. I hope you know that." He stood and turned toward the door, placing his hand on the knob, he looked back and gave me a faint smile._

"_I hope it's enough," I muttered. "It has to be." _

~UrQ~

"_It's day twelve. I sure hope you plan on waking up soon. I need some help at the house, you know with the new baby and all."_

_My ramblings were met with silence. Well, as close to silence as you could get with the static noises and beeps from the machines monitoring Edward's vital signs. Technically, he was no longer in a medically-induced coma (and hadn't been for the past two days), but he still hadn't woken up._

_Dr. Barrow tried to reassure us that the situation was relatively normal, but really, there was nothing normal about brain tumors and comas. I thought it best to keep to a routine, so everyday I visited Edward. I'd talk to him as if he were awake: reading him the latest headlines or telling him about my day with E.J._

_Ever since Jasper's not-so-subtle intervention, I had taken over baby duties from Esme and my mother. We created a schedule so Edward was rarely alone during the day, and I felt better about leaving him to be with E.J., who needed me most._

_It was time I started playing the role of caring mother instead of grieving widow, especially since Edward wasn't dead, at least not yet. I had Rose to thank for hammering that into my head._

I shut the book and placed it on the bookshelf. I kissed E.J. on the forehead and left his room, leaving the door cracked.

Jamie was waiting for me downstairs, sitting on the couch and eating Ramen noodles.

"Please tell me you didn't feed my son that for a week."

He finished chewing his bite and shrugged. "Nah, we had pizza and ice cream too."

I rolled my eyes and sat in the recliner opposite him.

He set his bowl on the coffee table. "How'd it go?"

"Fine."

"You don't look fine. It looks like you've been crying? Was the trip that bad?"

"No, it was just emotional. Hospital administrators, doctors, donors, everyone kissing my ass. It's just weird seeing so many rich people patting themselves on the back."

"Well, what did you expect? It's not every day they open The Cullen Institute for Brain Research. Were the drinks good at least?"

"The wine was good, but the beer selection sucked. You would have hated it."

"You're right. Now tell me, how'd it really go?"

"It was fine." Jamie pursed his lips at my use of the word. "Carmen gave a speech, and Carlisle even teared up."

"Carmen, huh?"

"Well, her brother did die from a brain aneurism. Besides, I didn't talk to her. She steered clear of me, and I was okay with that. Anyway, Edward's whole family was there. They were born to do this sort of thing. Grand openings of hospitals and galas are not my thing. I did get introduced to some of Esme's family that I've never met before. One of her nieces is dating the grandson of the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. Nice, huh?"

Jaime whistled through his teeth.

"Yeah, apparently there may be a wing added to support traumatic brain injuries. There were a lot of football players there."

"You didn't have to come home early, you know. E.J. and I were having a blast."

"I know, but I wasn't. I have a lot to do for tomorrow and just wanted to get home to my own bed. Besides, I made a promise to myself to never let E.J. go to sleep without me kissing him goodnight if I could help it."

"You are an incredible mom, Bella. That kid adores you."

"Thanks, Jamie, for everything." I gave him a long hug and relaxed a little. The tension of the trip was beginning to wane. It was good to be home. "Are you coming back tomorrow to set up?"

"Yeah. Whatever you need me for. Do you have enough people to help?"

"Yes. All the Cullens are arriving at ten and coming straight here. The flight leaves Dallas at six-thirty. The party isn't until three."

"Well, it's gonna be a long day. I better get home. Get some rest since your kid kept me up at night kicking my nads. You're lucky I love you enough to keep coming back to watch that dork."

"Shut up." I swatted at him. "You love that little dork."

He shrugged, a playful smile on his face. "Sometimes. See you tomorrow."

I walked Jaime out and locked up behind him. I checked the back door, grabbing plates and cups from the family room on my way to the kitchen. The sink was full of dirty dishes. Jamie was a great babysitter in my absence, but he was no housekeeper. I ran the dishwasher and turned off the lights.

It was still early, so I grabbed the laundry from my suitcase and went to run a load. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Jaime had washed some of E.J.'s clothes, so I tossed them in the dryer.

By the time I had picked up all the abandoned toys and discarded clothing, it was late and I was exhausted. I put in one final load of laundry and climbed the stairs, checking in on E.J. on the way to my room. The to-do list for tomorrow was written and taped to the fridge, the alarm set early for the birthday boy's big day.

When I climbed into bed, I felt the ache in my muscles from the long day of travel. The soft familiarity of my own pillow and sheets were a welcome embrace. My hand reached over to rest on the empty pillow beside me. I pulled it into my arms and fell asleep quickly, dreaming of Edward.

~UrQ~

A noise startled me from sleep. Rolling over, I glanced at the clock on the nightstand; it was almost one in the morning. I hadn't even been asleep for an hour yet. The heavy fatigue of waking up so soon kept me pinned down in the bed. I strained to listen for what had pulled me out of my sleep. It wasn't E.J. – he slept like a rock and rarely got up during the night. I heard a thud and then another. The rhythmic thumping of an unbalanced washing machine was echoing through the house. I debated whether to let it go or get up to shift the laundry around.

I snaked my foot beneath the covers and stretched out into the cool vacant side of the bed. I missed him.

Just as I was sitting up to swing my legs off the mattress, the banging stopped. The house was quiet, and I fell back with tired relief. I turned my head on the pillow to face the empty one next to mine, letting my fingers graze longingly over it. My eyes closed, my mind conjuring up happy memories in my dreams, and I drifted back into unconsciousness.

_E.J. ran through the surf during his first visit to the beach. He leapt into my arms, and I swung him around so that he clung to my back, both of us giggling and squealing while I splashed through the water. His little arms squeezed my neck tightly. In my dream, those arms morphed into a stronger more substantial embrace. There was a soft breath against my neck and a warm heat pressed against my back. _

The bed dipped behind me, and my eyes snapped open. My heart began beating rapidly from the sudden intrusion.

Lips pressed lightly against the shell of my ear. "You awake?" he whispered.

"Edward?" I turned around sharply, almost bumping noses with him. "You're here?"

"I'm here." I could see the faint outline of his smile in our dark bedroom.

"But I thought you weren't coming home 'til tomorrow."

"I didn't miss anything important. Mom stayed to give a few statements to the press. There wasn't anything going on tonight that was more important than being back with the two of you."

"I'd say seeing your legacy come to life before your eyes is pretty important, but I'm so glad you're home." I leaned in to give him a kiss, welcoming him home. "What you did was amazing. The Center is beautiful."

"It _did_ turn out better than I could have hoped for, but that building isn't my legacy. It's just money put to good use." He pulled me into his arms and held me against him. "You are my legacy. My son is my legacy. You two are my heart, my life, my soul," he whispered in my ear. "I've never forgotten that. I'm sorry I was so distracted this week."

"E.J. understands, and someday he'll see the building that your dreams built. I'm glad I was there with you. I wouldn't have missed it," I said.

"And I didn't want to miss E.J. waking up to his fifth birthday." He leaned over to turn on his bedside lamp, illuminating us in dim light. "I missed his birth. I don't want to miss a minute of his birthday."

_Edward finally awoke from his coma on day fourteen, which was ten days ago._

_As soon as he learned that E.J. wasn't allowed in the ICU, Edward did everything in his power to get released from the hospital. The physical therapists pushed his body until sweat poured down his face and his muscles shook from the strain. He clung to their words like scripture and followed the rehab regimen, working out his atrophied muscles multiple times daily. He even posted little notes around his bed and on the walls. They simply said: Marry Bella and hold my baby boy._

_His family visited every day, offering words of encouragement to him, all of us supremely relieved that he'd made it through the surgery with no neurological damage. _

_Every visit seemed routine, each one just counting down the days until he got to go home. When they downgraded Edward from critical to stable and moved him out of the ICU and back to a VIP suite, his smile lit up the hospital corridors. He could finally see his son. _

_I would hold the memories of his first moments with our baby in my heart forever._

_I had asked our family to give Edward and me some privacy that day. I wanted Edward to have E.J. all to himself._

_I arrived shortly after breakfast had been served, carrying E.J. in the car carrier._

_When Edward spotted me, he rushed to my side, lifting the carrier onto his bed and gingerly picking up his sleeping son._

_I watched as Edward ran his fingers over E.J.'s head and placed soft, loving kisses on his nose, eyes, and cheeks. He lifted one of his son's tiny hands in his own, studying the minute details before holding it against his face. _

_With E.J. cradled in his arms, Edward leisurely paced across the room, whispering, "I love you, Edward James Cullen." _

_There was something so endearing and sexy about watching the man I loved let himself be completely vulnerable to a tiny baby. I'd never really seen him with small children. I was an only child, and Jasper and Alice didn't have any kids. But he was a natural. He was a father. He was Daddy. _

_I wasn't sure how long we stood there, Edward lost in his own little world with E.J., finally becoming acquainted with our baby boy. By then, my chest was used to the pain of heartache. This time, though, the constricting tightness across my heart was from the joy and hope flooding my body. Our family was being united at long last. _

_Edward moved back toward me and wrapped one arm around my shoulders. He hugged me so our baby was nestled between us. My fingers crept up his back, holding him close. Our bodies shook, both of us overwhelmed and brought to tears. Our baby truly was a miracle, in every definition of the word._

_He had literally saved Edward's life, giving us a second chance at life, at love._

_Edward sighed and squeezed us both a little tighter._

"_What are you thinking about?" I asked._

"_Just what a difference a year makes. If you had told me last fall that I could have this, I wouldn't have believed it. I almost can't believe it now. I don't want to waste a minute of it. I'm going to make it count. I will never take another moment for granted. I will never forget where I was and what having you back means to me – what our child means to me." _

_He crushed me to his side and buried his face in my hair, murmuring something in my ear, but I couldn't make it out._

"_What?" I pulled away._

"_Let's get married."_

_I chuckled, wiping away my tears. "We are."_

"_No, right now, as soon as I get out of the hospital."_

"_You're serious."_

"_As a brain tumor."_

_I flinched._

"_Too soon?" His repentant eyes met mine. "I'm sorry."_

_I shook my head. "It's okay. Why the urgency to get married? I'm not going anywhere. Shouldn't you focus on getting stronger and better?"_

"_I just don't want to spend another hour, another day not being married to you. Let's do it!"_

_And we did._

_~UrQ~_

_Five Weeks._

_Early one morning, exactly five weeks after his surgery, Edward was released from the hospital. I drove us home so we could shower and change for our wedding day. Edward dressed comfortably in a button-down shirt and slacks. I chose a cream-colored long sleeve dress. Our families dressed similarly, not formal but not casual, either._

_Edward insisted on getting married at the Chattahoochee River, where we had essentially reconnected and reaffirmed our love for each other._

_Our mothers spent the day transforming the rustic outdoor location into a quaint and magical wonderland. It was a semi-secluded area, the trees providing a barrier of sorts to make the ceremony a more private and intimate setting. They hung garlands, bows, and twinkle lights from branches surrounding the area. White luminaries lined the dock and riverbank, sparkling in the water as dusk approached. Tiny flower petals covered the ground beneath our feet, making it look as if the area had been dusted with snow._

_My dad convinced the police chaplain to officiate the wedding, but this time we'd written our own vows. The chaplain stood at the foot of the dock, his back to the water, with Edward and I facing the river. Our families along with Jamie, Kate and Garrett were seated on a few benches that had been placed in a semi-circle around us. _

_Edward went first, reaching out to grab E.J. from my mother's arms. He cradled our baby in one arm as he stared into my eyes. He clasped my hand in his and stepped a little closer to me before he began._

"_Bella, where do I start? The reason I'm standing here today is all because of you. You have shown me the true definition of loving someone unconditionally. Even when I screwed things up to the point of being almost irreparable, you showed me love and compassion and forgiveness. When I was at my weakest, you remained strong. And just when I thought I couldn't have loved you any more if I tried, you gave me the greatest gift of my life. My son. _

"_I know I've broken my promises in the past, but I was a different man then. A man so wrapped up in his fear, he didn't know how to move forward and live. That man is gone, and a new man has taken his place. A man that promises to love you and cherish you for as long as the good Lord allows. A man who now knows the meaning of standing by someone in sickness and in health. A man that vows to raise our son…" Tears formed in his eyes as he softly pressed E.J. into his chest. His voice a bit shaky, he continued, "So he knows how special his mom is to me. How much I love her and how incredibly grateful I am to her for giving me a second chance. I promise to always communicate with you on all the decisions we make together and compromise when we have our differences. I love you, Bella. I promise to be your faithful husband to infinity and beyond."_

_My eyes had already begun to water. I didn't know how I could make it through my vows without becoming a complete mess. I surveyed our family and friends, the women in no better shape than I was. Even my dad, who had always been a symbol of stoic manhood, seemed affected by Edward's words._

_I drew in a deep breath and faced the man I loved, his eyes searching mine in loving anticipation._

"_Edward, I've always loved you. Even when I had resigned myself to believing my love for you was unrequited, my heart was yours. I pledge my heart to you again today. I have you to thank for the strength I possess. I vow to use that strength to hold our family up through trying times. Though the circumstances weren't ideal, because of you, I know I can face anything. I can be the best mother to our son, no matter what our future holds."_

_Edward dipped his head to place a kiss on E.J's head, then he lifted his eyes to mine once more._

"_I can be an even better wife and partner to you this time. I promise to live in the present and cherish every moment of our lives together. And I find it incredibly apropos that you stand here a new man because I stand here a new woman. A woman who will fight for what she wants and the people she loves. I'm never letting you go again." I paused, brushing the tears away from my eyes and waiting for the quaking in my voice to subside. "Your heart and soul are engraved right here." I patted my chest just over my heart. "And right there." I laid my hand on our son's torso. "Eternity isn't long enough for me to love you. I promise to be your faithful wife to infinity and beyond." _

_As twilight descended upon the dock where we'd had our second first date, we were pronounced husband and wife for a second time._

"Did you give any more thought to our anniversary trip?" Edward asked, pulling me back from my memories.

"I just feel bad leaving him so soon after this last trip. He went with us to Bermuda last time. I hate leaving him behind."

"I know, but when he finds out we're taking him to Disneyworld for Thanksgiving as his birthday present I think he'll forgive us."

I smiled and felt a little less guilty about the idea of going away for our five-year anniversary without him.

"He's going to love it. He doesn't really remember the first time we took him. I hope he doesn't cry when he sees Mickey Mouse this time."

"Man, five years." He grabbed a photo frame from the nightstand; it had a picture from our second wedding on one side and our second honeymoon on the other. I reached out and traced our faces with my finger.

"I can't believe he's gotten so big. I can barely remember him being that small. I just want to freeze time before he gets any bigger," I said wistfully. "Our baby is a little man now – a tiny version of you." I smiled at Edward and could see the glimmer of pride in his eyes.

"Do you ever wonder where all the time went? There're days I feel like it's gone by in the blink of an eye. Other times it feels like I've lived more in these last five years than in the forty years before them."

"I think most parents feel that way".

Edward placed the photo back on the nightstand.

"Please give some thought to the Bermuda trip. We don't have to go on our anniversary since it's so close to Christmas. We could wait until January or February if you like. My parents could come and take care of him this time."

"I know I'm being silly. We can go. I just missed him so much. Traveling isn't the same without him."

"Think about it. We should probably get some sleep. Big day tomorrow."

"Yeah, big day." I smiled and kissed my husband good night before curling up next to him, and he held me while we slept. I dreamed of crystal blue seas and white sand. I was pretty sure I would tell him yes to Bermuda in the morning.

_Five Months_

_Five months after Edward was released from the hospital, my whole family boarded a plane for Bermuda. It was a second honeymoon for Edward and me. For our extended families, it was a trip to thank them for all their help during Edward's recovery and EJ's first few months. _

_The grandparents had all been begging to spend more time with their grandson, but Edward and I were being selfish. We couldn't bear to part with him now that our family was finally together and whole. The compromise was a family vacation. Their presence would give us a few nights alone for the first time since we'd remarried._

_The trip had been Edward's Christmas present to each of us. As soon as he had received a clean bill of health and was cleared for travel, we celebrated, surrounded by family, on the beautiful beaches of the Caribbean. _

_We celebrated our blessings and the miracles that had brought us there. _

_We celebrated life. _

~UrQ~

I awoke the next morning to an empty bed. I'd grown accustomed to it. Edward liked to get up and make breakfast for E.J. They frequently bonded over pancakes and omelets.

With my robe on, I made my way downstairs to find my husband and my son gleefully splattering one another with pancake mix. E.J. stood on a chair by the stove, trying to shove his pancake-battered finger in his father's face. Edward was trying to make pancakes with Mickey Mouse ears, but there was more batter on the two of them than on the griddle. I'd have quite a mess to clean up later.

I didn't mind though. This was our routine.

I worked from home, and Edward no longer worked in the traditional sense. He did a lot of volunteering for charities similar to what Esme had always done. The Cullen Center was something they'd been doing together for the last four years. We had both devoted our lives to each other and to our son. We no longer lived in fear of what was to come and didn't dwell on the uncertainty of our future, instead, grasping tightly to each moment that we'd be given.

Our house was filled with evidence of our carpe diem lifestyle: bookshelves adorned with pictures and journals of our travels to other countries – Edward liked to document our experiences and then read them to E.J. as bedtime stories; our walls decorated with ornamented facemasks from the Carnival Parade in Rio de Janeiro; and almost every flat surface of our house was covered with glass jars full of dirt from various places we'd visited – E.J. had a thing for dirt, like most little boys his age.

At the age of three, E.J. had already started reading on his own, and by the time he had turned four, he began scribbling in travel journals in imitation of his father. We knew his first year of school would be more about making friends and being a kid than anything else. Edward and I had discussed what to do when E.J. was old enough for school. Should we hire a tutor and continue traveling, or should we give him the opportunity to be educated like other kids his age? We'd decided on the latter. He would start Kindergarten next fall, and our globetrotting would be limited to weekends and school vacations.

In barely five years, our son was more traveled and cultured than many adults my age, his passport full of stamps. We were always home for the holidays, for birthdays, and for any special events so our families could delight in E.J.'s company. The world traveling was something only the three of us shared.

Five Years.

Sixty months.

Two hundred sixty weeks.

One thousand, eight hundred, twenty-six days.

Forty-three thousand, eight hundred hours.

Two million, six hundred and twenty-eight thousand minutes.

A lot _did_ happen in those five years.

I would later look back at that time as the happiest of my life. We always kept a suitcase packed for spur of the moment get-aways. We laughed and lived and loved every second that passed. We chose joy, and we surrounded ourselves with people who chose the same.

People have choices. They can choose to watch as grains of sand pass through the hourglass and settle on the mound at the bottom, or they can stop focusing on the hourglass altogether. They can mourn the loss of the sand that has already fallen to the bottom, or they can celebrate all that's still to come.

**Zoe - There wouldn't be an Unrequited without you. You were there right after the real-life version of this story started. You helped me channel everything I was feeling and encouraged me to write. Here we are over three years later, and I can FINALLY close this chapter in my life. Because of you. I can't thank you enough.**

**Monique - Where to start. The last chapter and the epilogue are just as much yours as they are mine. Your words and your insight really brought my vision for the story to fruition. I can't thank you enough. Unrequited wouldn't be half as well-received as it has been if it weren't for you.**

**Heather - Still the sweetest and smartest woman I know in the fandom. You jumped on board to help beta/pre-read when Unrequited was nothing but a mess of chapters on my hard drive. Thank you for seeing my rough drafts and thinking I had something salvageable.**

**Stephanie - Gah, do you remember when I asked you to read something of mine . . . and to be honest and tell me if you liked it or not? That was over a year ago! Can you believe it? Thank you for being so encouraging and helping me to believe in myself as a writer!**

**Purely - Girrrrrrrrlll! We make one bad-ass team. I'm so glad I get to beta for you, and in return, you offered to help on Unrequited (if you had time, I might add.) But after you started reading, you were in it. Your changes and insight have been instrumental. You just GET me! I love you for it.**

**Jackie - My grammar queen. You're nitpicky, but I love it! You make my writing better, and your suggestions for making this story flow have been awesome and well-received. You made time for me during your busy school days, and I appreciate that more than you can know.**

**Jen (mamabean) - You, too, encouraged me even though all I had at the time were rough, rough, ROUGH drafts of this story. You saw the potential and broke out your yellow highlighter to make my writing more cohesive and readable. Thank you!**

**Karen - You are one kick-ass beta. You taught me how to write more with less. I remember your tips and will use them going forward. Thank you for helping out and making time for me. **

**BellaFlan (Flanny) - OMG, the public wouldn't know about Unrequited if it weren't for you. You pretty much forced me to post it, and here we are. Thank you for kicking my ass and believing in me.**

**Jen (Yummy) - Thank you for reading my story and pimping it out like crazy. I think you're the reason the Fic Whisperer found my story! Thank you!**

**Colleen - Girl, Colleen, you and Yummy found my story and pimped it out like crazy. You were one of the first components of Team Unrequited. I'm glad that your love of my story has helped us develop the friendship we have now. So glad I found you, and I'm not letting go.**

**Books - I haven't forgotten the few chapters you helped make better. You have a love for angst, and you really know how to throw a literary punch. Thank you so much for helping me when you were in the midst of writing your own story.**

**And to everyone who has read, reviewed, pimped, and more for Unrequited . . . I can't thank you enough. I'm still blown away by the response to my story.**

**I really hope I didn't forget anyone. If I did, it's because I'm pea-brained, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me. **

**Please go read the epilogue. I'll be . . . around. :-)**


	23. Epilogue: Letters

My Dearest Edward,

I don't even know where to begin. I read your last letter on our anniversary, and though I've sat down many times trying to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper in return, I could never quite bring myself to do it. I sit here now, at the start of a brand new year, and I still don't know if I should start this letter at the end or the beginning.

I still haven't told him everything. I can barely write the words here for myself, and it's been a few years.

But it's time.

There are some things I haven't done since that day. Things I'm not sure I'll ever do again.

It took me six months to sleep in our bed again, and that was only after Esme got me a new mattress, new bedding, and put a new coat of paint on the walls. Even with all that, I could still stand in our bedroom doorway and envision you and E.J. napping that afternoon. E.J. had his little hand on your chest, both of you facing one another. It reminded me of when you held him as a baby, falling asleep on the couch together.

You looked so peaceful that day. I may not have told E.J. the exact details, but somehow I think he knows. He never took a nap after school again (not since kindergarten), and once I moved back into our bedroom, he rarely wanted to climb in my bed with me to snuggle.

I haven't cooked homemade tacos since that night. After a while, E.J. stopped asking for them; he settles for enchiladas now.

For months, whenever I went to wake up E.J. for school, I would feel a panic attack coming on. I felt like I was back in our room standing by our bed before dinner. I had called you down to eat, and when you didn't answer, I went to wake you both. I used to love watching the two of you sleep. E.J. awoke first, but you didn't stir, and somehow I knew. I just knew.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do was keep it together in front of our son. I gave him a dozen chores to distract him and keep him out of the room.

I called 911, your parents, and my parents. Dad must have called Jamie because he was the first to arrive.

I wouldn't let anyone hug or comfort me. In that moment, if someone had touched me in that moment, I would have shattered into a million pieces. And yet I couldn't cry, not like I wanted to, not like I needed to. That came later.

Jamie was a Godsend. He kept E.J. occupied and sheltered him from what was going on as best he could. I'll always be grateful for that. There are images in my head from that night I'm glad he won't remember.

I almost lost it when our son asked for you to read him his bedside story, realizing you'd never get to do that again. Ever.

He knew something was up; he didn't beg or plead. He just crawled onto my lap, and when I told him, "Not tonight, sweetheart," he asked Jamie to read to us both. I held onto our son like a life preserver, and he stroked my hand until he fell asleep.

That's when it really hit me. Neither one of us would fall asleep in your arms again. We wouldn't hear your voice . . . or hold your hand. I stayed there, scratching our son's head and letting my warm tears fall onto the back of his pajamas, trying to delay the inevitable.

When I think back on that night now, I see the rest of the evening like an old and stilted silent old movie. I can picture Jamie standing in the doorway to our bedroom, his face a mirror of my own.

Disbelief and denial.

The unrelenting questions kept circling through my head: Were you really gone? Was this really happening? Was I on my own now?

I remember opening the door over and over again: first for my parents, your parents, the EMTs, and eventually the coroner.

Some things I've blocked out but not the look on your mom's face. She was so far beyond grief-stricken; it hurt to witness it. I imagine I'd look the same way if something were ever to happen to E.J.

I don't really remember all the details from the days that followed. I just remember that Jamie took care of most of it.

Over the past few years, there have been times when I've felt truly alone. I've had to do things and make decisions without you, but nothing felt quite as daunting as telling our little boy that you were gone.

If E.J. thought it was weird that Nana and Jamie we're having breakfast at our house, he didn't seem fazed by it. I tried to steel myself for the news I had to deliver. That moment may have been the first time I felt your presence.

I sometimes wonder if E.J. could sense it too. Before I had a chance to explain anything to him that morning, he surprised me. It wouldn't be the last time.

Through a mouthful of cereal, he just blurted, "Daddy's in heaven, isn't he?"

Nana, Jamie, and I were a bit stunned. He was so brave and so strong. Our son kept talking, going on to explain how you told him all about your brain sickness and how one day it might take you away to heaven, leaving me sad. And how it was his job to keep me happy and remind me that Daddy was in heaven watching over us.

Then we found your letters. Five years of them to be opened on subsequent birthdays and anniversaries.

I think I owe you an apology. That first year, my emotions were a mess. I was so angry with you. I thought you knew this was coming despite what the doctors told me. I thought you kept it from me. I knew you were having headaches, but I didn't think we were close to the end.

It was your letters that made me realize I had failed you. We promised each other to live, to experience, to find joy and hope and love in all we did. I've read the letters hundreds of times. I've re-read your journals, and I'm grateful for all that you've left behind to help me cope. I'm still in awe of you.

How did you do it? Even in death, you protected me and cared for me. Our son . . . he's done exactly as you instructed, keeping me happy and grounded. He's a wonderful little man. He gets so excited every time he reads one of your letters.

We're going to our dock by the river on New Year's Day like we always do. We like to read your letters there. He tells me all the hopes and dreams you've written down for him. I've lost track of how many times he's responded to you at this point, but every time he does, we go to our dock, and he folds the notes into a sailboat shape and sets them afloat down the Chattahoochee.

It will be bittersweet this year knowing I won't get another birthday or anniversary letter from you. I've memorized your last written lines to me: _I could write forever, but at a certain point, the words are just words. What's important is that you live and you remember, but mostly, you just live. For me."_

So I guess this is my goodbye. I'll try to move on like you asked, but you're a pretty tough act to follow.

I'm really happy to know E.J. will have your words for years to come. Your dad says there are dozens more for all his major milestones in life. I'm sure E.J. will surpass all your expectations. You would be so proud, but I'll let you see for yourself. He's about to celebrate his first two-digit birthday, and he has so much to say . . . to you.

~UrQ~

Dear Daddy,

I miss you a lot. There's all this family here, but not you. It makes me sad. Mommy said I should write you and tell you my feelings. It's weird. I don't know what to say. Mommy said I should tell you what I'm thankful for since it's Thanksgiving and all. Mrs. Strickland made us do the same thing at school.

I'm thankful for: baseball, Grandpa, Uncle Jamie, Mommy's cooking, my best friend Marcus, my Xbox, becoming 10 years old.

Sincerely,

E.J.

~UrQ~

Dear Dad,

I'm bored. Mom sent me to my room, and she took away my Xbox and TV. I punched this boy in my class for making fun of me for not having a dad. Mom says I can't go around hitting people because I'm almost in high school and should know better, but I was only doing what Uncle Jamie told me to do. I can hear Mom yelling at him right now. She's really mad.

Sincerely,

E.J.

~UrQ~

Dad,

I don't like him. Jamie says I need to be a man about it, but I still don't like the guy. Mom invited him to go bowling with us so I could meet him. I didn't like it. He kept trying to show me how to hold the ball and release it. I don't need his help! He tried getting on my good side or something, playing arcade games with me.

The jerkwad (who had his own bowling ball!) kept saying, "You'll love high school, buddy. You could play football like me."

One, I am not his buddy. And two, what does he know . . .

I don't care how hard he tries, I'm not going to like him.

Plus, the way he looks at Mom is creepy. She's MY mom, and he can't have her!

E.J.

~UrQ~

Dad,

We won our first game of the season. Coach says I have the best arm he's seen in over twenty years. He's gonna see if he can get permission for a freshman to play on the varsity team. Can you believe it? Nana Esme cried when I told her. She's such a girl. She went through some old stuff and gave me one of your gloves. It has your initials embroidered in it: E.C. When I saw it, I told Mom that I didn't want to be E.J. anymore. I want to be called Edward like you. Mom got teary-eyed. Girls!

I miss you.

Edward

P.S. I still don't like him.

~UrQ~

Dad,

This is sorta uncomfortable, me telling you about this, but I can't talk to Mom, and I don't want Uncle Jamie to make fun of me. He might be cool and all, but he's not you. Mom says his track record with women isn't very good anyway. And I'm definitely not telling _him_.

I really like this girl. Her name is Angela. She's in my Spanish class at school. Her family is from Puerto Rico, so she doesn't really need the class. I like listening to her talk. She has the cutest little accent and a very pretty smile. We've been talking a lot…on the phone, mostly after baseball practice. She likes baseball and even understands it! She comes to my games, and sometimes I can hear her yelling at the umpires. She's so cute, and I really like her.

We haven't made anything official, but we are messing around…like kissing and stuff. Every time we're alone, things get a little more…hot and heavy. It's getting to that point, you know? So far, we've only been able to make out in my car since I just got my license a few months ago.

I don't know what to do. Do I let things progress and just go with it? Do I wait? I don't really want to wait, but I will to respect her. Not sure I'd know what to do if we didn't wait anyway. I mean, I know what to do…I just don't know, you know?

My friends are all full of shit when it comes to this stuff. They all brag, but I know for a fact half of the stuff they say is made up. I just don't think they're very respectful to girls. Mom and Nana would have my ass if I talked about girls the way they do. Then again, they'd probably have my ass if they knew what I wanted to do with Angela.

I wish you were here so I could really talk to you about it. Thank God Mom doesn't read this journal any more.

Love,

Edward

~UrQ~

Dad,

I just found this journal as I was packing up my things. I can't believe it's been over two years since I last wrote in this. I got busy with school and baseball. You should know I got a baseball scholarship to Georgia Tech, but they don't have a pre-med program, so I turned it down.

Uncle Jamie gave me a ton of shit about it. He said I could be passing up an opportunity to go pro. Grandpa Charlie agreed with him, but they just don't get it. I love baseball; I really do. But I want to study the brain. I want to find ways to save people . . . people like you. I said as much in my graduation speech.

Grandma Renee told them to leave me alone, said she was proud I got into your alma mater, Emory. Nana Esme and Papa Carlisle treated us all to dinner when I got my acceptance letter. We were all surprised because they don't like to leave their house much. Mom says that old people sometimes get like that. It was awesome, though; there must've been fifteen or so people in our group at the restaurant.

Even Victoria came. She's Uncle Jamie's flavor of the month, though she's lasted a bit longer than his others. Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice were there with Lucy and Maria. It's hard to believe my cousins are about to start high school. I remember giving them piggyback rides when they were little.

I should probably finish packing. You'd think I was moving out of the country the way Mom reacted when I told her I was getting my own place. I'm just renting an apartment close to campus.

She'll be fine. She has _him_. I'm not his biggest fan, but he does treat Mom well. Still, he's not you.

Until next time . . . whenever that might be.

Edward

~UrQ~

Dad,

I can't believe I found this; it was sitting atop a dusty box in the attic. I was putting stuff away, making room for things in the nursery, and when I saw this journal, I stopped and took a trip down memory lane.

Ten years! Wow! A lot has happened. I graduated from Emory's medical school two years ago. I've been working as a resident at Grady. The hours suck, but they're allowing me to work in the research lab even though I'm not a fellow yet. It's amazing how far we've come in terms of medical technology, but we're still worlds away from really understanding the brain. I'm determined to make a breakthrough, though.

I got married a little over a year ago. Emily is amazing. She's also a doctor, but she plans to specialize in pediatrics. It suits her. She's absolutely riveting to watch when she's around children. Pregnancy also suits her. Though, I never could've imagined that she'd look more beautiful than she did on our wedding day.

We held the ceremony at Piedmont Park. Emily didn't want anything fancy, just a simple outdoor wedding with only our closest friends and family. A little after sundown, we released sky lanterns for you, Grandpa Charlie, Papa Carlisle, and Grandma Renee. It's been a rough few years losing so many of our family members. It was Emily's idea to honor them . . . you. I think Nana Esme fell more in love with her than I did on that day.

I have to be honest, Dad. I'm scared as hell about becoming a father. I still feel like a kid sometimes myself. We have dinner once a week as a family, and even though I'm a grown man, I still allow Mom to baby me and take care of me whenever we're at her house.

Speaking of Mom, she is so excited to become a grandmother. She's all but offered to move in with us so she can watch the baby while Emily and I are at work.

I hate that you aren't here to witness this. I wish you could see Emily's smile, or hear Mom's laughter, or listen to Uncle Jamie's wild stories of his "glory days" (he's such a grumpy retiree!) I'd like to think you have a better view from where you are. That's what I tell myself, anyway.

I love you.

Edward (soon to be father)

~UrQ~

Dad,

Where do I start? There's so much in my head right now.

My last entry was a little over five years ago, right before Anthony was born. My son looks so much like us. I've looked at the baby pictures, and it's astounding how much we both resemble you. The Cullen genes are strong!

Emily and I have decided that one child is enough for now. We both needed time to finish our residencies and get settled in our respective careers. Emily joined an existing practice, though she hopes to open her own one day. I got a research fellowship through Grady. We work closely with Emory. I'd like to say that we've made astounding breakthroughs, but that would be a lie. I think we've uncovered just as many questions as answers when it comes to brain function, mapping, and how it relates to human health and behavior. God sure was a son of a bitch when he created the brain. So complex. So hard to understand. Yet so majestic and awe-inspiring all the same. It's still my life's mission to find a cure for Astrocytomas, though. And I will . . . someday.

I should probably apologize for the son of a bitch comment, but it's just how I feel at the moment. I haven't been coping well, not since Mom . . . well, you know. So Emily practically forced me to sit down and write when she found this journal resting on our bookshelf.

I'm still not ready to talk about it, so this will be my last entry . . . at least in this particular journal.

Just know that we're healthy, and, for all intents and purposes, happy.

I miss you and love you.

Edward

P.S. Tell Mom I miss her and love her too. I know she's right where she belongs . . . with you.


End file.
